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A Reader of Fictions: Cover Snark (71): The One with Great Imaginations

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Cover Snark (71): The One with Great Imaginations

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

This week's edition is special, because I have Kara (Great Imaginations) here with me or should I say I'm here with her, since I'm visiting her in Florida! That means it should be extra snarky up in here.

Shiny and New:

1. Of Metal and Wishes - Sarah Fine
Kara: I love love love the font, but maybe would like to see it in black.
Christina: The white is a bit hard to read on the grey, but I am in love with this girl and her dress and her weird plastic looking curtain.

2. Entwined - Cheryl S. Ntumy
K: This cover's very boring, minus the pretty girl.
C: Agreed. She also needs to get her ass up out of this creepy forest before those shadow people get her.

3. Lair of Dreams (The Diviners #2) - Libba Bray
K: Somebody's about to get hit by a train.
C: The ghost of Anna Karenina is possessing the people of New York City. Oh nooooo.

4. Johnny's Girl - Paige Toon
K: I love covers with palm trees, but there's too much font business happening. Also, are these cutesy little butterflies necessary?
C: No, the butterflies are definitely overkill. Not a fan of the motorcycle either. And the titles of these books. Are we kidding with Johnny Be Good and Baby Be Mine?

5. Off Chance (Off Series #5) - Sawyer Bennett
K: The shadows make him look like he has a unibrow.
C: Damn it. Just when I thought one of these dudes was kind of hot. Also, that bicep is grosssss. It looks fake. AND he would be more hot like fiyah without fake ass flames.

6. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
C: Well, it's certainly representative, but you could have done better, Tesco. Plus, if it's going to look THIS much like a chocolate bar, I'd rather actually have a chocolate bar.
K: The gold ticket and chocolate look way too fake.
C: The oompa loompas need to step up their game, yo.

7. Perfection Challenged (Double Helix #4) - Jade Kerrlon
K: Is that a roller coaster?
C: I don't know, but, if it is, I want to ride it.

8. Moonlight on My Mind - Jennifer McQuiston
K: That dress is about to fall off. There might actually be tits hanging out the front.
K: Moonlight isn't on ANYBODY'S mind.

9. The Fifth Season - N. K. Jemisin
K: I like it, but....
C: Yeah, I know what you mean. Kinda boring.
K: The fonts and the horizontal rules are pretty clinical. Doesn't hold a candle to her other covers.

10. Dreams of Gods & Monsters (Daughter of Smoke & Bone #3) - Laini Taylor
C: Did Hannibal design this one?
K: I LOVE IT. I can't criticize a thing.

11. Burn (Spark #2) Brooke Cumberland
K: *snorts and rolls on the floor laughing* *revives* IS THAT NICK LACHEY? And that headband. *falls again*
C: Check out those rocking undies.  I can see a D and an I. DICKHEAD brand undies coming to a store near you! Warning: they are highly flammable.

12. No Place Like Oz (Dorothy Must Die #0.5) - Danielle Paige
C: There's also a version of this with a bluer background, but it was small. I really like the combination of the balloon and the yellow brick road.
K: Me too! And the font of Oz is wonderful and Asian-looking.

13. Killer Frost (Mythos Academy #6) - Jennifer Estep
K: These covers bore me.
C: Agreed. Isn't this about the Greek myths? There's so much fascinating stuff in there and a posing girl with fake eyes is what you come back with for 6 books and some novellas?

14. While We Run (When We Wake #2) - Karen Healey
K: I hated the cover of the first book.
C: Well, at least this is an improvement?
K: *said grudgingly* Marginally. I guess.

15. Battle of the Beasts (House of Secrets #2) - Chris Columbus & Ned Vizzini
K: I love this, and it goes well with the first.
C: Fucking giant series title. I do like that Aslan's going to eat that kid.

16. Catching Fire: The Official Illustrated Movie Companion - Kate Egan
K: She looks super fake, and her eyes look different than usual. Like she's a wax figure.
C: Agreed. She also looks a bit fishy, because the costume looks like scales.

