A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Cover Snark (50): Cuddlebuggery Comes to Town

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

For today's special fiftieth edition of Cover Snark, I have a special guest, the ever-fabulous, snarktastic Stephanie Sinclair of Cuddlebuggery. She's going to be joining me to help make all of you fine folks laugh today. Now IT'S SNARKING TIME!!!

Shiny and New:

1. Precious Things - Stephanie Parent

Steph: Generally, I'm not a fan of cursive font. It's all pretty n' stuff and it just doesn't suit well with my black soul. I have acknowledged fault. But bonus points for the girl not being white!
Christina: Agreed on the POC, but what's with the horizontal lines? Did they run out of normal book cover paper and have to break out ye olde parchmente?

2. Body & Blood (The Survivors #3) - Amanda Havard

Steph: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this one, which is probably not a good thing.
Christina: I kind of like it, but it's also not doing anything special for me. *waves to fantasy bird*

3. Summer Is for Lovers - Jennifer McQuiston

Christina: This dress defies logic. I do not believe for one second that it would stay up, especially with how breezy beaches are!
Steph: Well, obviously she's ready for sexy time with that dress.

4. Heart of Rock - Karyn Gerrard

Christina: Someone took the term "silver fox" a bit too literally.
Steph: This cover makes me want to break out that Ashford & Simpson song. "Now it's solid. Solid as a ROCK…. The thrill is still hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, HOT!" Oh, damn. Am I showing my age?

5. True Spies (Lord and Lady Spy #2) - Shana Galen

Christina: Shouldn't that knife be in a sheath or something? It doesn't look like there's anything to stop it stabbing her in the leg except immobility. O_O
Steph: What is he holding? A gun? A clothespin? Clothespin gun?
Christina: True spies leave criminals out to dry.

6. Letters from Skye - Jessica Brockmole

Steph: I actually don't hate this one. More on the "meh" side of things. Though, I do think the title treatment is kinda cool.
Christina: Agreed. I included this one, because the title looks awesome.

7. Shadow (The Paper Gods #0.5) - Amanda Sun

Christina: Now THIS is how you do a novella cover.
Steph: Covergasm. I LOVE THIS COVER. After the huge fails of The Immortal Rules covers, I'm really happy HarlequinTeen finally got something right.

8. The Fall (The Glimpse #2) - Claire Merle

Christina: See, I liked The Glimpse cover. The heart in barbed wire made a certain sort of sense, and it made the swirliness of the font and cheesiness of the tagline a bit more fitting. The star doesn't work the same way. Also, the tagline does NOT need to be so huge.
Steph: I don't really care for this one. It's very plain to me and I'd probably overlook it at a bookstore.

9. Rowan (Blood Crave #2) - Christina Channelle

Thoughts: This is about vampires, isn't it? People are becoming less and less creative.
Christina: Even the model looks annoyed about being on the cover. Though I do love her shirt.

10. The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt

Steph: The bird peeking out at us is a clear fail in my book.
Christina: *snores* Oh, sorry, did I fall asleep?

11. Library Jumpers - Brenda Drake

Steph: The biggest probably I have with this one is that the title doesn't match the image. Also, the blurb is way too long. And that woman looks like she's more ready for the club than a battle. Nice bling.

Christina: You're so right...but I still want to read it because of the magic word: library. Why miss an opportunity to put books on a cover? Such a waste.

12. In the Shadows of Eden - Rebekah Armusik

Steph: My eyes are burning. I mean, where do I even start? The poorly photoshopped wings? The conveniently placed leaf that covers her nipple?
Christina: I did warn you it was a doozy. Also, more disproportionate angel wings. *hisses*
Steph: The fact that they are having sexy times in the freaking bushes?!
Christina: Where else in Eden? They didn't have houses or love hotels, I don't think. *pretends to consult Bible*

13. Canvas Bound (Captive Art #1) - Laura M. Kolar

Steph: It's Miley Cyrus!
Christina: On a cover designed by Bob Ross!

14. No Attachments - Tiffany King

Christina: Success! I feel no attachment to this cover.
Steph: I quite like this. I especially like the font used and how the image is slightly blurb. It is pleasing to my eyes.

15. Uncharted (On the Island Novella) - Tracey Garvis Graves

Thoughts: All I can think of is Blue Lagoon.

16. Roman Holiday - Ashleyn Poston

Steph: Dislike both fonts. It clashes with each other. Can you tell I'm picky on fonts? Also, doesn't the pink strip of hair remind you of a My Little Pony doll?
Christina: Bahahaha, yes, it does. Also, what's the point of Roman Holiday without Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck? Mmmm, Gregory Peck.

17. Harbinger (Book of the Order #4)- Philippa Ballentine

Steph: I feel like I just slipped through the wardrobe and ended back in Narnia.
Christina: It's like The Falconer + Aslan + this guy.

18. Bayou Noel (Bayou Heat #7) - Alexandra Ivy & Laura Wright

Steph: O.O Oh wow... ummm... Gives new meaning to "special delivery". And he looks super warm in his scarf and mittens.
Christina: Nothing says desperate like putting mistletoe over your dick.

