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A Reader of Fictions: Cover Snark (18)

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Cover Snark (18)

Hola! I totally missed two books last week that I saw and just forgot to add, so I'm putting them in this one, because it's my blog and imma do what I want. Standard rules apply: book title links to GR (if the book's there...if not, no dice) and you can probably see a larger version of the cover if you click on it.

Pretty Dark Nothing - Heather L. Reid
Thoughts: Pretty boring, more like. It's okay, I guess, other than the face that it looks like a barbie on a tombstone, but meh. Don't care.

My Sister's Reaper - Dorothy Dreyer
 Thoughts: This model is clearly from the K-Stew school of acting. Stop biting your damn lip. OMG, just noticed the little tiny reaper at the top of the stairs, bahahaha. Also, that is not how people go up the stairs.

Winter Omens (The Last Year #2) - Trisha Leigh
 Thoughts: Ordinarily, I show the newly revealed cover all gigantic, but in this case, I think it's more interesting to compare them like this. Of course, you can see a larger cover image if you click on it. For the most part, I think these work as a set. I wonder if the next covers will be the bottom of her face? That wouldn't work so well individually maybe, but would be cool all put together. My issue with this is that, whether it actually is a different model or not (I think it is?), it certainly looks like it's not the same person, because of the coloring and the hair. Also, random, but it's funny that in Winter Omens, if you look at the full version of the cover, you can tell the model wears contacts.

Wolf Pact (Wolf Pact, Parts 1-4) - Melissa de la Cruz
Thoughts: Why the fuck is this happening? Seriously. From what I can gather, this was originally going to be released as a regular book. Maybe it still is, maybe it's not, I don't know, but here's a cover without parts. It's pretty awful, but at least it's not the same cover 4 times with different colors. It sounds like some marketing genius decided to release this in e-book format only in four parts. WHY? Why not just one book? I'm guessing it comes down to the $$$. Keep in mind that the single volume I see on Goodreads is listed as being 304 pages. This needs to be broken down shorter WHY? Or is this the whole series, like four complete books. If so, why don't we get four original covers? No matter what's happening this is a mess.

Belle Epoque - Elizabeth Ross
Thoughts: Well, this is ALMOST gorgeous. I mean, I love the colors and the font treatment and all of that. However, what is with the model's facial expression. From her face, I expect this to be about a courtesan who is also an assassin. I don't think it is, unfortunately. She looks both bored and pissed off. This could have been better.

Every Day After - Laura Golden
Thoughts: This pose reminds me strongly of that scene in Anne of Green Gables, which makes me like it. I'm not a huge fan of the artistic style used here, which makes this look like a puzzle or something, but it's cute enough. I love the font treatments.

Game (Jasper Dent #2) - Barry Lyga
Thoughts: Wow, that hand is seriously creeping me out. I'm not sure why, but, yeah, seriously freaky. I preferred the first cover, but whatever.

Cover Battle: The Hunt (The Hunt #1) - Andrew Fukuda
First Attempt vs. Hardback vs. Paperback: I could be wrong, but I think the cover on the left was the first one released, but was replaced with the one in the middle. Apparently, they still weren't happy, because we're getting another redesign for a series. The sequel The Prey, shown below, will match the new paperback cover. Personally, I think that the hardback cover is much more unique and visually arresting than the new ones. I also like that you can see how they adapted the concept from the first one. The new cover is boring.

The Prey (The Hunt #2) - Andrew Fukuda
Thoughts: Does this remind anyone else of this cover change? Why change the covers and piss off readers to make the cover less interesting? Sigh.

Cover Battle: Dance of Shadows - Yelena Black
First Attempt vs. Final: So, apparently, they weren't happy with this, because it's been released again. They've added some misty mist and fancy swirls. This one's definitely more eye-catching, as it makes the red flower tutu pop even more.

Nowhere But Home - Liza Palmer
 Thoughts: I have just been charmed. This is fanciful and pretty and silly. I love the pretty clothes, but she's also wearing practical boots. So cute.

Pantomime - Laura Lam
 Thoughts: In what I deem to be a seriously odd move, Strange Chemistry released the art background for Pantomime. The rest of the work remains. Hard to get excited when it's not the finished product. Then again, maybe that means I don't like it. Also, is it just me or does her pinky look tiny?

Cover Battle: Jaguar Sun (Jaguar Sun #1) - Martha Bourke
 Original vs. Redesign: This cover still screams indie, but I like that I get to see a real kitty. So win. Mostly meh, though.

Vanity Fare - Megan Caldwell
Thoughts: Cookies and books! That looks like the best afternoon ever! Also, I love the colors and the play on words in the title. I approve.

Frost Burned (Mercy Thompson #7) - Patricia Briggs
Thoughts: This girl seriously loves her tats. Also, is this set in the PAST? Because that car is old as hell. This one is probably the one I like least, because the model looks sort of real, but sort of drawn and it freaks me out.

