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A Reader of Fictions: Cover Snark (66): If You Can't Stand the Snark...

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Cover Snark (66): If You Can't Stand the Snark...


Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Forever (Temptation #3) - Karen Ann Hopkins
Thoughts: Best way to make your Amish boyfriend's family accept you: flash them your underwear while making out with your boyfriend in a field. They just love that. Actually, I'm not sure if she's wearing underwear. There's certainly no VPL. Why does she need to be princess carried anyway? And, seriously, why would you let someone carry you like that when you're wearing a loose, short skirt. GAH.

2. Fates (Fates #1) - Lanie Bross
Thoughts: Another girl who's probably flashing everyone in front of her. My, aren't we all open today? What I want to know is how she got to this rock without getting wet and extinguishing her lamp. Thing that REALLY bugs me: The title is in different fonts, so it looks like it reads FAT and then someone stuck an ES on the end. WHY? Is this about weight issues AND fate?

3. Hexed (The Witch Hunter #1) - Michelle Krys
Thoughts: You can tell she's a witch because she has big, poofy hair like Hermione. Speaking of, I'm still waiting for my magical powers that I obviously have. *taps foot*

4. School of Charm - Lisa Ann Scott
Thoughts: *pets the middle grade adorable* Look at the little blue house! I want to live there. Except that all those pretty flowers would mean bees everywhere, so, nevermind, I rescind my offer for this house.

5. The Woodlands - Lauren Nicolle Taylor
Thoughts: She has steps and trees in her face. I shall call her Stairface. Better than the girls with branches or roots growing on their faces, I guess. Also, I love the title font. So cute!


6. Caressed by Shadows (Rulers of Darkness #4) - Amanda J. Greene
Thoughts: Honey, if a man tells you he's just a shadow so it's okay, DO NOT BELIEVE HIM.

7. Indigo - Fiauna Lund
Thoughts: Ahhhhhhhh, that looks so uncomfortable. Like, it's pretty cool but I CANNOT.

8. The Shoe (The Believe Series #2) - Trista Jaszczak
Thoughts: Finn and Carly have been together for six months. Finn loves Carly; Carly loves shoes and Fifty Shades. Finn, ready to propose to Carly, has a genius plan. He will propose by putting the ring on her favorite dominatrix heels, expecting that she will find it during the night's festivities. What he failed to consider: walking. The ring fell off as they were walking to dinner and was never to be found again. On the plus side, it was only cubic zirconia.

9. All of You - Christina Lee
Thoughts: Pretty colors. Also, is she wearing pants? Or, really, is she wearing anything? The dude sort of looks like Chace Crawford, yes?

10. The Awakening (The Geis #1) - Christy Dorrity
Thoughts: It's all fun and games until you lose an eye. Time for a manicure. They're meant to be intimidating, but imagine if they don't retract. She'd be like Edward Scissorhands basically. Edwina Stilettofingers.

11. Shinobi (Katana #3) - Cole Gibsen
Thoughts: I am not entirely convinced that the blonde is really holding that katana. Also, what is up with her hair. Let's leave some of it over one eye like a makeshift eye patch, and then have the ghostliness of the part on the right sort of make it look like she has Vulcan ears. Totally a good call.

12. Open Road Summer - Emery Lord
Thoughts: This looks like a new adult cover, but it's not. The trends are seeping into traditionally published YA. Noooo, whyyyyy? I do like the bicycle and that the guy is shirted and possibly cute. I do not like the kissyfaces and the lens flare.

13. Reborn (Shadow Falls: After Dark #1) - C. C. Hunter
Thoughts: Coming soon on the CW starring Nina Dobrev!

14. Altered (Crewel World #2) - Gennifer Albin
Thoughts: ... Well, I sort of see what they're going for, but at the same time no. The hourglass shape doesn't really seem fitting (wouldn't a loom be more appropriate?) and I REALLY don't like that this is a person cover.

15. Killer of Enemies - Joseph Bruchac
Thoughts: Lame tagline aside, this is pretty boss. POC kicking some ass is awesome. Even sweeter, she gets to wear pants! I also really like that she's actually using her guns, not just posing with them. However, is she flying right now? What's happening?

16. Beautiful Player - Christina Lauren
Thoughts: Meh. At least he has a shirt on. This is a good week for clothing retailers.

17. Letters from a Murderer - John Matthews
Thoughts: It's not so much about the kind of cop, as about his haberdashery.

18. Sometimes It Lasts (Sea Breeze #5) - Abbi Glines
Thoughts: What is she holding? A yard stick? What are they trying to imply? *raises eyebrows* *rolls eyes*

19. Model Misfit (Geek Girl #2) - Holly Smale
Thoughts: Note to self: never allow anyone to photograph you with your tongue sticking out.

20. Chaos (Kardia Chronicles #1) - Christine O'Neil
Thoughts: Always good to put your fate and boobs in the hands of a random guy. He's totally trustworthy, I'm sure. Just flash him every so often to keep him motivated. As such, I recommend an outfit that allows for easy boob access, like a leather jacket over...nothing.

