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A Reader of Fictions: Cover Snark (36): Where Couples Look Better with Their Heads Cut Off

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Cover Snark (36): Where Couples Look Better with Their Heads Cut Off

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Commenting pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That's actually how I comment on other people's reviews too. I can't remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!

1. Release - Nicole Hadaway
Thoughts: A well-done self pub, but still confusing. Why, foe example, is she naked? Plus, there are flames behind her, which are one of the things that kill vampires, so shouldn't she be running away, rather than making sexy faces? The little swastika, while useful for telling me the time period in which this is set, could have been integrated in a more logical way, like on a burning flag or something. As far as photoshopped eyes go, these are pretty good, and I do like how vampiric she looks.

2. The Magician's Tower (Oona Crate #2) - Shawn Thomas Odyssey
Thoughts: Oh, middle grade covers. You are so adorable. I especially love trees on mg covers. Is that weird? I also love the tilty buildings. The illustrations for the people aren't my favorite, but I do love their snazzy outfits.

3. The Deepest Night (The Sweetest Dark #2) - Shana Abé
Thoughts: Oh no, there's another one. Well, this is in keeping with the first cover. I do not, however, recommend putting a bunch of smoke only behind your heroine, because I'm going to assume she had a giant bean burrito at lunch and is stinking up the place. They're probably trying to show how she can becoming smoke, but that was not the way to do it.

4. Long Simmering Spring (Star Harbor #3) - Elisabeth Barrett
Thoughts: I feel like there should be a comma between long and simmering. Whatever. At least they didn't photoshop this dude's nipples off. Is he supposed to be a doctor? A masseuse? Who has a robe with pockets? I don't even know.

5. Carniepunk
Thoughts: BAHAHAHAHAHA, Carniepunk. OH MAN. Okay, now that I got that out of the way, they did an excellent job with the cover, but I can't not laugh at the whole concept. *snorts and walks away*

6. Revelations (The Becoming #3) - Jessica Meigs
Thoughts: How the eff did he get dirty like that? Does he work as a mechanic when he's not shooting zombies? Or is he a zombie? Do zombies wear shiny pants? Why does he need sunglasses when it's dark outside?

7. Sleuth on Skates - Clementine Beauvais
Thoughts: Gah, I hate the artwork style for people. They look like a pig and a fish had a baby. *shudders* I do, however, very much approve of the duck riding a skateboard.

8. Suicide Watch - Kelley York
Thoughts: Meh. The more I look at this, the less I like it. Simple was the way to go, but that title font is awful, and I hate that the head completely blends into the pants.

9. The Path of Names - Ari Goelman
Thoughts: Yay! Another middle grade cover. I love the way the title is done, and the maze is awesome.

10. Daughter of the Earth and Sky - Kaitlin Bevis
Thoughts: "Some vows can never be broken." Ugh. I also very much disapprove of the publishers name and the random word running up the right side. Mostly, though, this is a decent indie cover.

11. Oxford Whispers (The Oxford Trilogy #1) - Marion Croslydon
Thoughts: Unfortunate makeup + unflattering shirt make the pretty model thing a bit of a fail. What deserves to be punched in the face is that tagline: "Fall in love for the first time . . . Again." Ew. Also, why is it so damn large? (That's what she said.)

12. The Sire - M.S. Fowle
Thoughts: I actually rather like this, but I'm really not sure what genre this is supposed to be. Middle grade fantasy? They do look small, so might be kids. Paranormal? The Sire sounds like a vampire thing. Christian? The sun and setting really scream Christian fiction to me.

13. Double Crossed (Heist Society Novella) - Ally Carter
Thoughts: I feel like this goes better with her Gallagher Girls covers than Heist Society. Mostly meh.

14. Flicker & Burn (Cold Fury #2) - T. M. Goeglein
Thouhgts: The way you can't see her eyes creeps me out. Also, that title font is hard to read. Otherwise, this just says "I'M A THRILLER!"

15. Skinny Weeks & Weekend Feasts - Gizzi Erskine
Thoughts: Normally, I have no interest in cookbook covers, but this right here is awesome.

16. Interred (Chronicles of the Interred #1) - Marilyn Almodóvar
Thoughts: Pretty good for a self pub. The clock's slightly pinker shade of gray doesn't blend very well, but I do like the way "Book No. One" was stuck in there.

17. Second Rate Chances - Holly Stephens
Thoughts: I actually really like this cover. The font and colors blend together really nicely. This self pub wins.

18. Perfectly Unmatched - Liz Reinhardt
Thoughts: How will they ever last? She wears stripes and he wears plaids!!!!

19. Up to Me (The Bad Boys Series #2) - M. Leighton
Thoughts: Seriously, am I the only one who is hugely creeped out by romance covers that have a hidden person grabbing someone's chest? I do like the placement of the word "Up" by his crotch to help those who didn't get it.

20. Hurt - Tabitha Suzuma
Thoughts: He's probably hurting because he has an ocean in his chest. That's really not normal, and he should probably get it checked out. I also question whether this is a final cover, because what the fuck is "strapline"?

