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A Reader of Fictions: Cover Snark (32)

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Cover Snark (32)

Welcome to another edition of Cover Snark, where the people are judgmental and the covers quiver in fear. If you enjoy this feature, leave me some comment love! Comment on all of the covers, some of them, or just tell me your top picks for best and worse this week. Remember this is a judgment-free zone, unless you're a new book cover. Where possible, I will link to Goodreads, so you can add the covers that catch your list to your to-read list.

Pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That's actually how I comment on other people's reviews too. I can't remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!

1. Sanctuary Island - Lily Everett
 Thoughts: Sanctuary Island, where the men are men and the horses are horses.

2. Destiny (Brightest Kind of Darkness #3) - P.T. Michelle
 Thoughts: Can anybody explain two e-book cover trends to me? First, waist deep in water seems to happen an awful lot. Even more often, though, e-book fantasy has a bird. Seriously, at least once a week, there's some self-pub with a bird. What the fuck is up with all the birds? Also, what is the point of publishing under a pseudonym if you're just going to put both names on there anyway?

3. Brianna on the Brink - Nicole McInnes
 Thoughts: Local cheerleader Brianna Skinny-Jeans died in a tragic accident on Sunday. Conclusive results are not in yet, but it appears that she attempted to practice her cheerleading routing at the top of the bleachers with her eyes closed. No word yet as to whether this was the result of hazing or a strange suicide attempt.

4. Hunter of Demons - Jordan L. Hawk
 Thoughts: It's hard to look intimidating naked, but this guy (who I totally thought was a girl at first) manages. I bet he could punch that lightning and win. 


5. Rise of the Magi (Lila Gray #3) - Jocelyn Adams
Thoughts: Lovely, a shadow woman with large breasts and tiny waists is being impaled on a .... I have no idea what that is. Freud approves this cover.

6. The Magic of I Do - Tammy Falkner
 Thoughts: While I do (punned!) think her wedding dress is pretty, mostly for the blue sash that matches the title font perfectly, the title alone makes me want to hurl everywhere. Also, the tagline reads: "They're tumbling together into all kinds of trouble..." I'll bet they're tumbling.

7. Destined (Desolation #3) - Ali Cross
Thoughts: What a form-flattering outfit she has on! I would love to know where she got it. Just fyi, I'm going to pretend that orange cloud is from a noxious fart. Makes as much sense as anything.

8. Fading Amber (The Cambion Chronicles #3) - Jaime Reed
 Thoughts: This cover model is completely gorgeous and, were she alone, this would be a decent girl-face cover. Why do they keep sticking her with Mr. Derp-Face? Ugh. Seriously, who told this guy he was cover model-caliber?

9. Demon Hunting in a Dive Bar (Demon Hunting #3) - Lexi George
Thoughts: This title. I just can't. Also, who goes to a dive bar in leather pants and a leather vest? Those look expensive! Also, ridiculous. I approve of this cover only if she turns out to be the demon, because a demon in a pastel yellow dress amuses me greatly. In other news, this is definitely what the second book in the Demon Trappers series should have been called.

 10. Iron Kin (The Half-Light City #3) - M. J. Scott
Thoughts: PRETTY. I definitely just added this series to my tbr, because this cover is gorgeous. I love the title font. I love that this model isn't white. I love that she's wearing practical fighting clothes. I love that she looks ready to use that knife right now.

11. Black City (Black Wings #5) - Christina Henry
Thoughts: When did we decide that kneeling while holding a knife was the most intimidating badass pose for ladies? Also, is it just me or does her left hand look shrunken?

12. Blood Between Queens - Barbara Kyle
Thoughts: Oh man, this would be fantastic if it were about drag queens. Coincidentally, if the book's no good, Cuddlebuggery recommends that as a good reading technique to get yourself through. Is anyone else skeptical when they see a blurb with an ellipsis in it? I always try to figure out what it might actually say, like so: "not riveting, adventurous only in its awfulness, and altogether not superb." Is that what the Historical Novel Society said? Probably not, but that ellipsis gives me room to put my imagination to work, because what are they not telling me?

13. Hearts of Shadow (Deadglass #2) - Kira Brady
Thoughts: Viewing this cover will soothe your upset stomach, while also taking care of other symptoms like nausea and heartburn.

14. Chick-O-Saurus Rex - Lenore & Daniel Jennewein
Thoughts: Adorbs! When I heard the title, this is what I hoped the cover would look like! Bonus win because this scene makes me think of The Return of the King when the orcs see Sam's shadow and think he's scary and then he hops out and they're all lol whut.

