Cover Snark (37): When Ghosts Get Handsy

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Commenting pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That's actually how I comment on other people's reviews too. I can't remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!

Warning: some covers include steamy content.

1. Camp Boyfriend - J. K. Rock

Thoughts: More than usual, I feel like I'm interrupting something. I also find myself very greatful that her skirt is not the least bit shorter. That grass is really long and itchy-looking. Very much a non-ideal makeout spot for those squicked out by bugs, but those two do not seem bothered. Reminds me of the Miranda Kenneally covers, only they did this better.

2. Free Souls (Mindjack Trilogy #3) - Susan Kaye Quinn

Thoughts: The United States of Meh and poorly designed chain link have come together to bring you a book cover. You know what never looks good in a close up? Eyebrows. Have you ever thought about how weird eyebrows are? Why do we even have them, other than that we look absurd without them, which doesn't seem to be something evolution much cares about?

3. Timespell - Diana Paz

Thoughts: There's a lot that I thnk is hilarious about this cover, but, ultimately, I do think it's very pretty. That dress is awesome and so are the colors and filigree. Unfortunate things: 1) that title font needs to go, especially the way they've done the "i," which they no doubt that was incredibly clever. 2) The glowy tattoo. Maybe that's just me but I'm really tired of them. 3) What is she doing with her hair? Who sits like that?

4. Avenging Angel (The Fallen #4) - Cynthia Eden

Thoughts: For those who can't make it out, that tag line says "a sensuous education." Oh boy. Bonus points for the heroine wearing practical clothing. Bonus points retracted for the dude having lost his shirt. Also, angel wings. It is possible to make an angel book without putting wings on the cover, you know! Also, that title font is horrid; those As need to be shut down.

5. Four Summoner's Tales - Kelley Armstrong, Christopher Golden, David Liss, Jonathan Maberry

Thoughts: In case you have trouble reading the number four, we've put it on here two different ways to help out! Mostly, I am bored to tears (that's not rain on there) by this, but I am happy to see that all four authors got their names put on in the same size.

6. The Order of Deacons (The Book of the Order #1-3) - Philippa Ballantine

Thoughts: I do not love all of this, but that illustrated woman is awesome. She looks a bit like Codex's character on The Guild.:) Is anyone else seriously annoyed when words are spelled with a "y" instead of another vowel to make a word look fancier, like spectyr or vampyr?

7. Dear Cassie - Lisa Burstein

Thoughts: Fitting, but kind of meh. I like it, but it doesn't have me any more interested in the book than I was before.

8. Where Beauty Lies (Beneath the Glitter #2) - Elle & Blaire Fowler

Thoughts: "A Beneath the Glitter novel" *runs away* Even for what this is trying to do, this cover is very poorly done. It's like they set Elle Woods loose in Photoshop with some images from advertisements and told her to hit it.

9. Seven Years of Bad Luck - J.L. Mac

Thoughts: Let's hope one cannot obtain seven years of bad luck for using awful fonts on a book cover.

10. Blood Vine - Amber Belldene

Thoughts: I actually think this is pretty, until I think about how awful her rash is going to be. Also, *squints* they may have airbrushed her boobs off?

11. The Eternity Cure (Blood of Eden #2) - Julie Kagawa

Thoughts: Hmmm, this is different. Meh. Better than whitewashing, I suppose, but this is trees on wallpaper. Also, I don't think the info about an excerpt needs to be on the cover. No one buys a book for the excerpt.

12. The Key Inheritance (The Burning of Isobel Key #2) - Jen McConnel

Thoughts: Font aside, I do really like the covers for this series. I mean, Scotland pictures. What's not to love? However, I do not know what the eff is up with her outfit. Is that a dark green velour suit? Because it sure looks like one.

13. Tainted (Wasteland #3) - Lynn Rush

Thoughts: "Even death can't stop true love." GET OUT.