21. It Happened One Wedding (FBI/US Attorney #5) - Julie James
Thoughts: I bet the bride taking her shoes off happens at more than one wedding. I mean, look at those torturemobiles disguised as bridal shoes! She's expected to stand all through the ceremony and dance at the reception in those bad boys? I don't THINK so.

22. Forbidden Obsessions (Bondage & Breakfast #4) - Jodie Griffin
Thoughts: That actually isn't sweat. It's bacon grease from the morning's bondage using bacon strips.

23. Deception's Princess (Deception's Princess #1)  - Esther Friesner
Thoughts: Now that's an awesome head of ginger hair. Also, kids, the moral of the tagline is: if you want to lead an interesting life, LIE.

24. The Snacking Dead: A Parody in a Cookbook - D.B. Walker
Thoughts: As ever, thanks so much Entertainment Weekly for branding this cover as your own. Also, thank you, cookbook, for making me wonder what a cookbook for zombies would entail. Actually, I do know this, because of this book: finger sandwiches and such things.

25. The Monster Within - Kelly Hashway
Thoughts: *snores* *jerks awake* Oh, was I supposed to be doing somethizzzzzzzzzz

26. Dreams of the Golden Age (Golden Age #2) - Carrie Vaughn
Thoughts: Why is the author's name so absurdly large? *huffs* I love that the heroine's not remotely sexed up though. She's wearing chucks and pants and a jacket! We can literally see no skin. Also, I love that they used the comic book font for some of the words on the cover!

27. Til Death - Kate Evangelista
Thoughts: The tale of Chameleon Girl.

28. Night Owls (Night Owls #1) - Lauren M. Roy
Thoughts: Second moral for the children: studying is bad for you. Don't do it.

Cover Battles: 

 1. The Memory of Lost Senses - Judith Kinghorn
UK vs. US: Dear historical fiction covers, I love you. However, the British one has a really long boring tagline, so I'm going with fashion over fountain. My Pick: US.

2. Moirai (Aberrant #2) - Ruth Silver
Paperback vs. ebook: In a truly puzzling move (to me anyway, though I didn't dig into this too far), the paperback has one cover and the ebook another. Okay, whatever. Both are meh to me, but I prefer the ebook, since I've not already seen that model on a Rhiannon Frater cover. My Pick: ebook.

 3. Three (Article 5 #3) - Kristen Simmons
Take 1 vs. Take 2: Sigh. They realized something was off, but I don't think this is a big improvement. I did say it needed more red, but mayhaps I should have been more specific. What it needs is to look more like the rest of the series. The title was always across the top, with a reddish band behind, darkening from book one. Perhaps the band would be black now or a very deep red. Also, by moving the font up higher, it now looks one hundred percent like he's feeling up her ass. So, good job there. My Pick: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

4. Crewel (Crewel World #1) - Gennifer Albin
Hardback vs. Paperback: I ask you: what was wrong with the first cover? It didn't need the face maybe, but, otherwise, it's unique and beautiful and fits the book. A girl dripping down an hourglass to form a city in the bottom doesn't. My Pick: Hardback. Let's not make this a real thing.

5. The Unexpected Wedding Guest (The Wedding Season #1) - Aimee Carson
Original vs. Redesign: BAHAHAHA, in the redesign, they cut off the bride's legs! Now you see her; now you don't! My Pick: Original. It's got a real leg up on the redesign.

6. The Right Mr. Wrong - Natalie Anderson
Original vs. Redesign: Covering up the sassy shoes = MAJOR FAIL. I want those heels. I want them. Also, his shoes make him look more like a normal guy then a leg-grabbing romance novel creeper. My Pick: SASSY SHOES, by which I mean the original.

7. Girl Least Likely to Marry (The Wedding Season #2)- Amy Andrews
Original vs. Redesign: Okay, I just noticed the ampersand symbol on this new series. What the heck is it doing there? AND WHAT, COVER? AND WHAT? My Pick: Original.

8. If You Can't Stand the Heat... - Joss Wood
Original vs. Redesign: They've zoomed in, which now gives me leave to say "If you can't stand the heat, check to make sure you turned off the oven before you started having sex on top of it." But it's just a counter. Boo, original cover for ruining my lols. My Pick: Original. Seriously, I cannot unsee that ampersand. It must stand for Mills & Boon, the publisher, but like WHY? Even if it does, that is not the way.

9. The Iron Jackal (Tales of the Ketty Jay #3) - Chris Wooding
Gollancz vs. Titan: The title font on the Gollancz one is the worst ever. Just say no to that font. The picture sort of looks like something out of the movie Robots. Not blown away by the new one, but I think it's much more appealing than the previous offering. 

WTF of the Week: 
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I've found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of "Dear God, what is that thing?" If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to cynicalsapphire@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Girls in Tears (Girls #4) - Jacqueline Wilson
Thoughts: Don't you love how they put the tissue box on there? Also, I have a true story about this. A guy I knew in college told me about how his brother broke up with his girlfriend. With all of his family watching from the car (classy), he dumped her and gave her a box of tissues, saying she was going to need them. Ooooh, burn.

