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A Reader of Fictions: Sadie Hawkins Sunday Review #4: Modelland

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Sadie Hawkins Sunday Review #4: Modelland

Modelland
Modelland, Book 1

Author: Tyra Banks
Pages: 576
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Source: Library

Description from Goodreads:
No one gets in without being asked. And with her untamable hair, large forehead, and gawky body, Tookie De La Crème isn’t expecting an invitation. Modelland—the exclusive, mysterious place on top of the mountain—never dares to make an appearance in her dreams.

But someone has plans for Tookie. Before she can blink her mismatched eyes, Tookie finds herself in the very place every girl in the world obsesses about. And three unlikely girls have joined her.

Only seven extraordinary young women become Intoxibellas each year. Famous. Worshipped. Magical. What happens to those who don’t make it? Well, no one really speaks of that. Some things are better left unsaid.

Thrown into a world where she doesn’t seem to belong, Tookie glimpses a future that could be hers—if she survives the beastly Catwalk Corridor and terrifying Thigh-High Boot Camp. Or could it? Dark rumors like silken threads swirl around the question of why Tookie and her new friends were selected . . . and the shadows around Modelland hide sinister secrets.

Are you ready? Modelland is waiting for you. . . .


First Sentence: "You want to be there."

Review:
I've never done a vlog review before, and I doubt I'll do many. However, I thought it might be the best way for me to get my thoughts across for this particular book. I'm not going to type out all or most of what I said, but I will give you a quick paragraph's summation of my general thoughts on Modelland, as well as some additional feedback.

Honestly, Modelland was not as bad as I was expecting, but this doesn't mean it was good. The world it's set in makes no actual sense, as there don't really appear to be any people actually working in food production. Still, there are times when it comes close to being a funny satirical novel. It doesn't make it though. I think, with better editing and plotting, Modelland could have been a delightful satire. Also important in that would be the removal of at least 300 pages. Sustaining comedy over 600 pages just is not going to happen. Think of the best humor books you know, and you'll probably find them to be short. Brevity is your friend. Run through the same joke too many times, and it's not going to be funny anymore.

The other downfall of the book is that Banks makes the unique heroines too weird. They are objects of pity and disgust, rather than someone that a regular girl would relate to. The reader ought to see herself in Tookie and the other Unicas, but instead I think they're hardly better than anyone else.



Tyra, bless her heart, tried, but she's just not wearing the author mantle well.


Rating: 1/5

Favorite Quote: "'Look, I told you to leave her alone.' he said in a biting voice. 'Why can't your bitchy little brain understand that?'"

Up Next:
The next Sadie Hawkins Sunday book will be Fall for Anything by Courtney Summers. There was a huge break before I got Modelland finished up, but I hope to be back to pretty much weekly now. Thanks for the great suggestion, Renae!

Want to tell me what to read? Fill out THIS FORM with a book suggestion! For more details, check this post.

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34 Comments:

Blogger April (BooksandWine) said...

I just can't with Modelland. It sounds so stupid. I'm sorry like, ugh. Those stupid names. Those stupid powers. The moment your mouth opened to talk about the characters' names, I was like okay I can't take this book seriously.

Then you mentioned smizing. And I realized of course this book is awful, what did I expect.

Thanks for taking one for the team.

Also, I wonder who Tyra's ghostwriter is because you know there's probably no way she wrote it herself (don't most celeb books have ghost writers?)

February 17, 2013 at 8:33 PM  
Blogger Kara_Malinczak said...

I agree with April. Everything you said in your video review just sounded like gibberish and stupidity to my ears. Not your fault, it's the book's fault! Is it really supposed to be a satire? Because I can see Tyra actually writing this crap for serious.

I do have to say that I gotta give you a major round of applause for pushing through this one. Like, holy shit that could not have been easy.

Also, the accent? Not so bad!

February 17, 2013 at 8:51 PM  
Blogger Stephanie Sinclair said...

I was thinking the same thing about the ghost writer. Where would she find time to write a book?

February 17, 2013 at 8:56 PM  
Blogger Stephanie Sinclair said...