19. Wounded Angel (Earth Angels #3) - Stacy Gail

Steph: Because in case you didn't know this book was about angels, they threw red wings on the title along with the shitty ones on his back. And to make matters worse, he looks like he got lost in a jar of Vaseline. SMH.
Christina: Seriously, I hate when they grease them up. Is that supposed to be attractive? I would NOT let that guy touch me.

20. Daylighters (Morganville Vampires #15) - Rachel Caine

Thoughts: Didn't the covers for this series used to be interesting?
Steph: They were forgettable, which is probably why I don't remember anything about them. In which case, I'm sure this one will fit right in.

21. The Karmic Connection - Libby Mercer

Christina: This cracks me up because it looks exactly like those Simon Pulse romances from when I was in high school. Like this one.
Steph: Is this one of your WTFs?
Christina: Oh, honey, no. It gets worse. Prepare yourself.

22. Forbidden Fruit (Corine Solomon #3.5) - Ann Aguirre

Steph: This is one of those times where I can't think of what it is that I dislike about a cover because I hate so much of it. Gah! Fuck it. Okay, seriously. If you're not even going to *try* why bother at all?
Christina: Oh man, I just noticed the cloud face. Ugh. Not an improvement to the general unfortunateness, which is a word now btw.

23. Friends and Traitors (Slayers #2) - C.J. Hill

Christina: Coming soon to the CW!
Steph: No, this has MTV written all over it. It'll probably come on right after Teen Mom and before Teen Wolf.
Christina: Wow, you're really familiar with that schedule, Steph. ;)

24. Tragic (Rook and Ronin #1) - JA Huss

Steph: I feel like this cover should be accompanied by a Ke$ha song. And what's with the flowers???
Christina: That sounds about right. The flowers seem off to me, not trashy enough.

25. Secret for a Song - Adriana Ryan

Christina: I like the font colors on NA titles a lot. Aside from that, well, not so much.
Steph: I like her hair, but I really want to give her a burger. Way too skinny!

26. Hard as It Gets (Hard Ink #1) - Laura Kaye

Steph: That's the best title ever. "How hard, baby?" "AS HARD AS IT GETS." Followed by an "OH MY" for sure.
Christina: There's no camouflaging his desire.

27. Fall of Sky City (Devices of War Trilogy #1) - S.M. Blooding

Steph: Prince of Persia, steampunk edition!
Christina: Individually, I like most of the elements, but they don't come together very well. Also, his weapons were not well-photoshopped.

28. The Do Over - A.L. Zaun

Steph: DO OVER that cover. That is all.

29. Frostbite (Touch of Frost #1) - Lynn Rush

Christina: There are so many covers that look like this, and this is not the best one by any means. Don't believe me? This, this, this and this.
Steph: Reminds me of Nikki Jefford's (I think that's her name) book, except this one has something weird begin done to that piece of her hair on the side. It's not blended very well. Back to photoshop, I say!
Christina: Not blended at all. Steph is referencing yet another similar cover.

30. The Impact of You - Kendall Ryan

Christina: That girl looks like Jeremy's druggie girlfriend Vicki on TVD. Also, I don't know about you, but the only impact here was my head meeting my desk.
Steph: Ummm, where is her bra? I have collected exactly 3 nipples from this edition. I could make a necklace.

31. Nowhere to Run (The 39 Clues: Unstoppable #1) - Jude Watson

Christina: 39 Poorly-Photoshopped Clues.
Steph: I have never like the covers in this series. They all have looked cheesy. This one is not an exception.

32. This Girl (Slammed #3) - Colleen Hoover

Christina: Thank you for releasing such a nice, large, easy-to-see image!
Steph: OH HAI, random butterfly!

33. Stealing Harper (Taking Chances #2) - Molly McAdams

Steph: RPatz strikes again
Christina: Bahaha. Also, how lame does her stealing the H look? That did not turn out as well as they thought. Photoshop fail.

34. Left Drowning - Jessica Park

Christina: This reminds me heavily of this cover, but I like it.
Steph: That's not a bad cover. But again, REALLY skinny girl. I mean, look at those thighs.

35. Frigid - J. Lynn

Steph: ZOMG, it's FRIGID. Where's your shirt, dude?!
Christina: I generally hate shirtless dude covers, but it's a MILLION times worse when it's freaking obviously cold outside. Also, can Armentrout PLEASE stop using a pen name. It's laughable.

36. If I Fall - Anna Cruise

Steph: I really like the colors used here, but I think there are too many different fonts used. Overall, I like it though.
Christina: Agreed on TMFS (Too Many Fonts Syndrome), and also on the colors. I like when the NA covers go for these bright colors instead of kissy covers.

37. Countdown City (The Last Policeman Trilogy #2) - Ben H. Winters

Christina: This really doesn't match the cover for The Last Policeman one bit.
Steph: This one has a lot it's trying to accomplish in one image. It's mostly boring, but the calendar part seems out of place.
Christina: It looks a bit like the cover to a pamphlet on dealing with depression or something.