14. Power (The Descendant Trilogy #1) - Theresa M. Jones

Thoughts: *snorts* That font, that cheesy fire, the model's panicked eyes. Self-pub fail.

15. Of Triton (Of Poseidon #2) - Anna Banks

Thoughts: For about five seconds, I considered reading this book. Wow, that's a compelling cover.

16. Love by Design - Taryn Raye

Thoughts: What, what, what are you doing? Look at your life, look at your choices, cover. And pull up your bra strap or you're going to flash your tatas at everyone. Is that even an off-the-shoulder shirt? Honey, no. Just no.

17. Mobster's Vendetta (Monster Series #3) - Amy Rachiele

Thoughts: "Look at this awesome blood drippy font I found on the interwebs! It's going to blow people's minds." - graphic designer from the 1990s

18. For the Love of Hades (Loves of Olympus #2) - Sasha Summers

Thoughts: Nothing says love is hell like flowers in a cave. Who chose those font colors? Who? Fire them immediately. Pukey yellow-green and orange, stop existing, especially together.

19. Racing Savannah (Hundred Oaks #4) - Miranda Kenneally

Thoughts: Not my favorite cover of the series, but I think this fits the mood of the series perfectly. Also, look, a dude who is not shirtless, burly, or long-haired. Hurrah!

20. Dream On - Renita Pizzitola

Thoughts: Wow, I actually really like this. And I now have Aerosmith stuck in my head instead of Michael Jackson! Also, I want some Papa John's.

21. Why Dukes Say I Do - Manda Collins

Thoughts: At first, I read this as "What Dukes Say I Do" and I was quite confused. Still, this title does not make sense without quotation marks around "I Do." As it is, I just want to know why she does what?!?!

22. Lennon's Jinx - Chris Myers

Thoughts: She kind of looks like a ginger Kristen Bell, right? *tilts head to the left* "Sometimes, we don't get to choose who we fall for." Tag lines, GO AWAY.

23. Shelby & Shauna Kitt and the Alterax Buttons (Shelby & Shauna Kitt #2) - P.H.C. Marchesi

Thoughts: When middle grade covers go bad.

24. Dracian Legacy (Dracian #1) - Priya Kanaparti

Thoughts: I actually really like the font on this self-pub. Good work! The "tag line" needs to leave and fast, though. Also, the poorly photoshopped necklace, which is taking my attention away from the pretty sparklies. Those things aside, I approve.

25. The Dark - Heather Self

Thoughts: The cover is pretty dark. I actually like the font best. Two in a row. My brain does not know how to process this.

26. The Devil's Triangle - Toni De Palma

Thoughts: Oh good, the terrible font is back and all is right with the world. That floating triangle really is a fantastic effect, made more serious and intense by the devil's tail. Too bad this guy didn't take his shirt off, because then this would be a trifecta of awesome! I COULD have trimmed the white border off of this, but I wanted you to enjoy it fully as revealed.

27. The Apple Orchard - Susan Wiggs

Thoughts: Susan Wigg's cover designers present: another boring setting and her name in giant font. Those picnic chairs look UNCOMFORTABLE. If you've gone to all this trouble, why not get better chairs?

28. Of Beast and Beauty - Stacey Jay

Thoughts: Very pretty, if not particularly unique.

29. The Marching Dead - Lee Battersby

Thoughts: This is AWESOME. Look at them trying to climb! Look at that one! It just fell down! Tee hee. On a more serious note, I love the textured look of the cover.

30. Night Vision (Indigo Court #4) - Yasmine Galenorn

Thoughts: *mumbles* Shiny! Purple! Intense knife! Wolfie! *grabby hands*

31. Savor - Kate Evangelista

Thoughts: Her proportions do not look right. O_o

32. Counterpart (Succubu & Incubi Assn. #1) - K.J. Hunter-Brown

Thoughts: Is he dead? Because he looks dead? Is she a necrophiliac succubus? Nope. Don't want to know. Moving on.

