Review: Magic Marks the Spot

Magic Marks the Spot
The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates, Book 1

Author: Caroline Carlson
Pages: 368
Publisher: HarperCollins
Publication Date: September 10, 2013
Read: September 8-9, 2013
Source: ARC from publisher

Description from Goodreads:
Pirates! Magic! Treasure! A gargoyle? Caroline Carlson's hilarious tween novel The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates #1: Magic Marks the Spot is perfect for fans of Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events and Trenton Lee Stewart's Mysterious Benedict Society.

Hilary Westfield has always dreamed of being a pirate. She can tread water for thirty-seven minutes. She can tie a knot faster than a fleet of sailors, and she already owns a rather pointy sword.

There's only one problem: The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates refuses to let any girl join their ranks of scourges and scallywags.

But Hilary is not the kind of girl to take no for answer. To escape a life of petticoats and politeness at her stuffy finishing school, Hilary sets out in search of her own seaworthy adventure, where she gets swept up in a madcap quest involving a map without an X, a magical treasure that likely doesn't exist, a talking gargoyle, a crew of misfit scallywags, and the most treacherous—and unexpected—villain on the High Seas.

Written with uproarious wit and an inviting storyteller tone, the first book in Caroline Carlson's quirky seafaring series is a piratical tale like no other.

First Sentence: "Master Hilary Westfield: It is with great pleasure that the League accepts your application to our Piracy Apprenticeship Program."

Review:

After my last middle grade was such a terrible dud, I was a bit afraid to embark into these pirate-laden waters. What if I felt like they'd shivered the timbers of these books unfairly, robbing them of a better life for inferior content? Or stole away my precious time, better spent with other books? Thankfully, Caroline Carlson's pirates aren't such vicious fiends. They're quite honorable, as pirates go anyway, and entirely lovable. Magic Marks the Spot is pretty close to perfect for what I want from a light-hearted middle grade: humorous, populated by lively characters, and promoting the idea that both boys and girls are capable of the same sorts of things.

Before I even got to page one, Magic Marks the Spot had already made me smile and snort. See, before the page numbers even start counting, there are several pages of letters, which set the tone for the rest of the novel. In fact, letters, documents, and snippets of books are woven brilliantly throughout the novel, a technique often used, but rarely done to quite so enjoyable effect.

Hilary Westfield receives a letter congratulating her on her acceptance to the Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates' Piracy Apprenticeship Program and telling her that the program will change her from "a wide-eyed and innocent young man." Hilary writes back, informing them of her excitement and correcting them on a factual error: namely, she's a girl. The VNHLP writes back aghast and offended, forwarding her application on to Miss Pimm's Finishing School for Delicate Ladies, much to Hilary's disgust. In her final response to the VNHLP, she closes with this:

"I assure you that I will walk the plank a thousand times, into cold and shark-infested waters, before I will attend Miss Pimm's.

    I remain,
    Hilary Westfield
    Really Quite Furious with You"

From that moment on, I was in love with this book and its characters. Hilary is a fantastically sassy girl who refuses to let anyone, be they parent, headmistress or pirate, tell her what her gender means she can and cannot do. Magic Marks the Spot is so girl-positive and anti-stereotypes. Pirates can be friendly, girls can be pirates, boys can sew without it doing them a lick of harm, governesses can be sassy, and old ladies can be badasses. These are excellent lessons for the intended age group, and are conveyed in a totally non-preachy way.

Look at her finding treasure. WE GOT THIS.

Though almost everyone she meets tells Hilary she cannot be a pirate because of her gender and social standing, she does not give up. She has a dream and will not let anyone stop her from getting there. Plus, she has a plucky gargoyle sidekick to help cheer her up when times get rough, like when she's forced to attend Mrs. Pimm's, which teaches courses like etiquette and fainting. Gargoyle is so completely precious, with his desire for ear scratches and dream of one day having a pirate hat.

Who doesn't want a pirate hat?

Hilary's governess, introduced as a rather drab, formidable figure, turns out to be wholly delightful as well. As soon as she ceases being Hilary's governess, she's able to open up to Hilary and truly be a friend. Eloise Greyson is a wonderful human being, and I totally support the ship of her with the pirate captain Jasper, Terror of the Southlands. He's basically the most lovable pirate after Captain Shakespeare from Stardust. Oh, and Charlie, his first made is adorably awkward, and I am waiting for some super cute middle grade romance to happen later.