17. Cibola Burn (Expanse #4) - James S. A. Corey
C: Science fiction with SPLOSIONS.

18. The Widow's House (The Dagger and the Coin #4) - Daniel Abraham
K: If someone wants that shield, they better rescue it before it sinks.
C: Or maybe these belong to a magician, and they're about to fly off and do his fighting while he has some tea and crumpets. That's what I would do, though I don't actually know what a crumpet is.

19. Soar (The Empire Chronicles #1) - Alyssa Rose Ivy
C: I really hate these covers. They've made her books distinct with that font treatment, but that's not how I would want to be remembered.
K: Oh, hey, Freddie Prinze Jr. I guess the career's not going so hot. They're also not soaring. Though they might be if they don't stop making out in the damn street.

20. Aspen - Rebekah Crane
C: All I can think looking at this is how much it's going to hurt when she tries to get that tiara out of her hair. I have a curls and the answer to how much is: LIKE A BITCH.
K: That must have been one hell of a convertible ride in front of the float to do that to her hair. Or, she did whatever I did to my Barbies when I was a kid.

21. Sidelined - Kendra C. Highley
K: He's got a lot of arm hair.
C: It's normal, but body hair on covers is so freaking creepy.
K: Also, GROIN. It's all I can see. What does that tagline mean?
C: Well, clearly, he has been sidelined in basketball, but his girlfriend also won't let him below the waist. Note the way she is keeping his arm higher. So, the other way to suffer, aside from sports failure is blue balls.

22. Secrets and Lies (Truth or Dare #2) - Jacqueline Green
K: I agree. Totally boring in every way.

23. The Girl with All the Gifts - M. R. Carey
K: This is kinda cool. Really creepy though. Little kids creep me out anyway.
C: Me too! Children are frightening! This makes me think of this song. SHE HAS ALL THE THINGS. And gizmos. And thingamabobs!
K: Well, it makes me think of Firestarter. Seriously, creepy children.

24. The Path to Power - Karen Miller
K: This looks like a Christian fiction cover to me.
C: Well, there goes that. I thought it looked like HBO's Rome, which is the other direction.

25. The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August - Claire North
K: Ooooh, I love this.
C: Me too, except maybe for the person as the I. It's a bit gimmicky.

26. The Ripper Affair (Bannon & Clare #3) - Lilith Saintcrow
C: The guy's pretty cute, but the steampunk couple posing has been done to death.
K: At least it matches the first two. Though they do look like they went to one of those Western photography places.

27. Reign of Ash - Gail Z. Martin
C: Are these my only options? I choose cowardice.
K: This cover is exceedingly phallic.

28. Heaven's Queen (Paradox #2) - Rachel Bach
C: This cover is brought to you by Machiavelli.
K: Orrrr it's straight from the Backstreet Boys video for Larger Than Life.

29. Cursed Moon (The Prospero's War #2) - Jaye Wells
C: I'm pretty sure I have cooked AND gotten burned on more than one occasion.
K: Seriously, what the fuck does that mean? But I guess I'd rather burn if I had to.
C: Me too. Cooking's the worst.
K: Also, those Os look like boobs. UNSEE IT.

30. Sisters' Fate (The Cahill Witch Chronicles #3) - Jessica Spotswood
K: I'm not over it either. This makes me angry as well.
C: The sisters' fate must be to have shitty covers.

31. Saving Raphael Santiago (Bane Chronicles #6) - Cassandra Clare & Sarah Rees Brennan
C: Are these ever going to stop being boring blue swirlies? I mean, I get they're going to add up into a giant picture, but they should still be interesting individually.

32. Half-Off Ragnarok (InCryptid #3) - Seanan McGuire
K: This is just so bad.
C: I know. It's like True Blood as a graphic novel or something. And not in a good way.