I am so impressed that you finished the entire book!

And thank you for proving that this book is just a big of a hot mess as I originally thought.

Is this book supposed to be a satire? The character names, sucking on some dude's thumb, pretty much everything just seems insane.

February 17, 2013 at 8:58 PM  
Blogger Jenni @ Alluring Reads said...

OMG OMG OMG OMG THIS IS HAPPENING! I LOVE IT!

What the fuck are Smize? Am I missing something here...

Love the accent bahahahahaha

OMG you struck a pose. There is nothing else in the world I would rather be doing right now than watching this.

Holy crap it's long. Stephanie is one evil cookie!

While I am sitting here watching this that GIF of Tyra doing whatever the hell she is going is and its creepy. Count your B's better LOL

Is this supposed to be a paranormal? She sounds like a paranormal character. Creepy as fuck indeed!

Terrible names in this book.

These Smizes sound pointless.... That is so dumb. I am really surprised that you finished this because I wouldn't be able too.

PARANORMAL AGAIN!

"I think he has a disease" *dies*

Oooh I see your Mira Grant books behind you! I can't wait to read those.. See how interested I am in this book at this point bahahaha

Yeah that is really long for a funny book, I totally agree with you. That length is too long for a lot of books, let along for Banks to pull it off. Bitch is crazy! That talk show she used to have, omg HILARIOUS!

Whhhhhaaaaat? I may read this just to find out how the hell she ends up sucking on his thumb WTF?

February 17, 2013 at 9:28 PM  
Blogger Jenni @ Alluring Reads said...

OH OH COURTNEY SUMMERS NEXT! YES!

February 17, 2013 at 9:29 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Just what?? I mean I love how much of a so bad I can't look away kind of mess this book is, but i just. I can't. Have to say I'm impressed you got through it. My roommate got it as a gag birthday gift over a year ago and I think she's just over a hundred pages in. And smizing. Best. Thing. Ever.

February 17, 2013 at 10:49 PM  
Blogger kara-karina@Nocturnal Book Reviews said...

Christina, I think it's time for our code phrase... Thanks for a shitty review as usual! :)))
But seriously, the heroic lengths you go to to honor Sadie Hawkins scare me. I don't think I would have been able to pick up this book based on the name of the author, but I'm relieved I don't have to feel that judgmental anymore because your review justify my refusal to do so nicely, and hoorah for that! :D

February 18, 2013 at 12:43 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, the book basically reads like a novel by one of the Beats. So, like you're participating in someone's drug trip. Maybe the author was snorting eyeshadow or something.

Woo! I am a team player.

Yeah, I'm sure she must have had a ghost writer, though I don't know who. I think it's crap when they pretend to have written the book themselves, when they've just made a contingency of the deal that the actual writer's name won't appear on the book.

February 18, 2013 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

I don't know if it's supposed to be a satire. Maybe? That was it's best shot of being a decent book, though, as I said, it didn't make it. You read this crazy shit and see if you can make heads or tails of it!

Thanks! *pats self on back*

February 18, 2013 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

DON'T YOU WANT TO READ IT NOW, STEPH?

*smizes*

No idea. It's definitely insane, but satire seemed closest to being a genre. I really just. I just. I don't know.

February 18, 2013 at 8:42 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Bahaha, so glad!

Ummm, no, you didn't miss anything. They're some sort of bling that actually doesn't matter plot-wise.

I am awesome at accents.

I forgot I did that. X_X I shouldn't be put on camera, because I do the dumbest shit.

Yup. Long book, long vlog.

Hahaha, Tyra is cray, for sure.

Paranormal, yeah. Of course, the powers really didn't serve much of a plot purpose, but they were there. Maybe they become more important later in the series, assuming that happens.

I only read this a chapter at a time, so that made it a lot easier to get through. I didn't read it for long chunks of time.

YOU NEED TO READ THE MIRA GRANT BOOKS NOW!!!!

I don't remember exactly how it happened, but it was weird.