15. Vain - Fisher Amelie
Thoughts: Is she wearing acid wash jeans?

16. Josh's Justice - Patrice Michelle
Thoughts: "Hello, handsome, is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?" Bonus points for readers who get this reference. Also, Bad in Boots? Is that a series title or a tagline? Either way, *snorts*.

17. Binding the Shadows (Arcadia Bell #3) Jenn Bennett
Thoughts: Here's where I try to figure out if this cover is illustrated or not and fail. Moving on, I love the background. That dragon is freaking cool.

18. Synergy - Jamie Magee
Thoughts: This cover would be completely gorgeous if the focal point were not a guitar. This is another weird ebook cover trend. There are so many magical guitars, I kid you not. Also, please take note that this fantasy cover has more birds. It's a thing.

19. Shrapnel - Stephanie Lawton
Thoughts: Meh. It's okay. I'm mostly just debating the wisdom of naming your indie press after a mediocre YA novel.

20. Heaven Sent (Falling Angels Saga #3) - E. Van Lowe
Thoughts: "Hey, lady, I borrowed Sirius' magical motorcycle! Want to go for a spin? I'll take you for a ride. And by ride, you know I mean my penis, right? I just want to be clear."

21. A Decent December - D.C. McMillen
Thoughts: A romance novel for those sick of reading about absurdly good sex. McMillen presents decent sex in December!

22. Only in Her Nightmares (The Oneiroi #2) - Christina McKnight
Thoughts: Oh, title, you are so self-aware.

23. The Rules for Disappearing - Ashley Elston
Thoughts: Rule #1: Wear some goddamn shoes. You won't get very far with shredded feet. Leaving a bloody footprint trail behind also doesn't aid in the whole disappearing thing. Rule #2: Don't stop to play "he loves me, he loves me not" with daisies. Rule #3: Roll up your jeans. This way, if you hit a puddle, your jeans won't get wet and weight you down.

24. How I Lost You - Janet Gurtler
Thoughts: I want this book to be about lesbians, but I doubt it is. Cute skirts, though.

25. Nightbound (Lords of the Darkyn #3) - Lynn Viehl
Thoughts: "I touch the fire and it freezes me / I look into it and it’s black / Why can’t I feel?"

26. Bronze Gods (Apparatur Infernum #1) - A.A. Aguirre
Thoughts: This cover looks all too similar to this one, I think. I do love the dude's cane-sword and the tagline, though.

27. Eternal: Zachary's Story - Cynthia Leitich Smith
Thoughts: THIS.

28. Oblivion Storm (The Grenshall Manor Chronicles #1) - R.A. Smith
Thoughts: Holding knives: you're doing it wrong. How about you put down the knife you don't know how to use and call the Ghostbusters?

29. Insomnia (The Night Walkers #1) - J.R. Johansson
Thoughts: Mascara, you're doing it wrong. Really, though, I am HUGELY creeped out by this cover...so good work.

30. Dying to Remember (The Station Series #2) - Trish Marie Dawson
Thoughts: Things she could be dying to remember: 1) where she parked her car 2) where she buried the body 3) why she thought that dress was flattering with her skin tone 4) what came after touching your hair in the K-Stew school of acting (answer: biting your lip).

31. Drops of Gold (The Jonquil Brothers Series #2) - Sarah M. Eden
Thoughts: Parasols are awesome. Why don't we use those anymore? They protect against skin cancer AND they're useful as weapons in case of zombie apocalypse.

32. Breaking the Nexus -  Lindsay Avalon
Thoughts: Is this the paranormal romance version of The Tenth Kingdom?

33. One for Kami - Charlene A. Wilson
Thoughts: You got Kami a creepy floating eye for Christmas? How sweet! And by sweet, I mean she's never going to get you another present again. I have to say, though, much as this cover sucks, that cape she's wearing is pretty sweet.

34. Darkbeast Rebellion - Morgan Keyes
Thoughts: Apparently middle grade covers can even be adorable and illustrated as self-pubs. Note the bird.

35. Suddenly Royal - Nicole Chase
Thoughts: Cinderella may have nothing on Sam, but I'm guessing Sam got a lot from Mia Thermopolis. On an unrelated note, owning a pair of gloves like that and wearing them to a fancy event is on my bucket list.

36. The Corner of Bitter and Sweet - Robin Palmer
Thoughts: Doomed to forever come up after Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. I find my eye jumping around this cover unpleasantly. It's something about how the font turns the cover into segments; they all draw my eye at the same time. This really is almost physically uncomfortable.