33. Proxy (Avalon #0.5) - Mindee Arnett
C: Agreed. Still trying to figure out what the fuck this is a picture of.

34. The Violet Hour - Whitney A. Miller
K: I do like this, because the background Angkor Wat.
C: Too freaked out by the eyes and the smoke on her face.

35. Cracked (Soul Eaters #1) - Eliza Crewe
K: *sighs deeply*
C: Yeahhhhh, this is telling me nothing.

36. Heated - J. Kenner
C: Don't you like the way they imply he has a GIANT penis by drawing the t from his crotch all the way up?
K: No, no, no. Put your pants back on, sir.

37. The Midnight Witch - Paula Brackston
C: These look like shoes I would have thought were the fanciest when I was like 7.
K: I like this A LOT. Purple is my favorite color, and I definitely want to check this out.

38. Bad Luck Girl (The American Fairy Trilogy Book 3) - Sarah Zettel
C: Love her dress and hat! I want them.
K: Goes well with the other books in the series but...
C: The background looks a bit cheesy and fake.
K: I'll stay in that hotel, if that's what it is, though.

39. Half Bad - Sally Green
C: This is so awesome, though the title is really hard to read.
K: I like it, but I'm not sure if it's right for the intended audience. I don't look at this and think YA. More like badass zombie book.

40. The Oregon Trail Diary of Willa Porter - Andy Marino
C: Love the art on Tor's ebooks.
K: Not my type of illustration.
C: I can never make it to Oregon, because all of my damn oxen die, and those rattlesnakes think I'm delicious.

41. The Wicked We Have Done - Sarah Harian
K: Ooooh, love! Blue covers are my favorite.
C: Mine too!
K: The font's great as well.
C: Some nice blood spatter too.

Cover Battles:

1. The Diviners (The Diviners #1) - Libba Bray
UK vs. Australian vs. US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Kara: I LOVE the Aussie cover. Christina: I'm cool with either the UK or the US hardback covers. The US paperback is a freaking travesty.
WTF of the Week: 
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I've found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of "Dear God, what is that thing?" If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to cynicalsapphire@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. The Dumont Diaries -Alessandra Torre
C: This is how I always covort in my pool. Naked, but for a scarf.

2. Winters Heat (Titan #1) - Cristin Harber
K:Cristin Harber might know how to write guns and studs better than anyone, but she sure doesn't know where to place her apostrophes.
C: I guess as long as the heroes know where to place their...

3. Panic (Rook and Ronin #3) - J.A. Huss
C: Now is the perfect time to panic.

4. Now and Again (Now #2) - Brenda Rothert
K: Ewwwwww, it looks like a conjugal visit. And the armpit hair and the hairy chest and the photoshopped ring and her Mike Tyson mouth chomp.
C: Also note the creepy tagline and how the "and" in the title sort of looks like the knotting on a noose above her head.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:
The Oregon Trail Diary of Willa Porter by Andy Marino

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is now chosen by a Cover Snark reader, not me. They are free to pick any of the week's covers, whether they're to my personal tastes or not. If you'd like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Today, Frodo (Frodo's Blog of Randomness) chose the outstanding cover and here's why he picked The Oregon Trail Diary of Willa Porter:

"The artwork is beautiful in a haunting way. It looks like a guarantee to be used in schools. If my reading material had a cover with that style and emotion pouring out of it I'd have thanked the teacher that gave it to me."

Learn More:



Blogger Tez Miller said...

5. OFF CHANCE: What the hell does that tattoo say? http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--VvNIDuxD74/UjDKZF2AKcI/AAAAAAAAY14/e9ftxS7w3xw/s640/Off+Chance+-+Sawyer+Bennett.jpg Looks like it begins with "SEM", so my mind immediately thought of something yucky... ;-)

September 12, 2013 at 6:37 AM  
Blogger Kayla Beck said...

3. No. People are not aliens. Or are they...?

8. "Moonlight" is what's shining off her ass when the dress falls off.

