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A Reader of Fictions: Cover Snark (41): Authors for the Win

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Cover Snark (41): Authors for the Win

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Commenting pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That's actually how I comment on other people's reviews too. I can't remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!

1. The Shattered Mountain (Fire and Thorns #0.6) - Rae Carson
 Thoughts: A volcano? And lightning? What is going on here? *scratches head* What does this have to do with HECTOR? Or the other covers in the series?

2. Reclaimed - Sarah Guillory
Thoughts: Girl, your hair does appear to be on fire...you might want to reclaim it from the flames or you could suffer burns and/or baldness, which I really do not recommend.

3. Dark Secrets (Arcane #2) - Shona Husk
Thoughts: This guy looks like Kili! You can tell he has dark secrets, because he holds his leather-gloved hand in a menacing position. Also, note the handprint of doom behind him and the RED LIGHTNING of warning.

4. Cowboy's Texas Rescue - Beth Cornelison
Thoughts: Why do they even bother putting Texas in the title? We all know that every guy in Texas is a cowboy and every cowboy lives in Texas. You have trained us well, romance novels.

5. Betting on Texas - Amanda Renee
Thoughts: See what I mean! You only need to use either Texas OR Cowboy in your title. Both is totally redundant. I'm also glad that they specified this is an American Romance. I'd forgotten Texas wasn't in Mexico, so PHEW.

6. Soul Catcher (The Soulkeepers #4) - G.P. Ching
Thoughts: Model: "I saw you eat the last brownie from the food table. I was waiting until after I worked so I wouldn't look fat in the picture and you freaking SCAMMED ON MY BROWNIE. I will kick your ASS."

7. Crossing the Line (Pushing the Limits #1.5) - Katie McGarry
Thoughts: Awkward kissing covers are the best covers. This is also too white. And the title font looks too much like his shirt. Just no. This is like the antithesis of the other McGarry covers.

8. Into the Void (Star Wars: Dawn of the Jedi #1) - Tim Lebbon
Thoughts: Oooh, look at that badass lady. I love this, and I think I need to start reading Star Wars books again. Yes, I read Star Wars EU novels. Deal with it.

9. Fire Country (Country Saga #1) - David Estes
Thoughts: Wow, this is awesome. David Estes does a good job with his self-pub covers. Respect.

10. The Wanderer (Thunder Point #1) - Robyn Carr
Thoughts: *snores* This point does not look very thunderous. That might keep me awa....zzzz....

11. Forsaken by the Others (H&W Investigations #5) - Jess Haines
Thoughts: Ginger alert! "It's just like a zombie to leave you in the lurch..." Huh. A punny tag line. That's an odd choice. Better than the ones that should end in DUN DUN DUN though.

12. Misguided Heart (Misguided Series #1) - Amanda Bennett
Thoughts: Butt alert! Note that part of their foreplay seems to involve drawing a heart on her foot in lipstick. Yeah, I don't get it either.

13. Tag Chaser - Kandi Steiner
Thoughts: If I were this designer, I would have been MUCH more careful about the font choice for that first word. It very much looks like it says something else. X_X

14. The Peculiar Pets of Miss Pleasance (Blud #2.1) - Delilah S. Dawson
Thoughts: Fake green eyes for the fail. Bird cage thing has been done better. This is a yawn.

15. Generation V (American Vampire #1) - M. L. Brennan
Thoughts: Doesn't life involve MORE sucking if you're a vampire?

16. The Miss Education of Dr. Exeter (Paranormal Investigator #3) - Jillian Stone
Thoughts: Ew. When steampunk goes bad. I think it's the models' duck faces that are making me want to hurl this at the wall.

17. The Shadowhunters' Codex - Cassandra Clare & Joshua Lewis
Thoughts: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Also, I'm running on the assumption that if CC let another person's name be on here, Lewis actually did ALL of the writing. This is the assumption I make with James Patterson too.

18. Night's Mistress (Children of the Night #5) - Amanda Ashley
Thoughts: I like that dress. This is okay, but boring. Wave at the fantasy birds!

19. The Darkest Craving (Lords of the Underworld #10) - Gena Showalter
Thoughts: They all call him butterfly crotch.

20. Bled & Breakfast (Immortality Bites Mysteries #2) - Michelle Rowen
Thoughts: As much as I love all the bookshelves in this place, I would not stay here. The spider makes that a hell to the no.

