Top Ten Dystopias That I Would Not Survive

In pretty much every way, I am not equipped for life in a dystopian and/or post-apocalyptic society. I'm not strong, I'm not fast, and I live in fear of pain. Oh, and I'm vaguely uncoordinated. Basically, my hope in most of them would be to die as quickly as possible.

10. Monument 14 - Emmy Laybourne (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: Every disaster ever happens, such as monstrous hail and then with leaking chemicals that affect people's brain chemistry in nasty ways.

Why I Would Die: Well, assuming I was in the same scenario as the kids (aka in the Walmart type deal), I wouldn't...for a while. Let me just say: NO ONE WOULD GET ME TO LEAVE THAT STORE OR LET ANYONE IN. I would read every book in the store, do all of the crossword puzzles and eat until the food was gone. Unfortunately, either the food will run out someday or someone will get in and kill me to take my noms.

9. Divergent - Veronica Roth (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: For somewhat unclear reasons, people are divided into five factions and have to stay in their groups.

Why I Would Die: I am not a joiner. In high school, I was only in one club all four years (German club, which was very non-demanding. In college, I wasn't in ANY club all four years. Supposedly this means you won't succeed, but I did just fine. I don't like forced group interactions. Presumably I could survive the actual rites involved in being an Erudite, but I would probably get kicked out for skipping meetings...and I am not going to thrive in a homeless lifestyle.

8. Dualed - Elsie Chapman (Goodreads)

Basic Plot: To make sure the strongest survive, you have an identical alternate out there. Only one of you can survive. Winner of a to-the-death competition gets to live, or both die.

Why I Would Die: Because my Alt would kill me. Or maybe we're both chickens, so then we'll both die. Either way, this really doesn't look good for me, unless my Alt catches a disease and dies before we have to kill each other or is dropped on her head a lot as a child.

7. The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins (Goodreads) / Battle Royale - Koushun Takami (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: Teens are forced to kill one another in a bloody, violent battle for the entertainment of the masses and to teach those masses a somewhat vague lesson in obedience.

Why I Would Die: You may be wondering why this is so low on the list. Well, I figure my odds of not getting chosen to participate are pretty high. However, if I did, I would just wait at the opening and let myself be dispatched in the initial slaughter. I'm slow, weak and have never wielded a weapon. No sense in dragging out the inevitable.

6. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood (Goodreads) / Defiance - C. J. Redwine (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: Women have no rights...and, you know, some other stuff.

Why I Would Die: I WANT RIGHTS, GODDAMN IT. In Defiance, for example, women can only walk about if accompanied by a male guardian. Eff that. In The Handmaid's Tale, most women don't even get names of their own; they're simply property. I belong to no one!

5. Bumped - Megan McCafferty (Goodreads|my review) / Eve - Anna Carey (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: Virus wiped out reproductive capabilities and/or population for many, so teen girls are expected to do much birthing.

Why I Would Die: Oh HELL to the no will I be birthing any babies, not to keep or for someone else. The thought just makes me want to clamp my legs together forever.

4. Article 5 - Kristen Simmons (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: Conservatives take over the country out of fear of terrorism.

Why I Would Die: I don't take being told what to do very well. No criticism of my country allowed? I don't think so. In Article 5, there are also many banned books that they do sweeps for. Chances that I many of the books I own would be banned: 100%. On top of that, women are supposed to be PROPER ladies again. That sure sounds like me, no?

3. The Bone World Trilogy - Peadar Ó Guilín (Goodreads|my reviews)

Basic Plot: Cannibals and sky society. I can't give you more than that.

Why I Would Die: I would last .2 seconds in the cannibal society. Again, I am utterly crap at fighting and I'm a picky eater, so I don't think human flesh is going on the menu, and the monster flesh might be even more upsetting. Then, in book two, we get to go to the technological society up in the sky, which I could maybe survive, except that being in big crowds can give me panic attacks, so...no.

2. Ashfall - Mike Mullin (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: The supervolcano under Yellowstone explodes.

Why I Would Die: I'm far enough from Yellowstone that I would miss out on a lot of the worst, thankfully, but there's still the issue with food being scarce and the government cracking down. Besides, that would then cause other crazy changes to the weather, and I really just don't see me surviving if the craziness spreads to the southeast. Again, I'm not strong and I don't have food-growing know how.

1. All of the Post-Apocalyptic Zombie/Vampire Books:

Examples: The Newsflesh Trilogy - Mira Grant (Goodreads|my reviews) / The Weepers - Susanne Winnacker (Goodreads|my review) / This Is Not a Test - Courtney Summers (Goodreads|my review) / The Hunt - Andrew Fukuda (Goodreads|my review) / The Immortal Rules - Julie Kagawa (Goodreads|my review)

Basic Plot: Things that want to eat you.

Why I Would Die: I am slow and delicious.


So, everyone, what do you think your odds are?