Oath Bound (Unbound #3) - Rachel Vincent
Thoughts: Why do the models keep changing? Are there a bunch of characters? Don't know, so I'll let it slide. Anyway, I like this one best of the bunch, because I think the colors really pop.

The Abominators and My Amazing Panty Wanty Woos - J. L. Smith
 Thoughts: The art looks kind of old school comic book, which is awesome. The title, though, is just too much for me. It's so silly, intentionally so, but more than I can take. If I were five, though, I might be in stitches. Also, that kid is wearing a cummerbund, and apparently likes to wear ladies' underwear. Is this a book about a child cross-dresser? That would be pretty cool.

Unmaking Hunter Kennedy - Anne Eliot
 Thoughts: Awesome work for an indie. I wouldn't necessarily have known it were indie if the cover reveal weren't taking place just barely a month before release. Kissing is a little awkward for a book cover, but oh well. The font treatment is arresting.

 Men Who Wish to Drown (Monstrous Beauty novella) - Elizabeth Fama
Thoughts: This is way more awesome than the cover for Monstrous Beauty. Seriously, this looks like an awesome old school painting. How creepy is this cover? Love it.

Cover Battle: Altered - Jennifer Rush

Thoughts: Well, this is unfortunate. What I liked about the original cover was the bright green. Which is now reduced to just the title. Boo. Plus, we now have the dude's face cut out. Why do designers hate faces? The one thing I do like better is the tattoo being much more like described in the book, rather than the green trying to grab him. However, I'm really not digging the fact that the tattoo runs off his skin on his right shoulder. Ugh. I think a combo of the two with a green strip on the side and the tattoo on his back would have worked.

Aralorn (Aralorn #1-2) - Patricia Briggs
Thoughts: Meh. This is a UK cover of an Omnibus, containing Briggs' Masques and Wolfsbane. Looks like fantasy. Doesn't give me grabby hands though.

This Is What Happy Looks Like - Jennifer E. Smith
Thoughts: I really like that, though they're not related, Jennifer E. Smith's covers match. The colored bubble letters totally bring them together, as well as the color palate. That said, I much prefer the cover for The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight. Partially, that's because yellow and black aren't my favorite color combo, but I also really worry about how tiny that boat is. They look like they're about to fall into that black water. It's a bit more ominous than cute in my opinion.

Thorns (The Frost Chronicles #2) - Kate Avery Ellison
Thoughts: I actually REALLY like this. The first cover left me kind of cold (see what I did there?), but this one is amazing. I love the snow in her hair and how you can see that her cheeks and nose are a bit flushed with cold, her lips turning blue. It's just lovely.

The Unchangeable Spots of Leopards - Kristopher Jansma
Thoughts: I like it, but it doesn't have any real impact on me. This one's adult fiction, just so you're clear.

Cover Battle: Kings & Queens (Kings & Queens #1) - Courtney Vail
Original vs. Redesign: Indies/self-pubs keep trying to improve their covers and look less like indies. Like with Jaguar Sun, I think this is an improvement, but I'm still really not in love with the cover and would never think it was from a bigger publisher. Honestly, pretty much anything was going to be an improvement over the creepy crown lipstick.

The Lake House - Marci Nault
Thoughts: I believe this is women's fiction, though I'm not sure what it's about. There's no blurb up on GR yet. The cover's pretty, though I expect this is one that would look better in person. It definitely does a capture a sense of days gone by, of idyllic summer days.

The Indigo Awakening (The Hunted #1) - Jordan Dane
Thoughts: Shiny and blue! Yes! I'm not too sure about the glowy wolf creature, but I love the title fonts and colors a lot. Definitely intrigued by this cover. I still hate tag lines, though.

I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Clause: A Breathers Christmas Carol - S. G. Browne
Thoughts: More Breathers? Heck yes! *ahem* By which I mean that this cover is hilarious and colorful, though it's color palate really doesn't match that of Breathers. Although it doesn't seem very accurate, since it looks more like Santa dismembered the zombies and is passing them out to girls and boys. This raises questions.

Maid of Secrets (Maid of Honor #1)  - Jennifer McGowan
Thoughts: So...what they were trying to do is cool, but it definitely failed.  I'm pretty sure my reaction to this was not supposed to laughter; probably it was supposed to be more along the lines of 'le gasp!' Problems: 1)The lighting...why is it so dark? 2) Considering that it's hella dark in there, where is the light coming from to shine off that knife, which the viewer would apparently have been too stupid to see without a damn spotlight. 3) Yellow was a bad choice. 4) It doesn't look to me like that corset fits her properly. 5) He's grabbing her by the poofy sleeves, which, admittedly is politer than grabbing her arm, but sure doesn't look threatening. 6) The series name: probably a misstep to choose a series title that is also a J.Lo movie.

