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A Reader of Fictions: Cover Snark (69): The One Which Will Scar You for Fairies

A Reader of Fictions

Book Reviews for Just About Every Kind of Book

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Cover Snark (69): The One Which Will Scar You for Fairies


Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don't write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I've linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. World After (Penryn & the End of Days #2) - Susan Ee
Thoughts: Free-standing albino bat wings. Well, that's different. IF SOMEONE STOLE BARTOK'S WINGS, I WILL GET REVENGE FOR HIM. I WILL GIVE THE THIEF A HA AND A HIYAH AND I WILL KICK THEM, SIR.

2. Without You (Stripped #1.5) - Brooklyn Skye
Thoughts: If she were in the world of Frozen, would she hire people to tear her hair out for her? Curiosity aside, she found her clothes!

3. To Steal a Highlander's Heart - Samantha Holt
Thoughts: I'm pretty sure the key to stealing a highlander's heart is hidden somewhere in her hair piles. Also, I have so read this abduction romance plot set in Scotland before. Does it bother anyone that stockholm syndrome is a popular romantic formula? No. Okay then.

4. Chasing Before (The Memory Chronicles #2) - Lenore Appelhans
Thoughts: Dang, I hate it when I put on so much mascara I can't lift my eyelids to see how it looks. Even worse when I walk into my floating lamps. CURSE YOUR SUDDEN BUT INEVITABLE BETRAYAL, FLOATING LIGHTS.

5. Beautiful Beginning (Beautiful Bastard #3.5) - Christina Lauren
Thoughts: So she's a princess now? Or she's such a bitch she wears a tiara all the time to show how superior she thinks she is.

6. The Clockwork Wolf (Disenchanted & Co. #2) - Lynn Viehl
 Thoughts: This dress comes with the Anne of Green Gables stamp of approval.

7. Lawful Interception (Little Brother) - Cory Doctorow
Thoughts: The cover art for an e-novella. Matches the series, while also managing to suggest this is about Spider-man. Note the web-like cracking, the bridge from which innocent people are probably hanging in a bus needing to be saved, and the classy blue and red outfit.

8. In Control (The City #2) - Crystal Serowka
Thoughts: Text on the cover I can actually read! I approve! And a POC. Woooo.

9. The A-Word (Sweet Dead Life #2) - Joy Preble
Thoughts: ASSHOLE is always going to be the first word to come to my mind. Title fail.

10. Love Untouched (Unexpected #3) - Anne Leigh
Thoughts: A young woman falls in love with two swimmers at the same time. Ian is sweet and supportive, but a bit boring. Michael is a dick, but there's something about him (perhaps his dick? or his monkey face?) that she cannot resist. Camilla doesn't swim and, in fact, cannot get within thirty feet of a pool as she cannot walk without falling down even when there ISN'T water on the floor. They both love her passionately. What's a girl to do? Give them an ultimatum, of course: whoever will wear their swimsuit bottoms with one side pulled up too high for the longest loves her the most. Obviously.

11. The Harlem Hellfighters - Max Brooks
Thoughts: ONCE MORE INTO THE BREEAAAAAACHHHHH!

12. Ten Days - Olivia Mayfield
Thoughts: Apparently this is based on an E.M. Forster short story which is boss. But that is not the cover. I don't have much to say about the cover, though. Hmmm. City floating over model in building has never been my favorite design, but whatever.

13. Annihilation (Southern Reach Trilogy #1) - Jeff VanderMeer
Thoughts: Something tells me a lot of people will have trouble making those four lines of letters into a word.

14. Slightly Spellbound (Southern Witch #4) - Kimberly Frost
Thoughts: FLOATING CAT HEAD.

15. Since You’ve Been Gone - Morgan Matson
Thoughts: Okay, cover. It is your fault that I'm going to go watch Pitch Perfect again. Also, I need an ice cream cone. WHO'S WITH ME? I also approve of the fact that, rather than moping about a person being gone, she went and got her bestie and some ice cream. This is how the coping happens.

16. Luminary (Anomaly #2) - Krista McGee
Thoughts: What does that connect the dots W mean? I bet it's science and EVERYONE knows but me. This is clearly my thing of the week.

