Cover Snark (34): Half-Naked Men and the Animals Who Love Them

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Commenting pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That's actually how I comment on other people's reviews too. I can't remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!

1. Something Darker (Inferi Dii #1) - S.A. Price

 Thoughts: You guys, I just love this! Show of hands: who believes me? If so, you must be new. Hi! Thanks for coming! Seriously, though, ab covers, how about you make sense. I mean, this dude is obviously cold, since he's wearing a hoodie and even has the hood up, so WHY is his he leaving his chest bare? Even if he were perfectly my type, I would still say what the hell to this cover. Plus, that purple fire with the series info is just randomly floating there. They should have used it to dot the i in something or places it better. Maybe put the series info in the moon, which is also purple?

2. Divided (Element Preservers #3) - Alycia Linwood

 Thoughts: What is that dress made of? Does it look weird to anyone else? Also, I'm pretty sure she's checking to see if she has a fever. Probably she does, since she's covered in frost but seems pretty comfortable in just that dress. With her other hand, she's talking on an invisible phone to Mr. Freeze, who may or may not be her boyfriend.

3. In My Dreams - Cameo Renae

 Thoughts: Meh. Not bad, but doesn't stand out at all.

4. The Chalice - Nancy Bilyeau

 Thoughts: I fell like this could be really awesome, but it looks too much like a little kid pasted together images from a magazine to make the cover. The different parts just do not look well-integrated.

5. The Midnight Spell - Rhiannon Frater & Kody Boye

 Thoughts: Alright, so this definitely has some self-pub issues, but I kind of like it. His ginger hair makes me happy, as does judgmental cat, and the fact that this looks like a witchy version of Sixteen Candles.

6. Crushed - Dawn Rae Miller

 Thoughts: This is so close to being an awesome simplistic cover, but THAT FONT burns me with its boring. They tried to make the title more interesting by crushing the C a bit, but that's overkill and draws attention away from the heart, which is where the eye should be focused. The heart does look cool, though, as it has a nice texture to it. Reminds me of this cover.

7. Eyes Ever to the Sky - Katie French

 Thoughts: Well, that looks somewhat familiar. Sky embraces just look so awkward don't they? Can you imagine trying to get action while also remembering to fly? Odds of death: high. What is that shimmer around them? Moonlight? A tractor beam? Also, I don't think they have their eyes to the sky. Pretty sure their eyes are closed.

8. Hector (5th Street #3) - Elizabeth Reyes

 Thoughts: Notice how she subtly covers his face, so this cover can be ALL ABOUT HER. There's a Friends episode about this.

9. From Ashes - Molly McAdams

 Thoughts: Oh good. A novel about infidelity or some sort of Paint Your Wagon situation. LOVELY. Much like this cover, only less believable, because the dudes would TOTALLY NOTICE.

10. Crossfire (Darkride Chronicles #2) - Laura Bradley Rede

 Thoughts: "Can a heart that stopped beating still love?" Tagline, I'm pretty sure paranormal romances have already answered that one 6 million times over. STOP BEING AWFUL. Awful cover checklist: stupid garden variety tagline (check), terrible fonts (check), absurdly photoshopped eyes (check), incredibly cheesy fire (check). Is this a paranormal romance? If yes, add bird (check).

11. The Uprising (The Forsaken #2) - Lisa M. Stasse

Thoughts: These covers really appeal to me. They're so weird and unique. I do wonder if they make any sort of sense after reading the book, but they're creepy, colorful and unlike anything else, so approve.

12. Control - Lydia Kang

Thoughts: "There are no accidents." DUN DUN DUN. This cover bores me.

13. Bayou Heat (X3) - Alexandra Ivy & Laura Wright

Thoughts: I greatly encourage you to click on these and view the larger images, so you can fully appreciate the ridiculousness. For one thing, these covers are the mostly naked man with animals sort that makes Kayla Beck think of bestiality, which is perhaps justified, let's be honest. For another, these men are all just covered in sweat. The one on the left has RIVULETS of it. Do some people think that's hot? All I want to do to these guys is make them go take a shower. ALONE.

14. Strange Spirits (GothicScapes) - Chris Marie Green, Nancy Holder, Linda Thomas-Sundstrom

Thoughts: Is leather mini-skirt girl about to kill Santa? I hated this cover at first, but if that's what's up, this just made best holiday cover. I would like to know why the moon is pink, though. Red to imply impending doom for Santa, like his jolly red suit and soon-to-be-spilled blood I would get, but pink?

15. Drive Me Wild (The Others #7) - Christine Warren

Thoughts: Another naked dude posing with an animal. Seriously, is this supposed to be appealing? Also, these naked man covers are wasted on me, because, much as I like men, I am really not attracted to the kinds of guys they put on romance novel covers.