And this is why Jasper is second, even though he too has a fine sense of fashion.

The one aspect that had me side-eyeing the book was how unaffected Hilary is to learn that her father is the bad guy. Yes, he's not been the most supportive parent ever, but she's sad for like five minutes and then is completely unaffected for the rest of the book. Admiral Westfield was not so terrible that a daughter wouldn't struggle to accept his villainy or be tempted to join up with him. Hilary's a strong girl, so I don't doubt that she would make the same choices, but I would have liked to see her feel more in response to what is a completely groundbreaking change for a child.

Magic Marks the Spot kept me grinning and laughing the whole way through. There's situational humor, sarcasm everywhere, and silly puns. Basically, it's perfection for me and other people who have the sense of humor of a ten year old, like, say, actual ten year olds. I see this being a huge hit with the intended audience, but it's a delight for an older reader as well.

Rating: 4.5/5

Favorite Quote: From a Miss Pimm's textbook

"A few words about PIRACY:
     This guide is shocked—simply shocked!—that a young lady of quality would consult it on such a scandalous topic. This guide politely requests that the reader close its covers and place it gently on a nearby shelf before it falls into a swoon."

Audiobook Review: House of Secrets

House of Secrets
House of Secrets, Book 1

Authors: Chris Columbus & Ned Vizzini
Narrator: Daniel Vincent Gordh
Duration: 11 hrs, 48 mins
Publisher: Harper Audio
Publication Date: April 23, 2013
Source: Publisher for review

Description from Goodreads:
From legendary Hollywood director Chris Columbus (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets) and bestselling author Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story) comes this first book in an epic new fantasy series.

Brendan, Eleanor, and Cordelia Walker once had everything: two loving parents, a beautiful house in San Francisco, and all the portable electronic devices they could want. But everything changed when Dr. Walker lost his job in the wake of a mysterious incident. Now in dire straits, the family must relocate to an old Victorian house that used to be the home of occult novelist Denver Kristoff—a house that feels simultaneously creepy and too good to be true.

By the time the Walkers realize that one of their neighbors has sinister plans for them, they're banished to a primeval forest way off the grid. Their parents? Gone. Their friends? A world away. And they aren't alone. Bloodthirsty medieval warriors patrol the woods around them, supernatural pirates roam the neighboring seas, and a power-hungry queen rules the land. To survive, the siblings will have to be braver than they ever thought possible—and fight against their darkest impulses. The key may lie in their own connection to the secret Kristoff legacy. But as they unravel that legacy, they'll discover it's not just their family that's in danger . . . it's the entire world.

Review:

Alright, audiobook reviews can be sort of tricky to review, since the experience can be so different from reviewing a print book. I notice such different things and don't tend to remember super specific details as well. I'm going to try borrowing (with approval, of course) April of Good Books and Good Wine's format she's been using lately.

Why Did I Read This Book?
Okay, this may not reflect particularly well on me as a person, but the allure was equal parts the famous name and the awesome cover. Basically, I was curious about whether this would be any good, and whether it would live up to the cover. Obviously, I was skeptical, because Chris Columbus isn't an author, but Ned Vizzini's written things of which I have had good report, so I thought maybe it would pan out well.

What's the Story Here?
The Walker family lost most of their money and their reputation when the surgeon father did something totally whack during a surgery. They've moved to San Francisco in hopes of getting far enough away from the lawsuit that he can find employment in a hospital (good luck, buddy). Though they lack much money for a house, the realtor show's them this totally insane house, Kristoff House, and they can have it for pretty much nothing. Obviously, they are stoked and ready to move in immediately. Then, the inevitable drawback: Dahlia Kristoff, the daughter of author Denver Kristoff, who built the crazy house is like totally evil and she kills the parents and sends the three kids to a magical world that continually tries to kill them. They face, among other things, barbarians, pirates, skeletons, sharks, witches, and giants. Basically, action, action, action. Oh, and there's a surprising amount of violence. Pretty much everyone gets injured throughout the course of the book and a few die.

How Are the Characters?
Characterization is totally not what this book is about, so they're pretty flat mostly. Elinor, the youngest walker, tends to actually be the most useful, even if she does tend to run into things without a plan, like when she stabs the leader of the barbarians with a fork. Brave, but ill-considered. Brendan is a teen boy, and he's pretty typical. He doesn't like to read much, and constantly has his eyes on a video game, but he steps up to defend his sisters. Cordelia, the eldest, should be my favorite, because she's all about reading and vocabulary, but she ended up annoying me because of her blindness with regards to boys. Oh, one touch I did like is that both teens actually had acne. That is so rare in books, and, seriously, how many teens don't have pimples now and then? Or, you know, all the time?