2. Killer Cows - D.M. Anderson
Thoughts: The green haze on the eyes is really subtle, no?

3. God is in the Pancakes - Robin Epstein
Thoughts: Trying to decide which is worse: the title or the fact that they put a white, pancake-shaped blob on her face.

4. Immortal Warrior (Immortal Brotherhood #1) - Lisa Hendrix
Thoughts: BUTT WINGS.

5. I've Fallen and There's a Tentacle in My Butt - Edward Naughty
Thoughts: What you see is what you get.
 

Outstanding Cover of the Week:
School of Charm by Lisa Ann Scott

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49 Comments:

Blogger Alessandra said...

I'm waiting for my magical powers, too. I've always wanted to be able to (dis)Apparate. Even though my hair is not really that big anymore since my latest haircut.

What about that "tentacle in my butt" title?? It's supposed to be erotica, but... bleah.

The killer cow made me snort out loud. Really subtle.

August 8, 2013 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Apparating would be the skill I would choose if I could select only one magical power. Traveling should be so easy.

Lol, right?

August 8, 2013 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger Judith said...

1. Rain. The future holds lots and lots of rain. And perhaps a breakup.

3. Wait, you have to have big hair to be a witch?! So THAT'S why I never got my Hogwarts letter. *pouts*

5. Is that... a cover with a face on it that I DON'T hate? Wow. I kind of like this. It's pretty cute and different and not terrible.

7. Fake lashes: now in Incarnate form.

10. Imagine trying to text with those nails.

14. *shoots redesigns* NOPE. It would have been better without the person but still... WHY?

20. Oh wow. This is... wow. No.

23. Heeee, it's a Brave novel. I hope it will be more interesting than the movie.

26. Another cover that is *gasps* not terrible. I really like the picture. The font treatment... hmm. I don't know. At least it looks different.

28. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TREAT YOUR BOOKS.

CB 4. Yeah, no. You can keep your disco hourglass and GTFO.

5. *snorts*

August 8, 2013 at 9:07 AM  
Blogger Jon Pilgrim said...

Great cover snark! Hooray for red heads on book covers! My co-workers are probably questioning my sanity as I giggled while reading cover snark! Haha!
-Scott Reads It!

August 8, 2013 at 9:19 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Rain will make her outfit even more palatable to his family, I'm sure.

3. TAKE THAT, you of the pretty blonde hair.

5. I like it too, even if it isn't terribly original.

7. Yup.

10. Bahahaha.

14. Agreed. The person was the final straw.

20. SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS HAPPENING?

23. Oh no! Was that movie bad?

26. I loved book one. I need this book. Tor, GIVE IT TO MEEEE.

28. It would be funny if they purchased the background from dog shaming. lol.

August 8, 2013 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

This is a common Thursday problem.

August 8, 2013 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger Megan (Ink Skies) said...

I haven't been commenting much on your Cover Snarks, but I will for this one because, one word: TENTACLE.

1. But if my future boyfriend did that I'd feel all warm and fluttery inside because it's so romantic! Really, though. A short dress?! That's, like, warning #1 that this girl isn't a good person to fall in love with - especially for an Amish guy!

3. I kinda like the tagline for this. It's cliche but cute at the same time.

4. MG books seriously have the cutest covers, but my favorite has to be Sidekicked by John Anderson.

8. I thought this was funky enough to be included in WTF, haha. Why didn't you?!

10. EDWINA STILETTOFINGERS.

14. I actually kind of like the new redesigns, but I agree - nothing can beat the original. I don't know why publishers think that female models on book covers makes a book automatically desirable.

15. Not a fan of the font treatment, but DAT GIRL. Ultimate badass!

17. Look familiar?

19. Her tongue looks like an... overripe strawberry?! O_O

WTF

5. Jesus. Well. I guess I wasn't planning to sleep tonight, anyway...

August 8, 2013 at 10:04 AM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Is that the Shard and St. Paul's in the distance in the cover for Altered? Without the girl, I quite like this cover. Although, I don't really see how it fits the novel. Not as bad as the AU/UK edition though.

August 8, 2013 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger Natalie Natflixandbooks said...

1. Who kisses like this? In a short dress? With an Amish man? In a field? Why?

4. I'd so live in this charming blue cottage. Bees be damned.

7. I just, ow, my eyes. At first it looked like it was growing out of her eyeball. Now that my eyes have adjusted to what I'm looking at it's a little bit better, but still, owie.

18. I think it's a bat. Which still begs the question why is she holding a bat while embracing some shirtless dude?

WTF 4. BUTT WINGS!

5. I just...wha??? Thanks for searing this into my brain. Lol.

August 8, 2013 at 11:01 AM  
OpenID readingbooksinbed said...

