Top Ten Authors Whose Books Are Like Crack

If you read a lot, there's probably a good chance that you have a list of 'guilty pleasure' authors. You know that their books might be pretty close to without literary merit, but, whenever you read one, you are completely enraptured for the couple hours it takes to devour. Every time you see that they have a new book coming out, you get super excited, even though you know it's not going to be 'good.' Even though they've burned you in the past, you can't help it; you need to read that book. They're bad for you, but you just can't stop.

You know you'll regret it, but there's no stopping you.

Thankfully, I have managed in the last couple of years to cull a couple of these authors (I'm looking at you P.C. Cast) from my list, but there are a number who are hanging strong. Pretty much all of them regularly write the most trite plot lines (love triangles, instalove, etc.), but I keep reading like an addict.

10. Charlaine Harris

I mean, hey, it's not like I'm addicted to all of Charlaine Harris' books. I really only care about the Sookie Stackhouse books, and only because of my obsession with True Blood. Totally justified. In fairness, I have only read the first few of these, but, despite not being very impressed, I still really cannot wait to keep going because I desperately must know 1) how the show is different and 2) if Sookie stops being an idiot and chooses the much superior Eric over Bill permanently.

Pictured above: why I care

9. Rachel Caine

Like with Charlaine Harris, I haven't gotten through all of Caine's books. In fact, I've only read 3 or 4 of her many, many series. However, I know I'll get there. Her Morganville Vampires series is about as ridiculous as you expect most YA vampire books to be these days. And, even as I read them, I judged myself, but I also enjoyed myself and shipped one of the couple combinations like whoa. Nothing will stop me from finishing that series and reading her other ones.

Vampires in glass houses shouldn't throw drained corpses.

8. Jana Oliver

Here's where things start getting a little more personal, aka I am slightly angry with myself for having read most of their books. I've only read two of Oliver's books so far; only when I consulted Fantastic Fiction just now did I realize that she's written other series. Who knew?
Anyway, I enjoyed the first book, The Demon Trapper's Daughter, and didn't even think it was that bad. I mean, it wasn't the deepest, but it was not committing too many grievous irritations.

Then I read book two, in which her relationship with her boyfriend goes down south. That's usually something I approve of, except for these factors:

1. Riley saved his life, so he becomes convinced that she is the devil.
   
2. Riley gets over it by having sex with mr. sexy shmexy obviously a bad guy.
3. I think I'm supposed to be shipping her with Beck, who has an obnoxious southern drawl, expects her to be obedient, and is a bit of a manwhore.
   

Buuuut I still want to read book three, and was jealous when I saw that The Story Siren had an ARC of it.

Real reason I liked this one: her awesome plaid pants.

7. Kelley Armstrong

Sometimes I try to convince myself that my guilty pleasure books really aren't that bad, even though that's like comparing diet coke to water. Armstrong's YA series Darkest Powers is so much fun to read that I wanted to believe that she was actually a deep, skillful author. I'm not alone in finding these addictive, even amongst discerning readers.

Anyway, then I read the first book in her new YA series Darkness Rising. Here we have another love triangle, another choice between the 'good guy' and the 'bad guy.' Plus it's set in the same universe. Actually, I think all of her books might be in the same universe, because thinking up new worlds is hard.

I even read the first book in her Women of the Otherworld series, Bitten. I hated it and told myself that was it for her adult books. But then I saw a pretty cover for book 12 in the series or something like that, so now I'm planning to give it another go. I also desperately want an ARC of the second book in the Darkness Rising series.

Blingedy bling bling.

6. Anna Godbersen

Oh, The Luxe. After every single book in this series, I told myself that I was not, under any circumstances, going to read the next one. Then I would see an image of the cover. Then I would read the book. Not only that, but I have the first book in her second series on my to-read list. Damn my obsession with pretty covers.

Pictured above: dresses the size of my closet.

