Review: The Burning Sky

The Burning Sky
The Elemental Trilogy, Book 1

Author: Sherry Thomas
Pages: 464
Publisher: Balzer + Bray
Publication Date: September 17, 2013
Read: September 15
Source: ARC from YA Books Central

Description from Goodreads:
It all began with a ruined elixir and an accidental bolt of lightning…

Iolanthe Seabourne is the greatest elemental mage of her generation—or so she's being told. The one prophesied for years to be the savior of The Realm. It is her duty and destiny to face and defeat the Bane, the greatest mage tyrant the world has ever known. A suicide task for anyone let alone a sixteen-year-old girl with no training, facing a prophecy that foretells a fiery clash to the death.

Prince Titus of Elberon has sworn to protect Iolanthe at all costs but he's also a powerful mage committed to obliterating the Bane to avenge the death of his family—even if he must sacrifice both Iolanthe and himself to achieve his goal.

But Titus makes the terrifying mistake of falling in love with the girl who should have been only a means to an end. Now, with the servants of the Bane closing in, he must choose between his mission and her life.

First Sentence: "Just before the start of Summer Half, in April 1883, a very minor event took place at Eton College, that venerable and illustrious English public school for boys."

Review:

In my experience, YA novels written by romance novelists generally go one of two ways: awesomely or atrociously. Now, this may not be the case for most, but, personally, I go to a romance novel and a YA novel for totally different reasons, and I don't want a romance novel from my YA; romance can (perhaps should) be a part of that, but there should be more going on than that. Thankfully, Sherry Thomas has written an absolutely amazing YA novel, bursting with fabulous characters, action, delightful writing, and a swoon-worthy romance.

Where do I even begin with what I loved when there is so much? Okay, let's start at the beginning, where we meet our stubborn, hard-working, thoughtful heroine Iolanthe. She's practicing hard to do the lighting at a wedding ceremony with her elemental magic, all to protect the job of her guardian, though he's done little to deserve it. Then in he comes, ranting and raving and reminding me of Haymitch (his name is Haywood - coincidence?). He tells her not to perform at the wedding and ruins her light elixir. Consulting a magic text, she learns a thunderbolt (or more accurately lighting bolt) can save her elixir, so she discovers some powers she never knew she had just like that. No big deal. This alerts everyone, both good and bad, to the fact that she is a seriously kick butt elemental mage, and they all want her for something.

Enter Titus: spoiled Prince or hope of the Domain. Because of a prophecy, he knows that he needs this elemental mage to help him save everyone from the tyrannical, apparently immortal ruler of Antlantis. Titus believes in the prophecy and will risk everything, including both of their lives to fulfill it. Though he's very goal-oriented, I took to Titus immediately with his spell-casting and his weird hobby of reading ladies' magazines because he finds them comforting.

Now we're getting to the really good part, namely the one where one of my favorite tropes comes in, and this really isn't a spoiler I promise, since you will guess it in the tiny prologue. Basically, to hide out from the super terrifying bad guy, Iolanthe has to go undercover at a boys' school, because Titus, misguided, assumed the mage of prophecy would be a guy, so he had a male's disguise ready. Oops. Lucky for him, Iolanthe is brilliant and totally rocks at gender bending. Why do I love this so much? Because reasons. That may have to do with the fact that there's always an adorable lgbt subtext. Like, yeah, Titus is straight, but he's totally not bothered by all the rumors that he and his friend Fairfax are actually gay lovers, which is a quality I find charming in a guy. Also, it means the heroine isn't super gorgeous all the time or fretting over her looks, and he likes her none the less for that.

Okay, so, obviously, there's a romance here, and obviously I love it. They have a total hate to love thing going, which is my favorite. They also, true to that romantic arc at it's best, excel at bantering with one another. Thomas really makes you feel the chemistry between them, and I was essentially trying to reach into the book and make them kiss all the way through. Even better, the romance doesn't follow traditional lines, Iolanthe generally being the aggressor physically and Titus the more emotionally committed. In fact, Titus totally spends a lot of time daydreaming and doing the fantasy novel equivalent of doodling her name on his notebooks, and my goodness but it's precious. Oh, and, even better, he doesn't mind letting her save him sometimes.

Leaving the romance behind, I also want to praise Sherry Thomas for how powerful women are in The Burning Sky. On both the side of good and of evil, in the past and in the present, women have achieved both high rank and high power. So often, it's just the heroine who really takes a strong female role, the better to stand out, but the Inquisitor, Helgira, and even Lady Callista are certainly to be feared and admired, in their ways. For once, this is a fantasy world in which everything isn't intensely patriarchal, even more rare in a historically-based fantasy.

My only quibbles lie in the world building, which is a bit of a pop culture hodge-podge. While this didn't detract from my enjoyment one bit, it's a bit to process and might annoy other readers with similarities to other works. For example, I was strongly reminded of Avatar: The Last Airbender, Howl's Moving Castle, and Stardust (one of the cutest scenes of that movie - and maybe book, but I don't remember - gender swapped). On top of that, I found the interweaving of our culture's fairy tales into this fantasy world rather puzzling. I guess this must be an alternate universe then? I'm not quite sure, which is sort of my point. There's a lot happening and it's all fun, but I'm left feeling a bit shaky.

The Burning Sky kept me on the edge of my seat from start to finish. If you enjoy the fantasy works of Maria V. Snyder or Kristin Cashore, odds are you will appreciate Sherry Thomas' YA debut. The sequel cannot come quickly enough. In fact, I loved the romance and themes in here so much, I may even try her romance novels.

Me, to this book.

Rating: 4.5/5

Favorite Quote:

"'Did they believe you? All boys tell such tales about their wands.'
     He glanced up, his eyes first blank, then lit with mischief. 'Maybe they do, but I actually possess a superior wand—the finest of its kind no less. The sort of fireworks my wand can produce will leave any girl breathless.'
     They both burst out laughing."

Don't Take My Word for It:
Good Books and Good Wine's word: "it’s a total fricken boss" - 5 stars
Snuggly Oranges' word: "It hit all the right notes." - 4.5 stars
A Girl, a Boy and a Blog's word: "Thomas’ style was very difficult to read." - 3 stars

Review: Magic Marks the Spot

Magic Marks the Spot
The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates, Book 1

Author: Caroline Carlson
Pages: 368
Publisher: HarperCollins
Publication Date: September 10, 2013
Read: September 8-9, 2013
Source: ARC from publisher

Description from Goodreads:
Pirates! Magic! Treasure! A gargoyle? Caroline Carlson's hilarious tween novel The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates #1: Magic Marks the Spot is perfect for fans of Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events and Trenton Lee Stewart's Mysterious Benedict Society.

Hilary Westfield has always dreamed of being a pirate. She can tread water for thirty-seven minutes. She can tie a knot faster than a fleet of sailors, and she already owns a rather pointy sword.