37. Confessions of an Almost-Girlfriend (Confessions #2) - Louise Rozett
Thoughts: THIS.

38. Star Cursed (The Cahill Witch Chronicles #2) - Jessica Spotswood
Thoughts: Before someone points it out to me, yes, I do see that it says COVER NOT FINAL. However, this showed up on GR and I want to voice my harrumph that this should look like the incredibly gorgeous hardback and not like the cheesy as hell paperback. Can we get the auburn-haired model back, pretty please? Do I hear a second?

Cover Battle #1: Fortress Frontier (Shadow Ops #2)
US vs. UK: Well, I don't think I'm the target audience for these at all. However, I think that, for the target audience, the UK cover is much better. That just looks way more badass. The US cover's a bit too Starship Troopers.

Cover Battle #2: Lexicon - Max Barry
US/Can vs. UK/Aus: In a rare turn of events, I actually love both of these. The US cover pulls out a win for me, though, as it's a bit more unique (another single eye cover? really?). I do love that shade of blue on the UK cover.

Cover Battle #3: After Obsession - Carrie Jones & Stephen E. Wedel
Hardback vs. Paperback: I sure hope the cover designers got paid a lot for all their work redesigning this for the paperback edition! Changing the background color around must have been exhausting! And swapping the title and author locations is so innovative. My experience of this cover is totally different! They also had the brilliant thought to add a tagline: "no secret can stay hidden forever." Spooky! And just so original. Seriously, why did they fucking bother?

Cover Battle #4: Life Was Cool Until You Got Popular - Sarah Billington
Original vs. Redesign: I'm not really sure why this was redesigned. Maybe in an effort to look more like Meg Cabot? Maybe I would like the new cover better if they'd gone with college-ruled paper; wide-ruled is for losers!

WTF of the Week: Decorating Spirit (Santa's Helpers) - Zenobia Renquist
Thoughts: Sign #372 that you need to dump your boyfriend: he gives you his dick for Christmas.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:
Iron Kin by M. J. Scott

Find It: 
Goodreads|Amazon|The Book Depository|Barnes & Noble

Labels:

38 Comments:

Blogger kara-karina@Nocturnal Book Reviews said...

2. Not my favorite of P.T.'s covers but the raven is more relevant on it than Ethan standing in water. They should have left all the ravens on and get rid of the half-naked boy :)

3. Really don't like the colors and the positionning of the title. Weird.

4. Huh? I thought it was a boy! You know very androgynous one...

5. really weird but I could forgive the cover if not for a very bad typography.

6. and the clothes look like theatrical props rather than something for a certain historical period *sign* It really pisses me of in HR.

7. I don't think it's a bad cover, bad orange cloud and the title really ruin it.

8. he is so cheesy it's tragic!

9. notice the obligatory tattoo? I really want them both to be demons because the fashion sense is appaulling. Also pretty clean and shiny for a dive bar.

10. Very pretty, I agree!

11. I just never warmed up to this cover model. She doesn't do anything for me.

12. I don't dislike this cover, but where are the boobs? They used to have pretty stiff corsets in those dresses which would give you cleavage even if you don't have any. Not in cousins case it seems.

13. peptobismol!

14. funny and cute!

15. The question is: is he wearing a pink vest? I think they deserve each other!

16. not even commenting

17. it's Tony Mauro's cover It's illustrated. He is fantastic that way! ;)

18. why a bird is sitting in the guitar? mind boggles.

19. it's ok, although typography could be better

20 I do like te girl, just not the boy. Anyway, I dnfed the first book, it wasn't for me.

21. yawn

22. ahaha! Definitely i my nightmares as well.

25. believe it or not, this is one of the better covers for the series - the rest are absolutely atrocious.

26. I LOVE that cover and synopsis. sounds absolutely wicked.

27. It's a graphic novel?! *facepalm*

28. Too late, she looks possessed. Too much going on on this cover, just too much.

29. it creeps me out too.

30. She is dying to remember that she is wearing a wig! Also saw this girl in much more flattering pose in Treachery of Beautiful Things and The Hedgewitch Queen.

32. he is breaking the nexus with his nipple, I'm sure.

33. I like her hair!

35. very Audrey Hepburn

37. I don't know, she looks a bit like psycho to me...

38. It's really uninspiring isn't it?

November 15, 2012 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Lenore Appelhans said...

I love the LOTR reference in regards to the CHICK cover :)

November 15, 2012 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Ha, I'm glad you do! It really was my first thought. :-D

November 15, 2012 at 11:51 AM  
Blogger Stephanie Sinclair said...

4. Hunter of Demons: Wait! Is that a girl on the cover? I thought it was a guy...

5. Rise of the Magi: Great. GREAT! Thanks, Fifty Shades! Look what you've done to the human race. -_-

9. Demon Hunting in a Dive Bar: LOLZ forever on that title. Romance novels have the oddest titles sometimes. And look at the chick. It's like she's saying, "My body is ready!"