10. This is fucking badass!

12. This is a simple, yet effective cover that publishers should LOOK AT.

14. At least someone let the girl out of the walk-in freezer.

30. I demand the return of the ginger, or at least make the one on the left turn around!

CB1. The new US cover is fucking awful! THEY LOOK LIKE ALIENS!

WTF1. Sometimes I dislike my extra baggage until I see ribs sticking out on someone else. That was the one thing that bothered me more than anythig else when I was thin. For that alone, the cover makes me uncomfortable. I'll trade her the scarf for my sandwich.

WTF4. Why does there have to be so much hair?!

September 12, 2013 at 6:54 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

1. Ohhh so pretty and simple, though like you said the font is a bit hard to read and would be better if it were gray or black.

3. I just don't like it. I am angry with this cover.

5. He's on fire! And what does his tattoo say?!! It bothers me that I can't read it all.

7. There is a lot going on on that cover. If that is a roller coaster it looks fun though. I could do without the floating heads. The background cityscape is pretty though.

8. Why are the chicks clothes always falling off on covers like this? Aren't they supposed to be all modest and stuff?

9. Though it's kind of boring, I do like it.

10. That's fantastic. And I love the dramatic eye makeup!! I could never pull off the super smokey eye look.

11. Why are they just standing in the fire? Get the eff out of there idiots! And he looks like he is in pain holding her.

12. I really like that cover. The hot air balloon as the brick road and the font for OZ is just awesome!!

13. As far as I can tell, they are all the same cover. Right? They look almost exactly the same.

16. Wow, that was some bad photoshop skills cropping her into that picture. It would be fine for what it is if it didn't look so fake.

20. OMG that is what my hair looks like if I don't do anything to it lol!! You know, except without the tiara. I don't typically wear those around.

21. All the arm hair!!! I know everyone has it, but I don't like when there is an excessive amount on cover models. Make them wax that shit or something.

25. I love that cover. I could have done without the person too, but still a great cover.

30. I hate that they made these covers like this. Ugh!! I loved the original for Born Wicked.

36. His skin on his chest looks gross. Like razor bumps or something. And that t really bothers me, as well as the h.

38. Look at the cool skulls floating in the background. That's pretty neat! I really like her outfit too.

CB 1. US hardback all the way!! I am so glad that I have a copy of it. I hate the new cover!!

WTF 1. That is just horrible. And why the hell would you wear a scarf in the pool? I would get wrapped up in it and drown I think.

WTF 3. WTF indeed. Is she like getting off while he just looks on all pissed off she didn't wait for him?

OCotW. This cover is absolutely fabulous. It's very artistic and pretty!!

September 12, 2013 at 9:58 AM  
Blogger GillyB said...

KARA AND CHRSTINA, FIGHTING WTFERY AS A TEAM! I love you two. Hope you're having a ball in sunny Florida.

1. ADORE. So right about the font color.


4. Obviously this book is a sign you BOTH need to come to LA. We have palm trees. We have scenic, multi-colored butterflies. We have motorcycle silhouettes! (And yes, that is the LA skyline back there)

6. I reject this too.




12. Adore this. So creative and graphic.

20. I kinda like this. It's cute and distinct, but oof, you are right about the tiara ripping out her hair. Ouch.

21. This cover and tagline makes me think she's about to give him an indian burn.

25. LOVE.

27. His face is hilariously unnatractive.

28. Who put Jamie Campbell Bower in a spacesuit?

29. They do look like boobs.

38. I LOVE this, actually. Yeah, the background's a bit fake, but PRETTY DRESS! And POC! And PRETTY DRESS!

41. Yesssss.

CB1. ALL OF THEM EXCEPT THE NEW ONE. I've got the UK one, and I love it. It's so shiny. But OMG THE AUSTRALIAN ONE!