There's only one problem: The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates refuses to let any girl join their ranks of scourges and scallywags.

But Hilary is not the kind of girl to take no for answer. To escape a life of petticoats and politeness at her stuffy finishing school, Hilary sets out in search of her own seaworthy adventure, where she gets swept up in a madcap quest involving a map without an X, a magical treasure that likely doesn't exist, a talking gargoyle, a crew of misfit scallywags, and the most treacherous—and unexpected—villain on the High Seas.

Written with uproarious wit and an inviting storyteller tone, the first book in Caroline Carlson's quirky seafaring series is a piratical tale like no other.

First Sentence: "Master Hilary Westfield: It is with great pleasure that the League accepts your application to our Piracy Apprenticeship Program."

Review:

After my last middle grade was such a terrible dud, I was a bit afraid to embark into these pirate-laden waters. What if I felt like they'd shivered the timbers of these books unfairly, robbing them of a better life for inferior content? Or stole away my precious time, better spent with other books? Thankfully, Caroline Carlson's pirates aren't such vicious fiends. They're quite honorable, as pirates go anyway, and entirely lovable. Magic Marks the Spot is pretty close to perfect for what I want from a light-hearted middle grade: humorous, populated by lively characters, and promoting the idea that both boys and girls are capable of the same sorts of things.

Before I even got to page one, Magic Marks the Spot had already made me smile and snort. See, before the page numbers even start counting, there are several pages of letters, which set the tone for the rest of the novel. In fact, letters, documents, and snippets of books are woven brilliantly throughout the novel, a technique often used, but rarely done to quite so enjoyable effect.

Hilary Westfield receives a letter congratulating her on her acceptance to the Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates' Piracy Apprenticeship Program and telling her that the program will change her from "a wide-eyed and innocent young man." Hilary writes back, informing them of her excitement and correcting them on a factual error: namely, she's a girl. The VNHLP writes back aghast and offended, forwarding her application on to Miss Pimm's Finishing School for Delicate Ladies, much to Hilary's disgust. In her final response to the VNHLP, she closes with this:

"I assure you that I will walk the plank a thousand times, into cold and shark-infested waters, before I will attend Miss Pimm's.

    I remain,
    Hilary Westfield
    Really Quite Furious with You"

From that moment on, I was in love with this book and its characters. Hilary is a fantastically sassy girl who refuses to let anyone, be they parent, headmistress or pirate, tell her what her gender means she can and cannot do. Magic Marks the Spot is so girl-positive and anti-stereotypes. Pirates can be friendly, girls can be pirates, boys can sew without it doing them a lick of harm, governesses can be sassy, and old ladies can be badasses. These are excellent lessons for the intended age group, and are conveyed in a totally non-preachy way.

Look at her finding treasure. WE GOT THIS.

Though almost everyone she meets tells Hilary she cannot be a pirate because of her gender and social standing, she does not give up. She has a dream and will not let anyone stop her from getting there. Plus, she has a plucky gargoyle sidekick to help cheer her up when times get rough, like when she's forced to attend Mrs. Pimm's, which teaches courses like etiquette and fainting. Gargoyle is so completely precious, with his desire for ear scratches and dream of one day having a pirate hat.

Who doesn't want a pirate hat?

Hilary's governess, introduced as a rather drab, formidable figure, turns out to be wholly delightful as well. As soon as she ceases being Hilary's governess, she's able to open up to Hilary and truly be a friend. Eloise Greyson is a wonderful human being, and I totally support the ship of her with the pirate captain Jasper, Terror of the Southlands. He's basically the most lovable pirate after Captain Shakespeare from Stardust. Oh, and Charlie, his first made is adorably awkward, and I am waiting for some super cute middle grade romance to happen later.

And this is why Jasper is second, even though he too has a fine sense of fashion.

The one aspect that had me side-eyeing the book was how unaffected Hilary is to learn that her father is the bad guy. Yes, he's not been the most supportive parent ever, but she's sad for like five minutes and then is completely unaffected for the rest of the book. Admiral Westfield was not so terrible that a daughter wouldn't struggle to accept his villainy or be tempted to join up with him. Hilary's a strong girl, so I don't doubt that she would make the same choices, but I would have liked to see her feel more in response to what is a completely groundbreaking change for a child.

Magic Marks the Spot kept me grinning and laughing the whole way through. There's situational humor, sarcasm everywhere, and silly puns. Basically, it's perfection for me and other people who have the sense of humor of a ten year old, like, say, actual ten year olds. I see this being a huge hit with the intended audience, but it's a delight for an older reader as well.

Rating: 4.5/5

Favorite Quote: From a Miss Pimm's textbook

"A few words about PIRACY:
     This guide is shocked—simply shocked!—that a young lady of quality would consult it on such a scandalous topic. This guide politely requests that the reader close its covers and place it gently on a nearby shelf before it falls into a swoon."

Review: Antigoddess

Antigoddess
Goddess War, Book 1

Author: Kendare Blake
Pages: 333
Publisher: Tor Teen
Publication Date: September 10, 2013
Read: September 5
Source: Finished copy from publisher

Description from Goodreads:
The Goddess War begins in Antigoddess, the first installment of the new series by acclaimed author of Anna Dressed in Blood, Kendare Blake.

Old Gods never die…

Or so Athena thought. But then the feathers started sprouting beneath her skin, invading her lungs like a strange cancer, and Hermes showed up with a fever eating away his flesh. So much for living a quiet eternity in perpetual health.

Desperately seeking the cause of their slow, miserable deaths, Athena and Hermes travel the world, gathering allies and discovering enemies both new and old. Their search leads them to Cassandra—an ordinary girl who was once an extraordinary prophetess, protected and loved by a god.

These days, Cassandra doesn’t involve herself in the business of gods—in fact, she doesn’t even know they exist. But she could be the key in a war that is only just beginning.

Because Hera, the queen of the gods, has aligned herself with other of the ancient Olympians, who are killing off rivals in an attempt to prolong their own lives. But these anti-gods have become corrupted in their desperation to survive, horrific caricatures of their former glory. Athena will need every advantage she can get, because immortals don’t just flicker out.

Every one of them dies in their own way. Some choke on feathers. Others become monsters. All of them rage against their last breath.

The Goddess War is about to begin.

First Sentence: "The feathers were starting to be a nuisance."

Review:

I'm one of the few people who never got around to reading Kendare Blake's Anna Dressed in Blood, though I do have a copy and will read it...someday. Initially, it wasn't really on my radar, because horror isn't something I seek out, but the reviews convinced me. Antigoddess, however, was a topic that called my name and I was hopeless to resist that call, much like Odysseus and the sirens. Thankfully, Kendare Blake lived up to all the hype, and Antigoddess was a non-stop horrorshow and thrill ride.