21. Wicked Lies (Dark Mission #4.5) - Karina Cooper
Thoughts: Calling this man or this cover sexy is a wicked lie.

22. Flirting with Maybe - Wendy Higgins
Thoughts: Harper Impulse, what the hell? Why don't they try. Even the HarperTeen Impulse image looks awful. Did they really think a badly taken shot of impossibly backlit people was a good call? Also, designer-shaming for that heart cloud.

23. The Year I Almost Drowned - Shannon McCrimmon
Thoughts: THE COVER WHERE i randomly use capitalization.

24. I Choose You (Friends & Lovers #2) - Bethany Lopez
Thoughts: Stubble just does not look good in a close up. Okay, designers? Also, I really, REALLY want to get that hair off her face.

25. Live for Me (The Everetts of Tyler #3) - Hayden Braeburn
Thoughts: Someone get the paddles STAT. This cover is dying of awfulness!

26. The Maleficent Seven (Skulduggery Pleasant #7.5) - Derek Landy
 Thoughts: Actually, I don't think this cover is awful. In fact, I think it works really well for a particular audience, though I am not it. However, I really thought it was a self pub, but apparently it's Harper. O_O

27. Wildly - Debra Kayn
Thoughts: The balls are a metaphor.

28. Two Serpents Rise (Three Parts Dead #2)  - Max Gladstone 
Thoughts: I don't see any serpents. This is a nice male-targeted cover. I love his outfit. Why don't more guys dress like that?

29. When I'm With You, Part 1 - Beth Kery
Thoughts: Now, I don't care enough to upload the full series of 8 50 Shades inspired covers, but I recommend you go check them out yourself for a chuckle on the author's blog. This new trend of making random objects sexy really cracks me up. This is even better, because apparently it's now sexy to eat pearls like spaghetti.

30. Possession (Forsaken #1) - Alicia Wright Brewster
Thoughts: Umm, I kind of love this. Diversity for the win. Also, I totally would not have guessed this was coming from an indie press, so bravo.

31. Earthbound - Aprilynne Pike
Thoughts: "Can a heart that's been bound to earth still soar?" *gags* I really don't know what's up with this cover. It's well done, but it sure looks stupid. I blame the purple triangle.

Cover Battles:

 1. The Daylight War (Demon Cycle #3) - Peter V. Brett
 US vs. UK:
Actually, I like both of these. Non-white fantasy for the win. Winner: US for the better fonts and less hilarious pose.

2. Omens (Cainsville #1) - Kelley Armstrong

US vs. UK: Well, hello, fantasy bird! You were missing from the US cover, but you're here now, which is all that matters. Winner: UK. Both are decent, but I like the UK cover much better, despite the addition of the lame tagline in much too large font.

3. After Eden (After Eden #1) - Helen Douglas
 Take 1 vs. Take 2: Oh, Bloomsbury. You need to go find some new designers, because your current ones are having a BAD trip. Listen, I give you full credit for realizing how shitty the first stab at this cover was and getting a new cover out the next day, however THAT'S what you went with? Getting rid of the noxious green gases was a good move. The poses were very awkward in that first cover, I agree, but it doesn't follow that floating heads are a better option, especially when the girl has scary eye. Nor do the fantasy birds need to be flying through his neck. Also, I'm pretty certain the very worst part of the cover was the font, which appears to be a slightly different shade of pink, but that really wasn't the issue. Winner: The cover designers who are still getting paid for crappy work.

4. Forget Me Not (Mystic Wolves #2) - Belinda Boring
Original vs. Redesign: I still hate his face, but I appreciate that she's trying to choke the obnoxious cockiness out of him. Boring author, y u no have pseudonym? Winner: Redesign.

5. Back to You - Priscilla Glenn
Original vs. Redesign: Mehs all around! Winner: Original for being less yellow.

6. Katie's Hope (Rhyn Trilogy #1) - Lizzy Ford 
Original vs. Redesign: I also hate this guy's face. Winner: Redesign for obvious reasons.

7. Rhyn's Redemption (Rhyn Trilogy #3) - Lizzy Ford
Original vs. Redesign:  This redesign might be my favorite of the lot, though I use "favorite" loosely. Does the dude in the first one have a nipple under that tattoo or not? Winner: Redesign.

8. Cold Fury - T. M. Goeglein
Hardback vs. Paperback: Both convey the right idea about the series, I think. I don't really care. Winner: It's a draw.

9. Because of Low (Sea Breeze #2) - Abbi Glines
Self-Pub vs. S&S: Good job, Simon & Schuster. These look nice, though not at all like something I would probably enjoy, which is about right. Also, can I have her dress? Winner: Simon & Schuster.

10. While It Lasts (Sea Breeze #3) - Abbi Glines
 Self-Pub vs. S&S: Much as I hate dudes with open shirts for no reason and cowboy hats, the original was a dude on a hay bale, so that puts things in perspective. Winner: Simon & Schuster.

11. Just for Now (Sea Breeze #4) - Abbi Glines
Self-Pub vs. S&S: Again, this is a really obvious cover battle. I really love her outfit, and the way they've actually made these look like a series is great. Winner: Simon & Schuster across the board!