Cover Battle: Tessa Masterson Will Go to Prom - Emily Franklin & Brendan Halpin
 Hardback vs. Paperback: Hmmm, well, I actually really like both. I think the new color scheme and having two girls on the cover make it a slight win for the new cover, even though I seriously miss the rainbow bow tie.

Outstanding Covers of the Week: 
Nowhere but Home
by Liza Palmer  

Thorns by Kate Avery Ellison!

Labels:

43 Comments:

Anonymous Liza said...

lol... on the maid of secrets one, I laughed instead of 'le gasped...' XD

August 9, 2012 at 4:11 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Right? I chuckled for a good minute after I saw that one. I sure love covers.

August 9, 2012 at 4:15 PM  
Blogger Adriana said...

The Omens books are hard to tell. Everything is supposed to be all wintery and blue and not as bright so they could be the same person. Then I thought about what you said about the contacts... but maybe the girl having brighter eyes instead of a darker blue with the first one was the point?

The four part books... it's all about money, honey.

Did not notice that Belle Epoque's girl looked pissed like you said. I had to laugh when I realized you were right.

You've got to admit that the second Dance of Shadows looks better.

You and I had the same thoughts about Altered. It should be a mix with the two.

The second book gives you more of an idea what the book is about for Tessa and it makes me want to read the book even if it's lacking in the rainbow bow tie department.

August 9, 2012 at 4:32 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Lol, I really don't know. I'm so bad at recognizing people. Change the lighting, makeup or hair and I'm stymied!

*shakes head* Doesn't Melissa de la Cruz have ENOUGH money? Is this ploy really necessary?

That's what I'm here for: pointing out surprisingly pissed faces everywhere!

Yup! I did admit it. I just don't know what was up with that.

Right? Some elements of the new one are much better, but, again, I came for the lime green, not the half naked guy.

Glad I'm not the only one who liked the rainbow bow tie. It's so freaking adorable! Anyway, I like both and I love the book, so I'm glad they didn't make the new one lame.

August 9, 2012 at 4:36 PM  
Blogger Wendy Darling said...

Christina, this is the most awesome thing I've ever seen. I couldn't stop laughing as I was reading this post! I especially enjoy the "KStew school of acting" observation, hah.

Wendy @ The Midnight Garden

August 9, 2012 at 4:49 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Thanks! I am eternally shocked to find that other people appreciate my sense of humor. These are probably my favorite posts to write, much as I love my reviews.

August 9, 2012 at 5:16 PM  
Blogger jen7waters said...

Wow, this post just made me add so many books to my GR wishlist... xD

August 9, 2012 at 6:50 PM  
Blogger Alessandra @Out of the Blue said...

The KStew school of acting... hahaha. Although I can see her having her own acting school/courses/whatever in 15 or 20 years, and it's a sobering thought.

Hard to tell if the model in Winter Omens is the same one as in Whispers of Autumn. I think it is, because the eye shape seems a bit different. It could be photoshopped, though.

I wish they stopped changing book covers mid-series. I might not own the books, but thinking about them on an ideal shelf, with mis-matched covers, sort of bothers me.

August 9, 2012 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

That's totally point. Well, that and enjoying sitting upon the throne of judgment.

August 9, 2012 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oh no. I really hope that's never a thing.

Main lessons:
Touch your face as often as possible.
Bite your lip when scared, nervous or turned on.
Speak without emotions.

Looks like the forehead ship might be different too.

WHY WON'T THEY STOP?

August 9, 2012 at 7:29 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I really love the Nowhere but Home cover. I want to read it right now!

August 9, 2012 at 7:35 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

WOAH THIS POST IS GIGANTTTTIIIICCC! *O*
Apparently, so gigantic that it filled up the entire first page of your blog.

Pretty Dark Nothing: What face? *rubs eyes* I swear I see lips on the right in the tree branches! *rubs eyes again* Or maybe it's just my wild imagination. I really just think the chick is being melodramatic, or trying to be Snow White except she doesn't have seven dwarfs (this word took me forever to spell: drawf? drawves? drawfs?) nor a handsome prince.

My Sister's Reaper: Ditto on the lip biting. BUT APPARENTLY GUYS THINK IT'S SEXY. She doesn't even look that scared, more like THANK GOD IT WASN'T ME! MY HAIR IS TOO PRETTY. She really has a lot of hair! *o* And obviously she isn't too observant if she's going right to the reaper. That scythe is not straight no matter how you look at it unless the reaper bent it in the middle.

Winter Omens: *yawn* looks like a bland adult novel to me.

Wolf Pact: I don't know either. Maybe if you split it into four there are more chances of people buying it on accident? Or you could put the first part up for free and tempt people into buying the rest?
I kinda liked the idea of the trees going bare even though I find the execution cheap. They just slapped a ton of bushes on the bare trees and erased bits of it...