17. Z 2135 - Sean Platt & David Wright
Thoughts: No idea what this is about, but I do like it. Is it about 2135 zombies?

18. Armada - Ernest Cline
Thoughts: I am thinking of Atari. Boop.....boop.

19. All the Colors of Love - Jessica Freely
Thoughts: Love it! Gay superhero will spread the rainbow!

20. Better off Friends - Elizabeth Eulberg
Thoughts: This really doesn't click for me as a whole, but I do love the swings.

21. Steampunk Darcy - Monica Fairview
Thoughts: If that's Darcy in the bow tie, then I must go weep. According to the summary, it's a descendant of THE Darcy, but still no no no.

Cover Battles:

1. Unbreakable (Legion #1) - Kami Garcia
 
US vs. UK: US for being more original and the orange, I guess, but I don't really like the floating head with one eye or the U. So. Yeah.

2. A Different Kingdom - Paul Kearney
Old Version vs. New: The new one stands out way more. The other is indistinguishable from most old school fantasy. Person on a horse in a cloak = THE MOST FANTASTICAL.

3. Precious Things - Stephanie Parent
Original vs. Traditional NA vs. New: Oh hey, I approve of this redesign. How cute is that new model? Generally, I think it just looks a lot more professional. However, I don't mind the original either. Mostly, I just loathe the "sexy" one.

4. Lost Lake - Sarah Addison Allen
Take 1 vs. Take 2: WAY better than their first attempt. Now THIS looks like a Sarah Addison Allen book. Don't like how large the author name is or the title treatment, but I still want to go to there.

WTF of the Week:
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I've found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of "Dear God, what is that thing?" If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to cynicalsapphire@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Bump in the Night - Rachel Haimowitz, ed.
Thoughts: Thanks to Nafiza for spotting this beauty. You can guess what they mean by "bump" in the night. *cue George Takei* (Also, make sure not to miss the ghost hands.)

2. Teach Me Love - S. Moose
Thoughts: When you're asking a mannikin to teach you love, it is too late. (Her skin is gray! I call mannikin. Two living models are just too costly.)

3. Saving Alexander - Susan MacNicol
Thoughts: What really cracks me up about this one is that it looks like Lady Gaga's Alejandro music video got mixed up with her Paparazzi video.

4. Strange Angels - Andrea Speed
Thoughts: I call statutory rape. HANDS OFF, YOU CREEPY MERMAID ANGEL WITH LIGHTNING WINGS. Props to Experiment BL626 for your current need for brain bleach.

5. The Goodreads Killer - Dave Franklin
Thoughts: You're braver than I am if you accept THAT review request. Thanks to Shae for spotting this creeper!

6. Call of the Piss Fairy - Lee Allen Howard
 Thoughts: I cannot add to this.


Outstanding Cover of the Week:
Nothing inspired huge amounts of love this week. Plenty that I liked, but nothing mind-blowing.

Labels:

33 Comments:

OpenID thebookwurrm said...

The last one...I can't even. ....

August 28, 2013 at 5:45 PM  
Blogger Anya @ On Starships and Dragonwings said...

Bump in the night: wtf is that tentacle doing???

August 29, 2013 at 9:15 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

You are welcome.

August 29, 2013 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Andrea C. said...

1) Barok! NOOOO! Give him back his wings, this instant! Christina, we must avenge him.

18) He does have a thing for the 80s, so you might be dead on with that Atari thought

19) Imagine the theme song!

As far as Call of the Piss Fairy I don't even know. On so many levels, I just do. Not. Know.

August 29, 2013 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Liviania said...

Great taste in covers - I generally liked the ones you liked.

And The Goodreads Killer looks hilarious, although I don't know if it would be so in a good way or a bad way.

August 29, 2013 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger meg said...

1. Anastasia reference FTW!!

15. Pitch Perfect + ice cream = I'm there.

WTF 5.I can't believe this is a real thing.

WTF 6. WHAT IS THAT AND WHY IS IT HAPPENING?! WHERE DO YOU FIND THESE THINGS??? WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US? My brain hurts and I'm going away now.

August 29, 2013 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

HENTAIIIIIII

August 29, 2013 at 11:52 AM  
Blogger GillyB said...


1.You know, you really should watch your blood pressure. My nephew Izzy just keeled over mid-mango. Stress, it's a killer, sir. And he was a fruit bat. No meat. No blood even.