12. Mothership (Ever-Expanding Universe #1) - Martin Leicht & Isla Neal
Hardback vs. ebook: Ebook cover, WHY? I am so grossed out by what's going on there. Winner: Hardback for being cute and funny and not looking like a pregnant teen from the Zenon cast.

13. iFeel (Vis Vires Trilogy #1) - Marissa Carmel
Original vs. Redesign: Now I know where they got the inspiration for the Earthbound cover. I really hate that this is called iFeel. Winner: Original if it's contemporary; redesign if it's paranormal.

14. Moon Spell (Tales of the Lunarmorte #1) - Samantha Young
Original vs. Redesign:  Sigh. Winner: Original for being at least somewhat original and not having glowing eyes.

15. Take a Bow - Elizabeth Eulberg
Hardback vs. Paperback: I'm glad I have the hardback. The title font on the paperback is cute, but that does not counteract the light blue background and heart guitar. Winner: Hardback, because the paperback is cheesy and boring.

WTF of the Week: Capital Bride (Matchmaker and Co.) - Cynthia Woolf
 Thoughts: If you're looking at this and thinking But that's just a boring romance cover, take a close look. This is actually illustrated in a very strange style. It's my WTF because I have no idea why one would go to all of that effort to make something this bad.

I'm not unreservedly in love with any of the covers this week, so no Outstanding cover for me. Do any of them earn it from you?



Blogger roro said...

the pb of take a bow is ugly

December 13, 2012 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Christina Reads YA said...

I agree with you on the Carniepunk concept (so a carnival... steampunk edition? or???), but man, that cover is gorgeous. Double Crossed does go more with her GG novels... except they're lighter, it seems. I don't know. That cover seems to get the worst from both worlds and doesn't seem to represent either, imo. Poor Wendy Higgins - Harper Teen didn't even try, which is a shame considering how pretty some of their covers can be. I laughed hard when I saw Live for Me - cover designer taking the title a bit too seriously? Also, I REALLY like the Two Serpents Rise cover. The colors and atmosphere... As for Earthbound... yes... the taglines for her books have never been great. But I did think the cover reflected the love triangle well... and I thought it was pretty, even though I'm probably not going to read that.

December 13, 2012 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Wow. I love this post and have never heard of Cover Snark, but I laughed at a lot of these covers. What were they thinking? And covers with shirtless men? Awkward.

December 13, 2012 at 11:51 AM  
Blogger Lisseth Torres said...

I LOVE this meme here SO MUCH! It makes me laugh and really makes me think about some of the book covers out there. Let's see i REALLY like SECOND RATE CHANCES and the redesign for the Abbi Glines series by S&S. Also i think the guy they used in FORGET ME NOT is the same one they used in KATIE'S HOPE.

December 13, 2012 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Steph Sinclair said...

YES. Let's do this, yo.

1. I don't like this one. Self-pub covers seem to either be shit, passable or overdone. This one falls into the overdone category. Why is her face so shiny?

2. Cute! Middle Grade novels rarely disappoint me. Romance novels, learn from them!

3. This looks like it's trying way to hard to look like Everneath's covers. Fail.

4. Is his ads supposed to make me want to read this book? Not working.

5. Meh.

6. Meh.

7. And I take back what I said about Middle Grade novels disappointing me.

8. I don't mind this cover and the font doesn't bother me. Not my favorite, but doesn't bother me.

9. This is a creative cover. I like it!

10. What is with this new fad with having the publisher's name on the front cover. DOES NOT COMPUTE. I'm not really a fan of this cover anyway.

11. I don't mind that cover as much, but her shirt bothers me as does the tagline.

12. UGH. NO. Another "let's hold onto each other in the sky" cover. I don't like this one.

13. Meh.

14. Random flames on the title. Smh. This cover does nothing for me.

15. Highly dislike the huge font for the author's name and the background.

16. Not bad.

17. I like this one. Reminds me of Easy's cover.

18. Meh.

19. This is a weird cover. Because the woman is hidden, the hands kinda look attached to him. LOL.

20. Shrapline? WTF. Iz confuse.

21. He's in the the mist of an orgasim. It is the only explanation.

22. There are so many things wrong here. First off the Harper Teen Impulse banner is horrid and clashes with the rest of the cover. Then, they have the blacked out people. WHY? It looks ridiculous. I expect more from Harper since they usually produce the most stunning covers. Though, obviously, they are not putting much effort with the Impulse line.

23. Almost drowned? Is that supposed to be a metaphor for something? This cover looks like someone just decided to use a random photo of a couple as the cover.

24. Meh.

25. Way too much stuff going one with this cover.

26. Let me tell you what could have saved this cover. If they could remove that awful red from the font.... hell, the font is just all over bad. The illustration looks terrible too. Fuck it, just scrap the whole thing. THIS IS HARPER?

27. Meh. It's boring.

28. Not bad.

29. WTF. But you know, it could be worse. They could just have half naked me with tattoos and weird flames going on.

30. I like this one! Bonus points for the diversity!

31. I like it, but then I don't. What does that tagline even mean? It makes no sense.

CB1. I like the US much better. Very badass.