Belle Epoque: Where did courtesan and asassin come from? because that's a book I actually would read. As for this cover, I think she's tired and bored out of her mind like a "I'm tired, hurry up and just get this over with." look. AND THAT PALE SKIN! She might be sick.

Every Day After: I agree with the typography. Looks fun and cute. Except for the author's name which sticks out like a sore thumb. Not big on the artistic style, it's like a children's book...but what bothers me is what's she's doing. THAT'S NOT SAFE! WHY ARE YOU PURPOSELY STEPPING OFF TO THE EDGE!??

Game: Fudge, and I thought it would be a story about a elaborate death game But it's just the sequel to I Hunt Killers, and it doesn't really even go with the first one too well. I Hunt Killers did have a pretty AWESOME cover, that even looked cool without the dustjacket (Actually, it looked cooler without the dustjacket, but whatever). *disappointment* Can't say I'm too excited for it.
Thank God the hand still has fingers since in the first story the killer would take away fingers.

The Hunt/Prey: I agree! I really liked the hardcover *Stares at my copy on my dresser* Though I did like the UK one a bit more for paperback. I thought The Hunt US paperback was bleh, but Prey is even worse. ugh. You really don't have to give me the title of the book twice and the cutoff face on the girl looks like a bad mistake even though it was probably intentional. May she's ugly or something.

Dance of Shadows: Oh! The book that said it was created by creators of Lauren Kate's Fallen. Which didn't make much sense..did Lauren Kate not create fallen and hired "creators" for the job? *confusion*
I like the red accents in the typography (I wish they'd ad the accents to the original's title typography instead) and the vibrant touches to her dress, but I don't care for the clouds that make it look like she's possessed by dark paranormal spirits or something. I actually liked the original's minimalistic approach.

Nowhere But Home: cute! Not sure of her fashion choices: that skirt...but I'm liking the concept.

Jaguar Sun: Yep, still screams indie (I blame the Papyrus type and the squished text in the first one), except I preferred the first one. At least it didn't have a bland blend job of cut off heads and a bored looking girl. I found the original more eyecatching with it's IN-YO-FACE yellow.

I had to cut this comment down because I'm getting this "Your HTML cannot be accepted: Must be at most 4,096 characters" error. HMPH!

August 9, 2012 at 8:20 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

Vanity Fare: Mmmmmm. I would love some tea with that. I'm liking it too. Though for some reason I keep wanting a bright yellow/orange book in the pile.

Frost Burned: Skills of a good digital painter. I approve. But not quite as much as I like Witch Song/Born's painter...*o*

Oath Bound: No complaints here. Okay, maybe a little. her skin looks like she's frost bitten and THOSE CHAINS ARE SO DISTRACTING. THEY LOOK LIKE DNA MOLECULES. WHYYYYY?

Unmaking Hunter Kennedy: For an indie, I like it, especially the cute, fun type. I think it's the guy's fault (he looks so stiff), though the girl's aim is off.

Men Who Wish to Drown: Ok, really no complains. It's dark, creepy...wonderful.

Altered: What a pity, I liked the original. As for why they like to cut off faces, I am thinking so it adds an element of mystery, leaving more to the imagination. You could stick Tom Cruise on there! And it's also hipster (or was hipster.) I agree with keeping the tattoo along with the green though.

YAHHHHH!! I am tired. I will continue you this later. *falls asleep*
*coughIswearthisshouldcountforlike10entriesinyourdystopianaugustgiveawaycough*

August 9, 2012 at 8:23 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Right? It's so pretty. I don't know what it's about, but I want to read it, which is why it sucks that it's not up on GR yet. WHAT IF I FORGET?

August 9, 2012 at 10:48 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

HOLY SHIZ, it IS the whole first page when you go to my blog. O_O I guess I could change my settings so only so much of a post shows up on the main page. I don't know.

No clue. I assume it's a paranormal of some sort? I'm usually to lazy to read the descriptions. I really don't see any lips or faces in the trees. ...

Bahahaha, that scythe ISN'T straight. SO funny! Good job guys!

Pretty sure Winter Omens is a YA dystopia.

Courtesan and assassin came from my imagination, because she looks like she wants to kill folks, but she's laying on the bed in a vaguely seductive position. *shrug*

FINGERLESS HAND WOULD BE SO CREEPY. ACK! Yeah, that was definitely a disappointing sequel cover. I Hunt Killers looks so creepy and awesome without the dust jacket.

Love your comments on the Hunt covers. They really did just cut her face right off there, didn't they. That looks really shoddy.

Here's what I think is the deal with Fallen/Dance of Shadows. The concept came from folks who come up with novel ideas as a living, and then they give it to someone else to write. So Lauren Kate wrote them but the creators were some other people. I think. I am also torn between the two covers, but the new one looks a bit more polished.

I LOVE THAT SKIRT. I WANT IT.

Well, I just like looking at the kitty. That's really the only reason. Oh, and because the cat silhouette on the yellow one looks weird.

