Cover Snark (40): In Which Some Men Actually Own Shirts...And Wear Them!

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Commenting pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That's actually how I comment on other people's reviews too. I can't remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!

1. Breaking the Wrong (Sloan Brothers #2) - Calia Read

Thoughts: Does this look like the adult version of a Sara Shepard book to anyone else?

2. The Morning Star (The Katerina Trilogy #3) - Robin Bridges

Thoughts: These covers have all been so cheesy. At least her waist hasn't been photoshopped impossibly skinny on this one. I feel like there are entirely too many shades of purple happening here. I do like the outfit, though.

3. Soul Screamers, Volume 3: If I Die / Before I Wake / Never to Sleep (Soul Screamers #5-6) - Rachel Vincent

Thoughts: Damn. I love the pretty dress covers for this series, but, wow, highlighter yellow is really not working for me.

4. Embracing Scandal - Suzi Love

Thoughts: Embracing derp.

5. Dark Light (Dark Light #1) - S.L. Jennings

Thoughts: Oh, great. Apparently one poorly photoshopped fake eye color just doesn't cut it anymore.

6. Before the Fall (Rojan Dizon #2) - Francis Knight

Thoughts: While I don't think this is quite as stunning as the first cover in the series, it's still pretty damn amazing.

7. Choosing Glee: 10 Rules for Finding Inspiration, Happiness, and the Real You - Jenna Ushkowitz & Sheryl Berk

Thoughts: *headdesk*

8. The Best Man - Ana Blaze

Thoughts: So, is that a slit or does her dress just end there in the front? Either way, that's one classy as fuck wedding dress.

9. Stormchaser (Cutter Cay #4) - Cherry Adair

Thoughts: Cover model looks exceedingly uncomfortable, perhaps because his nipples have been stolen or because a person is swimming through where his junk should be.

10. Imposter (Vampire Nation #1) - Cat Miller

Thoughts: This looks like an add for makeup.

11. Soul Games - Various Authors

Thoughts: It's never a good sign when no editor is listed on an anthology, especially when the listing of contributors doesn't know how to use commas properly.

12. Die for Her (Revenants #2.5) - Amy Plum

Thoughts: Where is this series set again?

13. Weavers (The Frost Chronicles #3) - Kate Avery Ellison

Thoughts: Oh man, the last cover in this series was awesome, and this one is just horrid. Part of a person and some of that person's hair photoshopped in front of a forest. FAIL.

14. Dweller on the Threshold (Beri O'Dell #1) - Rinda Elliott

Thoughts: She's going to take her knife and find the person who styled her hair. I do not blame her; this murder is justified.

15. The Distance Between Us - Kasie West

Thoughts: While the distance between them might not be all that impressive, the cover is. Mostly, I love her shoes. And her dress. Can I have them? Please? Also, lens flare that doesn't make me want to punch things!

16. The Oathbreaker's Shadow (The Knots Sequence #1) - Amy McCulloch

Thoughts: Oooh, illustrated fantasy dude with curvy knife (scimitar?). Awesome. The dude behind him HORRIFIES me. Just so you know.

17. The Dragon Empire - Heather McCorkle

Thoughts: A huge thank you goes out to the cover designer's daughter for being so generous as to loan her toy dragon for use in this project.

18. Jamb (The Cornerstone #3) - Misty Provencher

Thoughts: Don't you just LOVE my nail polish? It took me HOURS!

19. Full of Grace - Misty Provencher

Thoughts: Realization: champagne looks gross in black and white. Or maybe that's "grace" that flute is full of.

20. Breathless (The Elemental Series #2.5) - Brigid Kemmerer

Thoughts: I love the background color. I love it a lot. And the dude does look a lot less cheesy when not combined with a whole bunch of other dudes. Also, congrats to him for wearing a shirt!

21. And the Mountains Echoed - Khaled Hosseini

Thoughts: THIS COVER IS YELLING AT ME. A lot are in all caps, but I think it's how the font gets larger and larger that makes me feel chastened. Also, the little girl looks a little too short and wide, yes?

22. Tin Cat - Misa Buckley

Thoughts: I always wondered what would happen when you photoshopped a girl and a cat onto a comic book. Now I know. BOING!

23. Dead Man's Deal (The Asylum Tales #2) - Jocelynn Drake

Thoughts: Mostly, this cover is boring, BUT I love the way they included the series info in the tattoo. That looks badass.

24. Infamous (Fame Game #3) - Lauren Conrad

Thoughts: Man, they always walk it in with these covers. Then again, the only people who will buy these anyway are the Lauren Conrad fangirls, so the cover really doesn't matter, does it?