2. FROZEN REFERENCE FTW! Or more like FTL. Also, Brooklyn Skye? Isn't that cute.

4. What are her FINGERS doing?

10. I'd read it.

12. E.M. Forster and POC on cover overcomes the lame and done-to-death city skyline.

15. Song stuck in head song stuck in head do not sing do not sing

16. I LIKE! Also, don't question the SCIENCE.

19. GAY SUPERHEROES!!!!!!

21. No no no no

CB1. US, fo sho.

CB2. NEW! The new makes me think I need to read this thing!

CB3. I think the original is awkward. GREAT redesign.

CB4. Soooo much bettterrrrr *adds to TBR*

WTF1. I DID MISS THE GHOST HANDS! But not the festering sore on his pec. I'm sure that's not what that is, but that's what it looks like.

WTF2. HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO ASSAULT HER IN AN ALLEY THAT IS NOT A SEXY LOOK STEP AWAY FROM THE MANNEQUIN SIR WITH YOUR HANDS UP

WTF4. Hahahahahahaa look at his face hahahaha omg hahahahaha

WTF5. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD YOU WERE NOT LYING. I DON'T EVEN

NO BUT SERIOUSLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

MEDUSA HAIR AND CAT FACE AND AND PUBES AND A RAZOR

"HIS URINATION LET TO RUINATION"

I thought Frozen had broken my brain, but now. THIS. THIS DID IT.

August 29, 2013 at 11:54 AM  
Blogger Lynn K. said...

World After by Susan Ee - After 2 years of waiting for the sequel the cover just doesn't matter as much anymore. (okay, partial lie) It looks better day by day because it's closer to the release date than ever.

The WTFs this week...are just plain WTF. THAT LAST ONE ESPECIALLY.

August 29, 2013 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Jon Pilgrim said...

I need to forget the WTFs of the week. Oh god, especially the last one.
-Scott Reads It

August 29, 2013 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Bonnie R said...

LMAO So, that last one caused me to lose all train of thought. Why. WHY. There is so much wrong I just.. can't.

August 29, 2013 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger Emily @ Falling For YA said...

I am literally laughing right now! The Goodreads Killer is just too awesome! Floating Cat head!!!

August 29, 2013 at 12:39 PM  
Blogger Nikki said...

Wait, wait, wait... there's actually a book out there titled The Goodreads Killer? I shouldn't be surprised by this, but somehow, I am.

The girl from Chasing Before looks like she'd be a perfect candidate for a photo shoot on America's Next Top Model, although, she'd never win it because she's just not smizing enough. I do like the cover for The Harlem Hellfighters but it could make use of some zombies. There can never be enough of those. And is it funny that I thought of Pitch Perfect when looking at the title for Since You've Been Gone too?

New reader to the blog, love this feature! Keep up the awesome work!

August 29, 2013 at 12:51 PM  
Blogger Morgan said...

1. Anastasia for the win!!! Yes!
15. Such a cute cover, I love the summer feel and the friendship bonding with ice cream.
16. I think the W is supposed to be the constellation Cassiopeia- maybe that's where she goes in her space suit?

August 29, 2013 at 12:51 PM  
Blogger Judith said...

2. This looks like New Moon fanfiction. She would make a perfect Bella.

4. *snorts*

9. So... this book is about awful, annoying asshats who are all kinds of awkward?

10. I think that's a pretty accurate description of the actual book.

14. Ummm, hey girl? You got a stalker.

15. Cute! Morgan Matson always get the most adorable fonts.

CB 1. US! It's so much more original.

2. EEP THE SECOND! SO COOL! I <3 it.

WTF 1. Ahahahahaha. NOPE. I don't that bump anywhere near me.

2. a) He's about to make out with hair. Is there even a face hidden in there? b) She does not look healthy, but he clearly doesn't care. A girl is a girl right? c) I can only read S. Moose and think Smooch. Because that's how my brain works.

4. I'm sorry WHAT?

5. Oh. My. God. I can't even.

August 29, 2013 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger Rachelia said...

1. I haven't read these books but I like their covers - simple but bold.

2. Ehhhhh.

3. Stockholm Syndrome plots are ewwww.

4. I saw this earlier this week and I just don't get it. It seems so weird. Just looked at the first cover and it doesn't even seem like a series from the covers.