33. Being Me (Inside Out Trilogy #2) - Lisa Renee Jones

Thoughts: Oh, we found the girlfriend of that dude from one of last week's covers!

34. Revealing Us (Inside Out Trilogy #3) - Lisa Renee Jones

 Thoughts: This is an accurate title.This seems altogether too...pastel.

35. Black Feathers (Black Dawn #1)  - Joseph D'Lacey

Thoughts: Does anyone else have trouble distinguishing which is the series title and which is the book title when covers are done like this? I like this quite a bit, though I have little to say about it.

36. The Thing About Weres (Mystwalker #2) - Leigh Evans

Thoughts: Heroes and Heartbreakers, would you please stop revealing such teeny versions of the cover. I can hardly even tell what's going on to snark it properly! *leaves in a huff*

37. Alien in the House (Katherine "Kitty" Katt #7)  - Gini Koch

Thoughts: I actually think this is pretty dang awesome, especially since this is a humorous series and I think the cover achieves a nice blend of action and cartoonishness.

38. Acid - Emma Pass

Thoughts: The official cover reveal for this one is scheduled for Saturday, but it went up early on Goodreads. Can I get a 'wah wah'? I really like this cover. Sassy ginger wearing clothes that look good for fighting. The colors are fantastic. I can has?

39. The Treasure - Jennifer Lowery

Thoughts: Wow, that's some good photoshopping right there. It's almost as though they are really in that lagoon.

40. What Goes Around (Cracked Up to Be / Some Girls Are) - Courtney Summers

Thoughts: Look! It's a pleated school girl skirt that would actually pass the regulations at a high school! I don't like this as well as the covers for the two books that comprise this omnibus, but I do love that it combines elements from the two covers: the red lockers from Some Girls Are and the outfit from Cracked Up to Be.

41. Soul Awakened (Key to the Cursed #2) - Jean Murray

Thoughts: Every single time I look at this, I have to figure out what's going on again, because that girl's hair blends right into the wall, so I just see disembodied hands reaching for a casket. FAIL. Though, honestly, that disembodied hands thing might be cooler.

42. Art2-D2's Guide to Folding and Doodling (Origami Yoda) - Tom Angleberger

Thoughts: Cute title. Perfect for kids. Also, that chibi Vader may be the cutest thing I have ever come across in Cover Snark.

43. Feeling Death (Death #1) - D.T. Dyllin 

Thoughts: This is where today's post title really starts to come in. Of course, she's about to feel up herself, but, whatever, it counts. This looks a bit film noir, except for how hilarious it is.

44. Extreme Measures - Rachel Carrington

Thoughts: If this really called for extreme measures, he would have buttoned his shirt. There's nothing radical about a half naked man on a book cover. They're positively boring. I'm beginning to forget what men look like in clothes. GHOST LADY versus THE BIRDS.

45. Jessica's Wolves (Wolf Masters #3) - Becca Jameson

Thoughts: Oh dear. This makes me uncomfortable on many levels.

46. The Obvious Game - Rita Arens

 Thoughts: Why is that building all roof? I've never seen a building like that before. But, whatever, blurbed by the Bloggess means I'm there.

47. Released Souls (The Witch Avenue 3) - Karice Bolton

Thoughts: UGH, BUTTERFLY AND TITLE FONT. Why? And daisies, really?

48. Dangerous - Suzannah Daniels

Thoughts: I'm quaking in my boots at Mr. v-neck t-shirt.

49. Mourning Cloak - Rabia Gale

Thoughts: This is so close to being a really wonderful self-pub. Problems: 1) That title font has got to go. 2) Let the model go to the bathroom before you take the picture. The first grader trying to make it until the potty break pose really doesn't work for a sexy pretty dress cover.

50. The Rose Throne - Mette Ivie Harrison

Thoughts: Pretty! Another ginger! Is this the same model from the Austensibly Ordinary cover?