Antigoddess is one of those books where the reader basically has no idea what is happening at any point. To predict the outcome, you'd basically need to be a prophetess like Cassandra. Sometimes, I hate this in books, especially in mysteries, but with Antigoddess it works. That feeling of being out of your element and out of control really plays into the mythology, the fact that these gods, even diminished are really beyond our ken. Though I don't mind predictable formulas (like romances and their inevitable HEAs), Antigodess was a refreshing change, because I had zero clue how it would end at any point, and have even less idea what will go down in book two.

I am all about Greek mythology, and, while Blake's interpretation might not exactly be canon, it's mindblowingly cool and creepy. So the Greek gods have basically continued existing and doing their things, blending in with humans or running around in non-populated places, whatever they want. But then, dun dun dun, they began to die. Obviously, they're not super thrilled about this because 1) they're supposed to be immortal and 2) they're dying in really nasty ways. Like Athena getting slowly smothered to death by owl feathers growing inside of her body. Anyway, Athena and Hermes are trying to figure out a way to stop dying, and so are some other gods (most importantly Hera and Poseidon) and they're all also at war. There are also so humans involved and it's all just nuts in the most awesome sort of way.

What really makes me squee about Blake's world building is how empowering it is for women. Yes, there were always female gods, and some of them are quite powerful, but, in Greek mythology, the dude's are still really running the show. In Antigoddess, though several male gods are present, it's the women who are running the show, specifically Athena and Hera. Hermes defers to Athena, for example, and Poseidon to Hera. In the original mythology, Hera is powerful, but mostly just gets to be cuckolded over and over, without any ability to prevent Zeus from sleeping around and then punishing the girl, who, often, Zeus even raped. Hera still may not come out of this smelling like roses, but at least she's imbued with agency. Within the human characters too, Cassandra and Andie are exceptionally strong. Blake writes female characters who kick serious ass and have brains to back that up.

Though I didn't emotionally bond with the characters, they're all fascinating and compelling, so that even the comparatively slow beginning didn't drag for me in the slightest. Also, good news for those who are sick of romance dominating plot, that is not the case here. There are some ships that you can board, but they take up relatively little page time. Also, for the record, I am definitely on a couple of those ships, and got to watch the one I wasn't on sink. Mwahahaha. *high fives Kendare*

The other thing I really want to note is how well Kendare writes. I'm not a visual reader, but Blake has a way of making things very visceral, and putting definite images in my head. Very few writers can do this for me, and I'm always so impressed when it happens. Her descriptions of the feathers seeding Athena's body especially will be haunting me for a while.

Kendare Blake's Antigoddess is a dark, creative roller coaster ride of a read. For readers who enjoy action-packed books or unique mythological retellings, particularly with a feminist bent, Antigoddess is a must.

Rating: 4/5

Favorite Quote: "'Everything born must die,' she repeated. 'But I sprang fully formed from our father's head. So that doesn't exactly count, now does it?'"

Graphic Novel Review: Boxers

Boxers
Boxers & Saints, Book 1

Author: Gene Luen Yang
Pages: 336
Publisher: First Second
Publication Date: September 10, 2013
Read: September 4, 2013
Source: Finished copy from publisher

Description from Goodreads:
China,1898. Bands of foreign missionaries and soldiers roam the countryside, bullying and robbing Chinese peasants.

Little Bao has had enough. Harnessing the powers of ancient Chinese gods, he recruits an army of Boxers - commoners trained in kung fu who fight to free China from "foreign devils."

Against all odds, this grass-roots rebellion is violently successful. But nothing is simple. Little Bao is fighting for the glory of China, but at what cost? So many are dying, including thousands of "secondary devils" - Chinese citizens who have converted to Christianity.

First Sentence: "Spring is my favorite time of year."

Review:

Back in grad school, I had my first experience with Gene Luen Yang's work when we read his most famous graphic novel thus far, American Born Chinese. Though disparate in subject matter, Boxers does have something in common with his prior work, the magical realism that Yang brings to bear even on historical or contemporary subjects. In Boxers, Gene Luen Yang manages to pack quite a punch with his spare prose and straight forward drawings.

Though I learned about the Boxer Rebellion in college, I'll admit that my memories thereof are limited at best. Based on extensive research (okay, I checked Wikipedia), Yang actually fits in the main historical points without being at all tedious or lecturing. Basically, Yang has perfected the ability to teach without seeming like he's teaching, which is ideal for the intended audience. He conveys the difficult times that led to the rebellion, the drought and the negative impact foreigners were having in China, through the lens of the life of one young boy who grows up to head the rebellion.

Little Bao did not start out as a remarkable boy. He lived in the shadow of his older brothers and had his head in the clouds, fancifully imagining himself the character in an opera. With Little Bao's optimism, to some degree never shed throughout his journey, Yang captures the wholehearted believe the Boxers had that they would be victorious. In no way did they imagine that their gods would let them lose or that foreigners could truly take over China.

Remember how I mentioned the fantasy angle? Well, in Boxers, the beliefs in local gods, the beliefs being challenged by the conversion to Christianity coming with the influx of foreigners, are manifested physically. Yang literally pits the old gods versus the imperialist forces. Through a mystical process, Little Bao and his friends are able to transform themselves into gods of China, and fight with a strength much bigger than their own bodies and kung fu training give them. It's a bit strange, but I think Yang makes it work, and this technique adds a lot of color and vibrancy to the otherwise fairly spare Boxers, highlighting the colorful culture that is being suppressed.

However, Boxers does not preach. Yang, unsurprisingly given the dual nature of this release - Boxers being paired with Saints from the other side of the conflict, presents a balanced view. He makes it quite clear that horrible acts are perpetrated by both sides. If anything, Yang shows how horrible war is. Little Bao, once so innocent and fanciful, does brutal things, as so all of the Boxers. Bao must choose between love and war, and each time he chooses war and China. Boxers is surprisingly dark, intense and bloody, but done in a style that I do not think will overwhelm most readers.

Gene Luen Yang's Boxers confronts subject matter not covered enough in western culture with an even, honest hand. He adds in fantasy to the history, making for a more metaphorical and more visually exciting read. The focus on visual over narrative storytelling will make this a great read for both more reluctant readers and those at a higher reading level.

Rating: 4/5

Favorite Quote: "'For China?! What is China but a people and their stories?'"

Audiobook Review: The Bitter Kingdom

The Bitter Kingdom
Fire and Thorns, Book 3

Author: Rae Carson
Narrators: Jennifer Ikeda & Luis Moreno
Duration: 12 hrs, 57 mins
Publisher: Greenwillow Books
Read: August 27-September 1, 2013
Source: Digital copy from publisher

Description from Goodreads:
The champion must not waver.
The champion must not fear.
The gate of darkness closes.

Elisa is a fugitive.

Her enemies have stolen the man she loves, and they await her at the gate of darkness. Her country is on the brink of civil war, with her own soldiers ordered to kill her on sight.