Cover Battles:

1. Doctor Sleep - Stephen King

US vs. UK:
Steph: Oh, US totally kicks ass this time. I mean, a cat, UK? Does not compute. Winner: US.
Christina: I will say that the cat cover creeps me out more, BUT the US cover is still worlds better. Winner: US.

2. Ex-Patriots (Ex-Heroes #2) - Peter Clines

Permuted Press vs. Crown Publishing Group:
Steph: The first one reminds me of Halo. Truth be told, I dislike both. Winner: Neither.
Christina: Huh, I like the new one, but I'm a huge comics nerd. Winner: Crown.

3. The Signature of All Things - Elizabeth Gilbert

Option 1 vs. Option 2 vs. Option 3/Final Cover:
Christina: What's going on here is that Gilbert's fans were given the chance to choose the cover between these three options, and the one shown on the right won. I like all of them (though they don't make me very interested in the book), but, loath though I am to admit it, I think I like the cover with the person on it best, though not because of the person. I just think that backdrop is lovely. Winner: Option 2, though I think they could have done better.
Steph: I really think they didn't put a lot of effort here. The purple one is the worst, IMO, with the others not to far behind. Winner: Clearly not the author.

4. The Testing (The Testing #1) - Joelle Charbonneau

Take 1 vs. Take 2:
Steph: The problem with both covers is that they aren't very ascetically pleasing. They have very dark colors and nothing jumps out and grabs me. That said, I do think the redesign is a slight improvement over the first. Winner: Take 2.
Christina: I'm REALLY happy this redesign happened, because I thought the...whatever that is (ring? watch?) on the first cover looked really lame. This is better, if not a vast improvement. Winner: Take 2.

5. The Age of Desire - Jennie Fields

Harback vs. Paperback:
Christina: I like both a lot, but I definitely have to vote in favor of the hardback, because 1) that dress is gorgeous and 2) I don't know what is up with the floral border, even though I've actually read the book. Winner: Hardback.
Steph: Okay, I prefer the first. The second one they decided to add the whack flowers on the side that does nothing for it. EW. Winner: Hardback.

6. Precious Blood (The Blessed #1) - Tonya Hurley

The Blessed vs. Precious Blood:
Christina: Let's bring in the Hallelujah chorus! The new cover's a bit psychedelic and creepy for my tastes, but almost anything would be better than the original. Winner: Precious Blood.
Steph: They changed the cover? Thank ye gods! Because that first cover was absolute shit. Winner: Obviously the redesign because you really can't get much worse than the first.
7. Steelheart (Reckoners #1) - Brandon Sanderson

US vs. UK:
Steph: Oh, I definitely love the US more. I really love how it has the steel ripped apart showing the inside. Cleverly done. The UK's isn't bad, just not as interesting. Winner: US.
Christina: The UK cover has a sort of superhero vibe which I find intriguing, but the US cover just looks way more epic and action-packed. Also the UK looks a little like a middle grade. Winner: US.

WTF of the Week:

1. Death of a Waterfall (The Hayden Falls Saga #1) - Kara Leigh Miller

Christina: Don't go killing waterfalls. Please stick to the lakes and rivers you're used to.

Steph: One does not simply KILL a waterfall.

2. Dessert (The Winemaker's Dinner #3) - Ivan Rusilko

Steph: Oh my damn. Somebody hold me. But... obviously not like the guy on the cover. I feel like he's telling us to not hate the playa', hate the game.

Christina: Something tells me he'll be eating out for dessert.

3. Death and Mr. Right - Kendra L. Saunders

Christina: Looks like they snapped this photo outside of a comic convention. Cosplayers totally make a cover as long as you black out one of the faces and replace it with a question mark!

Steph: *snort* Okay, yeah. Because taking a random ass picture with your friends totally makes a great cover.

4. The Park at Sunrise - Lee Brazil

Christina: Nothing says sexy, romantic reunion like a park bench, especially a park bench covered in snow.

Steph: I feel like this could easily be a fan fiction of Fifty Shades with that weird quote. He's handcuffing her to the snow-covered bench. Say yes, Ana. "Yes, my master." Then it's settled!

5. Breeding the Female - Bree Bellucci

Steph: Ohhhh… clever. I see this cover artist has carefully used what I like to call the "Nosey Nipple". Even better? You can't tell if it's the wolf turning her on or the tree. Probably both. Yes, I predict a bestseller.
Christina: Certainly brings a depth of meaning to the term 'headlighting.' This doozy was found by Kara of Great Imaginations, so props to her.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Shadow by Amanda Sun

Learn More or Preorder:

Goodreads|Amazon

Labels: Cover Snark

42 Comments:

Kat said...: Yay, special guest Steph!

3. Hollywood tape working it's arse off!

6. I like the postmark in the title, but it's very very blue.

9. Is scared. The person she is death-staring must be weeing their pants.

10. Awww I think that's kinda cute.

12. Errrrm I think those wings would be a little bit too heavy for him to remain upright...

14. Perhaps my life has been quite sheltered, but leaping onto men like that is not as easy at it looks...

18. Are they scars or veins on his abdomen? Either way, I'm not sure I want to know....

25. Oh man, she needs more than one burger. It's slightly disturbing that her upper arm is thinner than her forearm.

34. More burgers, more!

CB3. I vote purple, but when it comes to purple I am slightly biased.