Cover Battles:

1. Dualed (Dualed #1) - Elsie Chapman

 US vs. German: Both of these fit the story very well. The German title translates to "You or Me," which sums things up pretty well. The title treatment on the German cover is very cool as well. I will never understand why so many foreign covers feel the need to throw extra words on a cover. THRILLER, as though you couldn't tell from the cover. Thanks to that, I now have Michael Jackson stuck in my head. Winner: US for being more unique and colorful, and not making me do the Thriller dance.

2. The Immortal Rules (The Immortal Rules #1) - Julie Kagawa

 Hardback vs. Paperback: Oh look, they cut the sun out of the Solar cover. Good work, guys! Winner: Paperback, solely to encourage publishers not to whitewash.

3. UnBeautifully (Undeniable #2) - Madeline Sheehan

? vs. Revealed Cover: I found the cover on the left on GR, and the one on the right was revealed this week. So many levels of ew in that right-hand cover. Winner: Both suck, but simple with ugly font wins over complex with ugly everything.

4. Tainted Love - Eva Marquez

 Touching the Surface vs. Tainted Love: That awkward moment when you use a photo from the same photo shoot. Winner: Touching the Surface for a better pose and shinier cranes.

5. Where She Belongs - Cindy Procter-King

Walking Away vs. Where She Belongs: Stock covers go head to head and scarf to scarf in this epic battle. No one really wins with a stock cover, but: Winner: Where She Belongs for adding vibrancy to a fairly boring photo, though Walking Away wins for font.

6. Fight with Me (With Me in Seattle #2) - Kristen Proby 

Facade vs. Fight with Me: Well, I didn't like this stock cover much when I first saw it, but I just learned how bad you can make it. Let's use a really horrific, clashing font, and throw some black ink onto it! She now has a shirt and black nail polish, while he is now sporting a tattoo and a black toupee. Winner: Nyrae Dawn for keeping it simple.

6. The Rules (Project Paper Doll #1) - Stacey Kade

 Take 1 vs. Take 2: Huh. I hasn't noticed the dude in the first cover. Weird. I didn't think it was possible, but the girl actually looks creepier now. Disney, why did you think this was better? Winner: Take 1, because in take 2 the model has a black hole for an eye.

7. Austenland (Austenland #1) - Shannon Hale

US Hardback vs. US paperback vs. UK: Make sure to click on these covers to see a larger image. I know the UK cover will be popular, but that's not my kind of art style. I do love her shoes though. Winner: US hardcover for not having art that annoys me.

8. Midnight in Austenland (Austenland #2) - Shannon Hale

US vs. UK: I do like the UK Midnight in Austenland cover a bit more, but it really doesn't fit the book as well. Winner: US for capturing the murder mystery mood of Midnight in Austenland.

9. Once Was Lost/What We Lost - Sara Zarr

 Once Was Lost vs. What We Lost: You know what's even more annoying than cover redesigns happening to series books? Title changes happening ever. This is such a mess for cataloging, plus, when it happens, you have a moment where you're like "Author X has a new book out! YAY!" before crashing down to the depths of disappointment. This is mean, publishers. Stop doing it. Winner: Though I actually really like both covers, I'm sticking with Once Was Lost because of the stupid title change.

WTF of the Week:

1. Southern Embrace - Tamaria Soana

 Thoughts: Yes, I know, you can see her butt and her butt chin, and it's awful. What makes this cover REALLY upsetting is the ghost dude who's watching them bone. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

2. When Noonday Ends - Carmen Desousa

 Thoughts: Don't you hate it when you're just sitting quietly on the dock of the bay watching the tide roll away and some ghost feels you up?

3. A Merry Christmas Finally - Jolene Beauchamp

Thoughts: I'm not sure if the best part is the title or the fact that they're all naked but she's still semi-clad.

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Of Triton by Anna Banks

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