25. Summer Ruins (The Last Year #4) - Trisha Leigh

Thoughts: This series has the best self-pub covers I've ever seen, I think.

26. The Next Forever - Lisa Burstein

Thoughts: It's amazing how new adult books just scream that they're new adult. Her facial expression is weird, amirite?

27. Silencing Breath (Stealing Breath #2) - Joanne Brothwell

Thoughts: Oh. Oh no. These fonts are a bad idea. And the people are surrounded by clouds of color, presumably because they smell so bad their musk is visible. And the outfit is ugly. All around fail.

28. Falling for Her Fiancé - Cindi Madsen 

 Thoughts: Lady Model: "Teehee. I just tooted!" Dude Model: "I will kill you for this later."

29. Luck of the Draw (Shamrock Falls #2) - Kelley Vitollo

 Thoughts: "What happens when her one night in Vegas . . . doesn't stay there?" I'm guessing a restraining order.

30.  Firefly (Cicada #2) - Belle Whittington

Thoughts: This cover makes me sing this.

31. A Clockwork Heart (The Chronicles of Light and Shadow #2) - Liesel Schwarz

Thoughts: These covers are awesome. I like the sassy green font. And how she's leaning casually with one arm and gripping a knife with the other. Nice.

32. The Retribution of Mara Dyer (Mara Dyer #3) - Michelle Hodkin

Thoughts: This is definitely the best of the series. These covers are gorgeous and arresting. Is the book set entirely underwater, though?

33. The Last Grave (Witch Hunt #2) - Debbie Viguié

 Thoughts: Request to cover designers: can we please stop with the floating eyes? They're not as cool as you all seem to think they are.

34. A SEAL Wolf Christmas (Heart of the Wolf #12) - Terry Spear

 Thoughts: Releasing Christmas covers any time but November or December and expecting people to be excited = bad idea bears.

35. Risktaker (Based on a Dream #1) - Kea Alwang

 Thoughts: This cover is a risk. They've taken it. I don't think it's panning out.

36. After Rome: A Novel of Celtic Britain - Morgan Llywelyn

 Thoughts: I've been through the forest on a horse with no name. It felt good to be out of the sun. In the forest you can remember your name, cause there ain't sun for to give you no burn.

37. The Game Changer (The Perfect Game #2) - J. Serling

 Thoughts: How nice for Jack and Cassie's floating heads, but this isn't a game changer, because I wasn't interested in them and I'm still not.

38. Holding Out for a Hero - Various Authors

 Thoughts: So sorry to have to tell you this, but your hero is on fire. You might be waiting a while.

39. Bewitched (The Thaumaturgy #1) - Mark Jay Harris

 Thoughts: Wow, the world really needed another cover like this one.

40. Secrets of the Fall - Kailin Gow

 Thoughts: What a passionate embrace! If only it were reciprocated. I need to give this girl a copy of He's Just Not That Into You.

41. Tide (Sarah Midnight Trilogy #2) - Daniela Sacerdoti

 Thoughts: Ew. Is there a reason the D doesn't get a strike through? Words I never want to see in another tag line: love, secrets, truth.

42. Hereafter - Jennifer Snyder

 Thoughts: This cover wants to be Darkness Before Dawn so badly.

43. The Eighth Court (Courts of the Feyre #4) - Mike Shevdon

 Thoughts: Knowledge is power?

44. Obscura Burning - Suzanne Van Rooyen

Thoughts: That font kills it.

45. Devil May Care (Speak of the Devil #2) - Patricia Eimer

 Thoughts: Really, Entangled? This is the best you could do? This better be set in the 1960s.

46.  The Outside (The Hallowed Ones #2) - Laura Bickle

 Thoughts: I am so impressed by the fact that they manage to make these covers look serious and not hilarious. I like this one better than the first.

47. Blurred (Kissed by Death #2) - Tara Fuller

 Thoughts: This hasn't officially been released, but I found it, so I think it's been leaked. It looks good, though (even though they stole the font treatment from the Deviants series), so hopefully it is the final cover.

48. Bound by Her Ring - Nicole Flockton

 Thoughts: Based on the title, I'm thinking CEO Christina Gray teaches young, innocent Antony Steel about the shocking world of BDSM.

49. Bitter Disenchantment (Coveted #0.4) - Shawntelle Madison

 Thoughts: Oh, honey, what are you wearing? The 90s called. It wants its midriff back. Also, whoever thought bright orange hair would look great on a purple background, you were wrong.