CB6. Ding dong the witch is dead!

WTF1. My mind boggles at the logistics of killing a waterfall.

WTF2. If it was possible to kick covers in the bollocks I'd be all over this one.

WTF5. My eyes! They were only just recovering from the first time I saw this one. There should be LAWS against this shit!; March 28, 2013 at 6:38 AM
Danielle said...: ooo death of a waterfall uses the same cover girl image as Keary Taylor's The Bane!; March 28, 2013 at 6:46 AM
April (BooksandWine) said...: Oh goodness. You both really crack me up!

I have to go straighten my hair so I look nice for work buttttt - I love the Steelheart covers, both of them. I laughed outloud at the crappy angel wings. Also laughed at the naked lady/wolf one at the bottom. I'm not sure who the book's audience is as that cover is clearly objectifying to women. Anyways.

Great edition of Cover Snark, and I loved Steph's commentary as well. :-); March 28, 2013 at 7:15 AM
A Library Girl said...: #9 - It's a little hard for me to take that cover seriously, because I've seen that stock art at least a couple times now, looking not much different.

#11 - The title makes me want it, the cover art not so much. That woman does not say "warrior" to me.

#17 & #22 - I'm such a sucker for illustrated covers. I kind of want these, even though the Narnia vibe of the one does not appeal to me.

WTF2 - Thanks for making me feel like I need a shower. Guh.

WTF5 - I just want to say I really HATE all the "breeding" books I keep seeing all over the place. Just knowing they exist makes me feel icky.; March 28, 2013 at 7:50 AM
Tez Miller said...: 11. With a title like LIBRARY JUMPERS, I was expecting tacky book-themed knitwear. I was wrong ;-)

26. HARD AS IT GETS - now that's a single-entendre title ;-); March 28, 2013 at 7:56 AM
Angela @ Reading Angels said...: "Nothing says desperate like putting mistletoe over your dick. "
FAVORITE COVER SNARK LINE EVER!!!!!!!!; March 28, 2013 at 8:36 AM
Anya @ On Starships and Dragonwings said...: On Library Jumpers: I'm pretty sure I've seen that model on three book covers now.... Someone has a really good agent or something >.>

Anya @ On Starships and Dragonwings; March 28, 2013 at 9:09 AM
Blythe Harris said...: I'm going very out of order here, but when I saw the new cover for Doctor Sleep I had to come here and say FUCK NO. NO CAT'S. NO ME GUSTA. NO FUCKING CATS ON A STEPHEN KING NOVEL.

FUCK NO.

US EDITION.

GOD.

(Also, I like the new voting feature for the cover battles.)

I like the new cover for The Testing MUCH better than the old cover--though none are particularly outstanding.

Steelheart: WHAT IS IT WITH UK AND COVERS THIS WEEK?

Seriously UK.

Pick up the pace.

US wins by a landslide, and I'm thankful the ARC I have has that cover and not the UK one. (Also, one of the buildings/shrubbery looks slightly penile in the UK cover.)

The Winemaker's Dinner: WHAT THE FUCK

Breeding the Female: WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK

Okaaay, now in order until Blogger is an asshole and tells me I've run out of space.

Precious Things: I would have liked this had it not been for the fact that it looks like it's printed on a scroll.

Body & Blood: I like this, but it's not memorable.

The Fall: LOLNO

No Attachments: Okay, I like this one...

Harbinger: Also, The Golden Compass movie poster. http://collider.com/uploads/imageGallery/Golden_Compass/the_golden_compass_movie_poster_onesheet.jpg and http://www.wildbluffmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/golden-compass-poster-1.jpg

Left Drowning: I WAS THINKING IT LOOKED LIKE THAT OVER COVER TOO! But I like this.

Countdown City: "It looks a bit like the cover to a pamphlet on dealing with depression or something." *dies*; March 28, 2013 at 9:32 AM
Unknown said...: Damn this was one of the best cover snarks ever!
-Scott Reads It; March 28, 2013 at 9:42 AM
Charlotte @ Gypsy Reviews said...: 1. Meh, that cursive font is overrated and ughhh the Photoshop effects on this cover are so cringe-worthy. But yay for POC on the cover!

3. HAHAHAHA oh man that dress. The dress is defying physics too :P

4. Once again, the cheap Photoshop effects on the text and what is up with the guy's hair?

6. The design with the text is kinda clever but did they have to use a grunge font?

7. AMAZING. I CANNOT SING ENOUGH PRAISES FOR THIS COVER!!

9. I am so confused by the lighting and her hair, so is her hair red too or is it just the light? My head really hurts now.

11. Uhm okay, the title doesn't match the cover. Kinda misleading.

12. Oh boy, this cover is HILARIOUS. The wings don't even look like angel wings, looks more like it came from a bird. An eagle perhaps? Tacky, so tacky.