21. The Reluctant Wife - Bronwen Evans
Thoughts: Does his arm look weird to anyone else? Also, the tag line has me scratching my head.

22. Rourk - Julia Crane 
Thoughts: Model: "I haven't had a cookie in three years. Wahhh. My life is hard. Like my abs"

23. Caged (Holloway Pack #3) - J.A. Belfield
Thoughts: Ew. His shoulder makes me want to barf. *scrolling*

24. Come, the Dark (Forever Girl #2) - Rebecca Hamilton
Thoughts: Ugh, I am so BORED. Do better, COME COMMA THE DARK!

25. Depths (Lengths #2) - Steph Campbell & Liz Reinhardt
Thoughts: Making out under water really doesn't look like very much fun. Yet I still think the Crossing the Line kiss is more awkward.

26. Indigo - Gina Linko
Thoughts: Not sure about the title font or the tag line, but I do like the blue.

27. Something More Than Night - Ian Tregillis
Thoughts: So is it or is it not something more than night? What's with the X, guys? Why are the wings so chubby and red? Is his hat smoking?

28. Copperhead (Ironskin #2) - Tina Connolly
Thoughts: This...is not as pretty as I was hoping. I think my biggest issue might be the way she's leaning back. Or maybe the mist. Or the fact that she's clearly holding Leo DiCaprio's mask from The Man in the Iron Mask.

29. The Waking Dark - Robin Wasserman
Thoughts: Not sure if this is the official cover, but I spotted this on The Book Smugglers. Kind of hope it's not the official cover, because I'm finding this a bit off-putting.

30. Dead Ends - Erin Jade Lange
Thoughts: "LAST EXIT BEFORE THE TRUTH." Goodness but that's lame. Otherwise this is decent and I do like the car as the A, even if it makes me snigger.

31. Dangerous Curves Ahead (Perfect Fit #1) - Sugar Jamison
Thoughts: Oh look, they're actually showing a curvy girl, albeit an illustrated one. However, this tag line needs to go: "Love comes in many shapes and sizes." Barf.

32. The New Hunger (Warm Bodies #0.5) - Isaac Marion
Thoughts: This looks familiar.

33. Return to Rocky Gap - Toni Morrow Wyatt
 Thoughts: Christian fiction cover check list. Field: check. Bright sky to imply God: check. Cheesy font: check. Woman floating in the sky: check. Woman looks properly deferential: check. Woman has hair pulled back, because wearing your hair down implies looseness: check.

34. You Got Me - Mercy Amare
Thoughts: I am not convinced she knows how to play that guitar.

Cover Battles:

1. House of Secrets (House of Secrets #1) - Chris Columbus & Ned Vizzini
US vs. UK: The UK cover looks like the poster for the inevitable movie adaptation. But it's rocking that J.K Rowling blurb. I like how her name is bigger than the authors' names. They've got to sort out their priorities. Winner: US. Pirate house + shark = awesome sauce.

2. A Miracle of Rare Design - Mike Resnick
Tor vs. Dog Star Books: This one hinged entirely on the book's description. Doesn't seem to be about flying around in space but about a temple, so... Winner: Dog Star Books.

3. Cold Cereal - Adam Rex
Hardback vs. Paperback: For some reason, the kid in the cereal really upsets me. Also, that rabbit is seriously menacing. Winner: Less freaky dragon cover.

4. Coexist (Keegan's Chronicles #1) - Julia Crane
Original vs. Redesign: Way better! I love seeing self-pubs get better. The new cover's more boring, but just better done. Winner: redesign.

5. Conflicted (Keegan's Chronicles #2) - Julia Crane
Original vs. Redesign: TIGER! Winner: Redesign.

6. Consumed (Keegan's Chronicles #3) - Julia Crane
Original vs. Redesign: Enough with the pointy ears already, but still. Winner: Redesign

7. Kiss of Fire - Rebecca Ethington
Original vs. Redesign: Oh man, I am so happy to report that a past WTF of the week has improved itself! It's still not a great cover, but it is WORLDS better. Winner: Redesign.

8. Level 2 (The Memory Chronicles #1) - Lenore Appelhans (audiobook)
US vs. UK: oddly, for the UK audio, they went for a different narrator in cover. They went for the same color scheme, but a WAY different model who is apparently trying to stare her way up to Level 3. Felicia, the MC, is described as looking like the girl on the US cover, so who the eff is this? Winner: US.