What About Romance?
So, like I said, Cordelia desperately wants a certain boy within this book. He's an aviator named Will, and he's British and handsome. Like, I do not blame her for crushing on him, because British and hot, however, he regularly says seriously sexist things and pisses her off. Yet, she will quickly brush that off and reset to swooning all over the place and being jealous, which only reinforces his negative attitudes towards women. He is totally not a candidate for romance right now, because that is not cool. Overall, though, Cordelia would rather have him as a boyfriend, even if he is sexist, than NOT have him as a boyfriend. Brendan has a couple of little crushes too. I will say, though, that mostly there's not much romance, and that the authors seem to delight in crushing their hopes for the most part, which was a pretty nice change from the romance heavy books I usually read.

Am I Going to Continue with the Series?
Probably not. It's not character-based enough to be an ideal read for me. I'm glad I satisfied my curiosity, but I'm not interested to continue on for more, especially since the direction it's going in at the end annoys me. I feel like this could have been a standalone, but those aren't all that popular right now.

How Was the Audio?
Daniel Vincent Gordh does a pretty good job. His lady voices are a little bit weak, but that's not uncommon. His little girl voice for Elinor was really obnoxious, though. Otherwise, he was easy to listen to, and the audiobook was an enjoyable way to pass the time. I don't think I would have been able to three star this in print, because it's just not really my thing, but it was fun on audio.

Sum It Up with a GIF:

I totally pictured the creepy Dahlia Kristoff as Ursula from The Little Mermaid, only missing a hand. And she totally magics the kids and then distracts a couple of them with romantic temptations, so this totally works. Oh, and also the kids are slightly transfigured by the experience, maturing a bit.

Rating: 3/5

Review: Rootless

Rootless
Rootless, Book 1

Author: Chris Howard
Pages: 336
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Source: Purchased

Description from Goodreads:
17-year-old Banyan is a tree builder. Using scrap metal and salvaged junk, he creates forests for rich patrons who seek a reprieve from the desolate landscape. Although Banyan's never seen a real tree—they were destroyed more than a century ago—his father used to tell him stories about the Old World. But that was before his father was taken . . .

Everything changes when Banyan meets a woman with a strange tattoo—a clue to the whereabouts of the last living trees on earth, and he sets off across a wasteland from which few return. Those who make it past the pirates and poachers can't escape the locusts—the locusts that now feed on human flesh.

But Banyan isn't the only one looking for the trees, and he's running out of time. Unsure of whom to trust, he's forced to make an uneasy alliance with Alpha, an alluring, dangerous pirate with an agenda of her own. As they race towards a promised land that might only be a myth, Banyan makes shocking discoveries about his family, his past, and how far people will go to bring back the trees.

In this dazzling debut, Howard presents a disturbing world with uncanny similarities to our own. Like the forests Banyan seeks to rebuild, this visionary novel is both beautiful and haunting—full of images that will take permanent root in your mind . . . and forever change the way you think about nature.

First Sentence: "They figured me too young for a tree builder."

Review:

As happens from time to time, I've read a book that is wonderful, but that does not work perfectly for the kind of reader that I am. Rootless by Chris Howard is a true dystopian/post-apocalyptic novel set in a nightmare landscape. The writing is beautiful and the characters are unique. I definitely like Rootless and I'm very impressed by Howard's debut, but I'm too easily confused by science for it to be the perfect book for me.

First off, I want to praise Chris Howard's writing to the skies. The writing is beautiful, perfectly matched to Banyan and to the world itself. Howard manages to establish that Banyan speaks in dialect with the use of words like "reckon," but keeps it to a minimum. Thus, he clearly gets across the sound of the characters without making Rootless any less readable. Dialect done wrong is a miserable reading experience, and I think Howard takes a marvelous approach.

Howard builds from a pretty standard dystopian formula with the evil corporation GenTech, but the world itself is like nothing I've ever read before. The world has gone to seed in just about every way possible. Trees and animal life (except for humans and locusts) have died out. The only remaining food source is a genetically modified corn that the locusts cannot eat, which means the locusts have to settle for the only remaining dietary option: people. Man-eating bugs are pretty much my worst nightmare. There are also pirates, and a whole lot of other unscrupulous, cutthroat folks. In Rootless, characters really do suffer, and it's not all about the romance; people die in nasty ways, just as they should in a good post-apocalyptic.