CB2. I dislike both.

CB3. Both are awful. Can you believe the cover was redesigned THREE times? So much for third time's the charm.

CB4. Redesign is slightly better, but that dude's face creeps me out.

CB5. Meh for both.

CB6. EW for both.

CB7. On the fence between meh and ew for both.

CB8. I've never liked the first cover and the redesign does nothing for me.

CB9. I like S&S's design much better. Also, cute dress!

CB10. UGH. Close his shirt!

CB11. I like them both equally: Meh.

CB12. Umm... EW TO BOTH.

CB13. Ohhh... I like the original a lot better.

CB14. Is she walking in the ocean with boots?? UGH. Neither. They both suck.

CB15. The Hardback FTW.

WTF: Is that a painting? Ugh. That cover is super awful.

Almost all of these covers suck this week.

December 13, 2012 at 12:15 PM  
Blogger bookspersonally said...

What a fun post idea. I do love The Magician's Tower cover, and the Ari Goleman (sp?) as well.... will have to check them out for my kids. And oh, my, some of those covers are quite, um, steamy!

December 13, 2012 at 12:48 PM  
Blogger Kimberly @ Midnight Book Girl said...

I don't have a lot of time to comment today because I just wasted 30 minutes watching the many cops pull up to the house across the street from my work. Second time this week.

5. Cover is eerie and creepy but I'm not so sure about the content.

6. If Corey Hart can wear his sunglasses at night so can this guy. (I'm old. Sigh.)

31. This cover weirds me out too much.

CB3. Both very ugly, and books that if I did actually want to read would only be read as an ebook.

CB8. I like the hardback cover better. Paperback wouldn't grab my attention.

Note: I hate that they feel the need to redesign the paperback editions. They are almost always worse than the original.

December 13, 2012 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger kara-karina@Nocturnal Book Reviews said...

3. ahaha! and the cheeky face "who? me?" goes well with the gas!
4. that's a shirt pulled back. You can see a bit of the collar. All I can think of is his nipples. They pwn this cover...
5. I love that cover! Tony Mauro is an amazing artist!
8. It's depressing enough that I wouldn't want to read it.
10. You are killing me, Christina! Also off with her hand and half of the head because they couldn't be bothered to finish photoshop right? Really sloppy!
11. If she was running in this outfit in Oxford at night even in summer she would freeze. It's not bloody Atlanta. It doesn't get hot enough in England. Ugh.Plus that awful eye make up...
17. Seconding your thoughts
18. Plus she looks like Lana Del Ray
19. nipples and nauseous green. Yuk
21. I think he is in serious pain. I would be.
23. That cover scares me.
24. I quite like this one. I don't mind slight stubble
25. that godawful font on the bottom...
28. I really like the light in both book covers. Gorgeous. I bet it's Chris McGrath. Only he does it like that.
29. Feel my fork! Like in TV ad or from Hannibal Lector *She was nice with a bottle of Chianti.."
30. I do like this one but won't be reviewing anything from her. her sister tried to organise her guest post and her own guest post (she is a writer too) and stood me up twice. That type of unprofessional behavior really pissed me off.

I like both of the covers for The daylight War too. So much that I want to read the books.
Lizzy Ford: OMG! That's the same couple as with Belinda Boring. the stock pic must have been on special offer!
WHY, WTF of the week, WHY?! This is like crop circles on skin. really creepy!

December 13, 2012 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger Kayla Beck said...

1. Among everything else that makes me a cantankerous old cover-coot, I hate CGI-ish covers. This is awful.

2. See, now this is precious. I want to hug this book and buy everything that the author has ever written. I spend hundreds of dollars on books every year. They do not have ugly covers. Well, unless one of my author friends have something unfortunate happen to them, but I won't do it more than once.

3. You took the thoughts right out of my head.

5. Jeez, do we have to expect the publishers to give up on titles, too, now? When will it end?!

7. Ick, pastel.

8. Is she suicidal because she only has shoulders, hands, and feet?

9. I approve.

14. What the hell? This could have been done so much better! Ugh, I give up for the week. I'm just going to look at the other covers and give up hope for publishing.

Yep, no other words. *shakes head*

December 13, 2012 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger Ashleigh Paige said...

Is the head-cutting stuff another form of self-insertion? Like those cardboard things where the faces are cut out and you can stand behind them and get your picture taken in it?

Flicker and Burn: I sense a paperback redesign of Cold Fury a-coming to make them match fonts and images and things. WHY?! I didn't even like Cold Fury, but the cover was decent. I don't like this one.

When I'm With You: Yes, I'll have the pearls and meatballs platter, please. Seriously, forks are not sexy. Try to imagine putting a fork anywhere near your sexy places and you'll wince in pain.

Earthbound: This is at least the third time I've seen this stock image. They just screwed with it a little.

After Eden: EXACTLY! The new cover is still hilariously awful like someone forgot to undo it when they played with the hue and saturation. It's just slightly less awful.