9. Unbreakable (Unraveling #2) - Elizabeth Norris
US vs. UK: Oh wow. The UK covers are so much better. Though I do think the juxtaposition of the title and the obviously breakable glass is somewhat poorly planned...or is it? Winner: UK.

10. Taken (Taken #1) - Erin Bowman
US vs. German: Guys, I love both of these, and, actually, the German cover fits the book much better (at least the part I've read so far), but you cannot beat the US cover for sheer gorgeousness. Winner: US.

WTF of the Week:

1. Escape to Love - Emma Calin
Thoughts: Oh look, there heads make a heart. Isn't that just precious? Answer: no. No, it's not. Nor is barbed wire.

2. Sharp Bite of Pleasure (Pleasure Bite #1) - KT Grant
Thoughts: Who knew lesbians could fly?

Win of the Week: 

Mary's Angels - John Scalzi, Mary Robinette Kowal, Jim C. Hines, Patrick Rothfuss, Charles Stross
Thoughts: In an effort to reverse the sexism of science fiction/fantasy covers, some totally badass authors posed for shitty covers gender swap fashion. Now, you may want to scrub your eyes out with bleach after you see this, but you'll also want to give them a high five. Or at least, I know I do. Jim Hines posed for more. Check those out here.


Outstanding Cover of the Week:
Taken by Erin Bowman

Learn More or Preorder: (links go to US edition)

Goodreads|Amazon|The Book Depository|Barnes & Noble



**What was your favorite cover this week? Least favorite? Did any make you spittake? Let me know!**

Labels:

23 Comments:

Blogger Ashleigh Paige said...

Whoop whoop! This makes my Thursdays even more awesome. (And if it's the latter part of the month, this and Amazon Vine makes Thursdays the best day of the entire week.)

The Shattered Mountain: I have no idea what's going on there either, but it's purdy. Easily distracted reader is easily distracted.

Misguided Heart: Am I the only one who thinks his butt looks misshapen? I'm unable to concentrate on anything else about that cover!

The Shadowhunter's Codex: Pfft. Everything about this is NO, from the weird expression of the statue-person to the poorly Photoshopped objects.

Night's Mistress: GIMME THAT DRESS. (Sized appropriately for my ginormous figure, of course. My boobs would tear apart that dress if given to me in the model's size.)

Come, The Dark: I actually hate this cover. I can barely see her hair and the color/saturation is off and just ugh. The cover it used to have was much better.

January 24, 2013 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger Kat Balcombe said...

Yay, Thursday!

1. Nothing like an ocean of lava to really get you excited....waaaaaaaay too much happening there.

2. Fake fire makes me sad.

3. Creepy! Especially as he appears to be trying to grasp a handprint - that's never gonna work.

4. Mentioning Texas is kinda pointless. I would have happily assumed that without being told.

5. You mean it ISN'T?!

6. His facial hair looks like sand on the right...

7. Sorry cover model, but to me you don't appear to be YA/NA...more like Harlequin. Maybe you should try Texas!

8. I've never read Star Wars. Bit scared I might get addicted....

9. Agreed. I didn't love the only book of his I read but at least they are easy on the peepers!

10. Maybe it's only thundery at night...or not..

11. Too much of the same colour. Bored now.

12. Or it's a bad tattoo....

13. Oh man, hahahaha! Plus, that chain is really in her mouth - that could be potentially quite dangerous - apart from tasting really icky.

14. Um why does she have no eyelashes on one eye?

15. Hmmmm, shouldn't it be 'even more if you are a vampire'...doesn't sound as good I guess.

16. That's quackers! Sorry, couldn't help that one...

17. And yet, his name is still second ;-)

18. Pretty dress but the colour really doesn't do it for me. Hey, birdies!

19. And the arrow of the swirl is pointing right towards his nipple. Just in case.

20. Oh, that's a baby.

21. Maybe because he's squishing it on the pool edge?

22. Apart from the whole ear thing, I wouldn't kick him out of bed.

23. That's gotta smart

24. Hahahaha come comma the dark - gold!

25. Holding your breath underwater and kissing is a skill.

26. Just want to brush her hair...

27. Odd. Those wings look heavy -

28. Ruined by mist :( at least it's not lava, or fire.

29 & 30 - double meh

31. Whoa tag line, condescending much?!

32. Didn't even have to click the link to guess what you were thinking of. Time to work it baby!

33. Cheeeeese!

34. Haha - she's looking decidedly uncomfortable!

CB1. US by a mile!