3. SERIOUSLY. YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT IS NOT TAYLOR SWIFT.

9. He looks like Chase and Ed Westwick had a baby, honestly. Aw, they combined 2/3 of the dudes on Gossip Girl into one model.

13. So many celebrities on covers this week! This seriously looks like a more serious Victoria Justice, with a little of Jo from Supernatural added in facewise.

23. "I don't want to get married, I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset!"

28. This is so Buffy. I love it.

WTF 1. Oh my god. Look how badly 'shopped this is. Look at the white spaces around her hair and between the other girls. HAHAHAHHAHA.

WTF 5. "And to add insult to injury, I'm wearing Uggs."

August 8, 2013 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger Lili said...

The only one I liked was the middle grade. O.o *adds to TBR*

But oh my god, the underwear thing with the Amish boyfriend! hahaha

August 8, 2013 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger Jen @ Pop! Goes The Reader said...

1. I'm more concerned with how poorly that couple appears to be superimposed on that background. Photoshop fail makes me die a little more inside each time I see it. Also, that male model doesn't seem particularly enthused with his current predicament. That face looks like he's bracing for something particularly distasteful, not that I can blame him given how the final product of that cover turned out!

3. Am I the only one who thinks that the model looks like Taylor Swift after a particularly windy day?

4. As charming as the title suggests. I adore the use of colour and light and I would love to live in a sweet, colourful house like that one :)

5. Forget the stairs, I'm more concerned with the railroad spike that seems to be impaled in her right cheek. That has to be a tad uncomfortable.

6. Maybe it's just me, but I would be concerned about any romantic relationship that came with a 'burning' side effect. Someone should tell the characters that they have creams for that.

8. It honestly took me a good five minutes to figure out what I was looking at. Now that I have, I almost wish I hadn't - Those have to be some of the ugliest shoes I've ever seen.

10. Why are her sleeves pulled down so low over her hands? That's always been a pet peeve of mine.

11. I know that I prefer impractical, limited visibility whenever *I* fight with swords.

16. The overexposure on this cover is killing me. I hate the choice of typography as well. Blerg.

17. I really love this cover. That is all.

18. I love the fact that it looks as though the female model is making eyes at someone off screen. Could these two look less interested in being together?

26. I hate when I have to tilt my head in order to read a title. Also, I absolutely hate the trend of having an author's name disproportionately larger than the title.

WTF 5. There are no words. Just...I can't.

I honestly look forward to this feature every week :D Great post, as always, Christina!

August 8, 2013 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger Ashleigh Paige said...

I tried to snark at the dentist's office while waiting for my appointment. Alas, it didn't work out. :(

1. Because it's about her pregnancy, I expected a baby bump. :/

3. I WANT to like this cover, but the model creeps me out something fierce with her face. WHAT IS HER EXPRESSION? Is she wondering why she's grabbing an X? Is she wondering HOW she can grab an X? Is she about to vomit? I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

5. At first glance, I thought this was a face within what reminded me of an ultrasound image.

7. This terrifies me because it makes me think the eye is about to take flight. Eye, come back! I need you to see!

8. Shorten those heels by about two inches and I'll marry them! Oooooh, pretty shoes... :D (I like my girly fashion stuff so much.)

11. My vote is that she isn't holding it at all. If she is, she's holding it by the very end with very little of her actual hand, and those swords are anything but light. If she were holding it like that, down goes the sword and off go three of her toes.

13. WHITEWASHED COVER. WHITEWAAAAAAASHED. I hate this author's book so hard, but damn it, Della was one of the few decent characters and that's who it's supposed to depict, but she's Asian, not white. ANGRY ASHLEIGH SMASH.

14. This goes for Crewel and Altered alike: it's going to hurt like hell when her body gets through that little hourglass piece and hits the bottom.

17. I thought it was Sherlock Holmes and Watson at first!

18. I know far too much about this book because I know it's a baseball bat. I hope it gets taken to the leads' heads because I already know they're both going to be fuckheads. I know how Glines works.

19. I think she knows whose house not to fall asleep at now that they've drawn all over her face and gotten pictures of her looking so ridiculous.

20. Because it's a great idea to give a teen book a cover in which the girl looks like she's flashing a guy. Oh, Entangled. They produce some of the most ridiculous covers.

24. Well, I know what my family is getting for Christmas.

25. I guess the title "The [evil adjective] Within" is only allowed to be attached to covers in which people are talking off masks or have masks. See The Wicked Within by Kelly Keaton. (Oooh, another Kelly! That might be a prerequisite too.)

27. Now THAT is a dress I do not want. It finally happened.

3. If God is in the pancakes, does that mean I've eaten God? Because I've eaten a lot of pancakes. I should go test that out and see if I have any wonky powers from eating God Pancakes.

August 8, 2013 at 1:01 PM  
Blogger Kat Balcombe said...