18. "Nothing says desperate like putting mistletoe over your dick." BWA HAHA, Christina, you took the words right out of my mouth xD

35. How is he not freezing? And EW tacky photoshop brush randomly put at the side. Nope.

36. Hmm, I think if it didn't have "If I", it would look so much better. Seems more like an afterthought and maybe if they kept the author's name in a simple font too. It looks so mismatched.

WTF #1: Let's just slap on some red to the title to make it pop! And add a dash of cursive too and make sure none of it matches the cover at all! *facepalm*

WTF #5: THIS COVER I CANNOT. The title should definitely be renamed and the Photoshop is terrible here. Why are her legs suddenly so dark? and the wolf, don't get me started on the wolf!!; March 28, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Christina said...: 3. ;)

12. That's not all that's upright. *nudges*

14. I would imagine it often ends with injuries.

18. Probably veins. Scarred models don't tend to be in high demand.

3. Purple is a good color.

6. BAHAHAHA.

1. Boggle away.

2. Hahaha, I almost said something to that effect. O_o

5. SURPRISE!; March 28, 2013 at 10:13 AM
Christina said...: She's also on those Stalk Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me covers. Sigh.; March 28, 2013 at 10:14 AM
Christina said...: Woo! We try.

I am WAY too lazy to straighten my hair since college. lol.

I like both Steelheart covers too. Umm, yeah, that bottom one is just wrong on about every level.; March 28, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Christina said...: 9. I don't think I've seen it, but I'm still not taking it seriously.

11. Not so much. But the TITLE.

17. The Narnia vibe is a bit unfortunate. DEUS EX LION.

5. I am seriously concerned that you've seen a lot of breeding books. :(; March 28, 2013 at 10:16 AM
Christina said...: 11. OH GOD.; March 28, 2013 at 10:17 AM
Christina said...: I guess. Or her stock photos are really cheap.; March 28, 2013 at 10:17 AM
Christina said...: Bahahahaha, Blythe. I love when you get ranty about things. I could read that forever.

Glad you like the voting. It's slightly a pain to set up, and I'm still figuring a couple things out, but I think it's a good move. :)

BAHAHAHA, penile building. I like the UK one, but the US is way better. Oh, also, I will come and steel your ARC, because I WANTS it.

Right? What's up with the scroll paper?

It took me a while to remember which cover I was thinking of, but I FOUND IT!

tee hee!; March 28, 2013 at 10:20 AM
Christina said...: :-D; March 28, 2013 at 10:20 AM
Katie said...: Oooo the Amanda Sun cover is pretty. Approve! Also, I agree about NA covers being better when they're bright and fun... As opposed to making out on the front.; March 28, 2013 at 10:25 AM
Christina said...: 1. Pretty much. Have to like it for the POC, but otherwise...

4. The hair is a mystery.

7. It's SO PRETTY.

9. Pretty sure it's red light.

11. Doesn't match at all!

12. Pasting eagle wings onto another picture seemed like a great idea at the time!

18. :)

35. Yeah, that Photoshop brush is not helping anything.

36. Too many fonts. Would have worked better if they did it the same as Fall, but smaller, I think.

5. I can't even.; March 28, 2013 at 10:26 AM
Christina said...: Woo! We agree on things this week. Haha.; March 28, 2013 at 10:26 AM
LisaFicTalk said...: "Nothing says desperate like putting mistletoe over your dick." LOL FOREVER!

The Do Over: DO OVER that cover! I like it! hahahah.

Great post!; March 28, 2013 at 10:27 AM
Nuzaifa @ Word Contessa said...: The last cover just left me speechless.Wow.

Okay. *deep breaths*

WTF were they thinking?! O.o; March 28, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Danielle said...: lol popular girl!; March 28, 2013 at 10:55 AM
Renae @ Respiring Thoughts said...: Yay, milestone!

As you know, I rarely comment, BUT: the UK Dr Sleep cover is a GIF. AWESOME!!!; March 28, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Christina said...: I do not want to try to imagine.; March 28, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Christina said...: That it is. That's happening a lot now.; March 28, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Heather said...: Wow, that last cover sure is...something. There are no words! haha.

Also, I love the option to vote on the original/re-designs! What a great idea!

2. I kind of love this cover. It seems kinda Victorian and kickass-y, so it works for me!

6. I love the font on this cover! Very cool :)

7. So pretty!

11. Not a fan of this cover, but I definitely want to read it because LIBRARIES!

13. OMG, that does look like Miley! Noddin' my head like yeah...; March 28, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Anonymous said...: That was a lot of fun. I don't even know how to react to that Breed cover. o.O; March 28, 2013 at 11:45 AM
Steena said...: 6. Letters from Skye: LOVE! The stamp title font, the colors, everything.

7. Shadow: ALSO LOVE! I am a hue fan of the watercolor, inking effect in book covers. Especially if they make the cover out of a stiff linen card stock, the kind that is textured? Swoon.

8. The Fall: Stars like this always make me think of rednecks and Texas. The barbed wire isn't helping. This is a fail in my book.

9. Rowan: Ahm...her shirt is awesome but I feel like the shirt is trying to suggest that she is Asian, which she does not appear to be.

