Cover Snark (70): The One with All the Cuttling

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Liar, Liar (BFFs #1) - Dawn Pendleton

Thoughts: How about you make it clear what's the series title and what's the book title. For the life of me, this says that it's the first episode of Liar, Liar, which is clearly a big fat lie. Harrumph. In other news, it looks like they are practicing their synchronized swimming routine on the floor. Oooh, maybe it's synchronized mermaid dancing!

2. The Darkest Joy (The Darkest Joy #1) - Marata Eros

Thoughts: The Darkest Filter.

3. Second Chance Summer (Chance Series #1) - Emma Hart

Thoughts: What's with the vertical lines on here? I feel like I'm a parent looking out the vertical blinds onto the back deck and going SOON at this guy who has my daughter on the porch with no pants. Seriously, where are her pants?

4. Wicked Little Secrets (Prep School Confidential #2) - Kara Taylor

Thoughts: "Sometimes what you don't know can kill you." Like that handbag doesn't match that jacket. The fashion police are without mercy. Also, are those shoes required at this prep school? Seems weird both would choose them.

5. The Doctor - Jennifer Bull

Thoughts: I am really impressed with this self-pub cover. Look at the pretty colors! And the dream-haunting pumpkins! Also, if the tagline is talking about the pumpkins, then I certainly hope they do not make it out alive. *adds locks to whatever they are locked in*

6. The Broken (The Apostles #1) - Shelley Coriell

Thoughts: I feel like I've seen this cover before. The trees, the cracks, the huge bold author title font just seems so generic mystery.

7. The Fearless - Emma Pass

Thoughts: For reasons I cannot pinpoint, this makes me giggle. Maybe it's the purple? However, props for a girl wearing practical clothes for survival.

8. Edge of Eternity (The Century Trilogy #3) - Ken Follett

Thoughts: This cover is a montage. Also, I am bored.

9. Through Glass - Rebecca Ethington

Thoughts: This model is doing an excellent job of looking freaked the fuck out. Also, this cover is much more hilarious if you pretend there's no glass in the window and she's a mime caught in invisible glass of her own creation.

10. White Hot Kiss (The Dark Elements #1) - Jennifer L. Armentrout

Thoughts: Now, I KNOW the world won't end if Armentrout has a cover without kissy faces because she has a series of swirly flowers. That was great. Let's do that again. Or anything but this. The red tint was a bad idea. It's like I'm looking at the cover through rose-colored glasses, but that doesn't have the effect pop culture promised.

11. Very Superstitious: Myths, Legends and Tales of Superstition - Georgina McBride, ed.

Thoughts: *pets the kitty*

12. Toxic Heart (Mystic City #2) - Theo Lawrence

 Thoughts: Hmmm, not as pretty as the first cover, imo, and I find that tagline upsetting (also hard to read). However, props for a dude in a shirt.

13. Night Broken (Mercy Thompson #8) - Patricia Briggs

Thoughts: I wonder if they just reuse that Charlaine Harris tagline on each book in the series, rather than making her write another one. This might be the UK version, and I think I like it better than the US ones, though the title font and hugeness of the author name irritate.

14. Forty Nights (Neima’s Ark #2) - Stephanie Parent

Thoughts: There was a bird on the first cover. Also, an ark and a dude with this girl. Now there's just the girl. My theory: she sunk the ark, drowned the dude and ate the bird, feathers and all, minus the three that escaped. After forty days and nights of their company, she was just done, okay? HE HAD IT COMING.

15. The Lascar's Dagger - Glenda Larke

Thoughts: There are a lot of fantasy novels with this pose while holding a knife and with a hood up over the face. Weird.

16. Justice (The Tainted Realm #3) - Ian Irvine

Thoughts: It's always the proletariat that suffers in war. *shakes fist*

17. Unreap My Heart (The Reaper Series #2) - Kate Evangelista

Thoughts: Lol. Other words escape me, but lol.

18. Allure (The Hoodoo Apprentice #2) - Lea Nolan

Thoughts: Yeah, my summer could have been better, girl, but that doesn't mean you should go lie in corpse pose in the forest. Here, listen to this song. It helps.

19. Empress of the Night (Catherine #2) - Eva Stachniak

Thoughts: That is one fancy fan. I sort of wish we still carried fans like that around, useful both for keeping cool in the summer and whacking over-enthusiastic suitors of which I have many (okay, fine, I would just use it to whack Perseus - lightly - if he got to close to my food because he's the only man in my life right now). Also, have you heard there's a rumor in St. Petersburg? (what's that you say? wrong time period? don't care. *sings louder*)

20. Unbreathable - Hafsah Laziaf

Thoughts: Space is pretty. Also, I actually approve of this tagline because it tells me something about the book and not about every book that has ever been written ever in the world.