Banyan works as a tree builder. What's a tree builder?, you might ask. Well, since the trees are gone, the landscape's a tad empty. Rich folks will pay to have trees built on their landscape. Banyan, as his father taught him, crafts trees out of metal. This is a very strange concept, but one that puts such a stark mental image of this world into my head. His cast of characters is just as memorably strange as the trees built out of metal.

As I mentioned previously, the world in Rootless is one in which countless things have gone wrong. Genetic modification of foodstuffs lead to stronger locusts, which lead to no trees. A lack of trees presents its own problems. The moon also came closer to the earth, which messed with the ocean. All of the non-human animals are gone. Everything that's left is controlled by a corporation, the only institution capable of making food without cannibalism. All of this was just way too much for me to process, and I spent a lot of time confused, trying to figure out why something happened and what repercussions it would have on society.

From interviews I've seen, I'm sure Howard has done his research and put tons of thought into everything, but he lost me. Actually, I had a similar problem with The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi, which is beloved of many people who understand science much better than I do. To tell you the hard truth, I was at best a mid-B range student in high school science. I know just enough to get things really wrong and muddled. Readers with more science background or less inclined to puzzle over things endlessly will likely not have this issue. Also, since Rootless is told from a first person perspective, the world building will likely become more clear as Banyan learns more.

Oh, one last thing, Howard is a HUGE Star Wars fan. It's all over his inspiration board on Pinterest, for example. His love of Star Wars really shines through. There are some very cleverly done references, which I, having been raised from a young age to be obsessed with the original trilogy (the only one that exists in my brain), loved. Watch out for those, Star Wars fans!

I highly recommend Rootless to readers who enjoy harder science fiction with a focus on world building and storytelling. Fans of Paolo Bacigalupi and Star Wars should especially take note.

Rating: 3.5/5

Favorite Quote:

"'Zion. Trees. You're talking about heaven, boy. We be heading to hell.'
     'I don't know,' I said. 'Could be one's really just the same as the other.'"

Review: The Dust of 100 Dogs

The Dust of 100 Dogs

Author: A.S. King
Pages: 336
Publisher: Flux
Source: Gifted by Kara of Great Imaginations

Description from Goodreads:
In the late seventeenth century, famed teenage pirate Emer Morrisey was on the cusp of escaping the pirate life with her one true love and unfathomable riches when she was slain and cursed with "the dust of one hundred dogs," dooming her to one hundred lives as a dog before returning to a human body-with her memories intact.

Now she's a contemporary American teenager and all she needs is a shovel and a ride to Jamaica.

First Sentence: "With one last, almighty roar, the Frenchman fell to his knees and died."

Review:

What can I say about this book? I really do not know how I feel about the book I've just completed, and might not know until I reread it a couple of times in years to come. All I know entirely for sure is that my author-crush on A.S. King has gotten larger, and that I have never in my life encountered a book remotely like The Dust of 100 Dogs.

I've read two other novels by A.S. King, Everybody Sees the Ants and Ask the Passengers. As much as they differed from one another, The Dust of 100 Dogs is even further removed. Her other novels are contemporaries, but this one takes place in the seventeenth century and the 1990s. Her storytelling methods, the mature subject matter, and the settings highlight King's daring as an author.

Her love of history can also be felt in Everybody Sees the Ants, in which the main character's grandfather was a World War II veteran. Here, King goes all the way back to seventeeth century Ireland, in the era of Oliver Cromwell and English subjugation (well, one of many eras of that anyway). She unflinchingly depicts the brutality of the English through the eyes of eight-year-old Emer, who witnesses her mother's brave battle and her brother's death firsthand. Where she was once a weak, whiny creature with dreams of being admired for her beauty, Emer learns from this hard lessons about power and how to live.

Taken in by her abusive Uncle and his family, she loses herself in her grief for a while, retreating into herself and going mute by choice, since there is nothing worth talking about in her new life. This changes when she meets the love of her life, a boy similarly mute, Seanie Carroll. When she takes a stand against her cruel Uncle Martin, he ships her off to France to marry a wealthy, disgusting old man. Emer escapes and begins her wanderings around the world, eventually becoming the captain of a pirate vessel.