5. I like the idea of these covers: bold color, b&w cut outs. But the images lose so much detail and look washed out and weird.

8. DAMN I love this cover. Unfortunately, I'm not super interested in the book :(

9. I really hate this one.

15. LOVE it!

19. AWESOME

20. I have the same sentiments. Also, I feel like this will basically end up saying that boys and girls can't be "just" friends :(

Cover Battles
1. UK for sure

2. Woah these feel completely different. New.

3. Definitely Original!

WTF

1. WOAH WHAAAT?!? Creepy hands and tentacle. Also why is there no author, just an editor?

2. EWW grey skin!

4. LOLOLOLOL what is this!?!? Look at that dude's hair!

5. I'm just shaking my head.

6. MY EYYYYYYYYYYYYES! MY BRAIIIIIIIIN!!!!

August 29, 2013 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

6. Call of the piss fairy: This makes perfect sense to me, if I had worms nesting in my vaginal region I'd be really pissed too.

August 29, 2013 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

1) Right? That's so rude!

18) That he does. I WANTS IT NOW.

19) Hahaha, I bet it's FABULOUS.

Right? Like, this was obviously what they wanted. It's mystifying.

August 29, 2013 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Alexia Boesen said...

Okay I don't have much to say this week except...

WTF, especially the last one.

My eyes!!!!

Please brain figure out how to un-see what I just saw.

August 29, 2013 at 1:44 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, it makes me laugh, but, at the same time, I'm not sure it's what the tensions need just now. On the fence, basically.

August 29, 2013 at 1:57 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. THIS IS HOW I ROLL.

2. ALSO THIS.

5. Right? *hides*

6. THE INTERNET IS A SCARY PLACE.

August 29, 2013 at 2:07 PM  
Blogger Kat Balcombe said...

1. *hisses* where is the PRETTY?!

11. Oh the name of my town (minus an A), but Max Brooks? *hisses more*

14. That is one fucking huge leopard/cheeta if its head is as big as a window *runs*

16. Sciency thing? Eeep, no idea!

17. If it's Sean Platt and David Wright it's probably either zombies, or the end of the world, or both.

CB3. The new one kinda looks like she is trying to twist her own head off. The more I look at it, the more it freaks me out.

WTF4. That little kryptonite-thingy around his neck is totally NOT working on that freak!

WTF5. Bahahahaha. I wanna read it now ;-)

WTF6. *Falls over, dead*

August 29, 2013 at 2:10 PM  
Blogger Ashleigh Paige said...

1. Because there are bat wings, I demand demons. I DEMAND THEM.

2. The cover was unremarkable, but your comment was A++. So Frozen is the new Tumble & Fall/book of choice to make the butt of a joke? I like it!

3. It took me a moment to see anything but her hair. IT'S SO WEIRD. But yeah, she probably has a few keys, an escape rope, some mace, and a kitten in there because someone once told her IT'S NOT SAFE TO GO ALONE, SO TAKE THIS and handed her the cute little fluffy animal. However, the cat is out playing while she gets her freak on with the highlander.

4. *steals everything but the heavy makeup; I use it more lightly*

5. I was about to kick it, but then I saw her dress. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER DRESS? The black and the white and what I think is floral lace and it's so ugly I'm crying on behalf of what was probably a pretty good dress before a five-year-old with Photoshop happened to it.

10. Your chosen pictures cracked me up so hard and I love you for it. There's Mr. Le Gasp Face and Mr. Heeeeeey and I just can't. DONE. (But not really because I need to get to the super WTF.)

12. One of her shoulders is completely gone? It should stick out past her hair but doesn't. Eek.

14. WHY THE FUCK IS SHE POSING PRECARIOUSLY IN A WINDOW WHEN THERE'S A FLOATING CAT HEAD BEHIND HER? UF has some of the most ridiculous cover concepts.

21. I've never seen any Pride and Prejudice apaptation, so that image of Darcy will be stuck in my head for a while. NOOOOOOO. HE LOOKS SO CREEPY LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO GO "HEEEEEEY, GIRL" BUT NOT THE COOL WAY RYAN GOSLING DOES.