Cold Fury: I knew it! I prefer the original cover because of how the girl's looking at the camera. The movement blur is a little irritating, but that face! That expression!

While It Lasts: Your forgot to mention that he's hiding an erection. I have it on good word (aka, I've been to country music festivals where this happens) that it's the main reason guys put cowboy hats in front of their crotches.

Mothership ebook cover: ... D: This is so awful that my face imploded. True story.

iFeel: It's paranormal, so ultra shiny bright cover wins. Me gusta! (Sorry, my love of shiny is showing. I'll go put it away.)

December 13, 2012 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

Release: I agree that this is one great self-pub. I spent about ten seconds staring at her to figure if she was a digital painting (which I would commend) or a HEAVILY airbrushed photo. Her skin is so smooooooth...where are her pores?!? Whatever skin care product she's using, I want in. But it's probably just severe airbrushing. *sigh* Not a fan of the floating swastika (at first I thought it a part of an arm band, but she's naked.)
Is it a paranormal? or historical? hmmmm

The Magician's Tower: O_O You like trees on MG covers? I like the illustration style, it's like one of those flat puppet shows. I'm not sure what Magicians have to do with this one..it looks like a fairytale to me.

The Deepest Night: Everneath and Everbound did smoke right. that's all.

Long Simmering Spring: THOSE PANTS LOOKED PHOTOSHOPPED ON (the gaudy drop-shadow where his pants meets skin is so fake.) Not a very good photoshop job either (I swear they made the left side a black blob because they didn't know how to connect his arms.) Probably used the text to distract from the fail. OOOO, a satin robe.

Revelations: He needs a tanning bed. Damn, that guy is white. Obviously those sunglasses are to protect his eyes from his blindingly bright skin. And he needs a hospital, because someone erased parts of his head/ear/neck. I think he problem with his "dirtiness" is because it looks like he got trampled on during a Black Friday sale and those marks are all footprints. Or weird bruises.

Sleuth on Skates: Not sure how you know what pig-fish babies look like.

Suicide Watch: Looks like a horror novel. You just know once he raises his head...it'll be a zombie.

The Path of Names: I am liking the way the title is drawn as well. I am curious why the stereotypical shy girl is just sitting there though. "I am so shy..I will watch my classmates run into the maze of light from a far..." Girl in orange has some fancy hair. Pink girl is missing eyes.
Doesn't look like too hard a maze though.

Oxford Whispers: It looks like she just lifted up her wig or something. That's so much hair...like a mop of hair just dangling behind her.

Interred: Spiffy indie-pub. I GET THE BOOK NO. ONE THING NOW. At first I thought it was supposed to be a tagline: "Book. No. One." which made me think, "Book no one? Like don't make any appointments? is this a horror novel?"

Second Rate Chances: "a novel" could be better placed..or just lightened so it doesn't blend into the dark background. But, not bad at all.

Up to Me: I think the question is who does that skinny arm on the right belong to. Because if the guy had such a long arm, I'd be scared....oh wait, it's the girl's leg. False alarm.

Flirting with Maybe: Scary. Like they are mysterious murders. And the girl is not making it better by her smile..that's looking sinister.
It looks like they were trying too hard to imitate Stephanie Perkins, and failed.

When I'm With You: I don't mind objects on romance covers. It's a lot better (and looks classier) than the ones with people lately.

December 13, 2012 at 6:43 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

Because Google has a character limit..so I had to break my comment up into two. *pouts*
If I HAD to pick, Earthbound would be the best of this week. But really, what's with covers lately? Or if cover battles counted, The Daylight War would have my vote.

After Eden just got worse the second time around.

I just saw Belinda Boring mentioned in a bloggers' Top Ten New-to-me Authors post a few days ago, so maybe she does have wonderful writing.

Katie's Hope: Whoever makes covers needs to stop it with the eyes on top thing. Ugh.

Because of Low: That pose makes me think the model is trying too hard.

Mothership: EWWWWW, why can't they just use the same cover for the ebook?!? TEENAGE PREGANCY NOTHING TO BE AWKWARDLY WINKING/SMIRKING AT.

iFeel: This title just makes me think it's a sci-fi.

Moon Spell: I know what you are saying about originality, but I have to go with the redesign. Just because it fits being an adult novel a lot better.

Take a Bow: What a shame. *yawn*

Capital Bride: I think they added that disgusting wrinkly texture just because they could. Her hair and his hat was spared.

Lilian @ A Novel Toybox

December 13, 2012 at 6:43 PM  
Blogger Kara_Malinczak said...

1. Totally agree. I saw this one and the placement of the Swastika was really off for me. The cover just does not make logical sense, even though it is pretty.

2. So cuuuttteeee!

4. He does look like he's wearing scrubs, doesn't he? Agree about the comma.

5. I love that cover. Okay, the title is corny, but I think this could be SO much fun!

6. The dirt looks fake and it looks more like bruises to me.

9. Ooooh, fun! I love this one! And I love mazes!

10. Umm, yeah. Publishers shouldn't get to put their names on the front of the book. Sorry, no. The spine and inside are enough.