Her Royal Majesty, Queen Lucero-Elisa née Riqueza de Vega, bearer of the Godstone, will lead her three loyal companions deep into the enemy's kingdom, a land of ice and snow and brutal magic, to rescue Hector and win back her throne. Her power grows with every step, and the shocking secrets she will uncover on this, her final journey, could change the course of history.

But that is not all. She has a larger destiny. She must become the champion the world has been waiting for.

Even of those who hate her most.

Previous Books in Series:
1: The Girl of Fire and Thorns
2: The Crown of Embers

Review:

My relationship with Rae Carson's Fire and Thorns series is a complicated one, and probably always will be. When I first read The Girl of Fire and Thorns, I did not like it. As time passed and endless praise rolled in, I felt like maybe I'd not given the book a fair shot, so I tried again, this time with the audiobook. Why reread a book I didn't like? Because tastes can change. In this case, though, they really didn't. However, I still went ahead with the audiobook version of the series, which I'm sure would be looked at askance by many. Why would a person read the sequel to a book they've disliked twice? Because you never know. This time my persistence paid off, and I found myself wholly wrapped up in The Crown of Embers. Though I still have some rather large reservations about books two and three in the series, I also loved them in some ways. Make of that what you will.

Though I do love romance in books, it's not often what makes a book for me. Generally, I would say I love the characters first and the romance between them second. In the Fire and Thorns series, the romance comes first. The arc of this relationship gets a full five star fanfare of cellos and unicorn whinnies, okay? (I'm just going to assume that would sound awesome. Roll with it, yo.) Hector and Elisa go from having no real romantic attachment in book one (note that this is the book I didn't like), but with a nice solid foundation of respect and mutual admiration, to love and impending marriage in The Bitter Kingdom. They do so slowly and with quite a bit of swoon.

The ending scenes of this book almost made me happy cry, something I do much more easily than sad cry. Attending weddings of friends, I find a lot of the trappings of them quite sexist and unappealing. Carson's series is, I think, at its most beautiful and woman power-y right there at the end in a traditionally patriarchy-dominated ceremony. Hector loves that Elisa is powerful, and is man enough not to feel challenged by that, and just so much yes to all of that.

One of the key selling points of Fire and Thorns is Elisa's weight. There aren't many novels about non-skinny heroines, and even less so in the fantasy genre. Now, Elisa does lose a good deal of weight over the course of book one while tramping about in the desert. This did concern me a bit, especially since the romantic interest in her really kicks up at that juncture. However, now that it's done, I'm really happy with the portrayal of weight in the series. Elisa never gets thin or reaches her society's standard of beauty, which is slim like our society currently holds up as ideal. Elisa will always be curvy or even overweight. Hector finds her very sexually attractive, and that's fantastic. What really makes the portrayal of Elisa's weight issues so powerful, though, is that Elisa herself comes to love her own body and to stop yearning to be someone else with a different body type. The reason people are beautiful is their uniqueness, and Elisa's road to self-love has been long and bumpy, but she made it and I think I finally like her as well.

The Bitter Kingdom also spends much less time on the religion elements which made me so batty in book one. While I know this worked for some, I found the fact that it was basically relabeled Christianity both lazy and preachy. By The Bitter Kingdom, Elisa has no real idea what the deal is with god. She still prays and believes somewhat, but she's questioning. She no longer has that certainty that her way is right and is really seeking knowledge. Where before the series came off as dealing with religion, The Bitter Kingdom takes a much more theological angle, which I love. Fun fact: I minored in theology.

So far as the cast goes, this is one of those rare books where I feel things but don't really identify with the heroine. Though I do have some commonalities with Elisa, we have never been able to bond. I respect her now and admire her, but we would never be best friends (maybe because I'm plotting her death to steal Hector? - kidding...mostly). Hector is everything fabulous, and other YA love interests should learn from him. He walks the line between protective and trusting perfectly. There's a place for protecting your lady and a time to step back and let her get shit done, and he knows when to do which thing. My favorite characters are Mara and Belen, and they are both just the cutest. The Bitter Kingdom gave me a couple of new ships, and I actually would really like another book set in this world about one of them. *coughs* (Who would have thought, right?) I'm a little disappointed that Rosario basically didn't show up in this book, since the little prince is kind of important, but oh well. (I'm asking for more moppet? What has this book done to me and my values?) Oh also, Red is an incredibly adorable moppet as well, and, yeah, she's the best, even if her name is straight up My Little Pony.

The plot of The Bitter Kingdom meanders a little bit. There's a lot of journeying to one place and then hearing about a thing and needing to go somewhere else and OH HEY a plot point. It's not a huge issue, but I also wasn't really all that concerned about the plot overall. You basically know what the endgame is and ride that train all the way around the theme park until it gets to the final stop. There was one part that was straight out of Lord of the Rings basically, which was a little bit ridiculous to me, but, again, not a major problem for me either. Carson also took things a bit easily, with Lord of the Rings being a good comparison actually. The stakes are always really high, but she's not merciless to her characters, which I know some people love but I like knowing that anything could happen at any time.

Only one aspect of The Bitter Kingdom seriously irked me. To explain it, I will have to delve into SPOILERS in this section, so stop here if you do not want to know, mmkay? In The Bitter Kingdom, Carson throws in this huge world building twist, but doesn't really address it. She just throws it out there like it's no big deal and I'm like WHUT. Anyway, Elisa and company learn that if an Invierno mates with a Joyan, their offspring will be unable to reproduce. These offspring are referred to as mules.

Now, I seriously suck at science, but this immediately set off serious warning bells, because the reason mules, the product of horse and donkey sex, cannot reproduce is because they come from two disparate, if similar, species. Considering all of the racial themes in the series, this made me really uncomfortable, especially since the word mulatto, came from the same root word of mule. Now, it turns out the Joyans actually came to the planet and colonized it much like the Europeans came into the Americas, so they are actually not the same creatures, but I still feel like this is some really messy, sensitive subject matter to throw into book three. I especially do not feel like enough world building was put into this, since apparently one or the other of them is not human but alien. This begs so many questions. It's a pretty cool twist, but leaves me feeling hyper-curious and not entirely satisfied with the world building.

The audiobook versions of this series have been marvelous. Jennifer Ikeda does a fabulous job with the different characters all the way through. I'm not as thrilled with the casting of Hector, who sounds a bit too much like Kevin Spacey for any guy as sexy and hispanic as Hector is in my head. Still, he doesn't do a bad job. I'm also not entirely sure Hector's POV was necessary in The Bitter Kingdom, but whatever.

Rae Carson's Fire and Thorns series is one that I do think is well worth reading, even if it has always been varying degrees of problematic for me personally. The series gets better as it goes along, and features one of the best and healthiest romantic relationships.