August 9, 2012 at 11:00 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Mercy Thompson: Digital painting, huh? I'm a little creeped out, but also attracted. Witch Born does look really good, especially for a drawn cover.

Oath Bound: The chains ARE distracting, as is the bright spot on her hair, like the forgot to clean water spots off the camera lens.

You skipped it, but I feel compelled to proclaim: PANTY WANTY WOOOOOOOOS!

Who wouldn't be stiff in this situation? Oh man, that's a play on words right there! Bahaha. Unintended dirty joke! Yeah, their aim is made of fail. He totally looks like Milo Ventimiglia from the side.

Men Who Wish to Drown: It's totes awesome.

Altered: They leave the faces off, so you can put in whatever you want with your imagination, but meh. I still make the characters look like something else in my head if the picture doesn't seem right.

August 9, 2012 at 11:06 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

I skipped The Abominators and My Amazing Panty Wanty Woos because I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO REACT! I was like O_O for ten seconds.

That book better not be about a group of perverted children stealing their grandmother's panties. Anything to do with boys grabbing panties doesn't sound very good to me. ANY THOSE AREN'T EVEN REALLY PANTIES, more like girly boxers with lace. Crossdressing does sound interesting though, especially since the guy does look girly.

I dare you to proclaim PANTY WANTY WOOOOSSS in public with a megaphone. LET'S SEE IF THE SUPER SUCCESSFUL FRIEND-MAKING SCREAMING WILL WORK THEN!

"The concept came from folks who come up with novel ideas as a living"
WHATEVER THAT JOB IS, I WANT TO BE ONE!

WHY WOUDL YOU WANT THAT SKIRT?? IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE WEARING BLOOMERS!..aka OLD PEOPLE PANTIES.

I totally didn't get dystopia from Winter Omens, sounds like some emotional read about family instead. But okay.

"but she's laying on the bed in a vaguely seductive position."
I got that vibe too. But I just thought she was a prostitute wanting to get the job over with.

"Unintended dirty joke!"
if you say so...*whistles*

"FINGERLESS HAND WOULD BE SO CREEPY"
it would, and it so would be YA. or even adult...nobody would want to see that on a bookshelf.

"the cat silhouette on the yellow one looks weird."
Yep, he looks like a cat in a tree. If Jaguars climbed trees.

"so you can put in whatever you want with your imagination"
But you can't exactly put a black guy..or an asian guy! hmph.

August 10, 2012 at 1:04 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Right? I couldn't resist putting it in here, even though I usually ignore children's books. This is basically a collection of YA covers and any other covers I find entertaining. LOL.

PANTY WANTY WOOOOOOOOS! THIS BOOK BETTER BE ABOUT A KID WHO WEARS LADY PANTIES. THOUGH, YOU ARE RIGHT, THEY ARE MORE PINK, LACY BOYSHORTS THAN PANTIES. WHATEVER. IT'S THE BEST. AND BY BEST, I MEAN WEIRDEST EVER.

I WILL MAKE ALL OF THE FRIENDS.

Right? That sounds like the best freaking job ever. I could do that shiz.

BECAUSE IT'S GORGEOUS. THAT COLOR! I could always fix the underneath layer so it didn't do that when it billowed.

I hadn't guessed it either, but I think GR said so. Of course, GR has been wrong before.

Maybe so. I guess being an assassin courtesan just sounded more interesting. Anyone want to pay me for my idea?

No, totally an accident. It was the best joke ever.

If they'd done that, I could have said "Something's wrong with this cover, but I just can't put my finger on it." *cymbals crash*

Jaguars do climb trees. I meant more that his legs look misshapen.

Truth. And I want them all to be sexy Asians. Well, maybe not all, but many. I bet I would like dudes on covers better then.

August 10, 2012 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger KM said...

I really like Jennifer E. Smith cover, but I agree that her first one was better. And WHY would they change the ALTERED cover?! It was wonderful before! I miss the lime green, too. The new one just looks mediocre. But whatever. I can't wait to actually read it! :)

August 10, 2012 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I have nothing in particular for or against the Smith cover. It's kind of just okay for me. Altered is a disappointment. If they were going to change it, they could have made it MORE green. haha.

If you like reverse harems, you'll probably like Altered. Lots of boys.

August 10, 2012 at 1:22 PM  
Blogger Amanda TheBookSlayer said...

I love the cover to Nowhere but Home! I am impressed with the amount of covers you have on her. Great work.

August 11, 2012 at 12:00 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

These posts definitely take some time to compile. :) BUT I LOVE DOING IT.

Thanks!

Nowhere But Home is SO PRETTY.

August 11, 2012 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger Lilian said...

Oh you and your exotic covers! I LOVE IT.