12. I have no idea but if it's not easy to tell what the cover is supposed to be, it's probably a fail!

15. Haha, that's a cookbook cover? That is AWESOME.

16. I love it. Clocks on covers is always a win with me. Love the colors too.

17. I agree.

19. No, you are not the only one. I hate covers like this.

20. I don't think this is the final cover. It can't be. LOL.

21. Ewwww. Lord no.

22. Ummm, no. This is terrible. Especially the people. Bad design.

23. If I have nothing nice to say, I will say nothing at all. YUCK.

24. Haha, this is cute. You are so funny!

25. OMG, this is terrible too.

26. This is HARPER?

30. I agree. This is a great one. Also love the red background. I love red covers.

31. I like this!! But the tagline is ridiculous.

December 13, 2012 at 9:38 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

Yeah! I'm totally going to recommend Cover Snark to anyone with man-flu, I feel better already!

1. I want to get a napkin and wipe that blood away *you missed something there, lady*

2. Cute! I like the colours of the sky.

3. bahahahaha!

4. Is it a robe or (even worse) a silk shirt?!

5. Carniepunk is an....odd concept, but I do love the cover, even the random red splatters.

6. He is SO cool he cannot remove his glasses for fear of losing cool points!

7. Oh the eyes!

8. Meh says it all.

9. That's cool! I like the tree font.

10. Someone loves the curly accents.

11. Her hair looks icky. Shampoo and blow-dry, stat!

12. If that doesn't scream Christian, I don't know what does.

13. Blah. That is all.

14. Oh I like that one, but I do have a thing for city-scapes.

15. One of the most bad-ass cookbook covers evah!

16. The curly craze continues. Did indies ever notice these don't appear on trad-pub covers?

17. Not too bad, but it's all a bit matchy for me.

18. If their clothes coordination is the worst of their incompatibility....

19. You could almost assume he's loving himself and has feminine hands.

20. Now, I can't diss this one. However I can tell you that 'strapline' is because there's no tag line yet. Yes, I stalk her on Facebook :-D

21. I can honestly say, I've never seen some random shirtless dude in the forest at night. Ever.

22. *vomits* that is all.

23. At least the cover models look like normal people.

24. Way to get people to totally overlook the title.

25. *Cue Titanic music* LIVE for MEEEEEEE!

26. I guess it appeals to certain people *shrugs*

27. LOL!!

28. A man in clothes! Holy shit!

29. Mmmmmm pearl spaghetti is nom!

30. She looks really really tired.

31. Too. Much. Happening.

CB1. I actually hate them both...

CB2. The UK cover is far creepier. The US one could moonlight as a nice story about a small town and two people that went to high school together and got it on, one went away to college and came back a broken man and they fall in love again. Sorry, got carried away there!

CB3. Hahaha! Both are indeed hideous.

CB4. His eyes are SO creepy. Belinda Boring *snortles*

CB5. I liked the original much better.

CB6. Is there even a contest? but still hate CREEPY EYES.

CB7. YES! No creepy eyes = win!

CB8. Ambivalent also

CB9. See above.

CB10. There seems to be a dis-proportionate amount of cover models with not a single chest/stomach hair. That's not normal peeps.

CB11. And my ambivalence returns.

CB12. Resistance is Fertile? Really?!

CB13. I like the original far better, no matter what genre.

CB14. Those fucking eyes. Seriously.

CB15. Agreed, the hardback is way better! Attack of the guitars returns.

WTF: Ewww it's all swirly and makes him look like a hairy werewolf and her like a burns victim. Fail!

Phew that was a long one. Thanks Chief Snark ;-)

December 14, 2012 at 3:33 AM  
Blogger Giselle said...

Omg she IS naked! It hadn't registered. Maybe she's wearing a low cut tube top? >.<

Oh dude I LOVE MG trees! I thought I was weird! Teehee. They're so creepy and cool/cute!

LOL @ Huge fart!!

Wait... who has Photoshopped missing nipples?

Dude the Jessica Meid cover ROCKS! And he's dirty because they're running from zombies without a house or a shower! DUH! :P The pants though, no excuse for those.

BWahahaha. Duck!!

Hate the Suicide Watch cover. all I saw were 2 white blurs and it took a min to figure out what I was even looking at!

Am I the only one who tried to "complete" the maze? I'm not! I know I'm not!!

Daughter of Earth and Sky: OMG why is she looking at me like that? Did she just shit her pants?

"That's what she said."!!! Win!! Also: http://thumbpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/thats-what-she-sadi.jpg Poor girl!

The Sire's cover make me laugh. I don't know why. It's like.. weird to me. Fake looking, maybe. Floating kids?

Oh wow the new Heist Society cover doesn't match at all!!

I hate the new cold fury series covers because I hate that they ALWAYS CHANGE THE COVERS MID SERIES!

Oh I like the Second Rate Chances cover!!

Bahaha @ crotch up. I hate chests on covers with no faces. Wtf? Are they trying to seduce me to read it?