Rating: 4.5/5

Review: The Flame in the Mist

The Flame in the Mist

Author: Kit Grindstaff
Pages: 464
Publisher: Delacorte Books for Young Readers
Read: August 24-27, 2013
Source: Finished review copy from YA Books Central

Description from Goodreads:
Set in an imagined past, this dark fantasy-adventure is for fans of Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass. Features Jemma, a fiery-headed heroine held captive in Agromond Castle, yet destined to save mist-shrouded Anglavia.

Fiery-headed Jemma Agromond is not who she thinks she is, and when the secrets and lies behind her life at mist-shrouded Agromond Castle begin to unravel, she finds herself in a chilling race for her life. Ghosts and misfits, a stone and crystals, a mysterious book, an ancient prophecy—all these reveal the truth about Jemma's past and a destiny far greater and more dangerous than she could have imagined in her wildest fantasies. With her telepathic golden rats, Noodle and Pie, and her trusted friend, Digby, Jemma navigates increasingly dark forces, as helpers both seen and unseen, gather. But in the end, it is her own powers that she must bring to light, for only she has the key to defeating the evil ones and fulfilling the prophecy that will bring back the sun and restore peace in Anglavia.

First Sentence: "'Help me—help!'"

Review:

Middle grade novels are such a delight for me and such a nice break from YA, with an increased focus on family and a lack of romance. In general, I've been so very lucky picking middle grade books, so I guess it was inevitable that I would finally pick out a clunker. Friends, I do not say this often, but almost nothing in this book worked for me, sad though I am to have to say it. The Flame in the Mist was an over-lengthy, boring disappointment. Also, be warned that this review will contain  SPOILERS.

The cover, which I do like, does largely accurately represent the contents of the book, only it wasn't ever exciting, for reasons I'll explain later. The concept had a lot of promise - a ginger raised by an evil family who discovers they're not her real parents and she must defeat them to save the kingdom from the enveloping mists. Totally legit premise. And yet. The only aspect that I liked were the two golden rats, shown on the cover. Noodle and Pie are great animal companions, so thank goodness for that small mercy. Also, I know most people hate rats, but one of my friends had some in college and they were really nice.

The main reason that The Flame in the Mist flopped is that Jemma utterly lacks agency. Our so-called fiery heroine almost never makes any decisions for herself and is, essentially, lead through the entirety of the prophecy. Calling Jemma the heroine or the savior of this piece is like giving the blindfolded person all the credit for completing a complex maze, when it was all due to the directions given them by their partners. Sure, she muddled through at their bidding, but, other than the fact that she is speshul and has the needed magic, anyone could have done this better than Jemma.

At the opening of the novel, Jemma turns thirteen years old, which sets wheels in motion. She must either join the family who raised her on the dark side or search for the light and her birth parents. Shockingly, she chooses to escape to the light, conveniently overhearing several infodumps as she snoops around the castle. She also just happens to take not only her stone, which gives her power, but some crystals from her mother's room, which will be totally important to the plot. She's handed a magic book and cloak by her supporters in the castle and sent on her way.

Though thirteen, Jemma seemed more like eight years old to me. Her reasoning skills are limited solely to anagrams, which I'll admit she's rather good at. She has to be told everything multiple times in order to perform an action. Once outside the castle, she walks in circles without realizing. She never would have escaped without being saved by a continuous stream of creatures: Noodle and Pie many times over, bats, spiders, a guy who might have developmental issues but conveniently knows medicine, a little boy with a crazy mom, Digby (a boy whose dad makes deliveries to the castle who she's crushing on), a street urchin in a town, and on and on. Despite this constant aid, Jemma continually makes obviously wrong decisions (falling for blatant traps) and fails to show initiative (she carries that damn magic book for a week and never reads it, and, surprise!, it's full of a ton of helpful information. Unsurprisingly, she has to be TOLD to read the book.

By the novel's conclusion, she starts showing some glimmers of thought, and, for a moment, I thought she'd actually had a plan all on her own and a good one too. Then, right after this, the truth came out: "The chaos couldn't have worked better if Jemma had planned it." Now I do realize this is a common phrase, but Jemma should have planned it. She had intentionally made note of disagreement in the ranks of her enemies, as though thinking she could make use of that, but then does so accidentally. Light forbid Jemma ever act like she has braincells.

Even in the freaking final showdown, Jemma collapses like five times. Her rats have to help prod her into continuing. The old drudge who makes Gollum sound like Henry Higgins reveals that he's her ancestor who has been waiting hundreds of years for this moment, so that he can help her fulfill the prophecy. Because for some reason he can't do it, even though he basically does, considering that he has to tell her multiple times to say every single line of a song that will banish the evil demon thing. I wish I were kidding. There you have the plot.

The writing does not please me either. For one thing, I find it overly simplistic. The childishness of the dialog especially adds to the feeling that Jemma and Digby are under ten. Grindstaff also takes too much relish in the use of ellipses and emdashes. Turn to a page, any page, and odds are that you will find at least one ellipsis, probably more. I just played this game and found 9 ellipses and 5 emdashes on one and 1/5 pages (since it just happened to be the end of the chapter). Every page isn't quite that bad, but it is a serious problem nonetheless. Furthermore, Grindstaff's characters use a hodgepodge of accents, all conveyed through the use of dialect, that I found frustrating. There are simply too many different accents. It seems as though each character had their own. Jemma uses standard language. Digby has one dialect, Marsh another, Drudge another, etc.

Finally, there's the romance aspect. While romance doesn't take up much time in The Flame in the Mist, you are definitely meant to be shipping Jemma with Digby. This I do not do, because 1) they lack any real personality and 2) they act like they're 8, until they kiss at the end of the book. Still, this is mostly tolerable. What I drew the line at was when Feo (who has been raised as Jemma's brother, mind) reveals that he has feelings for her and wants her to stay with him forever. It was creepy and a bit rapey, especially since he commented on her dress that had been torn by his sister, Shade, earlier. Also, while they're not related by blood, I find the incestuous vibe highly unsettling in a middle grade novel. Perhaps more worrisome, I think the encounter is meant to endear Feo's character, as he also reveals that he does not like being evil, as he tries to get Jemma to love him. However, he may always have known they weren't related, but she just found out a WEEK AGO. It's creepy. It is creepy and not okay, and I will not like him, especially since he immediately got jealous about Digby and left her to be sacrificed. So just no to that whole unnecessary, shudder-inducing plot point.

Rarely does this happen, but I really cannot in good conscience recommend The Flame in the Mist. The plotting, characters and writing all fell short, and the weird incestuous element was the final nail in the coffin. Based on reviews, this book does work for some, but it didn't work for me to the degree that I cannot fathom why. If the book interests you, do feel free, as ever, to seek other opinions, as this is merely my own.

Rating: .5/5

Favorite Quote: Nope.