1. She's gonna be in the shit with the bishop catches up with her!

2. Sitting on a rock like that with no underwear on is not going to be comfy.

3. I just want to fix her hair! Not something you should think when seeing a book cover.

7. The more I look at it, the more painful it looks.

8. I thought you were going somewhere really bad with that comment...

10. Obviously my mind is in the gutter today, because imagine trying to wipe with those bad boys!

14. I'm really disappointed with the new covers - what was wrong with the pretty colours I ask you, cover people?!

20. Yep, there's a tornado coming but I'm too busy looking hawt to notice. Fear my belly, tornado!

22. Bahaha! And ewwww. All at once.

24. Even I don't want to know. Keep your brains to yourself, kids!

27. That's taking 'matching' outfits to a whole new level. Lady I saw today with toenail polish that matched her handbag - you have nothing on this chick!

CB4. As I said above - grrrrrrrr! I would actually completely skip past the redesigned one on a bookshelf.

WTF1. Apart from the hideousness of the cover, WHY does it say 'Winners of the..in England'. It sounds the wrong way around...

2. Jesus fuck that is horrendous.

5. That's some serious niche erotica right there...

August 8, 2013 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Christina @ Christina Reads YA said...

1. It's a storm! The dress is plastered to her skin! Of course she need to be carried like that o.O.

2. You know, I really loved this cover when I first saw it, but you're right. I didn't even realize it was in two different fonts. Also I'm surprised you didn't comment on the waterfall in the back.

3. Ha, then I would join you too. Also, are her eyes closed? I was about to say, yeah, and we could sport that fierce look too, but then I couldn't tell if that's her mascara or what.

4. Bees. *shudder* Also what is that statue? Is that a penis sticking out or... ???

7. People who have eye phobias: steer clear. Also it's kind of disappointing when the cover is revealed but there is no GR link up. Had the same problem with it yesterday.

8. No one ever considers the perils of walking when there's those kind of shoes around o.O. They're usually running for their lives, especially if they've seen the latest True Blood episode.

10. Nails like that always make me want to throw up. I can't do it.

11. It's resting on her shoulder. Also, what? The katana has no shimmer to the steel. It looks really fake, doesn't it?

12. But weren't they kind of always there for contemp. YA? There must have been a few kissing covers before NA took over too.

14. I tweeted at Giselle yesterday, but did you notice that her hair kind of looks like DNA strands?

15. I think I saw this one from you in a tweet, and I love it! I love what they said about needing to cast a Native teen for a photoshoot. I love the font and colors and hell if she's flying, she's even more BA than we thought :P.

17. lololol I love the look of the sidekick. His tophat is totally about to fall off and he's just... I don't know trying too hard? It looks like he's about to stick his head forward in some sort of Turkey dance. Okayokay, that's just me.

18. Now this guy looks like Chase Crawford.

20. There might not be much boob access with the lightning hitting her chest like that o.O.

25. At least that mask is pretty o.O. I am a huge sucker for masquerade parties.

26. waitwaitwait, do they call converse chucks? I HAVE WONDERED FOR AWHILE WHAT CHUCKS MEAN. Side note: I really like the angle of the photograph.

28. the look on her face...

CB5: You are a total pun person, aren't you?

CB6: YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT ME FOR THEM.

WTF5. lolololololololololololol omg dying.

August 8, 2013 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

BAHAHA. The tentacle is my secret weapon! I mean, wait, no. Not that. The tentacle and I have no actual association. To be clear.

1. That dichotomy is what they're playing with, I imagine, but I would not let someone carry me like that in public if my dress was so short.

3. It's very Ray Bradbury.

4. I had an interview with the designer of Sidekicked's cover. He does amazing work for films and such!

8. Because it wasn't funny enough to me. It's just bad not to WTF levels for me. It's a judgment call.

14. Maybe they do for teens, but ugh. Not for me.

15. Yeah, the way the font changes to black bothers me, but whatever she's a badass.

17. Lol. There's a market and they want to tap it.

19. I...don't know what to do with that.

5. Bahaha.

August 8, 2013 at 1:33 PM  
Blogger Hafsah - IceyBooks said...

Oh my. You are awesome. I do NOT like the new CREWEL cover, at all. I love the cover for SCHOOL OF CHARM though!

August 8, 2013 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger meg said...

1. At first glance, I thought the tag said 'Hey Amish, I'm hot' and I choked on my tea.

5. STAIRFACE!!

7. I don't...I don't understand. Is the butterfly hatching out of her eye like it's some freakish ocular cocoon? That's horrifying!

10. Edwina Stilettofingers! Applause all around for your cover model names.

14. MY LEGS!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME LEGS?!?!

20. When you're stranded on a deserted road with a creepy boy in what looks like an approaching tornado is a completely reasonable time to take off your clothes.

24. *quietly starts humming the Dexter theme song*

All the WTFs: I would like to start a fund for Photoshop lessons to be gifted to the designers of these. Seriously though, WTF (I'm looking at you tentacle butt)

August 8, 2013 at 2:51 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I...don't know. I'm not well-versed in skylines. Oh, the UK Crewel with the scary-faced ginger and green swirlies? I agree that that's worse.