Cover Battles:

1. Altered (Altered #1) - Jennifer Rush
 
Hardback vs. Paperback: I'm going to be honest and say that I do not get this cover change. It's SO similar. Like, this does not appeal to a whole different market of readers. It's not like boys are going to be fooled by less of the half-naked dude being visible and buy this book. So it's just annoying people that their books won't match while appealing to the same audience. Though maybe I'm wrong. What say you, readers? Are you more likely to pick up the new cover?

2. Erased (Altered #2) - Jennifer Rush
 
ARC vs. Hardback: Still don't get it. I rather liked the way the font when sideways. Made the cover stand out.

3. Shadows of Asphodel - Karen Kincy
 
Original vs. Alternate: Pick your poison: graphic novely cover or paranormal romance of floating heads and birds. WHAT WILL YOU DO? Do you prefer anime or CW shows? You must decide.

4. The Darkest Minds (The Darkest Minds #1) - Alexandra Bracken
 
US vs. France vs. Australia Original vs Australia Redesign: Despite the weirdness of the symbol glowing on her stomach, I am all about this new Australian cover, which totally fits the book btw. The original Australian one looks like she has fire eyebrows in the small version. The French one will be haunting my nightmares. So thanks for that, France.

5. Never Fade (The Darkest Minds #2) - Alexandra Bracken
 
US vs. Australia: Personally, I'm still going with the Australian cover. Though I'm a bit tired of people covers, I don't mind it when they're set a bit further back, and random symbol doesn't really draw me in.

 6. Rags & Bones: New Twists on Timeless Tales - Melissa Marr & Tim Pratt, eds.
 
Take 1 vs. Take 2: TBH, I'm not sure what the deal is here. I think the US was going to use the cover on the right and the UK still might be, but I do not have time to puzzle that all out. Suffice it to say that I love this new cover. It's a very classic look for tales hearkening to classic stories.

7. Killing Sarai (In the Company of Killers #1) - J.A. Redmerski

Original vs. Redesign: Hmmm, I don't know that I have a strong preference between the two, though the second does remind of me Myra McEntire's Hourglass because of the way they've tilted it.

8. Reviving Izabel (In the Company of Killers #2) - J.A. Redmerski
 
Take 1 vs. Take 2: Bahahaha, the new cover. All I can think of is THIS.

 WTF of the Week: 
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I've found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of "Dear God, what is that thing?" If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to cynicalsapphire@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Beyond Repair (Daddy's Girls #3) - Chelsea Camaron

Thoughts: Girl: "Working is so hard. Oh, hey, baby, nice spare tire you got there." Dude: "How you doing, Sugarcheeks? I saw you had a flat...inside of this building...so I unbuttoned the top of my overalls and came to help. Because verily I am a gentleman."

2. Earth Star (Earth Girl #2) - Janet Edwards

Thoughts: Okay, so, this cover. Looking at this, I'm assuming that this is a story about a daredevil clown in the 1980s or something. So no, Pyr. No. Unacceptable. Back to the drawing board. I mean, her (it's a her, right?) stupid costume has an arrow pointing to her butt. WHY? WHY IS THIS A THING? May I suggest you check out the UK covers which are truly fabulous?

3. Alien Smut Peddlers from the Future - Kent Hill

Thoughts: I submit this for your perusal and accept that people are way more into tentacles than I ever could have guessed.

4. Forbidden Destiny - Lia Michaels

Thoughts: The dudes on the cover are clearly feeling not worthy to share the cover space with this magnificent eagle, who I'm going to pretend is Buruu's cousin and has MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THEIR ROMANTIC RITUALS. This cover was spotted by Steph (Cuddlebuggery).

5. Someone to Cuttle - Luna Loupe

Thoughts: Thanks to Kat (The Aussie Zombie), you know know that Cuttlefish erotica is a thing. You are welcome. Cuttle them some slack, y'all.
 

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Unbreathable by Hafsah Laziaf

From now on when I don't have a cover that jumps out of the crowd for me, I'm going to ask others to choose one and tell me why they love it. Today, Kara (Great Imaginations) chose the outstanding cover and here's why she picked Unbreathable:

"It's the Cover of the Week because it's gorgeous. First of all, it has a stunning night sky that immediately captures my attention. And then, how often do you see telescopes on book covers? It's like a nerd girl's dream. I love the colors, I love Earth as a focus, and I think it really captures the essence of the blurb. The only thing I am unsure about is the city in the background. But hopefully that will make sense in the context of the book. This is a cover that immediately makes me want to pick that book up and add it to my collection."

Learn More:

Goodreads