10. Iron Kin: This is a bad ass cover! It reminds me of Eona's cover, which I LOVED too.

11. Black City: Ah, yes. The kneeling pose. Well, any pose that has the booty facing us will do right? Women are almost always posed with the butt facing the audience and her looking back over the shoulder. But it mostly happens on movie posters.

12. Blood Between Queens: Okay, this book intrigues me! I'm not usually a fan of historic fiction, but I love the ones that have The Tudor story. And of course, if it's bad it'll be real easy to picture everyone in drag or get drunk. Either will do.

13. Hearts of Shadow: Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea... with lightening for fast action relief!

14. Chick-O-Saurus Rex: Love this cover! And want the book!

20. Heaven Sent (Falling Angels Saga #3): Heaven Help Us. UGH. That cover scares me.

23. The Rules for Disappearing: I can think of about 5 parasites she could pick up from running barefoot outside. Has no one seen Monsters Inside Me?

26. Bronze Gods (Apparatur Infernum #1): This cover reminds me of 007 for some reason. Lol.

27. Eternal: Zachary's Story: *facepalm*

29. Insomnia (The Night Walkers #1) - J.R. Johansson: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this cover. I think they did a great job with it.

33. One for Kami: Doesn't the cover model remind you of the red head from Dumb and Dumber?

35. Suddenly Royal: I need those gloves for the ball I will one day attend.

WTF of the Week: Decorating Spirit (Santa's Helpers): And this one goes on my list for the covers that will forever haunt my dreams. O.O



November 15, 2012 at 12:29 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

2. But they love half-naked boys!

3. Good point. The title font is WEIRD. What is up with Brink? It looks dirty.

4. Oh...um...maybe. This could go either way. Oh, it is a dude. Editing time! Cut your hair if you don't want me to mistake you for a lady, damnit!

5. You mean all in Times New Roman or something similar doesn't work for you?

6. I THINK this is modern? I don't really know. Could be anything really.

7. Orange was a bad color choice to go with that background.

8. He looks like the guy in a teen comedy who would be running around, hitting on all the women, and pretending to be gangsta. No thanks.

9. Definitely. They are too clean and shiny, and so is the bar.

11. I'm not familiar with the covers in the series. She looks a bit bored here.

12. Good point. They should fire whoever made their corsets.

15. I can't tell.

16. Yay! I know a thing now. She looks so realistic for an illustration!

18. Right? WTF.

19. Oh yeah, the font choices were BAD.

20. I can tell these aren't for me.

25. Eesh. Paranormal romance is either very good or VERY bad cover-wise.

26. I'll totally plan on reading it, but the cover isn't grabbing me.

27. Yup. Sellout city, here we come.

30. Oh wow, is that the same model?!?! O_O

32. OMG, his nipple looks like it's on fire. BAHAHAHAHA.

33. She's going to go in your next redhead roundup. Haha!

37. Yeah, I don't like this one as much as the first one.

38. Oh yeah.

November 15, 2012 at 1:21 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

4. Dang it. I've been told this already. I fixed it. He looks like Alanis Morissette though, so I think my mistake makes some amount of sense!

9. I think she looks like she's going to eat him for dinner. Literally. Romance novels definitely win the most absurd titles contest.

11. Why use that pose to show us booty if they cover it with the title?

12. Hahaha, I actually dislike the Tudor stuff in fiction, because there's just TOO MUCH. I did love Gilt though.

13. :)

14. Me too! It's totally adorbs!

20. Right? The whole series looks like that. It's awful imo.

23. Ummm, no, I haven't, but I sure as hell don't want to, because it sounds like I would be afraid to leave the house.

26. I think it's how absurd she looks. She has a pussy galore kind of look to her, right?

33. YES.

35. I totally even have the dress to match!

WTF: Yup, that's my goal.

November 15, 2012 at 1:34 PM  
OpenID thebookbunny said...

This post if full of win. =]

November 15, 2012 at 1:39 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Thanks!

November 15, 2012 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Brandy said...

That tagline on Destiny "A Brightest Kind of Darkness Book" (Or is that a series title?) Either way: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

The Magic of I Do title and tagline definitely make me want to hurl. The sparkles add to that desire.

Vain: forget the acid wash jeans; what is in her hand? turkey leg? maraca? fluffy topped dagger?

"Decent sex in December" Snort.

That Santa's Helper book. I just can't even...

November 15, 2012 at 1:49 PM  
Blogger Morgan said...