WTF2. Is it wrong that all I can think of is that he's probably going to shoot his d*ck off by accident? ALSO APOSTROPHE GUHHHHH

September 12, 2013 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Can we talk about that girls ribs on the WTF cover?! Like. Dude. Freakyyyyyyyy... Eat a sandwich. That's all I'm saying.

September 12, 2013 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger meg said...

WHAT THE HELL DIVINERS?! Something about the new covers makes me think of that Roswell show that was on the WB. Which, from what I understand, is completely not what that book is like.

LOVE Dreams of Gods & Monsters, is maaaaay be my favorite of the three. *thinks about other covers* ok, they're all my favorite of the three.

September 12, 2013 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger fakesteph said...

I'm so sad about the new US covers for The Diviners series, but LOVE the Aussie cover of the first one.

September 12, 2013 at 12:46 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

1. POC! POC! *flails* Also, yes, very hard to read.

3. Can someone explain to me what's up with the lady's face? Is it melted? A mask?

4. I keep bouncing back and forth between humming about "Johnny B Goooood" and how I "wish that I had Jesse's GUUUUUUURL!"

5. Ugh, I can't stop staring at his arm. It looks like a python after swallowing an armadillo or something.

6. What is this hideousness? Take it away.

7. Are they challenging perfection or are they "perfectionally challenged"? Either sounds lame.

8. I keep expecting baby-faced Anikan to sidle up and murmur some lame and vaguely creepy line about how sand isn't smooth as he touches her shoulder.

10. The yellow makes her look jaundiced. Otherwise, it's nice.

11. His hand looks BIZARRE.

13. This series is about Greek myths? I like Greek myths, but there's no way this cover would tempt me to read the back cover.

14. I want to dust off their eyebrows.

CB1. I think the blue one and the black one are both pretty cool.


WTF3. Ick ewwww bulgy veins

September 12, 2013 at 1:44 PM  
Blogger Ashleigh Paige said...

Doing this while sitting in the same room as you is so much fun!

1. I am so glad I can bug my contact for this because I desperately need it because POC! PHANTOM OF THE OPERA VIBE!

5. Nope, I don't like that muscle. Kill it with fire. After all, the fire is right there!

6. I agree with the fake chocolate, but MUSICAL? YES PLEASE.

10. I see the paint didn't try before she posed.

13. I think she anticipated everyone's negative reactions to this cover because she's asking EXCUSE ME? with her face.

14. I agree with Christina. Creeeeepy.

22. All I like is the lovely, lovely shade of purple. That would fit nicely in my bedroom!

30. We can continue arguing about this later, but I will always like the new ABC Family covers more than the original. IT SUCKED. SHE LOOKED UNNATURAL AND NOT THE GOOD KIND.

31. They give no fucks about these covers after the failure of the movie. That makes me all warm inside. <3

32. Awesome author, bad covers. Sadness. :(

33. The quality of HarperTeen Impulse covers is all over the place!

38. I really need to start this series. It looks like fun and I loooooove the style of the covers.

39. Blah. That's pretty much it.

WTF1. Anorexic erotica underwater? Weird.

September 12, 2013 at 9:24 PM  
Blogger Christina Reads YA said...

^-- what she said. I'm coming back to comment more later, but !!!!! Seriously.

September 12, 2013 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger Cindy C Bennett said...

Fantastically funny session of snark, girls. Thanks for the entertainment once again!

September 13, 2013 at 12:22 AM  
Blogger Christina Reads YA said...

Woot! Have fun with Kara :). Hope Florida isn't as muggy and hot as LA is now. It's about to be 100 where I live.

1. I'd love to see the font in black too, but I think it might be hard to read when it crosses over the girl's hair. Otherwise, I'm with you, Christina.

2. I like how you featured both POC girl covers one after the other :). I say that because really, how many are there? Lol at the creepy forest. But it almost looks like those people could be friends?

3. I don't understand the AK reference but I also reject. I get the 20s vibe, but but but the other covers were so pretty o.O.