50. The Glitter Trap (Oh My Godmother #1) - Barbara Brauner & James Iver Mattson

 Thoughts: Awww, middle grade covers are so cute.
 
51. Justice (The Ferryman and the Flame #2) - Rhiannon Paille

 Thoughts: Mehhhh.

52. Blood & Gold (The Ferryman and the Flame #2.5) - Rhiannon Paille 

 Thoughts: Oh, good lord. This would be a decent self-pub were it not for the explosion of awful fonts. Stahp.

53. Desire in Any Language - Anastasia Vitsky

 Thoughts: Looks more like desire in Chinese. Bonus points if any of you can tell me that this cover actually says something hilarious.

54. Corded - Alyssa Rose Ivy

 Thoughts: Alyssa Rose Ivy presents: yet another couple cover with an air of menace that may or may not be intentional.

55. Saving the Team (The Kicks #1) - Alex Morgan

 Thoughts: Thanks for a nice look at the cover Publishers Weekly! Who needs to be able to read all the text?

56. The Case of the Time-Capsule Bandit (Randi Rhodes, Ninja Detective #1) - Octavia Spencer

Thoughts: Thanks for not letting anyone else have the full cover, USA Today. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated. On a happier note, both of these middle grade covers are all about diversity.

57. Earth Star (Earth Girl #2) - Janet Edwards

 Thoughts: The magenta really isn't working for me.

58. The Night Itself (The Katana Trilogy #1) - Zoe Marriott

 Thoughts: Oh no. I hope the US cover is better. *crosses fingers*

59. Rogue (Croak #3) - Gina Damico

Thoughts: Her scythe is awfully blue. O_O Also, what's going on up top? Any ideas?

Cover Battles:

1. Facade (Games #2) - Nyrae Dawn

 Take 1 vs. Take 2: Well, apparently, Nyrae Dawn said enough was enough, since her first stock cover promptly got reused by at least two other books. This new one has better title font, but mysterious smoke. Winner: Redesign for not having any imitators. Yet.

2. Fractured (Caged #5) - Amber Lynn Natusch

Fractured vs. Insomnia: These books have nothing to do with one another, but when I saw the Fractured cover, I immediately thought of Insomnia. Fractured has a better effect; The one on Insomnia looks cool and creepy, but doesn't make much sense unless guyliner exploded. However, I really hate the border and how gray the cover is. Winner: Insomnia.

3. Awaken (The Patronus #1) - Sarah M. Ross

Original vs. Redesign: Well, the new one IS better, but better is one hell of a relative term. Winner: Redesign for having moved from the 80s to the 90s in style.

4. The Butterfly Clues - Kate Ellison

Hardback vs. Paperback: Is that a Rohrshach test on the hands? That's pretty cool. I also like the font treatment. Winner: No real preference. Both work.

5. Transparent - Natalie Whipple

US vs. UK: Bahahahahahahahaha! *rolls on floor laughing* *sits up* Bahahaha!!! *wipes eyes* *sees the glasses in the title* BAHAHA! Winner: US. I didn't think this book was about...whatever weird sport this oddly-dressed person is playing.

6. The Chocolate Lovers' Club - Carole Matthews

Hardback vs. Paperback vs. New Cover: I'm honestly not sure what this new cover is for, but here you go. Winner: Paperback, because I dislike it slightly less than the others.

7. Omens (Cainsville #1) - Kelley Armstrong

UK vs. Canada: The US went for a blurred image of a town. Both UK and Canada called in our old favorite, the fantasy bird. Winner: Canada for eschewing the use of a lame tag line.

8. Throne of Glass (Throne of Glass #1) - Sarah J. Maas

UK vs. Mexican: There will never be a better cover for this book than the UK one. The whole sword in shadow effect makes me think of this.

9. The Glass Republic (The Skyscraper Throne #2) - Tom Pollock

 UK vs. US:  Okay, I am totally loving the diversity on the cover, but what the hell is up with the rest of the cover? I mean, look at the blonde girl's face! And the city's shown in glass shards...why? Winner: UK for keeping it classy.

10. Also Known As - Robin Benway

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Boo. Another cover I liked nixed before publication. I am so over this. Winner: Take 1 for being funnier and more unique.

WTF of the Week: 

How It Rolls - Lila Felix

Thoughts: This cover is so rock and roll. Get it?

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Summer Ruins - Trisha Leigh

Learn More about the Series:

Goodreads

Check out the covers for this series combined (and why I love them so much: