Cover Snark (64): Snark Is Thicker Than Water

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Tin Star - Cecil Castellucci

Thoughts: Tin star makes me think of sherriffs, which makes me think of westerns, but this is space, so I'm thinking space cowboys? Please? I like the tagline, but I don't know why the girl's head is in space or why they chose that title font.

2. Ink Is Thicker Than Water - Amy Spalding

Thoughts: Boo. That's the coolest tattoo they could devise for this? And the heroine's the sort of person who wears collared tank tops? The yellow bar with the author's name isn't doing the book any favors either. Also, the cutting off the model's head thing is not my favorite trend.

3. When the World Was Flat (and We Were in Love) - Ingrid Jonach

Thoughts: Title = win. Cover = boring. I do like the spareness of it, but the key with a heart-shaped handle....just no.

4. Wings (Black City #3) - Elizabeth Richards

Thoughts: In Black City, all ice cubes are made of frozen butterfly. It's an acquired taste. Also, that city is very clearly blue.

5. Two (One Universe #2) - Leigh Ann Kopans

Thoughts: "You call those spirit fingers? THESE are spirit fingers."

6. See Me - Windy Higgins

Thoughts: Yes, yes, I do.

7. The Life Beyond (The Other Life #2) - Susanne Winnacker

Thoughts: That awesome moment where a blogger designs a book cover and I don't have to snark it because it's good. Well, okay, the tagline needs to go, but I love the title font, especially the color.

8. Three (Article 5 #1) - Kristen Simmons

Thoughts: Well, this one's a bit of a letdown. The first two covers are great, but I don't think they made enough use of the red. However, it is really amusing to me that it sort of looks like he's grabbing her ass, though I know it's that wall BEHIND her ass.

9. Pawn (The Blackcoat Rebellion #1) - Aimee Carter

Thoughts: I liked this so much more when I didn't know that was an eye in the background. Still, I love the colors and the chess piece in the corner.

10. Off Course (Off Series #4) - Sawyer Bennett

Thoughts: Bonus points for being white people kissing in a library. Bonus points subtracted for his tattoo, which looks like an advertisement for some sort of outdoorsy group.

11. Echoes of Melody - Komal Kant

Thoughts: That awkward moment where you wake up the morning after graduation with no clothes but your boots leads to the invention of the Umbrelladress. Development's still in progress, but Tim Gunn's going to love the resourcefulness of this creation.

12. The Nightmare Dilemma (The Arkwell Academy #2) - Mindee Arnett

Thoughts: Oooh, Arthurian legend? Yes, please. I prefer this cover to the one for The Nightmare Dilemma.

13. Swift Runs the Heart - Mary Brock Jones

Thoughts: Okay, I do not like the floating head thing at all, but, damn, her hair is gorgeous. I could never make my hair do that in a million years and it's just not fair.

14. It Was Me - Anna Cruise

Thoughts: We finally have the answer to the age-old question: Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

15. Lockstep - Karl Schroeder

Thoughts: They do not look pleased about having to lockstep. Also, put that dude in a bowtie and a newsboy cap and it's Darcy!

16. The Innocent (The Protege #2) - Kailin Gow

Thoughts: Over a hundred Kailin Gow books and they still don't have the shape of an average book down yet? Fifty lashes.

17. 5 Miles - Nadege Richards

Thoughts: Honey, sit like you have a secret. Ain't nobody need to see that. Okay, maybe some people do, but I could have lived without it.

18. Reviving Izabel (In the Company of Killers #2) - J.A. Redmerski

Thoughts: This series name is worrisome. On the plus side, it looks like she has brown eyes, which doesn't happen enough on covers. In other news, why is she pulling her sweater down like that? It's totally not an off-the-shoulder.

19. Becoming Josephine - Heather Webb

Thoughts: Her hand is in a really weird position. Was that a thing in old school portraits?

20. Sandman: Overture - Neil Gaiman & J.H. Williams

Thoughts: Trying to decide which is creepiest: how skinny that guy is, how his limbs curve, or just his face in general.

21. Ravaged - Jennifer Sights

Thoughts: How do you cope? Fainting, obviously. Then the menfolks come save you.

22. The Fall of the Governor (The Fall of the Governor Trilogy #3) - Robert Kirkman & Jay Bonansinga

Thoughts: Oh no, someone's flu mask fell off! Now the swine flu will get them before the zombies. Tragic!

23. Breach Zone (Shadow Ops #3) - Myke Cole

Thoughts: If your super power was the ability to manipulate lightning but you could only do it between your two palms, that would suck. Like, what if he couldn't point it at people, and it was solely a close range weapon? Also, I've decided that his superhero name is Pikachu.

24. In Love with a Wicked Man - Liz Carlyle

Thoughts: Something tells me she can handle it. I wouldn't want to mess with her; she looks fierce.

25. Stay with Me (With Me #1) - Elyssa Patrick

Thoughts: If you're so annoying you're worried your guitar will try to run away, it's time to get some professional help.

26. The Burning Dark - Adam Christopher

Thoughts: Oooh, I like it. The soundwaves down to the author name are awesome, though I'm not sure if it's plot-relevant. Otherwise, this is pretty generic; there are a ton of those shots down a spaceship tunnel.

27. Wolf Bride (Lust in the Tudor Court #1) - Elizabeth Moss

Thoughts: No. NO. NOOO. NOOOOOOOOOO. For shame, The Sunday Times. FOR SHAME.

28. Runaway Groom - Virginia Nelson

Thoughts: Take note, grooms considering a quick getaway, always bring backup shows. For the hipster groom, Chucks are highly recommended.

29. Broken - CJ Lyons

Thoughts: *yawns The shattered heart thing has been done. Also, the blurry-looking title font upsets me.

30. Charmed I'm Sure (Pax Arcana #0.5) - Elliott James

Thoughts: Awwwww, this is so cute.. I love how they made this look like an old school leather-bound fairy tale. Winning!

31. Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls (Pax Arcana #0.6) - Elliott James

Thoughts: One of the members of TLC is giving him excellent life advice.

32. Pushing Luck (Pax Arcana #0.7) - Elliott James

Thoughts: In lieu of waterfall chasing, what can one do but gamble and get drunk? That P is a little bit hard to read, like it might be Dushing Luck, which, obviously, makes no sense but sounds like it might be dirty.

33. Panic by Lauren Oliver (March 4th 2014) HarperCollins

Thoughts: A cover with a girl's face and her hair blowing everywhere! How original! <- br="" by="" ever.="" no="" one="" said="">

34. The Problem with Promises (Mystwalker #3) - Leigh Evans

Thoughts: When I first saw this, I totally read it as The Trouble with Penises. And, yes, I realize this says more about me than the cover. Yet again, we have a girl shrugging her shirt off. Either wear the shirt or don't, ladies! Also, I think Freud would have some things to say about how her legs are spread and the dude is running between them.

35. Darkest Fear (Birthright #1) - Cate Tiernan

Thoughts: Oh look, a girl's face with her hair blowing in front of it! I've never seen anything like this before. The title font's pretty cool with those slashes, but all bonus points lost by that stupid colored eye.

36. Entwined (Darkest London #3.5) - Kristen Callihan

Thoughts: I choose to believe that this is a story about Mary Poppins.

37. Dreamwalker by C.S. Friedman

Thoughts: Dude, I don't know what's happening here, but there is a pterodactyl, which is awesome. My childhood self demands immediate Dinotopia.

38. Fallout (Haan #2) - James K. Decker

Thoughts: Possibly a POC? I like how everything, including the MC has taken a beating. I do not like that they cut off the MC's face. STOP WITH THIS COVER TREND. I know we like self-insertion, but I know that's not me. I mean, come on.

39. Tomorrow (Yesterday #2) - C.K. Kelly Martin

Thoughts: Another floating head. What is the world coming to? I do like the swirly business behind the title, though. Weeeeeeeeee! That was me spinning through the swirls. Anywho, I don't these cover elements blend all that well, but I do like the colors.

40. Mad About the Boy (Bridget Jones #3) - Helen Fielding

 Thoughts: So Bridget Jones is skinny now? Or did they not cast her accurately? Not loving this title one bit or the hints at a baby. I also suspect Bridget Jones (was going to abbreviate her name to save on typing and realized that would be BJ - awkward!) would fall on her ass in those shoes.

41. NIL - Lynne Matson

Thoughts: Teen Survivor.

42. Warm Up (Vicious prequel) - V. E. Scwab

 Thoughts: Why is this series not graphic novels? Also, one shouldn't wear white pants after labor day orrrrr when one's hands are coated in red. That's going to be a bitch to clean.