4. You're right, the titles are a shame (Sweetie Be Right is a coming next). I like the motorcycle, though. The blue butterflies are too much - the red ones, I think, are fine. But the blue attraction too much attn for their color...

5. Agree on the bicep. What is that tattoo even saying? Semen? And lol at the unibrow. I do like that shade of purple, but I don't think it works for the cover o.O.

7. That looks like Death, Christina. Why would you want to ride it?! Enjoy Florida first! Plus if you do ride... that specter girl might kill you o.O. Look at that evil expression.

10. I love it except for the yellow o.O. BUT YES TO HANNIBAL OMG.

11. Ouchhhh, sounds like the cover crashed and burned, unlike their love, mind you, for you two ;). I agree about the headband. So very hipster and at odds with the rest.


13. It does? Greek mythology? What?

15. Not just that kid. A kid who looks like the mesh of Percy Jackson and his orange Camp Half-blood shirt and Harry Potter with the Gryffindor sword.

19. *Crazy NY taxi driver soars into the embracing street couple* oh, uh, whut?

24. Holy SHIT. I also thought of Rome. (I kind of want to see a book version of Rome, but I don't think it'd even compare to the series...). Why does that look like Christian fiction o.O?

25. This reminds me of a mix of The House of Ivy and Sorrow and My Name is Memory.

30. .... they ARE ABC Family show covers. Huh. I really miss the old cover. Maybe the reason for changing it was because the ebook sold more and they thought people were embarrassed by her pose? I don't know. That's the only reason I've ever seen given for cover changes. Something to do with the demographic but the first cover was just so perfect. *pouts*

31. They up to a picture????

WTF1: I still seriously cannot look at this cover without seeing her ribs and cringing.

2: Yep. The gun is in place after all...

3: The veins in his muscles freak me out. Also, I was kind of confused when I saw this. The title is Panic. Why is there a "Don't" there?

One day, if you ever are in need of a reader to choose the outstanding cover, email me!

Thank you, ladies. The past few days haven't been the best, but I always love these posts. Really thank you.

September 13, 2013 at 6:58 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

1. I like the cover an title, but I agree it would have looked better in a color other than white... maybe silver to match the "metal"?

2. This reminds me of a Family channel movie poster or something, haha. But yay for two covers back to back featuring women of colour!

3. *cries endless tears* WTF?!?! WHYYYY!?!?!? I hope the UK version is better so there is some sort of way to avoid this cover.

4. I kind of like the stamped look, but yeah these books have horrible titles, haha.

5. WUT?! Very weird. Also, what is the word on his arm??

6. Aww, I kinda like this cover. I think it's cute!

8. LOLOLing at your commentary!

10. I haven't read the books and while I loved the other two covers, there's something about this one that I'm not a huge fan of and I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's the weird yellow colour, I don't know.


12. Ohhh I like. Just realized that the yellow brick road is a hot air balloon too, haha.

14. Not a fan of these covers.


22. TOO MUCH PURPLE AND I LOVE PURPLE. They needed to do sort of a gradient like with the first book. It looks pretty boring right now.

25. SO PRETTY!!!

30. I do prefer the original style of these covers but I don't mind this one. But like you said, ABC Family. I just want the story NOW!!!

41. Loving this cover so much (and the book sounds AWESOME too)!

Cover Battles

1. Uhhhhhh

3. So bad!

OK so this week had a lot of bad and/or boring covers. BOOOO!!!!! Hopefully next week will be better :)

September 13, 2013 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

5. His arm does look fake...ew.

6. Love the colors, but it does look odd.

8. LoL, you girls are too much! :D


13. I dislike all of the covers for this series, but I really want to read it!

23. Definitely creepy.

27. His face made me LoL.

30. *sigh* I miss the original cover, but I'm dying to read this.


1. Definitely Australian!


1. That is...interesting...

3. I really want to read this series, but I hate that guy on the cover! He creeps me out!

There were a lot of boring covers this week. Boo. :(

September 14, 2013 at 8:33 PM  

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