That's right! Thar be pirates here! These are the kinds of pirates one cannot help but root for, coming across almost as Robin Hoods, when compared to the slavers and the plundering Spanish. Emer, an honest, upright girl at heart, justifies her actions, her violence, with the knowledge that these colonizers do horrible things to the people whose land they are stealing. The comparisons drawn between the English in Ireland, the Spanish on the Atlantic Isles, and the manifest destiny of the Americans are brilliant.

King focuses on power and on colonization. Her tale is not a happy one. Lovers die, heroines are raped and stalked by the worst of men, and many people are held subjective to the whims of assholes with more will and more power. Even in Emer's modern life (as Saffron), this plays out through the abuses of her brother, a druggie, who steals and destroys everything her parents have, but whom they cannot begin to resist; they are willing victims. Emer, after her childhood experience, never allows anyone to make her into an easy victim; her suffering makes her strong.

The concept and execution completely awe me. King tells the story through shifting perspectives: Emer in third person, Saffron in first person, Fred Livingstone in third person, and notes about dogs. Emer's third person narration, with the exception of the prologue, follows her life chronologically. Saffron, blessed or cursed with Emer's memories still has her own distinct personality. She is a fascinating figure, a child with hundreds of years of memories, both human and hound. Fred may be one of the most creepy characters I have ever encountered, and I do not think I'll be forgetting him any time soon; he's like a rapist stalker combined with Gollum, which is just nightmarish. The notes about life as a dog and how best to raise them are typically King in their oddness. These include sharp insights into human nature, but do occasionally come across as a message from the humane society.

Much as I love the plot of this book and am wowed by King's bravery as an author to venture into such untrespassed lands of YA fiction, I do wish there had been more focus on characterization. My first priority for a book is characters I really connect with, and I did not really find that in Emer or Saffron. I like both of them, worry about both of them, and wish the best for both of them, but they did not capture my heart. With all that King had to accomplish narratively, this is not surprising, because the book would have had to be a good bit longer. If you do not read for character foremost, as I do, then this will likely not be a huge drawback.

If you are looking for a book unlike anything else in YA fiction, you cannot go wrong with A.S. King's The Dust of 100 Dogs. King writes beautifully and does not romanticize anything. Her books are honest and thought-provoking.

Rating: 4/5

Favorite Quote: "If dogs ran the world, there would be endless food, water, walks, and humping, but not much conquering. Humans want to conquer everyone they can, and buy everything they see. I think this is because humans have forgotten how to be happy."

Blood Ritual - Klaus Badelt

Steel

Author: Carrie Vaughn
Pages: 287
Publisher: HarperTeen

Brief Summary:
Jill loves fencing, but she is having trouble dealing with the pressure. She's good, but is she good enough? Her trainer wants her to try for the Olympics, but her confidence is pretty much shot after she lost a bout by just a fraction of a second. That tiny increment of time is seriously bringing her down, even though she's on a vacation to the Bahamas with her family. All she wants to do is mope alone in her room and walk sullenly on the beach, where she finds the tip to a rapier on the beach, but her parents make her go on a boat ride with them. When she falls off the boat in some unexpectedly bad weather, the piece of rapier transports her through time to the days when pirated ruled the seas...

Review:
I discovered Carrie Vaughn in Brave New Worlds, which I read and reviewed a couple months ago. Her story was one of my favorites, so I put her on my list of authors to watch for. Imagine my surprise and delight to see that she had two books coming out, both with beautiful covers: one adult, one teen.

The cover of Steel describes the novel as "a swashbuckling tale of magic, romance, and pirates." I was so there. The swashbuckling and pirates parts are most definitely true. Jill can be quite a strong lady, when she's not panicking herself into a frenzy. She definitely grows from a bit of an obnoxious whiner at the outset to a strong heroine, able to stand up to even the scariest of pirates.

The magic and the romance were a bit less present in the story. Certainly, magic is pervasive, but only in the rapier which brought Jill through time. Magic served that one purpose and no other. And it really didn't work for me. I think I would have preferred the more standard story where she disguises herself as a boy to run off and gets caught up with pirates. The journey through time just felt too contrived. There is romance of a sort, but it's not particularly romantic, nor is it long-lived or monumental. I did not ship her with anyone and think the romance, such as it was, did little to help the story.

Though I didn't love this one, it was a fairly interesting read. My favorite part was actually reading the acknowledgements, where the author acknowledges which parts of history she altered (knowingly). That is a section of historical fiction novels I have come to appreciate in recent years, nerd that I am. I still have high hopes for her adult fiction book, which I will be reading soon.