5. Melissa de la Cruz

Way back in high school, I had my first encounter with de la Cruz, back when I loved reading books about wealthy teens doing stupid things. I read The Au Pairs. Even then, I didn't much like it. When she entered the realms of YA vampire fiction, I, of course, wanted to read the books. I read, and was hugely creeped out by, the first book, and yet have read three or four of them and plan to continue. Among other things, this series includes love triangles, soulmates, and incest. And yet, I have also added other de la Cruz books to my list of things to read, even though I don't especially enjoy reading any of them. Why? I wish I knew, because then I could make it stop.

Gossip Girl with Vampires

4. Andrea Cremer

At ALA 2010, I picked up a copy of Nightshade, which I should have known would be like a drug. I'm guessing it's dispensed either from the flower or the glitter on the crazy cover. I ate that book up and wanted more, even though it consists of yet more love triangle nonsense. Oy. Book two I was even less impressed with, my patience running low. Who wants to read book three? You guessed it. I never learn.

The drugs have already got you if you're reading this.

3. Richelle Mead

My first experience with Mead was the Vampire Academy series. Right up my alley post-Twilight in my initial foray into modern young adult literature. At first, I liked the series quite a bit (although still fluff), but that has been steadily decreasing. I keep reading because I have to know what happens and I ship Rose with a particular guy (yes, another love triangle, damn it!).

I've also read a few books in her succubus series. Yes, she wrote books about a succubus, which means what you think it means. But the succubus loves to read and works in a bookstore, so that's okay, right? And, yes, I do plan to continue reading both of these series. Clearly, I hate myself.

She went there. Literally.

2. Laurell K. Hamilton

Urban fantasy fans might make arguments for the quality of the beginning of the Anita Blake series, but I imagine most of her fans will accept the designation of literary crack for the rest of the Blake and all of the Merry Gentry books.

Anita Blake starts off as a kickass vampire hunter. She doesn't sleep around or anything and makes a pretty decent heroine, managing to resist the temptation of all of the sexy menfolk around her. I haven't gotten to where this one goes into crazy town, but, from what I've heard, Anita goes from waiting for marriage to sexing everyone.

Then there's Merry Gentry. Her goal is to sex everyone. Lit'rally. She is a candidate to be the next ruler of faerie, but, to become that, she must get pregnant before her cousin impregnates some poor faerie lady. So, amongst some court intrigue, she has sex with her male harem. So, yeah, there's really very little attempt at a plot here. To make things even more absurd, once she finally does get pregnant, Hamilton didn't want to choose one guy to be her king, so she decided that Merry was going to have twins, each with more than one father. Writing fail. The real fail here, though? That I'm going to keep reading both. *headdesk*

Warning: this is not a metaphor.

1. Cassandra Clare

Clare's first series features a love triangle (more than one actually), absurd level drama, romance novel-esque covers and a possibly incestuous main couple. Sounds awful, right? Well, yes and no. They go down so smooth, but then, when I put the book down, I feel a sugar coma level of remorse.

Then Clare writes a new series. Steampunk! She's doing something new and different; that will show those rumors that she stole her ideas off of another author on livejournal (or something like that) a rest, because now she's doing something of her own. Oh wait, you mean she's writing precisely the same story, only she changed the character names and added in some clockwork machines? And I fell for it? Dang.

Oh yeah, and after that, she decided why leave the Mortal Instruments trilogy a trilogy. I can write more books and make more money. Let's do it. I believe book five is coming out some time in the next year. Of course, even though I thought that was bullshit, I read book four...and own the first three books of this series and the first of the other one. They were all free, I think, but still.

Clare gets the first spot because she's the one who inspired this post. I was on Goodreads and saw that one of my GR friends had added the first book in a new series (The Dark Artifices) by Clare. Don't get too excited, as it's not set to be published until 2015. Anyway, as soon as I saw this, I immediately clicked to-read, and then I shook my head in disappointment at myself.

I was surprised these were awful why?

So what about you guys? Any authors that you just can't quit reading, even though you know you should stop?