4. I thought that girl looked a little too manly until I read that she was in fact... a boy. Talk about confusing haha.

I also realized that 2. and 16. are written by the same author, though 16. is missing the added "here's my pseudonym!" bonus.

12. Now I love historical fiction, especially about England, but this cover is awful. It looks cheap and the girls look fake and haughty. I know they're royalty, but they just look like bored prom queens dressed up for a play. No thanks.

14. Really adorable!

38. I was very disappointed when they redesigned the Cahill Witch Chronicles and I found out that we wouldn't get Star Cursed in a matching cover with Born Wicked's hardcover. I'm not a fan of the redesign, although I do like the Star Cursed cover better than the new Born Wicked paperback. I can't handle all that pink. And I miss the other model too.

Hilarious and fun commentary as always! Love these posts!

November 15, 2012 at 1:50 PM  
OpenID readingwithanalysis said...

Oh. My. God. Decorating Spirit... If it comes in print format, it will be the most perfectest white elephant gift in the history of ever.

November 15, 2012 at 2:28 PM  
Blogger April (BooksandWine) said...

Thank god no one is here, because I just SNORTED at your description of Briana on The Brink.

Cover 4. That's a guy?

Cover 10: I just added it to my TBR too! Yay fantasy with non-white people!

I love the cover of Chick O Saurus Rex too because it's SO cute!

Cover 17: I like that she's carrying a medical staff.

Cover 22: Another LOL in real life.

Cover 23: I hope I'm not the only one grossed out by feet.

Cover 27: LUL. Get a haircut hippie!

Cover 34: Yep, I'd read that.

ALSO, I unapologetically love birds on covers. :-P

Finally on the WTF: It's my dick in a box! hahahahahahaha

November 15, 2012 at 3:18 PM  
Blogger Kat Balcombe said...

Yeah! I've been waiting for more Cover Snark! Let's get busy!

1. Cheese and cringe.
2. That bird is totally going for his eyes!
3. Is that bit of hair on the right about to morph into a bird?!
4. Holy shit that scared me!
5. Unfortunate placement of the ruin - it looks like a ladder to her womb!
6. I totally do NOT.
7. Bahahaha! Burritos...
8. Derp aside, she skeers me!
9. If guys in dive-bars have abs like that, count me in. It's like a visual distraction from the cheesiness of the rest of the cover for me.
10. Is pretty!
11. Both hands are freaky and she's narrowly avoided the femoral artery. Shame.
12. The one on the right could possibly be a real drag queen.
13. I like pink, but that's taking the piss.
14. Cute, love it!
15. The 1980s called, they want their jeans back
16. Teehee!
17. Is she a doctor? That staff kinda looks like it's got that medical symbol on top. I'd Google the proper name but that's far too much effort.
18. Sans guitar it's actually quite pretty IMHO.
19. I like the simplicity.
20. Zee Eyez! *scrolls madly*
21. LOL!
22. Those eyes are stalking me I swear.
23. If it's supposed to be mysterious it's failing. It's more like 'oh, shiny things, lets skip over and check em out!'
24. Cute but I'm walking past...
25. Is it a fairy? The light, not the guy.....
26. Wow, that IS similar. Ditto on the cane sword.
27. The DAMN EYES!
28. Listen here cover peeps - freaky eyes are NOT COOL. EVER!
29. .......ok at least the eye looks like it could be normally that colour without enhancement. Creepy!
30. I'm Dying to Remember why I bought such a bad wig.
31. Agreed, excellent zombie-slaying tools.
32. *giggles* his nipple glows.
33. Behind you!
34. Minus the bird, it's pretty OK.
35. If you're going to wink, at least do it without scrunching up your whole face lady.
36. I actually really like the font on this one!
37. I'm an angry goth, don't mess with my mascara!
38. I concur wholeheartedly.
CB #1 - Hey, I loved Starship Troopers!
CB #2 - US for the win
CB #3 - that was a waste of time, although I guess it's keeping peeps in a job.
CB #4 - Not a fan of either of them...

Let me list the many things I see that are so VERY VERY wrong about this:
1) a penis in a bow is never ever attractive
2) Crappy photoshop hair fail
3) Why does he only have ONE horn/antler. Oh, WAIT the other one is under the hat. D'oh!
4) Tights on men are NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES sexy. The end.


Ahh that was fun, I can sleep well now, knowing that these covers have been properly ridiculed and poked at! :-D

November 15, 2012 at 4:32 PM  
Blogger Kat Balcombe said...

Oh, and the US Lexicon cover is definitely my fave this time around.

November 15, 2012 at 4:33 PM  
Blogger kimbacaffeinate said...