11. Library Jumpers: "Game of Bling: Dubstep is coming"

12. In the Shadows of Eden: Terrible cover. I really hope this is about Eve cuckolding Adam with an Angel.

14. No Attachments: It's not unattractive but I can't help but be put out by the pose. Anyone who has ever tried this knows that it is impossible to hold. No matter how lightweight the girl or strong the guy, it's just not going to last more than a few seconds.

18. Bayou Noel: "Wow, you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide/ Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind/ A gift real special, so take off the top/ Take a look inside it's my dick in a box/ It's in a box"

21. The Karmic Connection: Is they use their Zoosk avatars to make this cover?

25. Secret for a Song: I feel like she's hiding from someone. Probably Christina, who's about to force feed her a burger.

26. Hard As It Gets: Two is the maximum number of times "hard" can be used on a cover. Even then it's overkill. You know it's sexy times because two of her fingers are in his pant's waistband! Le gasp!

33. Stealing Harper: Why does he have Wolverine hair? Does anyone think that looks good outside of a comic book??

36. If I Fall: I deem her too thin. Also, isn't falling apart and falling to pieces kind of the same thing?

37. Countdown City: Nothing like the first cover but I think I'd have liked this cover if they'd chosen just one of the images, either the calendar or the guy at the diner.I feel like both are evocative but together it's too much.

CB 1. Doctor Sleep: I feel like both are trying to emulate the Cheshire from the newest adaptation of Alice in Wonderland.; March 28, 2013 at 11:48 AM
A Library Girl said...: Lol, the breeding books are ALL OVER the All Romance Ebooks site, it seems. This sort of thing is why I was initally so embarrassed to introduce my mom to the site. And the Hot Deals page is a minefield of horror. I don't even bother to look there anymore, because 99% of them will probably make me go "ick."; March 28, 2013 at 12:09 PM
Ashleigh Paige said...: Special Cover Snark is special! I love you ladies. <3 Also, I don't think I've ever mentioned this, but I read your opening in Drew Carey's voice. I watch too much Whose Line is it Anyway? for my own good.

2. I really like this one! It's so artsy and it caught my eye. On the other hand, there's the fantasy bird and the pretty dress.

3. Give me some time to mend the back of the dress and I'll take it! Because seriously, someone either unzipped it or tore it. I LOVE frilly dresses and this is right up my alley so long as I can fix the back.

4. -gigglesnort-

5. Her dress. Mine.

7. So simple but SO SO PRETTYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm waiting on Harlequin Teen to Ink up on NetGalley for US people already--because the back of my print ARC that I traded away (I REGRET IT MUCHLY NOW) said they would. The UK Harlequin put it up today for UK people.

9. Shirt. Mine. Basically, Cover Snark is me window-shopping.

10. I'd call whoever did my wallpapering and demand a refund. I wanted that bird covered up for a reason, damn it!

13. Even though this is pretty badly done, I find this adorable! Everything but the girl makes me go "PRETTY PRETTY SHINY SHINY."

20. Trololol. This book reminds me of how my mom recently learned not to rely on me to keep track of her series. We used to both read Morganville, but I lost interest at book eleven and she thought the series ended there. Then she learned books twelve and thirteen came out. She hit me in the back of the head, but it was WORTH IT. That was FUNNY.

24. DID SOMEONE SAY KE$HA?! MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY, THAT'S MY DEPARTMENT. Because I love glitter, I like those lips. Still, the cover is weird. The flowers should look more like vaginas, probably.

26. Well, there's no hiding his desire unless you crop the photo. Romance novels need more cover erections. (Wow, I'm REALLY dirty today. I have no idea why.)

32. This doesn't look anything like the rest of the covers except for the butterfly and I hated Slammed anyway, so eff this book. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE GODDAMN SNAKES--ER, I MEAN RETELLINGS OF NA NOVELS IN THE DUDE'S POV. STOP MAKING FUCKING CASH GRABS AND WRITE THEM IN DUAL POV IN THE FIRST PLACE. God, The Vincent Boys was terrible, but at least Abbi Glines didn't do THAT much of a reach for a cash grab (even though cash grab is her middle name).

33. GODDAMMIT, WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU, NA?! SON OF A--

-explodes-

35. If I ever see her J. Lynn books in a store, I'll attack a sticky to hide her pen name. Her pen names are USELESS. Just USELESS.

1. BUT BUT CATS. IT'S A KITTY! You two suck. Besides, cats are good for comforting old people about to die.

4. Maybe the thing on the original was a ring-watch. I own one and I love the hell out of it.

6. The book itself is shit no matter what cover you slap on it, but this book needed a cover change more than any I've ever seen and I'm glad the new one is so pretty. The illustrated cover and the matching illustrations within the book are LOVELY despite everything else. The title change was unexpected, but I'm good with that too.

1. Christina, you effed up the rhythm of the lyrics and so I must kill you. -brandishes knife- Changing "chasing" to "killing" was fine, but you changed around other words too and messed it up. NO ME GUSTA.