OMg I almost died at the Hurt cover! "He's probably hurting because he has an ocean in his chest. " BAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAH

Wicked lies: He's trying to inhale the sky!

"THE COVER WHERE i randomly use capitalization. " LOL. And like, she almost drowned, yet she's so happy! O_o What I learn=drowning is good! *off to try it out*

OMG That cover is Harper! The horror!!! Skulduggery. Bah!!!

"The balls are a metaphor." LOL

Omg, wtf is with the pearl spaghetti! The whole series is just as lame, but at least they don't eat objects!

Possession: You saw the wings, right? RIGHT?

I like the earthbound cover, but not the boys in the bubbles. The right one looks like Peeta!!

"Winner: The cover designers who are still getting paid for crappy work." LOL I agree the font is terrible and floating heads are always ugly! Always!!!

Oh Abbi Gline got picked up by S&S!? That's cooL! I love to see indies get picked up.

OMG That is totally the Earthbound cover!!

Did you notice the Moonspell cover, her eye has a wolf in it?

WTF cover: Omg that IS super weird! I thought they had some skin disease at first. O_O

December 14, 2012 at 9:58 AM  
Blogger April (BooksandWine) said...

I think the middle grade covers are just killing it this week. Seriously, I'd be happy to have those MG books on my shelf.

ALSO! I love the Abbi Gline redesigns as well.

December 16, 2012 at 2:40 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

sure is.

December 17, 2012 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

The cover's gorgeous, but it's just SO WEIRD. Haha, those steampunkers will do ANYTHING. I draw the line at clownpunk. Just saying.

Yeah, Double Crossed looks like The Clique books mated with Kelley Armstrong's first YA series.

Seriously, the way that Harper doesn't try on their Impulse books really upsets me. They make some of the best covers in general, but don't even bother for those. If you don't care about the ebooks, why make them at all? Why make a separate imprint?

I've heard enough things about the Wings series that I doubt Pike's books are for me.

December 17, 2012 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oh, well, I'm glad you found it. I do a cover snark post every Thursday, unless I'm out of town or it's a holiday.

December 17, 2012 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Both of those are so well done.

I think that might be the same guy on those two, and I wish people would stop hiring him because his face annoys me. He's also on H.M. Ward's covers.

December 17, 2012 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Because she's a vampire. And they're shiny. Remember?

2. Seriously, MG are the most consistently delightful.

3. OMG, you're right.

4. And if abs DID make me want to read a book, how would I choose when there are SO MANY COVERS based solely around abs.

7. Maybe it's for younger readers?

9. Me too!

10. I hate it. Happens more with indie publishers.

14. Oh man, I didn't notice those flames. Now they're ALL I can see. O_O

15. True. Gizzi does NOT need to be that big. I'm meh on the background, even though I usually loathe yellow.

17. It does. I HOPE IT'S THAT GOOD.

19. That's how I always feel about these covers.

21. Pretty sure he's being given a BJ.

22. I refuse to buy anything from the Impulse line until they shape up. Okay, I wouldn't buy them anyway probably, but STILL. Actually, the one for Scott Westerfeld's story is good, BUT still. This is unacceptable when I know what Harper can do.

23. They stole some vacation photos.

26. You're right, but I can see it having a lot of appeal for a certain young male audience. Yeah, I was shocked too. O_O

31. Yup. It's kind of pretty, but also annoyingly WTF.

CB1: It helps that she's not making crazy hand motions.

CB3: Three times? I missed one?

CB4: That dude's face CREEPS ME OUT too. I hate him.

CB10: Why can't their shirts just be closed?

Yeah, well, that's what you get when you have a wide net.

December 17, 2012 at 9:46 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Ha, romance covers! They do that.

The MGs were the best of the lot, I think.

December 17, 2012 at 9:46 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oh dear. That doesn't sound good at all.

5. Yeah, that's a bit of a mystery.

6. ...

31. From what I've heard about Pike, you might not be missing much.

CB3: SO ugly.

CB8: Yup. I wish they would stop that as well. Only in dire need situations.

December 17, 2012 at 9:48 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

3. *snorts*
4. Yeah. NIPPLES in my eyes.
5. He did a nice hob, and I would love it if the title didn't make me bust out laughing every time. Not his fault, though!
8. Ha, I like depressing.
10. Bahaha, they did cut her hand off. Or she's reaching up into the clouds!
11. Is Oxford really the cold in the summer? O_O
18. I never know who any of the people you talk about are.
19. Yuck indeed.
23. She just squashed his junk or something?
24. I don't mind stubble in person, but the macro close ups look weird.
25. All the font is awful!
28. This one's quite nice.
29. Ha, Hannibal Lecter might approve.
30. Ew. I don't read this genre much, but duly noted. No scheduling headaches needed.


December 17, 2012 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Bahaha, I don't blame you. I'm sort of meh about it.

2. You must end up with a lot of middle grades. Good for Bug at any rate.

5. Well, the title IS arresting.

8. Or maybe she amputated her head as a suicide method?

14. Let's see it!

December 17, 2012 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

I believe so, but I still know that's not me.

Cold Fury: Haha, yup. I'm not in love with either. Meh.