OMG I love this post..you had me giggling, signing and snorting..ya made me snort with your hilarious comments..eek gads what fun!
My daughter may give up YA reading..she is terrified of birds and cannot understand why they are all over the book store.

November 15, 2012 at 4:34 PM  
Blogger Kimberly @ On the Wings of Books said...

Where do you find these covers? Seriously, I just don't know what to say sometimes.

2. I find this disturbing and weird. Looks like he's getting ready to kiss the bird.

3. There is nothing that could ever be said about this cover that would make me want to read it. Ever.

5. Another disturbing cover. Looks painful.

9. Honestly, that isn't how I would dress going to a dive bar. Nor does that look like a dive bar.

10. I have to disagree with you on this one. It's not my favorite.

14. This is too cute!

15. Yes, she is wearing acid wash jeans. And that looks like an incredibly awkward pose.

16. Lol.

18. Totally agree. Without the guitar = amazing. With the guitar = not so much.

23. Running without shoes sucks. She better be running for life!

24. Not about lesbians. Sorry.

27. Um, wow. Just, wow.

35. Breakfast at Tiffany's.

38. I have so much dislike for this cover, and the new Born Wicked cover. Seriously the original cover was soooooo gorgeous. This makes me sad.

CB4. Wide-ruled paper is for losers! College rule is infinitely better!

WTF of the week - ummmm yeah. Definitely WTF.

November 15, 2012 at 6:06 PM  
Blogger Kara_Malinczak said...

Okay, your comment tip works fabulously. How come I never thought of that? On to the covers:

2. REALLY DISAPPOINTED in this cover. The other two were gorgeous. This one? What the hell happened? It's awful and corny and the water doesn't even look real. There are actually crows in the story though, so... I agree with the pseudonym though. What is the point?

3. LOL what a mess.

4. Title font--someone really thought that looked good? And I don't mean to be rude, but if you can't tell whether the cover model is a guy or a girl, something is wrong. Unless that is part of the story. I am thinking not.

5. I like it! It's weird. I like weird!

7. I almost sent you this cover when I saw it for the first time. Noxious fart, LOL. This one is really amatuerish. Title font stinks.

8. Mr. Derp face? Hahahahahaha!

9. One of the corniest covers I have ever seen. Do women actually find outfits like this attractive? I know I sure don't.

10. I like most of this. But to me something looks wrong with her hair and face.

13. It's a little TOO pink but I kinda like it for its uniqueness. But yes, totally Pepto Pink.

15. I couldn't even tell what they were doing at first. Took a bit for my eyes to focus.

16. Oh for the love of god. Was the nipple necessary? Could the title be any more corny? F*ck!

18. Definitely interesting. I like it, but the guitar has to go.

23. I know I skipped a bunch but I really didn't have a lot to say. This one though? Love, love, love!!

26. I sorta like this one. But it is sorta kinda corny. Hahaha.

27. OMG could this get any more cliche? A leather jacket, long blonde hair, and white wings? OMG. Perfect Gif is perfect.

28. Maybe she is going to stab herself? Or maybe the black eyes means she's blind and she cant see which way she is holding the knife!! ;)

29. Meh, I'm finding it kind if amateurish, to be honest.

33. I like this cover but there is almost every color of the rainbow here and there is some serious clashing going on. And the eye has to go. And the title font, once again, stinks.

35. CUTE!!!

37. I like it!

38. This better NOT be the final cover. Otherwise, HUGE letdown after the pretty of the first.

CB:

1. The UK cover is MUCH better. The US one is corny as all get out.

2. I hate them BOTH.

3. Yeah. Should have kept the old cover. The red sucks and the tagline is SO OVERUSED.

4. Don't care.

5. LOL ewwwww. It's an elf! With a bow over his penis. Ewwww! And OMG the computer animation is HORRID.

Favorite cover of the week? ZERO. I really didn't like any of them enough to call it a favorite. BAH.

November 15, 2012 at 9:03 PM  
Blogger Steena said...

1. Sanctuary Island: I so want this to be a Misty of Chincoteague romantic fanfic.

2. Destiny: Also, is going from Patrice Michelle to P.T. Michelle really a pseudonym. It's the middle of winter, I feel so bad for his man bits.

3. Brianna on the Brink: Haha, she's not blonde enough to be a cheerleader.

4. Hunter of Demons: Nothing about this cover makes me want to read it.

5. Rise of the Magi: Is she a tree nymph? I like the colors and silhouette style. The herd of ladders in the background is confusing. Is a group of ladders a herd? Maybe it's a murder, like crows. Or pod?