3. I fail to appreciate the adorableness of the new model because she looks like she's about to twist her head off.

2. I think he's trying to communicate "this could be you" with his eyes and it's not working. It makes me want to find my pepper spray and/or run for my life.

3. The title + the model + my poor skills at recognizing celebrities = me thinking it was about Alexander Skarsgaard.

4. ...What the hell is wrong with his hair?

We all know which WTF this is: SWEET JESUS. I laughed so hard I made several typos this around and had to go back and fix them all. The cat head and the lady body and the evil of the peeing fairy and the coochie guard and the fire and-- IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE IT. WHY IS THIS NOT YOUR OUTSTANDING COVER?

August 29, 2013 at 2:35 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

1. I am currently trying to figure out how we can procure a time turner so we can watch every movie ever in one week. *crosses fingers*

2. It's just precious. I thought you and Giselle would like that.

4. Holding a cigarette that they edited out because YA?

10. Writing it now!

12. Yeah, I'm curious about this one, I admit.

15. Time for me to torture you with lyrics.

4. Sarah Addison Allen is the BEST.

1. You are welcome. Also, tentacle.

2. YUP.

6. EVERYTHING HAS BEEN DONE HERE. THERE IS NOTHING MORE WTFY.

August 29, 2013 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, the cover's not very exciting, but to stick with the theme of the first, it really couldn't be, could it?

YOU ARE WELCOME. *passes the eye bleach*

August 29, 2013 at 3:22 PM  
Blogger Experiment BL626 said...

"Call of the Piss Fairy" WTF?! *head explodes*

August 29, 2013 at 3:58 PM  
Blogger Kara_Malinczak said...

13. You are probably right but I want this book more than anything!

15. This cover is so cute! But why does it make you want to watch Pitch Perfect again?

18. OMG yes. Atari all the way! I think that is the point though. Awesome!

CB2. I REALLLLLY love the remake. That is stunning and weird and I love it!

WTF2. She is gray! WHY IS SHE GRAY? Was that a boo boo? WHAT?!

6. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! Is that for real? Who would read that? Who would WANT to read that? Oh my god.

August 29, 2013 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger Brandy said...

3) Didn't you know? Stolkholm Syndrome is the sole reason Scottish Highlanders are able to reproduce. At least in the world-according-to-historical-romance textbook.

6)Anne would read that book. You know she would.

10) "Camilla doesn't swim and, in fact, cannot get within thirty feet of a pool as she cannot walk without falling down even when there ISN'T water on the floor."
-Hahaha! Yes. Because she is not a romance heroine confused about love if she can walk without falling.

13) I hate hate hate this trend of breaking up words on a cover. And yes, many people will spend more time figuring out the title (or not) than reading the actual book

21)NOOOOOO! That is criminal.

WTF 1: Don't miss the ghost hands? What about the octopus ?squid? tentacle? What is that guy doing in his free time??? *Doesn't want to know.*

WTF 6: WTF pretty much covers it like nothing else can. My mouth dropped and then I was all SCROLL UP! SCROLL UP FAST! I really shouldn't look at Cover Snark when my kids are still awake. :)

August 29, 2013 at 7:13 PM  
Blogger Shae McDaniel said...

1. You win all the points for this reference. ALL THE POINTS.

15. This is like a Taylor Swift music video. Little much.

17. I don't know, but it's pretty.

21. I can't get over his beard. Bleh.

CB2. Oh wow, love the new one.

WTF2. I feel like she's going to turn around and be nothing but a grinning skeleton, a la Psycho.

WTF4. Ick. Also, the guy being kidnapped looks so meh about it all. Just faintly bothered at best.

August 29, 2013 at 7:16 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

So just for the record, the sexy cover is the ONLY one that's gotten my ranking under 10000 in the kindle store...but yeah, I like my new one the best too. I stumbled across the image as a premade cover on a website and I just HAD to have it!

August 29, 2013 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Alex von der Linden said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

August 29, 2013 at 10:03 PM  
Blogger Alex von der Linden said...

I googled it to find out more. There's an excerpt from the novel.

http://leeallenhoward.com/call-of-the-piss-fairy/

You may not want to read that.

August 29, 2013 at 10:04 PM  
Blogger Lyn Kaye said...

Cover Showdown #3 - I would pick the new one!!

September 7, 2013 at 9:55 PM  

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