2. ...That face will be in my nightmares tonight. D:

3. For some reason, my brain immediately said the guy with the face replaced by a question mark is Misha Collins. It was the trenchcoat, even though this one is too dark to be the one his character on Supernatural wears.; March 28, 2013 at 12:35 PM
Sara @ Forever 17 Books said...: 5. A clothespin gun. lol That is what it looks like!
7. LOVE!
14. I think it's cute! Not huge on author font though.
18. All I can think about when I see this is Dick in the Box.
34. I like this. Combined with the title, it makes me want to know more.
35. The open shirt in a FRIGID setting is a no for me. If it was buttoned, I'd have liked it. I love snow.

I am so disturbed by WTF #5. Like seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK? O.O

Thanks for another week of fun! Added a book or two to my TBR. :)

~Sara @ Forever 17 Books; March 28, 2013 at 1:12 PM
Amy said...: Okay, I have been a suckish blog commenter the past two days so I am going to try to keep this short since I have a few other blogs I want to make sure to get to. Not that I don't love spending 30+ minutes on these posts, but ya know! ;)

1. I kind of like the unfocused look of the cover, and totally all about the Asian chick on the front!! (I might be a little biased since I am half Asian)

3. I think she would have been better off just ditching the dress before taking a walk in the ocean. Seems like too pretty of a dress to ruin in the salt water.

5. All I can really do is laugh at that cover. It's pretty ridiculous.

7. That's just made of win!! I love that cover!!

12. There are just so many things wrong with that cover. I think that people who are not good photoshoppers should not try to make covers that require so much of it.

14. I really like that cover. I think the colors are pretty and I like the unfocused look to it, but the title is a bit distracting. I guess people need to know what the book is called though lol!

18. Oh Chrisina, you have me in a laughing fit right now.

23. I never get why these chicks who are supposed to be all kick ass are in a skirt and high heels. Dude, that's so impractical when you need to fight. The crossbow really does make a great accessory though. Much better than a purse.

27. It's not a bad cover, it just seems so... busy. There's a lot going on for one cover.

30. Dude, this is like the third cover in the past week where I have noticed you can see the chicks nipple through her shirt. And not a very impressive cover. Very common to NA.

34. I like that cover. Not bad.

36. Definitely liking the cover, I just fear that the blue/pink color blend thing is becoming a trend (i've seen it a ton the past month or so) and I am going to hate it soon just like the B&W with color font. *sigh*

Cover Battle

1. I really like the US one better. The cat one is creepy and all, but the US one is more creepy to me.

6. So they changed the cover and the name? I do like the new one a lot, but the old one if you flip the dust jacket over, that cover was pretty cool. It was dark and she was crying blood.

7. I like the US one better.

WTF OtW

1. How do you kill a waterfall? Block the river? That will only last so long before it overflows...

2. OMG!! Christina you are killing me!! Umm he might want to put down his cigar before someone gets hurt.

5. Lol!! I think that chick has some major issues. Why would one be naked and pleasuring themselves outside against a tree? And really the wolf is just super creepy considering how turned on she looks.

And totally agree with you on the outstanding cover of the week. That's fantastic!!; March 28, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Blook Girl said...: I am a horrible, horrible person... #10... I glanced at the author's last name and thought it said "Fartt" and thought, "Well, I'd pick it up for sure in that case, out of pity!" >.<; March 28, 2013 at 2:42 PM
Anonymous said...: 1. 'ye olde parchment' has killed me. This comment is now from the grave.

6. The font is saving what is actually a terrfically boring cover

7. ooooh, pretty

10. I actually kind of like this one

12. um...they're doing that wrong

13. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER FINGERS

21. this is for adults? or people over the age of 7??

23. I know I do all my best crossbow-ing in heels

cover battle
1. Obviously the cat wins. Because cat.

wtf
5: WTF; March 28, 2013 at 3:36 PM
Kayla Beck said...: 2. Umm, it matches the others? Seriously, it's not bad for an indie. I have the others, and they look alright.

5. I bet you that he puts that knife in a sheath at some point in the book. :-D

6. *snores*

7. This reminds me that I need to start painting again. I love watercolors. *sigh*

11. Didn't you know this is what I wear to the library every day? Bitch stole my sword!

17. I LIKE this, and I don't know why. Maybe I've not been reading enough fantasy lately. Or maybe it's the ginger WHO IS ABOUT TO BURN HER FUCKING HAIR OFF!

23. Worthy equal of Riordan? Hmm... I'll have to see. Saying that about Paolini isn't saying much after Eldest. I still haven't brought myself to finish that series.

27. The ship ruins it for me. It isn't very well done. The rest is alright, I guess.

31. These are going downhill. Also, WHEN WILL IT END?!

CB5. The paperback edition makes me think of a flag for some reason. I like the hardcover.

CB6. Call me crazy (and I'm sure everyone does), but I kinda liked the first cover. I mean, it's unique as hell, even though I have nightmares about that girl. The new one is pretty damn scary too. I do NOT like eyeballs. >.<

WTF1. That girl has to be rich. She is on All The Covers!