August 8, 2013 at 3:03 PM  
OpenID thebookwurrm said...

There's a tentacle in MY BUTT??? That's the title? I was speechless for a good long second after I read that. Some of the covers here are horrendous and I don't like the Crewel makeovers either.

August 8, 2013 at 3:20 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Doesn't seem like the ideal kissing position to me.

4. I have a phobia. It's only happening if I literally can damn the bees. We will figure out another solution for pollination.

7. Nope. I can't.

18. FOREPLAY.

5. ANYTIME!

August 8, 2013 at 3:22 PM  
Blogger Bonnie R said...

2. That's so WEIRD... I totally didn't notice the change in fonts for the title. Why would they do that? Makes no sense.
3. Girl needs a hairbrush, stat.
4. Ohmygosh that is so full of cute. I love it.
5. That title font is fantastic, but pretty much the only thing good about this cover.
7. OMG WHAT IS ON HER FACE?? That looks so awkward.
10. Holy cow. Where are the nail clippers when ya need them.
12. Okay, I really like this cover. Not something I'd normally read but I love this. No idea why. Colors? The guy has a shirt on for once?
14. The hourglass really makes no sense. I loved the original covers with the neat swirly design and would have been happy to see a slight variation on that with different colors. The complete rework was unnecessary.
15. I was wondering the same thing... is she floating? And why is she shooting the E? What did it ever do to her?
16. True. At least there is a shirt.
19. Ew. Tongue. Back in the mouth, please.
22. Ew. I get it... sweat happens. Do I want to look at it on a book cover? Nopers.
23. Aww it looks like Princess Merida.
25. Why does she appear to have a bush in her hair?

Cover Battles
1. I agree, that long tagline needs to go away but I like the UK cover best. The US one gives me a Christian Fiction feel and I immediately want to put it back.
4. Nothing. Nothing was wrong with the first cover.

WTF
4. Wow. His wings really are coming out of his ass.
5. There are no words. LOL

August 8, 2013 at 5:17 PM  
Blogger Angie F said...

1. Yeah...I am not feeling this cover, but I am so excited to read it!!!

4. I love how cute and happy this is!

7. It's pretty. Looks itchy, but pretty.

9. It looks like she's wearing a tight dress.

10. Nothing to say about the cover at all, but Edward Scissorhands is my all-time favorite movie.

14. Whyyyyy?!?!?! The original cover theme was soooooooo pretty! What is this?!?!!?

21. I want those shoes. I actually think I might need them, even though I'm not getting married. I just...I do.

22. OMG LOL

Battles.
2. That is a dramatic change...I don't like either one.

4. I want to cry. Why would they do this?!?!?! HARDCOVER FOREVER!!!!

WTF
2. I'm pretty sure I've seen that cow down the road...

3. That is just weird.

5. OMG...ew...

Angie @ Pinkindle Reads & Reviews

August 8, 2013 at 8:55 PM  
Blogger Shelver506 said...

1. If he were really Amish, wouldn't he have a beard?

6. I must be truthful. Neither of these people are attractive. AT ALL.

9. I thought he looked more like Robert Pattinson. o_O

13. Soooo hard to tell what the title actually is.

15. The title is dumb. So so so dumb.

17. Hallo Mr. Cheekbones!

18. She kinda looks like a young Zhiva from NCIS, no?

20. And he leans to the side like "Guurrrrrrrrrl."

23. MERIDA!!!

August 8, 2013 at 9:43 PM  
Blogger Kat Kennedy said...

Buttwings! I can't even! Mah gawd!

August 9, 2013 at 1:24 AM  
Blogger Kara_Malinczak said...

2. I would never have noticed that about the font if you had not said something. Agree about her not being wet. But I still love the lantern so for me this is a win. :)

4. LOL at you and bees! I love this cover. It is adorable.

7. That is repulsive to me. And those wings are clearly useless. LOL.

14. Totally disappointed with the Crewel and Altered makeovers. BLAH.

20. Ummm. Is that Justin Bieber?

WHAT THE FUCK? I've Fallen and I Got a Tentacle in MY BUTT????? ROFLLLL.

August 9, 2013 at 1:50 AM  
Blogger Kimberly @ On the Wings of Books said...

I hate being late to Cover Snark but... work. Sigh.

2. She looks like she is very uncomfortable on that rock. I like the font and even though the E is weird it mostly matches the other letters.

3. OMG Every time I see a wispy strand of hair in front of a face I want to fix it. It's so annoying. Why do they think that it looks good.

5. *snorts*

7. I can't look away, but this is kind of disturbing.

10. *shudder* So a long, long while back I was working the McD's drive-thru and this woman came through with fingernails so long that they curled underneath. So. Disgusting. Just thinking about it makes me sick.

12. Wait, guys can wear shirts?

14. Totally saw the cover change for this series coming. Took too long to give this one a cover. It comes out soonish, right?