16. 45 Pounds (More or Less) - K. A. Barson

Thoughts: I kind of like this. I mean, I really dig pastels, though I know some people don't (Kayla). However, I really don't approve of the whole "God forbid we show a fat girl on the cover" attitude. Also, based on her legs, this chick isn't fat at all, so what's up with that.

17. Resisting Fate (The Right of Blood #1) - Marie De La Rosa

Thoughts: If this book is not about how she resists fate using her hair as weapons, then I call bullshit on this cover.

18. There (On the Otherside #2) - Denise Grover Swank

Thoughts: Oh look, Fallen and Hereafter had a baby cover. Even better, there's apparently a love triangle. WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

19. Trapped (Here Trilogy #2) - Ella James

Thoughts: I feel like a jerk always having to say "well, for a self-pub, this is great," but there just is a quality difference, so whatever, it's true. They've done a nice job with this one. I love the texture to the ground and the sky is interesting. However, the fonts need work and the couple looks like they're skipping through a field of daisies, not like they're trapped in some harsh world.

20. Charm & Strange - Stephanie Kuehn

Thoughts: Ugh. Another love triangle cover. Based solely on the cover, I am terrified to read this, as it looks like something I will loathe. Then again, the blurb's from Ellen Hopkins, which is somewhat unexpected. The cover looks cheesy, not dark and edgy.

21. Blood Trade (Jane Yellowrock #6) - Faith Hunter

Thoughts: Those are some big-ass stakes. Hurrah for a heroine dressed in fighting clothes and ready to mess some monsters up. Her face looks a little off to me though. Oh, also, I love the fancy design by the spine. The juxtaposition between that and the rest of the cover amuses me.

22. Deadly to Love (The Elementals #3) - Mia Hoddell

Thoughts: Alright everyone: time to place bets. Male or female model? The lips say female, but I'm really not sure because I guy could do his lipstick like that just as easily. Also, this cover is almost painfully bad. What's with the swirls on the skin? The hand seems a bit out of proportion to me. The hot pink font is hard to read, as is the author name. To top it all off, cheesy fire.

23. Incubus (Daughters of Lilith #2) - Jennifer Quintenz

Thoughts: That seems like a strange way to hold a sword. Also, is she wearing a pashmina? What is that on her arm? Her hair sticks out sort of funny too. ACK! Just notices the bat wings. Better than angel ones at least.

24. The Holder's Dominion - Genese Davis

Thoughts: This creeps me out a lot. Mr. Shadow Rapist man is not cool. Also, I feel like the overlay of that golden person would have worked better if it aligned with the model's face.

25. Replica - Jenna Black

Thoughts: Bored. This looks a bit too 90s fantasy.

26. Elder (Firstborn Trilogy #3) - Raine Thomas

Thoughts: She looks just as confused and upset by this cover as I am. Or maybe she's just wondering why she's grabbing the knife by the blade and not dripping blood on her grey dress.

27. Dare You To (Pushing the Limits #2) - Katie McGarry

 Thoughts: Very well composed, and I definitely think that the girl on the cover fits Beth well. Not sure about the guy, though. The title font looks cool too, but I don't know why "You" is turned sideways.

Cover Battle #1: Indigo Awakening (The Hunted #1) - Jordan Dane

US vs. Aus: The win goes to the US for not making a completely mundane cover. Also, I'm very sick of brightly dyed eyes on covers.

Cover Battle #2: Sever (The Chemical Garden Trilogy #3) - Lauren DeStefano

US vs. UK: Wow, just changing the color scheme a little bit makes SUCH a difference. I still think this cover sucks in general, though, because why does Raine look like she's at a freaking tea party?

Cover Battle #3: Star Cursed (The Cahill Witch Chronicles #2) - Courtney Allison Moulton

Not Final vs. Final: Oh look, they posted the not final cover, giving them the opportunity to improve the second cover. Most of the public responded that we want a cover in the style of the hardback. The publisher listened and made a change! They photoshopped her arm down. How I feel. Oh, they also changed the author name font to white and moved it up a little. I vote COVER NOT FINAL. Try again, guys.

Cover Battle #4: Finding Lucas - Sarah Stroh Bailey

 Kindle vs. Paperback: Bahahaha, She's grabbing his ass. This amuses me more than it probably should. Her shoes are RIDIC though.

WTF of the Week: Sex Club Secrets - Jennifer Lynne

 Thoughts: Oh, really, this is about love flourishing is it? Why does everything remind me of Paint Your Wagon this week? Why are half-naked people floating over a city? Why haven't they fallen into the river and drowned? Are they gods too? Is this like a Greek god orgy club? Because they don't need a special club for that; that's just how Greek gods roll, yo.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

The Uprising by Lisa M. Stasse

Learn More or Preorder:

Goodreads|Amazon|The Book Depository