February 18, 2013 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

I am basically a queen of reading. Actually, how I got through it is that I read multiple books at one time, so I only made myself read a chapter every so often. It was a LOT worse when I read the last chunk all at once to get it finished for Sunday.

February 18, 2013 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

:)

Well, I probably wouldn't have read this one if it had come from someone I didn't know personally or who wasn't an active commenter. But I know Steph, so I'll suffer a little bit for the amusement of my friend, you know?

Judge away!

February 18, 2013 at 8:55 AM  
OpenID rabbitsfortea said...

Maybe her ghost writer's one of the models who failed to win the competition xD

Elaine

February 18, 2013 at 9:06 AM  
OpenID rabbitsfortea said...

HAHA, Christina! The beginning of your vlog review is so cute.
What makes the book even more hilariously stupid is that Tyra totally didn't mean it to be a satire, so yeah... That's what I gathered anyway, from her self-promotion on ANTM (yes I watch that show).

But in the case of this book, at least it sounds like a hilarious train wreck :D
Again, I'm applauding you for completing this book.

Elaine

February 18, 2013 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Bahahaha, oh man. That would be sad. And maybe explain the inability to count Bs.

February 18, 2013 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oh thanks. *preens*

Hmmm, okay. Well, satire was as close as it came to making sense. Without that, I have no idea what to make of it. I will continue to babble mostly incoherently when I talk about this book then.

February 18, 2013 at 9:31 AM  
Blogger fakesteph said...

Wow okay. I'm kind of impressed that you didn't hate this one... even the description of it (the first one I read, not the one you use here) made me cringe. I love ANTM but this book just sounded.... not for me. I can always count on you to give every book a fair shot, though.

February 18, 2013 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Awww, thanks. Yeah, I mean, it was just so crazy that it was somewhat entertaining accidentally. Otherwise, it would have been a .5 for sure.

February 18, 2013 at 9:45 AM  
OpenID rabbitsfortea said...

Idk if you've seen this but...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwFYpEZg3KQ

February 18, 2013 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oh good lord. She talks like she really wrote it. O_O

February 18, 2013 at 10:27 AM  
OpenID tigerlilyrachel said...

Um. This sounds like quite a hot mess. Seriously, I just watched your entire vlog and now I'm so confused and can't figure out what in the world it's actually about. Cinderella meets Willy Wonka meets ANTM. WHAT EVEN IS THAT??? And those names! I was cringing the entire time. I give you props for getting through the whole thing because I'm not sure I would even be able to get through a page.

February 18, 2013 at 1:53 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

My book math is CORRECT, though. Maybe add in some Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and you're pretty much there.

I'm a champion.

February 18, 2013 at 1:58 PM  
Blogger Lenore Appelhans said...

I have in on good authority that Tyra wrote every word herself. And I believe it.

February 18, 2013 at 2:53 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Oh wow. O_O

February 18, 2013 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger kimbacaffeinate said...

This was totally new to me and after reading your thoughts I am going to get a mini mind wipe and forget about it..LOL

February 21, 2013 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Probably a good plan. It's like being on a drug trip, or at least I imagine them to be that way.

February 21, 2013 at 12:15 PM  
Blogger Laura @ Laura's Adventures in Bookland said...

This book sounds so awful. I will never pick this up because I have not heard one good thing about it. I can't believe there is the possibility of second one!

March 1, 2013 at 6:48 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

It's only entertaining for the WTF factor. Much better to just read good things if you can!

March 4, 2013 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger Vivien said...

Oh dear, I knew to stay away from this one. I just knew it. I'm sorry it was not good. So sorry.

March 4, 2013 at 5:28 PM  
Blogger Kirsten! said...

I'm almost positive this isn't satire. There was an ANTM episode devoted to making some sort of book trailer-thing for this, and Tyra seemed REALLY SERIOUS about everything.

Kudos for reading the entire thing.

March 7, 2013 at 6:27 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

You're very smart. I was put up to it. I was NOT going to read it. Haha.

March 7, 2013 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, I know that, but it's the only way I can remotely fathom how messed up this is. X_X

March 7, 2013 at 9:19 AM  

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