Review: Crown of Midnight

Crown of Midnight
Throne of Glass, Book 2

Author: Sarah J. Maas
Pages: 432
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA Childrens
Publication Date: August 27, 2013
Read: August 16-17, 2013
Source: Gifted - thanks to Alyssa of Books Take You Places

Description from Goodreads:
An assassin’s loyalties are always in doubt. But her heart never wavers.

After a year of hard labor in the Salt Mines of Endovier, eighteen-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien has won the king's contest to become the new royal assassin. Yet Celaena is far from loyal to the crown – a secret she hides from even her most intimate confidantes.

Keeping up the deadly charade—while pretending to do the king's bidding—will test her in frightening new ways, especially when she's given a task that could jeopardize everything she's come to care for. And there are far more dangerous forces gathering on the horizon -- forces that threaten to destroy her entire world, and will surely force Celaena to make a choice.

Where do the assassin’s loyalties lie, and who is she most willing to fight for?

Previous Book in Series:
1: Throne of Glass


First Sentence: "The shutters swinging in the storm winds were the only sign of entry"

Review:

My love for Throne of Glass is well known, but, after reading some reviews, I started wondering if the book was quite as good as I remembered. There were some fair criticisms, things I'd not even considered. In Crown of Midnight, Maas really hits those elements that were missing from the first, and ups the stakes to an incredible degree. This sequel is a must read for those who loved Throne of Glass and perhaps even for those who were on the fence.

One of the criticisms I'd seen was of Celaena being proclaimed a heartless assassin, but that not really ever being shown. Instead, she's going to balls and eating candy. Of course, I love that the assassin has a softer side, but I did agree retroactively that it would have been good to see more of her dark side. In Crown of Midnight, you get to see Celaena living up to her reputation, and, when this girl is on a killing spree, it's a thing of bload-soaked beauty. She may like frilly dresses, but she's also totally cool with being covered in blood. Being able to see all of the facets of Celaena really adds depths to her character.

The other main criticism of the first book that I agreed with was that the King, clearly the villain, didn't have much of a role. He just sort of cackled evilly every so often. In Crown of Midnight, we get to see more of him and learn about his plans, still only the very slightest understanding, but it's enough to make him one intensely creeptastic villain.

The plotting of the story becomes much more complex in Crown of Midnight. Actually, I was really surprised by the direction that the story has gone, very different from the more basic fantasy roots of the first. There are a number of twists, none of which I really saw coming, though I felt really dumb that I missed the biggie, since there were a lot of hints. The plot is full of twists and turns, and full of betrayals. I do have some quibbles with the world building, but they're minor enough I can't really draw a line to any one thing.

Of course, there's also the romance. The age of Dorian is over and now it's all about Chaol (as it should be). All I can really say about what happens here is that I approve wholeheartedly. This is why I love guys like Chaol, all cool and collected on the outside, but so much passion on the inside. *sighs happily*

Maas impressed me with her willingness to be cruel and heartless to the characters. To be honest, I really didn't get the impression from Throne of Glass that she would be willing to kill off characters, but I'm thrilled to be wrong. Oh, she's brutal. Mwahahaha. And, no, I won't tell you who dies, so have fun sitting on the edge of your seat the whole time. As you may know, I find killing off a beloved main character a mark of good fantasy.

Sarah J. Maas really proves her talent in Crown of Midnight, deftly avoiding any sort of second book syndrome. Instead, she greatly amps up the world building, plot and intensity. In my opinion, this series is a must read for fantasy fans. The third book is poised to be epic and heartbreaking, and I am so excited.

Rating: 4.5/5

Favorite Quote: (Warning: It's a bit SPOILERY, so read with caution)

 "'Who said anything about shame?' She gestured down to her naked body, even though it was covered with the blanket. 'Honestly, I'm surprised you're not strutting about, boasting to everyone. I certainly would be if I'd tumbled me."

Review: How to Train Your Dragon

How to Train Your Dragon
How to Train Your Dragon, Book 1

Author: Cressida Cowell
Narrator: David Tennant
Duration: 3 hrs, 29 mins
Publisher: Hachette Childrens Books
Read: June 25-28, 2013
Source: Gifted - thanks YA Books Central!

Description from Goodreads:
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III is a truly extraordinary Viking hero known throughout Vikingdom as "the Dragon Whisperer" ... but it wasn't always so. Travel back to the days when the mighty warrior was just a boy, the quiet and thoughtful son of the Chief of the Hairy Hooligans. Can Hiccup capture a dragon and train it without being torn limb from limb? Join the adventure as the small boy finds a better way to train his dragon and becomes a hero!

Review:

As we all know, movies often aren't much like the books they're based on, and that's incredibly true here. Now, the setting's the same: Vikings, dragons, characters and all that. However, there are a couple of major differences, based even on what I remember from the movie I saw once about three years ago. When you think of How to Train Your Dragon, I bet your first thought is something along these lines:

Certainly, I did. Awkward boy befriends adorable dragon. Cuteness abounds. Everyone learns things. Not really how it goes down, though. The actual story is definitely tailored to a little boy audience, with gross jokes, battles and such. Also, Toothless is creepy as all get out. And green.

No, seriously. Toothless is not remotely adorable. He's crude and gross, and purposely poops all over Hiccup's house. Also, he hates Hiccup for most of it, and Hiccup hates him, mostly because the Vikings actually use dragons as slaves after they DRAGONNAP them from their caves when they're babies. That's one of the tests to become a full member of the tribe. As is training the dragon to do what you say by yelling at it. Oh, AND Toothless is way smaller than in the movie. Hiccup can carry him around. If anything, Toothless reminded me of Gollum. Yeah.

Basically, I kept expecting the story to end with a realization that dragons need to be treated more equally, considering that they're smart and have their own language and everything, but that didn't really happen. Like, at the end, I think they respect dragons a little more, but still plan to make the dragons do what they say. I just didn't really feel that much sympathy with the Vikings when the HUGE dragon arrives with plans to eat them, yanno?

Also, just fyi, there was not a single female character in this story that I noticed. Not a one. Apparently the Vikings figured out a way to procreate with only men, or with dragons. Of course, I don't think that's true. Women are just so unimportant they're wholly unworthy of mention. Thanks, movie, for adding in a wholly not historically accurate female character who was in the same class as the boys. I mean, there are dragons, so are we really that big on historical accuracy?

Much as I didn't like the story, because it's just totally not for me, there is one reason I rated this three stars and did like listening to it:

THIS GUY.

WORTH IT. Oh, David Tennant. I love him as Doctor Who, of course, but now I got to hear him go full on Scottish, and I loved it. He's a delightful narrator, just as you would expect. He even did a voice that was rather reminiscent of Jeremy Irons for the giant, man-eating dragon. I just sort of tried to pay as little attention as possible to the story and to soak in the accents.

OH YEAH.