6. The Magic of I Do: *slaps knee* So much pun! Is there a ghost angel behind them?

7. Destined: I just laughed, loudly and a lot. I can never read this book now. I'll be disappointed when her mutant power is not foul smelling emanations.

8.Fading Amber: He's like a knock-off Peeta and his eyes are two different colors.

9. Demon Hunting in a Dive Bar: Maybe he works for the dive bar. Maybe "dive bar" is slang for "male strippers". I do like her dress but I wouldn't wear it to a dive bar, I think it would easily get dirty.

11. Black City: "A Gutsy Heroine." That was the best that could be said of this book? Yeesh.

12. Blood Between Queens: This book doesn't have a blurb yet but I get the distinct impression it's about Mary Tudor and Elizabeth I. But they weren't cousins. Unless this is one of those times when we're just using "cousin" to label a difficult to describe relationship. (Cousins, totally cousins.) Meanwhile, I want these two cover models to play the step-sisters in a Cinderella adaptation.

13. Hearts of Shadow: Ew, why? And the lightning? Really?

15. Vain: You think this book is about you.

16. Josh's Justice: Patrice Michelle, not having a good week. Nothing like the crotch shot cover. "Why Shewiff, a wed wose, how womantic."

17. Binding the Shadows: I like her caduceus. I hope she uses it extensively.

18. Synergy: Was this book written by Barney Stinson? Will the next book be "Possimpable"?

19. Shrapnel: Needs a better font.

20. Heaven Sent: Are the glowing eyes entirely necessary?

21. A Decent December: "Eh, it was okay."

22. Only in Her Nightmares: Is he wearing a hooded cloak with no shirt? I am very bothered by that.

23. The Rules for Disappearing: My thoughts exactly.

24. How I Lot You: I hope they lose each other because they accidentally turn away from one another at the same time and aren't sure where the other went.

25. Nightbound: This title makes me think of a strange euphemism for constipation.

27. Eternal: Zachary's Story: What. The. Hell.

28. Oblivion Storm: "Is this a knife I see before me?" Also, it is VERY windy on the spirit plane.

30. Dying to Remember: I have a feeling that every bit of her intelligence is being used to touch her hair.

31. Drops of Gold: Pretty!

32. Breaking the Nexus: "Oh man, I broke like three Nexus phones before I finally bought an OtterBox cover for it."

34. Darkbeast Rebellion: I love this a whole lot.

35. Suddenly Royal: This is totes Princess Diaries but I do love her face.

37. Confessions of an Almost-Girlfriend: I love the streak in her hair.

38. Star Cursed: I second the motion!

WTF of the Week. Decorating Spirit: Step 1. Put your elf ears on. Step 2. Put a bow on your dick. Step 3. Give your dick to your girlfriend.




November 15, 2012 at 9:16 PM  
Blogger Giselle said...

Bahaha. The WTF of the week gets me again!!!! *Dies laughing* How do you find this shit? Noxious fart! >.<

Also, that lexicon cover (US) is so freaking cool! I love that! And Insomnia freaks me out too I can't wait for that one!

I also died at the Chinese dude laughing at slouched creepy angel >.<

November 16, 2012 at 12:18 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Ha, Brandy, that's the series, and it's the title of the first book.

I don't know! I couldn't figure out what she was holding at all.

November 16, 2012 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger Hannah Lorraine said...

Haaaa. I love these posts so much! I actually love the Iron Kin cover - off to add that to my TBR. But there are some pretty terrible ones here, like really really bad covers. I love your comments, they make my day.

November 16, 2012 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

4. Don't feel bad. I TOTALLY thought it was a flat-chested girl.

They sure are!

12. Haha, those dresses DO like awful finds in a theatre's costume selection.

38. Right? It's such a waste! I do agree that the Star Cursed mockup is much better than the paperback of Born Wicked, but still!

November 16, 2012 at 10:39 AM  
Blogger Shelver506 said...

I get so excited when Cover Snark shows up in my inbox!

I wonder if the guy from #2 (Destiny) and the girl from #3 (Brianna on the Brink) have exchanged info... You know, "Hey, when you're about to face a potentially dangerous situation, stand like this! See, I'm about to have my eyes pecked out by a giant bird." "I was gonna go stand atop a set of rickety metal bleachers, so this'll work. Thanks, half-nekked boy!"

On "Rise of the Magi, I'm all "Chick! Why u nekked?" Seriously, so unnecessary.

On "Vain": Augh! That looks SO UNCOMFORTABLE!

On "A Decent December": Look, I know that guy has a momma out there who loves his widdle face and all, but ugh. No thanks.

November 16, 2012 at 11:10 PM  
Blogger Lynn K. said...