15. Definitely badass.

20. Is the ground glowing? Is that a tornado or some kind of volcano? Wait a minute... it's about a semi-god? This cover makes no sense at all, and I'm not even including her choice of wardrobe in that!

21. This doesn't match the other books and that pisses me off.

26. I am really bothered by the slanted font. Pretty cover but I just can't with the slanted font.

CB4. Hardback catches my eye, Paperback does not. Enough said.

August 9, 2013 at 6:52 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

3. OKAY I WILL NOT THOUGH HER FACE DOESN'T LOOK AS WEIRD.

9. Hmm, not really seeing the Ed, tbh.

13. Haven't seen either of those people.

23. Nothing wrong with being single. Or maybe this is Lordhawke. OMG, I would die.

28. That it is.

1. Yup. It's high class.

5. She can't catch a break.

August 9, 2013 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Not the best week for covers. Sigh.

August 9, 2013 at 9:46 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Haha, do you like how she has a glow around her legs? :-p

3. You are not. Another commenter definitely mentioned that.

4. So cute.

5. I cannot see it.

6. Bahaha, I always laugh when all of the kisses and touches feel like fire. Time to consult your doctor, folks!

8. Yes, yes, they are.

10. Oh, I love shirts that are long enough I can do that. :-p

11. Me too. Makes it more of a challenge.

16. Overexposure is a weird look to go for but they love it.

18. Yes, because there was that steampunk one last week. Haha.

26. Can you not read a tilty title without tilting?

August 9, 2013 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger Steph Sinclair said...

1. I like her boots.

2. This is really meh for me, but not terrible.

3. Good point! Why do witches never seem to have straight hair?!

4. This is so cute!

5. This isn't too bad, but doesn't really do anything for me.

6. Hahaha. These romance covers. Smh.

7. This is not a bad photoshopping job at all.

8. UGH. The font hurts my eyes!

9. Standard kissy YA cover. Also, no panties. I see NO PANTIES.

10. I was just thinking Edward Scissorhands too. Then I remembered that scene where he was sitting on the water mattress and his scissorhands got in the way. Hahaha. Awesome movie. Terrible cover.

11. UGH. I hated this cover the moment I saw it. That katana is so awkwardly placed over the blonde.

12. I actually like this one a lot. The over exposure of colors is a nice touch.

13. RIGHT! The CW. It's so very Vampire Diaries.

14. I dislike this cover so much. What's with the hour glass anyway? Is she on a time limit now in book two?

15. I've been staring at this cover for a while now and I still don't understand it. I personally don't care for it because I don't like the out of focus background and the muted colors.

16. Eh.

17. I've always wanted a hat like that, but I don't think my hair would fit.

18. I'm pretty sure that is a baseball bat. You can sorta see the handle in her hand. The cover matches the others, but what does NA have against shirts?

19. Clearly, this is not marketed to me.

20. DAT ASS. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. This cover is terrible. I don't like how the girl is positioned. I don't like the fake lightening going on and why does Entangled need to have their name on the cover?

21. I have never seen bridal shoes like that. Those are fancy!

22. Bondage and Breakfast? How does that work? Scrambled eggs with a side of handcuffs?

23. BAHAHAHA! What a horrible tagline.

24. I would read this book. Also, I'm hungry.

25. NOOOO, NOOOO, NooooooOOOOOOoooOOOooo!

26. The font here could use a major change. As in, move it and make it smaller. Otherwise the cover isn't bad at all.

27. Why does it look like the grass and her dress are one and the same?

28. For some reason, this cover reminds me of The Gilmore Girls.

CB:

3. Both are terrible to me.

4. The hardback easily wins. I don't understand why they decided to change the cover.

WTF:

1. LOL. Random box of tissues!

2. I can't even with this.

3. What? It's not even a cooked pancake! They put pancake batter on her face. LOL.

4. Ah, yes. The horrid wings strike again. I love how they are ready to take flight out his ass.

5. This looks like one of those books karen from GR would review. I think someone she recommend it to her. If you'll excuse me...

August 9, 2013 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Dentists: the murderers of all things fun, like snark.

1. Ew! It's about pregnancy? This officially became the series I least want to read ever.

3. Hahaha, all of the above I suspect.

5. Gross, what is with you and the pregnancy this week?

8. Nothing could make me wear those shoes.

11. Sort of how I felt about it. Asian ghost lady will chop her stupid head off. Go, Asian ghost lady!

13. Oh really? WOW. That's bullshit.

14. Sure is. Unless she's an amputee now.

18. Ha, did you read them? O_O

19. Sleeping around teens is asking for trouble.

20. They really do. Who thought this was a good idea? WHO?

24. BAHA.

25. It's a conspiracy!

27. That color combo is...intense.

3. Mmmmm, God is delicious then.

August 9, 2013 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. According to Ashleigh, she's also pregnant, so, yeah, they're in for some shit from the elders.

2. Nope. Not remotely.

3. Haha. I think you're meant to recognize her crazy. Her witchy powers make it do that.

8. I did think about it, but...

10. O_O YOUCH

5. Tentacle porn. It's totally a thing.

August 9, 2013 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Right! I forgot that women melt when hit by the rain. They cannot walk on melty legs!