Forks do not belong in sexy places. I agree.

Earthbound: Ugh, it's a stock image. No thanks.

After Eden: WHY?????

While It Lasts: Bahahaha, ew. Now I have another reason to dislike country music (because this is the only kind of event where that would happen, obvi).

Mothership: O_O It's pretty damn awful.

iFeel: Haha, your softer side. :p Or you just can't see very well because your face exploded.

December 17, 2012 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Release: Vampires don't have pores. DUH. Also, it's paranormal and historical, I do believe.

The Magician's Tower: Meh. Don't care. It's cute.

The Deepest Night: Yup. This is a fail.

Long Simmering Spring: Your art school knowledge is helpful. His right arm does look really weird. O_O

Revelations: Hahaha, or he has a skin condition that makes his skin white and bruise easily.

Sleuth on Skates: I didn't know until I SAW one.

Suicide Watch: ... Whatever you say.

The Path of Names: Yeah, I wondered about that. Were she not on that hill, it would have been my outstanding cover.

Oxford Whispers: Yup. That does look like fake hair.

Interred: Bahahahaha.

Second Rate Chances: I wish they wouldn't bother putting 'a novel' on covers at all. There's no need for it.

Up to Me: Yup, I thought it was his leg in tiny pants, and I was weirded out for a while.

Flirting with Maybe: FLIRTING WITH MURDER.

When I'm With You: True, but they're such weird objects. The flowers and jewelry ones make sense to me, though not jewelry on a FORK.

December 17, 2012 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

The new cover (aka the one on the right) counts. I liked several, but none of them stood out from the pack.

After Eden: they're both so awful I can't quantify best and worst.

Belinda Boring: Or that blogger has ...different... taste. O_O Read some and find out.

Mothership: AGREED.

Moon Spell: It's an ADULT novel?

Capital Bride. BADLY DONE.

December 17, 2012 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. I'm with you. Some people hated it, but I'm on the fence.

2. Right?

4. And you edit for a living, so that mean's I'm right.

5. True. They've peaked my interest!

6. Yeah, but based on the same marks being on the cars in the background, I don't think it's bruises.

9. MG covers rock.

10. Agreed. Although this is probably ebook only, so no spine.

12. Exactly.

15. YES.

16. If I ever right a book, I will demand that they put a clock on it.

20. This is how I feel, but best to include it.

26. Apparently. X_X

30. Red covers with clocks. I am learning.

December 17, 2012 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Man-flu? O_o

2. I like ALL the colors.

4. It doesn't seem to have buttons.

5. VERY odd concept.

9. Not as good as the tree font in The End Games, but still awesome.

12. So that's not just me then?

14. Hmmm, cityscapes. Noted.

15. For real.

16. They probably did a few years ago. If you look at older YA covers, they look a lot like indies now.

17. True. They are wearing couple clothes. O_O

19. This is what I like to do.


21. Making his o face no less.


28. Look how nice men look in clothes!

CB2: You've got your novel written!

CB7: I wonder if that guy just HAS creepy eyes, because he ALWAYS looks like that. This one's only better because his eyes are closed.

CB10: I wish it were.


Bahahaha, yes, yes it does.

December 17, 2012 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, I don't know what's up, but she sure seems naked.

MG trees are the best!

There was a missing nipple a couple weeks back that someone noticed. It HAPPENS.

They could have done better with the dust, though. Just saying.

BAHAHA, That's what she said. AWESOME.

Changing covers mid-series is a DICK move. All the hardbacks should match one another and all the paperbacks should match one another. So think REALLY hard before you release an HB cover for book one.

Yup, women cannot resist shirtless burly men.


Drowning's good if you get rescued by a dude I geuss.

Bahaha, true.

I DID. But they're on the wall, so I'm okay with it.

OH GOOD GOD, I did not see the dudes in the bubbles. YUCK YUCK YUCK.

Yeah, her Vincent Boys series is out now, I think, by S&S.

Sure is.

I can't see the eye big enough, but YUCK.

December 17, 2012 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yes, MG wins for sure.

I like the Abbi Glines redesigns enough that I kind of want to try the series, but I'm pretty sure I would hate them, so...

December 17, 2012 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Kayla Beck said...

Oh no, the middle grades are for me. They're my palate cleansers after a load of crapstank that I read for whatever reason. I don't think Bug is ever going to be a major reader. :-(

As for Carniepunk, I bought the damn thing. Too many authors that I like have stories in it. I do feel better that the title started out as a joke.

December 17, 2012 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Look at you requesting the cute books! Aww, that's too bad about Bug. :(

Hahaha, oh did it?

December 17, 2012 at 4:32 PM  
Blogger Kate Copeseeley said...

Well, I was going to read through all the comments to see if anyone else said this, but DAMN, there are a lot of comments.

Anyway, regarding wildly... if the balls are a metaphor then the girl should be holding them. :)

January 4, 2013 at 12:50 AM  
Blogger Kate Copeseeley said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 4, 2013 at 12:50 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Maybe so!

January 4, 2013 at 10:23 AM  

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