I wish I could say that I liked this enough overall to want to continue with the rest of the audiobooks he narrated (which is six or seven of the series), but I don't. As much as I love David Tennant, I would have to buy each one from Audible, and that's just too much money for books I don't like. If my library had them, well, that would be another story.

I'm sorry, but it was beautiful while it lasted.

So, there you have it. Unless you're a huge David Tennant fan (why wouldn't you be?) or totally okay with the absence of women and treatment of the dragons, you'll probably want to skip this one. However, that's sad. Let's look at David Tennant one more time, huh?

How awesome is this man?

Rating: 3/5

Review: Shadowcry

Shadowcry
Wintercraft, Book 1

Author: Jenna Burtenshaw
Pages: 320
Publisher: Greenwillow
Read: June 19-22, 2013
Source: Library

Description from Goodreads:
The Night of Souls—when the veil between the living and the dead is thinnest—is only days away.

Albion is at war . . . and losing.

The wardens have descended, kidnapping innocent citizens for their army, but looking for one in particular.

And fifteen-year-old Kate Winters has just raised a blackbird from the dead.

As her home is torn apart by the wardens, Kate's discovery that she is one of the Skilled—the rare people who can cross the veil between life and death—makes her the most hunted person in all of Albion. Only she can unlock the secrets of Wintercraft, the ancient book of dangerous knowledge. Captured and taken to the graveyard city of Fume—with its secret tunnels and underground villages, and where her own parents met their deaths ten years ago—Kate must harness her extraordinary powers to save herself, her country, and the two men she cares for most. And she'll make a pact with a murderer to do it.

Those who wish to see the dark, be ready to pay your price.

First Sentence: "At the southern edge of a moonlit city, a woman stood over an open grave."

Review:

Jenna Burtenshaw's Shadowcry has been on my radar for quite some time, ever since a friend read it and loved it. With a review copy of book three in hand, I've embarked on the full series, always a risky venture, yet one that I can't resist. Obviously, I have will power issues. Shadowcry stands unique from the bulk of young adult fiction, but, thus far, isn't the ideal read for me personally.

As I say over and over again, what really makes me interested in a book are the characters. Whether I love them or not, I almost always need to connect to them in some way, to feel that they're in some measure real to really get involved in the book. World building and writing for their own sake get me only so far. Shadowcry definitely focuses more on those aspects than on character, so I had a lot of trouble maintaining interest, even though, objectively, I can appreciate a lot of what Burtenshaw has done here.

Shadowcry starts dramatically with Kate and her uncle Artemis preparing to flee before the Wardens, the men who killed her mother and father, arrive in town. They do not make it out of the bookshop Artemis owns in time however. Blackbirds, the precursors to the Wardens, have arrived, pecking madly and dying on the streets. The scene is eerie and horrifying.

The Wardens are looking for the Skilled, people with the ability to bridge the veil, the space between life and death. If one of these dead birds is touched by someone Skilled, the bird will return to life. In the process of rescuing Ethan, who works for Artemis, from the barrage of dying birds, Kate touches one and it comes back to life in her hands. The blackbird flaps up the chimney, alerting Silas, the head collector of the Skilled to her existence.

Kate and Ethan are on the run, pursued by Silas. They don't know who to trust, and have no idea what they can do. The concept of the Skilled is fascinating, and I like the complex nature of Silas' character. He is not entirely good or evil, and not entirely human either. Kate is a great heroine, too, full of fire and strength. She never crumples in the face of adversity, and constantly tries to rescue Ethan and Artemis. There's a definite sense in the book that the female characters are the strongest ones and that's awesome. Also, I know some folks are really sick of books dominated by romance, so, just fyi, there's absolutely no romance in Shadowcry.

Despite all that good stuff, my main reaction to Shadowcry was boredom. Since there wasn't any focus on character development really, I just wasn't all that engaged. Before I can care much about the world or the dramatic events, I need to care about the characters.

So far, the Wintercraft series has not proved the ideal read for me. I do think Shadowcry is a good book, but just not what I was hoping for or what works for me personally.

Rating: 2/5

Favorite Quote: Didn't have one

Review: The Ability

The Ability
The Ability, Book 1

Author: M.M. Vaughan
Pages: 336
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry
Publication Date: April 23, 2013
Source: YA Books Central for review

Description from Goodreads:
Delve into the extraordinary abilities of the twelve-year-old mind in this thrilling start to a middle-grade series that expands the possibilities of power.

No one has any confidence in twelve-year-old Christopher Lane. His teachers discount him as a liar and a thief, and his mom doesn’t have the energy to deal with him. But a mysterious visit from the Ministry of Education indicates that Chris might have some potential after all: He is invited to attend the prestigious Myers Holt Academy.

When Christopher begins at his new school, he is astounded at what he can do. It seems that age twelve is a special time for the human brain, which is capable of remarkable feats—as also evidenced by Chris’s peers Ernest and Mortimer Genver, who, at the direction of their vengeful and manipulative mother, are testing the boundaries of the human mind.

But all this experimentation has consequences, and Chris soon finds himself forced to face them—or his new life will be over before it can begin.

First Sentence: "''I have a bad feeling about this,' said Edward, tapping his foot nervously."

Does It Pass the Bechdel Test? Nope. There are a few female characters, but they don't ever converse without males being a part of the conversation.

Review:

I am a total sucker for middle grade novels about special schools and kids with powers. Perhaps it's because I grew up reading Harry Potter, and am still on the hunt for that elusive book that will mean as much to me, though I know that will likely not happen, because I'm an adult now and less able to appreciate the magic. Still, for all that I'm not likely to find something as amazing as Harry Potter is, my middle grade choices have yet to fail me. The Ability is a darker-than-usual middle grade novel with humor and action aplenty.

The main hero of The Ability is young Christopher Lane, just turning twelve years old and at wit's end for how to take care of himself and his mother, ruined by the death of his father. Like so many scrappy heroes, everything falls to Chris. He struggles in school, marked as a troublemaker and is finally expelled for a weird incident where he somehow beats up a bully without touching him. But, thankfully, salvation comes in the form of a test to study at an elite, strange prep school, Myers Holt Academy, which Chris passes with flying colors. After his test, the proctor presents him with a surprise birthday cake.

Note: Chris is not a wizard.

Now, there are certainly a few shades of Harry Potter obviously, like the cake, but The Ability does not read like a retelling. What's most similar is actually the tone, more than the story itself. Harry Potter begins as a fairly light story for children, but then becomes progressively darker as the children age. The Ability is not a kid's book and I would recommend it for the upper end of the middle grade age group. There's some death and injury, and some ethical lines that get crossed. I really liked how dark this was, and that there are shades of gray to the characters. The bad guys aren't just evil; they have backgrounds that explain how they became the way they are. Similarly, the children and their teachers are flawed and imperfect.