CB2. Staying neutral on this one.

CB3. Love that dragon!

CB4-6. Agreed - and the eye colour is ALMOST convincing. Just say no to tigers.

CB7. Apart from the improbably glinty necklace, redesign is miles better.

CB8. Ah crap, we used the wrong model!

CB9. The UK version definitely looks less than the poster for a teen-flick.

CB10. Oh I like the German cover. Cannot decide!

1. Escape to Love and get ripped to shreds if you decide he's a dick. Fun times!

2. hahahahahahaha! And whilst almost naked. That's an interesting talent....

Mary's Angels - that is absolute gold, I laughed so hard I nearly cried!

Thanks for another fun Thursday ;-)



January 24, 2013 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger Kayla Beck said...

3. He has an invisible David Bowie Crystal Ball in that menacing hand. :-D

9. It is a good indie cover, but it makes me uncomfortable. I think it's all of the warm colors. *shudders*

13. *chokes* Bahahahahaha!

16. Is that a duck face or too much Botox?

17. I think this is the worst angel that I have ever seen. Is this really not self-pubbed?

18. If she's going to have a black leatherish dress, she should have a knife. >.<

23. If his reputation precedes him (as stated in the tag line), then why don't I know who the hell he is?

28. I like it! If I had the face for it, I would chop off all my hair and wear it in exactly that style! I like the dress a lot, too.

CB3. Didn't they do the cereal thing in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?

CB4-6. I wish they would lose the designs around the damn font.

CB8. I think the UK model is strung out on drugs. I'll put money down that her lips are numb.

WTFs. Those were painful.

WotW. That is beyond fantastic. Yes, I may be scarred for life, but it is fantastic all the same.

January 24, 2013 at 2:03 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

So glad this contributes to awesome Thursdays!

The Shattered Mountain: I really can't decide if I think this is pretty or not. Maybe with different colors? Agh, I just don't know.

Misguided Heart: Now to be retitled Misguided Butt?

The Shadowhunter's Codex: It's expression is straight up ridiculous.

January 24, 2013 at 3:11 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

2. Fire is not for newbie cover designers. It's really not.

5. Right? I am learning SO MUCH.

7. Add a cowboy hat and this is totally Texas! It doesn't hit the age market at all.

8. Eh. It's hard to keep going for too long, because some of the books/series are SO BAD.

9. Haven't read them and probably won't, but I give props where they're due.

13. Can't be good for your teeth to chomp on that. Also metal. Blech.

14. *squints* I think she does but the one side is blocked by the cage? Or she doesn't and then fail.

19. OMG. It is pointing towards his nipple, which also appears to be missing...?

22. Bahaha, he does have a crazy ear. Is it just like that or did they do that on purpose?

28. Without the mist, it has a real Downton vibe.

CB9: For real. I hate the US covers for this series. They look like a CW show.

CB10: I love both!

January 24, 2013 at 3:19 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

3. And we know how you feel about David Bowie.

9. Fire is warm.

16. I'm going with BOTH.

17. I think that's the cover matching the content.

18. She's grabbing her knife from under her hair.

23. Good point.

28. More like if I had the stylist for it.

CB3. Maybe they did and I'm still haunted.

CB4-6. But the designs help draw the eye away from the swirlies on the font.

WotW: Pretty much sums up the experience.

January 24, 2013 at 3:22 PM  
Blogger KM said...

I agree the Tina Connolly one isn't as pretty as I was hoping. I loved the first one, but this one is just ok. Also, there's another Rae Carson short?! Really? I feel as if that's enough. I mean, I like her novels, but two pre-novel novellas seems excessive. She should have done a 1.5, you know?

January 24, 2013 at 3:30 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, I see what you mean. Honestly, I still just don't like the e-book novellas in general, so it's not a big deal for me. Either make it a book or deal without it.

January 24, 2013 at 4:43 PM  
Blogger kara-karina@Nocturnal Book Reviews said...

I absolutely adore Jim C. Hines badassery! He's been posting to emphasize sexism on the covers for couple of years already, and you should see his post on ridiculous female armor in fantasy art as well - it's awesome. However what he did this time was for charity (a rare deadly disease which affect little girls, but I don't remember the name) and his readers donated almost $20,000 - this picture is the final promise, and when I saw it it absolutely made my day. Freaking fantastic.