IF I SEE IT IN A BOOKSTORE I WOULD TOTALLY TAKE A SKIM JUST TO SEE WHAT IT'S ABOUT. BECAUSE I DON'T THINK MY LIBRARY WOULD PURCHASE IT WITH THAT TITLE...THERE WAS ONE TIME WHEN I WAS LIKE 13? I WANTED THIS BOOK WITH "CASTRATION" IN THE TITLE (BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE AUTHOR'S FIRST BOOK WAS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS) AND I WAS TOO EMBARRASSED TO ASK THE LIBRARIAN...ESPECIALLY A MALE ONE. IN MY DEFENSE, IT WAS A YA BOOK. MY DAD ENDED UP BUYING THE BOOK FOR ME.

OKAY! GO MAKE ALL THE FRIENDS AND INTRODUCE ME TO THE HOT GUYS.
OR THE BIGWIGS OVER AT LITTLE BROWN BECAUSE I KINDA WANT TO GET MY HANDS ON A CASUAL VACANCY'S GALLEY.

"Right? That sounds like the best freaking job ever. I could do that shiz."
TOTALLY! It's like getting paid for a snippet of a brilliant idea and someone else figures out the hard parts.

"I could always fix the underneath layer so it didn't do that when it billowed."
You mean tear it out?

"I guess being an assassin courtesan just sounded more interesting. Anyone want to pay me for my idea?"
Try craigslist! But yes, I'd totally read it.

"It was the best joke ever."
I like your finger joke better!

"Jaguars do climb trees. I meant more that his legs look misshapen."
Shoot, how am I supposed to escape from one then?
I agree with the legs, they seem too curvy. and maybe kinda fat on top.

"I bet I would like dudes on covers better then."
Except a bunch of people wouldn't buy it...maybe. "OMG, WHAT'S THAT FOB DOING ON MY COVER?"

Damn, I still need to get around to commenting on the second half. I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT SG BROWNE COVER. (but really, that guy writes FAST!)

August 11, 2012 at 5:11 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

WHAT BOOK IS THAT? Castration-themed YA book? O_O

ALL OF THE HOT GUYS ARE FOR ME. I HAVE MANY YEARS OF NO HOT GUYS TO MAKE UP FOR.

I'm not sure if I want to read A Casual Vacancy. The subject is meh.

PRECISELY.

I have no idea. I would pay someone to fix it. Let's be honest. I have no practical skills.

LOL. I am the funniest.

Right? Has he been fattened up so someone can make food out of him?

But...but...HOT ASIANS.

He does? He only has like three books, right?

August 12, 2012 at 5:29 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

It was Castration Celebration by Jake Wizner.

I was so excited when I found out he had a second book since I LOVED his debut, Spanking Shakespeare. It's one of the very few books that got me laughing out loud. Of course it was years ago since I've read it, and maybe I was just stupid back then. I need to grab myself a copy to reread, to see if it's still hilarious.
But I asked my dad to buy it for me, and knowing my dad he likes to wait until things go on sale (it was 7bucks, but keep in mind...my dad is Chinese). So even though he gave me an "What in the world is the world coming to? Why is my daughter reading about castration??" look, I knew he would buy it for me sooner or later. And I think he wanted it to be a surprise, so I pretended not to know when I saw him order it.

I pretended to be excited when I saw it in the mail, even though I was totally expecting it. If my dad wants to keep thinking he is as sneaky as James Bond, I will let him. I read it, it was very "mehhhh" but of course I couldn't tell my dad that or he would be like "I TOLD YOU! Now you made me waste 7bucks! NYAH NYAH NYAH!" So I lied to him and said I liked it. And then I kept it on my bookcase waiting for an opportunity to donate it to the library.

YOU CAN'T KEEP ALL THE HOT GUYS!

"I'm not sure if I want to read A Casual Vacancy. The subject is meh."
Honestly, I think so as well. BUT I CAN CARRY IT AROUND AND BE LIKE "I HAVE THE NEW ROWLING BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE! LALALALALALA"

"I have no idea. I would pay someone to fix it. Let's be honest. I have no practical skills."
I depend on my mom. Yes, I'm pitiful. Sewing on a button is the most epic sewing thing I've ever done.

"Right? Has he been fattened up so someone can make food out of him?"
Never knew people ate Jaguars. I think they'd make good purses though.

I was thinking that he just published Lucky Bastard in March, and now he has a new one in December?
But yes, I think he only has three books (Breathers, Fated, Lucky Bastard), plus this short story collection on ebook. I won a galley of Lucky Bastard, and although I liked the concept..I did not like the execution. The protagonist was such a loser who kept getting kidnapped/seduced every five pages.

August 12, 2012 at 6:06 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

...Wow.

Your poor dad. I like sales as much as your dad. I have no doubt of this. When I choose books to order on Amazon from my wishlist, I decide by which are most discounted. lol. You're such a good daughter. They think they are stealthy. Dads are not stealthy.

Wah wah! I hate when I'm excited about a book and have to get my hands on it, but then don't care. I BEGGED my dad for the sequel to Pillars of the Earth. I just had to have it when it first came out. Then, of course, he got it for me and...I still haven't read it...five or six years later.

JUST WATCH ME.

Then you will be murdered in a tragic mugging. I would be careful with that were I you.

YOU CAN SEW ON A BUTTON? TEACH ME YOUR WAYS. I can't even thread a needle.

*weeps*

Well, Lucky Bastard is a full novel, but this one's one of those novella e-book things that are taking over the world. That sounds much less awesome than Breathers.

August 13, 2012 at 7:58 AM  
Blogger Steena said...

I'm late on my cover snarks due to vacation! I'm so with you on Nowhere But Home, delightful, but my second choice is Vanity Fare because book covers of books are one of my favs. Also, Aralorn spelled Ellesar's name wrong.

August 13, 2012 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I am not surprised that you agree with me about the awesomeness of that cover! I do also love the Vanity Fare one, because books about books are so meta!

Right? That was my first thought too.

August 13, 2012 at 2:38 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

I LOVE SALES TOO! Because I know if it ends up going on sale a week later I'm going to cry a river.
Dads don't know how painfully obvious they are. *shakes head* Or maybe I have great ninja observation skills!

I was excited to buy New Moon, and it was the most disappointing thing ever. And the thing was 18bucks. What a waste. I rather spent it on a box of jellybeans.

I kept Castration Celebration on my shelf for a few years just to make my dad think I liked it.

I'm Asian. If that mugging were to occur, I would pull out my ninja skills and do kung-fu on them. I've never learned kung-fu in my life, but I imagine it must be in my blood. It's only logical.

WHAT? HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO THREAD A NEEDLE!?!? WHO MENDED YOUR CLOTHES?

Oh, I didn't know it was one of those novella thingys!
I was going to say if Santa can pretend to kick children, then he can butcher up zombies and pass body parts as gifts. It would be an easier punishment.

August 15, 2012 at 1:34 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Pretty much. That's always the worst. Fine, I'll spend 30 dollars. Good life choice. OH NO WHY IS IT NOW TEN. *destroys store*

Poor dads. I think they mostly just think they're James Bond, but really they're not. We have to let them think they've succeeded sometimes though, to keep those book presents flowing.

Yeah, I bought the whole series and then a few laters was like WHY.

NICE.

I really wish I just HAD fighting skills. Sigh.

WHEN I LIVED IN PITTSBURGH FOR A YEAR, MY GRANDMA DID. I know HOW to thread a needle; I just can almost never make it work. Most of the time, if something rips or a button falls off, it's time to throw it away, because I can't mend things and my mom doesn't either.

August 15, 2012 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Also, lol, violent Santa. Although he's missing his black men.

August 15, 2012 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Lilian said...

"Fine, I'll spend 30 dollars. Good life choice. OH NO WHY IS IT NOW TEN"
Ditto. Which is why I should be blindfolded the next time I go back in the store.

"We have to let them think they've succeeded sometimes though, to keep those book presents flowing."
I totally agree. Dads need to be pampered secretly.

"I bought the whole series and then a few laters was like WHY."
OH NO!...but I admit, that did make me feel better. I think it's a sign I'm evil. Forgive me.

Well, you're white. Maybe you have some Chuck Norris genes or something!

A BUTTON FALLS OFF AND IT HAS TO GO? O_O
What a waste. *Sigh*

I think Santa's missing black men has something to do with the zombies...Santa probably threw the black men at the zombies.
^if anyone else happens to read this comment, they would be so confused. And think we're racist. And have distorted views about Santa.

August 15, 2012 at 5:31 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

"Maybe you have some Chuck Norris genes or something!"
Oh goody. Although, I did once have this dream where I defeated velociraptors with roundhouse kicks, so...maybe?

I know, but I cannot sew!

Yup. Thankfully, I don't think anyone would ever care enough to read through our comment conversations.

August 16, 2012 at 4:20 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

"I defeated velociraptors with roundhouse kicks, so...maybe?"
WOW!...I think the closest I ever came to not being a whimp in my dreams was poking whatever was chasing me in the eyes. And then hiding in a cupboard hoping nobody would find me. Yep, very impressive.

I used to "train" myself to be a lucid dreamer so I could get out of nightmares.

GLUE GUN IT BACK ON!

BUT WE HAVE SUCH INSIGHTFUL AND HILARIOUS COMMENTARY!

August 16, 2012 at 5:19 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Bahahaha, I did have a King Kong inspired nightmare when I was like 5 where he killed everyone, but I escaped by hiding in a cabinet in my kindergarten. I am not always badass in my dreams.

Did it work?

I always burn myself with glue guns. Also, then the button would be just as useless!

tl;dr says everyone else.

August 17, 2012 at 7:58 AM  
Blogger Lilian said...