WTF2. *snorts*

WTF5. I bet that was almost the cover for Anne Rice's latest werewolf novel. Man, that book... *shudders*; March 28, 2013 at 4:20 PM
Shelver506 said...: We get to vote now! YAY!!; March 28, 2013 at 6:29 PM
Unknown said...: DUDE the Stephen King cat cover is MOVING. WTF. lol Totally freaked me out. Anyways... US, definitely wins that competition.
That woman in The Winermaker's Dinner looks like she's floating. Maybe she's a ghost.
Gosh some of the covers people come up with... seriously, what were they thinking? lol
Agreed, Shadow is an AMAZING cover. Love the watercolor effect.; March 28, 2013 at 6:46 PM
Lynn K. said...: 1. Precious Things - Not a fan of the filter effect but it's okay enough.

3. Summer Is for Lovers - Despite the weird logic on Historical Romance covers, I love the soft painted look it has.

4. Heart of Rock - This one had potential to look good..

6. Letters from Skye - Lovely title treatment! :D

7. Shadow - Gorgeous! I almost wish the actual novel was as vibrant as this one.

9. Rowan - Her sam foo shirt would be great for Chinese New Year. :P

10. The Goldfinch - I find this a little creepy. We were watching Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds in the class. x__x

11. Library Jumpers - Minus the overly long blurb and seemiling unrelated title I really like this one. Great color scheme and the title treatment is good.

12. In the Shadows of Eden - Pfffft. Get a room!

14. No Attachments - Not sure if because it's all done by the same designer, all these NA covers are starting to look the same to me.

17. Harbinger - Oooh Jason Chan's art. <3

19. Wounded Angel - I like the red angel wings on this one. That is all.

20. Daylighters - AHHH I LOVE THIS. Much much better than the previous few covers. (Better than http://www.goodreads.com/book/photo/9376345-bite-club in any case)
The MV books are like crack. Even though the first few weren't that great I kept reading and it gets better.

22. Forbidden Fruit - Could have been better..

30. The Impact of You - Oh, them again.

32. This Girl - Um..where did the simplicity of the previous 2 go?

37. Countdown City - Last week it's another university's colors and this time it has the color scheme of mine lol.

-------------

WTFs

I..have no words for them all. D:; March 29, 2013 at 8:56 PM
Kara_Malinczak said...: 1. Ye old parchment? You girls are really inspiring to make me laugh today.

2. I kind of like the covers in this series. They are weird but I love the title font and the uniqueness. The color choices sing to me as well.

3. Agree. with Steph. Easy access and all that.

6. Agreed. It's a little boring but the title font is cool.

7. Agreed. This is a gorgeous cover. And since I was unable to get an ARC of Ink, I'm really excited for both of these books.

8. This is okay to me. But the first cover was better. That said, there is no way in hell I would read this with the negative portrayal of mental illness. :(

10. This is really unique. Yeah, a little on the boring side, but you both are crazy!

11. I'm with Christina. There should be books on this cover. Tagline is too long.

12. Bahahahaha!

13. You guys are in rare form this week. Go Bob!

16. Oooh. That Gregory Peck was a looker, wasn't he? I hate that cover.

17. The first thing I thought of was Chronicles of Narnia.

18. It's my dick in a box!

19. I would not let him touch me either. And I despise nipples on covers. Especially when they are like the main attraction.

21. Agreed, Christina. It really does look like those covers!

22. Why is she holding an old fashioned radio? She's not going to get any sound out of it as long as it's not plugged in. ;)

23. Oh the fake fire makes me laugh. LOL!! You know Steph watches the entire lineup.

24. Yes, because you have to have cherry blossoms when there is a cherry on the cover. *rolls eyes*

29. It does remind me of Nikki Jefford's cover. That's not a good thing when your cover makes me think of another book. Where oh where has the originality gone?

32. LOL @ the random butterfly. Otherwise, this is pretty boring.

33. Why is she stealing the H? Stealing Arper? That makes no sense.

34. I like it too. But this is one of those never read authors for me.

36. I will say that this cover makes me want to read it. That's good. And I don't even like NA.

CB1. Agreed. I like the US cover much more. The red is like my favorite shade of red.

CB2. Definitely the second one.

CB3. I think the third one comes together better.

CB4. I do like the redesign better, but these covers still do nothing for me. They are lucky I really want to read this book.

CB5. The hardback is WAAYYYYYY better.

WTF2. Bahahahaha, Christina! I see what you did there! Oh my word!

WTF5. YES!!!! You used the cover I sent you! I will be on the lookout for more, my master!; March 30, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Jazmin said...: I feel as if some of these were just the illustrator sorta looked at the tag-line and then went 'nOPE" and proceeded to make the most random-ass cover they could get away with. Also for 18, I'm surprised no "dick in the box" snark made it in there. Besides that, funniest snark I've read!; April 1, 2013 at 2:43 AM

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

: Name: Christina; Location: Norcross, GA, United States

I am a librarian in my twenties. I got my MLIS at the University of Pittsburgh in 2010, and, through the vagaries of the job market, ended up working at a software company, rather than a librarian. I still very much consider myself to be a librarian, though.

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Cover Snark (50): Cuddlebuggery Comes to Town

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