Cover Battles:

1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter #1) - J. K. Rowling

UK Children's vs. UK Adult Original vs. UK Adult Redesign: Wow, the original adult cover was awfullll. Look, it's a rock. Old people like rocks, right? They remind them of the grave to which they are so swiftly headed. The colors in the new adult cover are a bit...brash? It just looks a bit more psychidelic than I would expect. Children's cover for the win!

2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter #2) - J. K. Rowling 

UK Children's vs. UK Adult Original vs. UK Adult Redesign: Oh dear, this new cover is worse. The pink, orange and blue combo, whyyyy? Also, the UK totally got gypped on HP covers.

3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter #3) - J. K. Rowling

UK Children's vs. UK Adult Original vs. UK Adult Redesign: Ooh, this is the best so far for both of the adult covers, but they still don't really have a Harry Potter vibe, and the kids' cover has hippogriff riding, so...yeah.

4. The Uprising (The Forsaken #2) - Lisa M. Stasse

Take 1 vs. Take 2: No! Why? It wasn't broken, so why did they try to fix it. The subtle use of color is a big part of why I love the covers for this series, but now it's punching me in the face with pink.

5. These Broken Stars (Starbound #1) - Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner

US vs. Australia: Sometimes I wonder why they bother making changes to the cover. I think I like the font treatment better on the Australian cover, but I do not approve of the positioning of the series info. Also  interesting is that the Australian cover shifts the picture over slightly so we see more of the dude's shorts and less of her arm.

6. Storm Glass (Glass Trilogy #1) - Maria V. Snyder

Original vs. Redesign 1 vs. Redesign 2: Blogger is doing crazy formatting things I can't fix, but this spacing is not making Christina happy. Nor does this redesign. Can you say snoozefest? The random words in the background don't help either, or that they're apparently trying to rename the series. Sigh. I personally prefer the purple cover.

7. Sea Glass (Glass Trilogy #2) - Maria V. Snyder

Original vs. Redesign 1 vs. Redesign 2: Second verse, same as the first. Look at the cute little starfish thing. Or leaf? WHATEVER. You're all going to judge me for not being sure. Sigh.

8. Spy Glass (Glass Trilogy #3) - Maria V. Snyder

 
Original vs. Redesign 1 vs. Redesign 2: These formations do sort of make me want to go watch Sweet Home Alabama though. That's sort of like what happens to sand when it's hit by lightning. Also, all three of these covers make me sad, but I guess I'll go with the orange one so I can have a matching set.

9. Wait for You (Wait for You #1) - J. Lynn

Original vs. Redesign: The new cover sort of looks like a Janet Evanovich cover. This is a good redesign in that it appeals to a different market, so good job designers. However, that typo makes me want to hurl.

10. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter #6) - J. K. Rowling

US Original vs. Redesign: Hmm, mostly I've been digging the new covers, but I think I have to go classic on this one. Dumbledore's beard goes a bit too Santa on the new one and I like the magic-doing look to the first.


11. Not Your Ordinary Wolf Girl - Emily Pohl-Weary

Take 1 vs. Take 2: That's a good change. The title treatment is adorbs. Also, she looks like she's howling! Very apropos!

12. White Trash Damaged (White Trash Trilogy #1) - Teresa Mummert 

Take 1 vs. Take 2: Look, it's Sookie in a world where vampires don't exist! (Sorry, I've been watching True Blood for weeks now)

13. Brazen (Otherworld Stories #13.1) - Kelley Armstrong

Actual vs. Limited Edition: Look at the wolfy! That's totally more awesome.

14. Fiddlehead - Cherie Priest

WTF of the Week: Ooh, both awesome, but I'm going for the US cover where the heroine's going all River Tam.

1. Carousel Sun - Sharon Lee

Thoughts: COCKADOODLEDOOOOOOOO, MOTHERFUCKERS.

2. Swimming Sweet Arrow - Maureen Gibbon

Thoughts: A crotch shot on a YA cover makes me really uncomfortable.

3. Enders (Starters and Enders #2) - Lissa Price

Thoughts: In the name of all that is bookish, why? I actually liked the redesign for the first book, but this one's like a demented, drugged up clown. Plus, why is the blurb as large as the author's name?

4. Stealing the Wind (Mermen of Ea #1) - Shira Anthony

Thoughts: Titty grab! How would mermen even...you know...?

5. Hedging His Bets - Celia Kyle and Mina Carter

Thoughts: Nothing says sexy like a spiny creature near your junk. SNARKLES DOES NOT APPROVE.
 

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Charmed I'm Sure by Elliott James

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