2. Meh. Once I noticed the two fonts I was done with this cover.

3. I can do fierce.

4. BAHAHAHAHA OMG, I AM DYING RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MEEEEEE.

7. Yup, I could add it but I'm really not that bothered about your book's success. It would take so much time to add all the ones missing.

8. BAHAHA. So funny watching them run in heels. Also, I DID watch that episode. YOUCH.

10. They're nasty.

12. Oh yeah, for sure. However that font is very similar to what NA has been doing too.

14. Meh.

15. Very important, and it's awesome that they did that.

18. HAHAH.

20. Yes, because they are Chuck Taylors. Bahaha.

5. That I am.

6. *punches*

August 9, 2013 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Ha, thanks! I'm not sure what was up with the Crewel change. The original's such a neat, unique idea!

August 9, 2013 at 2:16 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. Lol. That would be an improvement.

7. EWWWWWWW

10. You are welcome for my brilliance.

14. HAHAHHAA, I like how she is part pirate.

20. No time better.

Tentacle butt. *snorts*

August 9, 2013 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Aren't you grateful I bring such knowledge into your world?

August 9, 2013 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

2. I didn't notice it myself initially, but now it cannot be unseen.

3. GIRL LIKES IT THAT WAY. GIRL KILL YOU WITH CAREBEAR STARE.

14. Yup, this is definitely a step back. It's so boring and just weird and no.

15. It is her E-nemy!!!!

22. Agreed. It's always gross.

25. Best not to ask.

1. HA, that is awesome.

4. I know! It's the best.

August 9, 2013 at 2:47 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

21. For some reason, I really don't like the brightly colored shoe bottoms. I am just puzzled by it.

August 9, 2013 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I didn't have time to comment on most of the covers like usual, but as always you put together a fabulous post!! OMG the WTF covers. The Killer Cows and the Tentacle one... *dies*
I am also mad that they changed the cover for Crewel. I loved the original.

August 9, 2013 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. He's not a real Amish man. He's incapable of growing a beard.

6. I certainly do not want them.

9. That's because of the pink tint. LOL.

13. Yes, yes it is. Is it Shadow After Dark Falls? I THINK SO.

18. Not seen that, sorry!

20. HE DOES.

August 9, 2013 at 3:36 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Imagine him trying to fly.

August 9, 2013 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger Kayla Beck said...

1. I just read the blurb to see if this book was for real. (That cover is just silly!) I still don't know if it is. O.O

2. The dress has to be wet. It was white and now see-through.

3. I have ultra-big poofy hair - WHERE IS MY MAGIC AND HOGWARTS LETTER?!

4. *hugs it*

7. I have a wing like that hanging off the windshield wiper of my car. I'm going to make a less disturbing book cover with a picture of it.

14. That hourglass is there to cover her badonkadonk. We have a full-figured YA heroine! *dances*

22. Wow, I take my bondage at breakfast too!

23. If the hair was a little bit darker, that would be me. (Okay, a little bit fatter, too.) I have to buy this book.

24. This makes me uncomfortable for some reason. VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

27. I think she may have started her period and did not notice. Yes, that's gross, but fuck. What am I supposed to think when I see that?

WTF4. FABIO IS BACK!!

WTF5. I can't even...

August 9, 2013 at 4:02 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

2. Weird, is it not?

4. BEES ARE THE WORST AND SHOULD NOT EXIST.

7. Yes, yes, they are.

20. I cannot tell, but I don't look at Bieber much.

IT IS TRUE.

August 9, 2013 at 4:16 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

*shakes head at work*

2. Both the E and the S have very curvy edges. They're definitely a different font.

3. I guess it's intense? I don't know?

10. OMG NO.

14. I know. I was surprised too.

20. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.

August 9, 2013 at 4:25 PM  
Blogger Katie M. Stout said...

OH, THIS is where you were talking about Edwina Stilettofingers. I saw that on Twitter and was like, "What?!" lol

You have something against lens flare, don't you? I feel like you always complain about it. Hah! I'm a lens flare fan, and I actually really like the cover for OPEN ROAD SUMMER, even though I'm usually anti-kissy cover. But I just love the colors on this one. Prettyyyyyyy.

I'm still trying to figure out who decided titling their book THE SHOE was a good idea. I just...really? LMAO!

OMG KILLER COWS I LOVE IT! HAHAHAHA!

August 9, 2013 at 9:09 PM  
Blogger kara-karina@Nocturnal Book Reviews said...

First of all, where do you get these ghastly covers, Christina?! :))) And secondly, who the hell would buy something about a tentacle in someone's butt? I seriously want to know what kind of audience this book is aimed for?

August 15, 2013 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Edward Naughty said...

<3

August 15, 2013 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger Lyn Kaye said...

I hate it when I fall and tentacles fall into my bottom....ugh.

September 7, 2013 at 9:50 PM  

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