READING THIS POST BEFORE SLEEP IS BAD. Bah, will be back tomorrow.

November 17, 2012 at 12:12 PM  
Anonymous Maggie K. said...

I totally agree with the WTF of the Week: Decorating Spirit (Santa's Helpers) - Zenobia Renquist - creepy to say the least. LOL

November 18, 2012 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oooh, you're evil. :-)

November 19, 2012 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

4. Right? Totally didn't think it was one at first, but people questioned it and then I read the blurb. DUDE.

10. I get enough white people. Holla for diversity!

17. That's interesting. I didn't know what the staff was.

23. They don't bother me, but I have a friend who is seriously freaked out by feet.

Then Indie books are for you!

November 19, 2012 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

2. Hahaha, That's hilarious.
3. *snort* I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky!
5. Sure does. Right into the babymaker.
9. Good point. I wouldn't mind this dive bar. I wouldn't date Mr. Leather Vest, but looking is fun!
11. Bahaha, you're vicious.
18. Yup, but the guitar makes it a the fuck is that.
23. I DO love shiny things.
25. Oh wow, is it? No idea.
26. Right? I mean, I know it's because of the steampunkiness, but still.
27. The damn everything.
28. Hahahahaha, poor you.
32. It so does. I didn't notice, but a couple of you noted his flashlight nipple.
35. She could use winking lessons.
37. *snorts*
CB1. Haha, I haven't read it, but I've seen parts of the movie. CHEESY!

Ooh, yes. Only four? Haha. BAHAHAHA, the other one is under the hat. Love it.

November 19, 2012 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Awww, thanks!

Your poor daughter!

November 19, 2012 at 10:50 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

3. Yeah, I have no interest in this. Unless it gets four and five star reviews from people I trust, this would never happen.

9. Truth. Much to clean.

14. Yay! This was my second favorite!

15. Yup, very awkward.

24. Darn!

November 19, 2012 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

2. I haven't read these. It's just weird that there are birds on every indie cover. The water does look fake. And what's up with the snowflakes?

3. Isn't it just.

4. Yeah, this isn't a good cover. Every week, you can tell how serious the WTF of the week is by how many awful covers don't take that honor.

5. Bahaha, you are weird, it's true.

7. It really does. It's the worst of the series, I think.

9. *shuffles feet* Actually, I would totally wear that. O_O

10. Her hair's a little off, but her face looks fine to me.

16. NECESSARY NIPPLE.

18. Right? That guitar ruins everything.

27. Yay! Someone clicked on the link to the gif. That's for real what I did.

28. Haha, I hope so.

33. I do like the texture of the title font, but the font itself is awful. Is this a historical?

CB2: Wow! I didn't see that coming.

WTF: Yup. I laughed for like ten minutes after I found it.

November 19, 2012 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Bahahaha, right? It should be.

2. His man bits are SCREWED. Which is what he won't be after this experience. BURNED.

5. Are they ladders? I don't know what they're supposed to be!

6. Maybe? I don't even know.

7. Bahaha, that is so what her power should be.

9. He does look like a fatter Peeta!

11. *snorts* Sad day.

12. They would be PERFECT as stepsisters. Yeah, they WEREN'T cousins. I was too distracted by their faces. Weird.

16. I can always count on you to get my references!

17. Whoa! You know the name of that thing!

18. If so, I will try them.

20. I'm going with NO.

22. Sure is!

24. Out of sight, out of mind!

25. Weird.

27. Even better, the book this is a spinoff of isn't good, so the shitty graphic novel version must be the worst thing that ever happened ever.

30. She passed the K-Stew school with FLYING colors.

32. Lol. Nerd joke.

37. Me too.

Note: Don't do that.

November 19, 2012 at 11:18 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

I use my SKILLZ.

Lol whut?

November 19, 2012 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yay! Thank you!

November 19, 2012 at 11:32 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

They should totally hook up.

Leaning against trees naked is so comfortable! Who doesn't do that?

November 19, 2012 at 11:34 AM  
Blogger Kayla Beck said...

All I'm going to say this time is that if the bird on the cover of Destiny doesn't peck that guy's eyes out, I'm going to be terribly disappointed.

November 19, 2012 at 3:53 PM  
Blogger Maji Bookshelf said...

oh i LOVE this post! i saw so many new covers! like jessica spots wood's book2 and sarah billing ton's old and new cover of her new book!! awesomeness!!

- Juhina @ Maji Bookshelf

November 20, 2012 at 3:34 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yay, glad you love it! Also, we have completely disparate taste in covers, but that is okay!

November 20, 2012 at 8:31 AM  

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