Also 11, 26, 27, 28 are my favorite covers in this cover snark edition - gorgeous, even the red wings on Ian Tregillis cover - it just looks so noirish... And I snagged a redhead from your post as usual! :)

January 24, 2013 at 6:06 PM  
Blogger Kimberly @ On the Wings of Books said...

I had a crazy awful day at work today and I thank you for giving me a few smiles. I'm way to tired to give a full commentary but I do want to say:

Cowboys and Texas are synonyms so it's redundant to use them both.

You've read Stars Wars novels? I'm both impressed and scared.

I didn't realize until I read your comment that it was Tag Chaser. I would have to say that font is a fail.

January 24, 2013 at 6:23 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

OMG I love these posts. Thanks for the entertainment :D

January 24, 2013 at 9:31 PM  
Blogger Katie Tuccelli said...

LMAO. Girl, these posts get funnier and funnier. Your comments make me giggle! I did add a few of these to my GR list, despite their sometimes rather unfortunate covers. Let's hope what's within is better than what's on the outside!

Love you!

January 25, 2013 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

You're welcome, of course!

January 25, 2013 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Glad to hear it, Katie girl! I love when people find new books to read from Cover Snark, even if their covers don't meet with approval. ;)

January 25, 2013 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, I didn't really know anything about Jim C. Hines, but I think I need to add him to my to-read list based solely on the fact that he's hilarious and a feminist. Awesome.

I cannot deal with the red wings, but I can see why you like it. :-p

January 25, 2013 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Awww, I'm so sorry your day hasn't been going well, and I'm glad I could help make it just a bit better.

So true.

I am impressive. AND scary. It's my charm.

Right? It looks like it says Fag Chaser. It just does. Only the fact that she was chomping on tags convinced me of what it does say.

January 25, 2013 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

The Dark Secrets dude looks like the vamp from the BBC's Being Human to me...and it's also very Manos Hands of Fate.

Yes, awkward kissing covers are fantastic, and kissing underwater is absolutely terrible.

I REALLY like the Fire Country cover. Always so impressed when self-pub covers are outstanding like this.

I also actually like the Waking Dark cover, I'm hoping I enjoy the book more than the Book of Blood and Shadow.

Bwahaha, that J.K. blurb where her name is as big as the actual authors is amazing.

I like both the Taken covers as well, particularly the German one.

January 25, 2013 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

The BBC Being Human guy plays Kili in The Hobbit! We are on the same wavelength. Bahahaha, Manos Hands of Fate. I approve of your references.

Kissing covers are almost always a fail.

I'm very impressed with the cover as well, especially since Fire usually turns out the worst on self-pub covers.

Oh, I loved The Book of Blood and Shadow, but I know it wasn't for everyone. I tend to be more accepting of pretension than most. I also never read Dan Brown, which may have helped.

Don't you love when someone who's not the author gets top billing?

Taken's been a lucky book.

January 25, 2013 at 10:33 AM  
Blogger ohdamnbooks said...

I was really looking forward for the cover reveal of Copperhead, but it's so disappointing. I was hoping it'll be as good as Ironskin or maybe even better. D:

January 25, 2013 at 3:18 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

That happens a lot. If you do TOO well on the first covers, the rest feel like a bit of a let down. This is a good argument for standalones.

January 25, 2013 at 3:23 PM  
Blogger Reading Angel said...

1. Is that a volcano? It looks like waves that are made of lava like substance.
2. Her hair could be getting reclaimed by the hay/grass, it does blend well.
3. THE HANDPRINT! It scares me.
4. and 5. Where else do cowboys come from?
6. Is that a shadow spider coming out of that dream catcher? Why?
7. I like the white, but the kiss is way awkward.
11. I kinda <3 the giggle inducing tagline
12. So is the misguided heart the one on her foot or the one the top of his ass makes?
13. Not a good font pick at all O.o
17. MY EYES!!!
18. I want the body so I can rock that dress! It's gorgeous!
25. Maybe one of them is giving the other their last breath to keep the other alive! (makes it a little more interesting...)

BUT THE ORIGINAL Kiss of Fire cover was my FAVORITE ;)

January 31, 2013 at 11:38 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Maybe. I considered that but I really am not positive.

4/5. NOWHERE.

12. Bahaha. Ass heart.

18. Who doesn't?

:-p

February 1, 2013 at 3:08 PM  
OpenID mlbrennan said...

This was extremely funny to read through! Thanks for taking the time to include Generation V!

March 29, 2013 at 11:52 AM  

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