I am almost never the badass in my dreams. I'm the one climbing out windows to get myself out of the situation. Or running away. I remember being chased by a witch, zombies in a deserted school, tigers, and one time a vampire...still in his coffin in a pubic bathroom(which is rather ridiculous now that I think of it).

Yes, it did. I still have lucid dreams sometimes, and I learned I can "manipulate" them (though I can't conjure up hot guys). Then I inevitably start thinking "oh shoot, what time is it? Is it time to wake up? But I don't wanna wake up!"
And apparently I can still feel temperature in my dreams, I touched a cold doorknob in my dreams to check.

"tl;dr says everyone else."
Must not be readers then.

August 18, 2012 at 7:14 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

I've had dreams like those too. Last night's was awful. It was a stress dream. I was on vacation but forgot my carry on suitcase with all my stuff on the plane. Then I was just yelling and crying for an extended dream. Ugh. I hate waking up stressed out. Thanks, subconscious!

Oh wow. That's awesome, although it would be better if you could conjure hot guys. Harry Shum, Jr.: dream slave. Oh, the joy that would be.

*shakes head*

August 19, 2012 at 11:01 AM  
Blogger Lilian said...

Oh gosh. >___<
Usually those dreams make me wake up to a sore neck. Yesterday I had a semi-nightmare/stressful dream during a nap and I woke up to my dad arguing with my aunt on the phone. I don't remember what the dream was about, but I think it had something to do with my dad. I often tell my dad, "I just had a nightmare, daddy. And you were scolding me in it." For some reason my dad is in many of my memorable dreams. Maybe because he talks too loud on the phone so I hear him during my sleep.

That would be pretty spiffy. I can try to find hot guys in my dream (which includes me running around a maze checking all the guy's faces), but not make them appear. TT_TT
And if I ever do meet him in person, it would be really creepy of me to say "Hi there, I dream of you as my slave every night."
I think I will be arrested for being a creep. *sigh*

August 19, 2012 at 3:31 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I HAD ANOTHER STRESSFUL DREAM LAST NIGHT. In this one, I was back in high school and some people tricked me into taking drugs! WHAT THE EFF IS THAT?

You just don't say that. Also, who can blame you. He's too pretty for his own good. *swoons*

August 20, 2012 at 8:25 AM  
Blogger Kayla Beck said...

I'm not even really driven to snark on these. None are outrageously bad (Dance of Shadows is almost gag-inducing, but not quite), but none are great to me. Frost Burned isn't nearly as eye-catching as the other Mercy Thompson books, but the series is getting pretty far along.

Also, if I was a publisher or anyone in the industry, I would FIRE the designer for Wolf Packx4. That is just LAZY! Not that I would know anything about being lazy. *stares at incomplete paperwork*

August 20, 2012 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, the covers have been a bit less exciting after the glut of releases during the middle of the summer.

SO LAZY. But then again, I'm pretty sure that's what they were going for. They want to rub in that this is all to get more of your money. For that money, you don't even get four unique covers. Nope.

August 20, 2012 at 2:48 PM  
Blogger M.A.D. said...

Pretty Dark Nothing: Barbie on a tombstone!!! omg ... *wipes tears of laughter off cheeks*

My Sister's Reaper: Also, her arm is leaking/dripping/something. Gross.

Winter Omens: For some bizarre reason I thought it read Winter ONIONS at first. Huh.

Wolf Pack: hahahahahahahah (no, really! It IS a mess!).

Belle Epoque: Well, I think she looks like she is constipated. One time I was pretty constipated, and I think I wore the same expression. Just sayin'.

Every Day After: Never read Anne of Green Gables (hangs head in shame). ;(

Game: I'll never look at a pair of dice the same way again.

The Hunt/Prey: Eww. I have the hardback and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! Why is Prey so ugly? Did somebody trip and fall into a bucket of blue paint? WTF?

Dance of Shadows: I dunno, neither cover works for me. Meh.

Nowhere But Home: Agreed. Those boots are the perfect touch, otherwise it would all seem too silly & contrived, or something.

Pantomime: What's with all these dragonflies/butterflies? Is someone in the art department a frustrated entomologist? O>O

Jaguar Sun: Double meh.

Vanity Fare: That gal in the skinny jeans from Vengeance Bound needs to eat some of those cookies ;P






August 31, 2012 at 7:36 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Ewwwww, something IS dripping out of her arm. Blood, I guess. That's icky.

Winter Onions. You can write that book.

Maybe she is.

OMG, Anne of Green Gables is wondrous. I don't like most of the later books in the series much, but the first couple are THE BEST.

I heard Barry Lyga read from I Hunt Killers today, and I now REALLY want to read it.

I don't know why they did that to Prey. Sigh.

I still love the Nowhere But Home cover.

Lol. No idea. BUGS.

SHE DOES NEED THOSE COOKIES. Wait, no. I need those cookies.

September 2, 2012 at 4:50 PM  

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