There's a lot of humor in The Ability too. Most of the funny moments center around Rex, definitely the least likable of the six kids in this class at Myers Holt Academy. However, just like the other five students, the readers can't help but be glad that Rex is there, because he's so funny, both accidentally and on purpose, even if many of his jokes are rather mean-spirited. There are also some more standard middle grade jokes, like food fights and that sort of thing. The funniest moment for me, though, was this scene where Chris is sent to a fancy department store to buy some new clothes and the salesman is all snooty telling him to get his grubby hands out of his department, until a manager comes and tells him who Chris is.

I wanted him to storm out while saying this.

Anyway, the powers that the kids have are also really cool. See, Myers Holt Academy, as one expects, is totally not a normal school. In fact, they train kids to work for the government in the super secret branch MI18. In this world, twelve-year-olds have unique abilities, where they can use a larger portion of their brains. What's really cool and unique is that these powers only manifest for a single year, though any information learned during this period will be retained for life. Basically, these kids are selected because they have more potential, but all kids age 12 have increased capacity. At Myers Holt Academy, they learn telekinesis, distance viewing, and mind reading/control. This is both cool and terrifying because I would not want children to have that much power, which is also why Sir Bentley, the head of the school, gives them lectures about using their power responsibly all the time.

Speaking of how terrifying kids with powers are, the kids they are fighting are so creepy. They're these twins who will stop at nothing to please their crazy step-mother. Yet, as evil as they are, you sort of get how they got that way and it's just sad all around, but they do need to be stopped. Vaughan does a great job setting up the bad guys and not making them laughable like so many middle grade villains are, because they don't run around spouting monologues about their evil plans.

The only drawback to The Ability is that the opening chapters are a bit confusing, because you're immediately introduced to a whole bunch of characters, and it takes a while to sort out who's who and how everything connects. The first chapter takes place 30 years before the rest of the book, and is important set up, and it's followed by a few chapters in which it's hard to tell which kid the narrative will primarily be following. This does get sorted out, but the beginning was a bit rough. Aside from that, though the kids themselves did have nice individual arcs, I would have liked a bit more focus on the friendships between the kids.

The Ability is a great read for more mature middle graders. It's a great choice for those who enjoyed Trenton Lee Stewart's The Mysterious Benedict Society, as well as Harry Potter. I will be looking forward to the next installment!

Rating: 3.5/5

Favorite Quote:

"'My name is Mr. Green, and I'll be taking you for PE every day.'
     'Every day?' said Rex.
     'No pain, no gain,' said Mr. Green, smiling.
     'I prefer "no pain, no pain"' replied Rex."

Audiobook Review: House of Secrets

House of Secrets
House of Secrets, Book 1

Authors: Chris Columbus & Ned Vizzini
Narrator: Daniel Vincent Gordh
Duration: 11 hrs, 48 mins
Publisher: Harper Audio
Publication Date: April 23, 2013
Source: Publisher for review

Description from Goodreads:
From legendary Hollywood director Chris Columbus (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets) and bestselling author Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story) comes this first book in an epic new fantasy series.

Brendan, Eleanor, and Cordelia Walker once had everything: two loving parents, a beautiful house in San Francisco, and all the portable electronic devices they could want. But everything changed when Dr. Walker lost his job in the wake of a mysterious incident. Now in dire straits, the family must relocate to an old Victorian house that used to be the home of occult novelist Denver Kristoff—a house that feels simultaneously creepy and too good to be true.

By the time the Walkers realize that one of their neighbors has sinister plans for them, they're banished to a primeval forest way off the grid. Their parents? Gone. Their friends? A world away. And they aren't alone. Bloodthirsty medieval warriors patrol the woods around them, supernatural pirates roam the neighboring seas, and a power-hungry queen rules the land. To survive, the siblings will have to be braver than they ever thought possible—and fight against their darkest impulses. The key may lie in their own connection to the secret Kristoff legacy. But as they unravel that legacy, they'll discover it's not just their family that's in danger . . . it's the entire world.

Review:

Alright, audiobook reviews can be sort of tricky to review, since the experience can be so different from reviewing a print book. I notice such different things and don't tend to remember super specific details as well. I'm going to try borrowing (with approval, of course) April of Good Books and Good Wine's format she's been using lately.

Why Did I Read This Book?
Okay, this may not reflect particularly well on me as a person, but the allure was equal parts the famous name and the awesome cover. Basically, I was curious about whether this would be any good, and whether it would live up to the cover. Obviously, I was skeptical, because Chris Columbus isn't an author, but Ned Vizzini's written things of which I have had good report, so I thought maybe it would pan out well.

What's the Story Here?
The Walker family lost most of their money and their reputation when the surgeon father did something totally whack during a surgery. They've moved to San Francisco in hopes of getting far enough away from the lawsuit that he can find employment in a hospital (good luck, buddy). Though they lack much money for a house, the realtor show's them this totally insane house, Kristoff House, and they can have it for pretty much nothing. Obviously, they are stoked and ready to move in immediately. Then, the inevitable drawback: Dahlia Kristoff, the daughter of author Denver Kristoff, who built the crazy house is like totally evil and she kills the parents and sends the three kids to a magical world that continually tries to kill them. They face, among other things, barbarians, pirates, skeletons, sharks, witches, and giants. Basically, action, action, action. Oh, and there's a surprising amount of violence. Pretty much everyone gets injured throughout the course of the book and a few die.

How Are the Characters?
Characterization is totally not what this book is about, so they're pretty flat mostly. Elinor, the youngest walker, tends to actually be the most useful, even if she does tend to run into things without a plan, like when she stabs the leader of the barbarians with a fork. Brave, but ill-considered. Brendan is a teen boy, and he's pretty typical. He doesn't like to read much, and constantly has his eyes on a video game, but he steps up to defend his sisters. Cordelia, the eldest, should be my favorite, because she's all about reading and vocabulary, but she ended up annoying me because of her blindness with regards to boys. Oh, one touch I did like is that both teens actually had acne. That is so rare in books, and, seriously, how many teens don't have pimples now and then? Or, you know, all the time?

What About Romance?
So, like I said, Cordelia desperately wants a certain boy within this book. He's an aviator named Will, and he's British and handsome. Like, I do not blame her for crushing on him, because British and hot, however, he regularly says seriously sexist things and pisses her off. Yet, she will quickly brush that off and reset to swooning all over the place and being jealous, which only reinforces his negative attitudes towards women. He is totally not a candidate for romance right now, because that is not cool. Overall, though, Cordelia would rather have him as a boyfriend, even if he is sexist, than NOT have him as a boyfriend. Brendan has a couple of little crushes too. I will say, though, that mostly there's not much romance, and that the authors seem to delight in crushing their hopes for the most part, which was a pretty nice change from the romance heavy books I usually read.

Am I Going to Continue with the Series?
Probably not. It's not character-based enough to be an ideal read for me. I'm glad I satisfied my curiosity, but I'm not interested to continue on for more, especially since the direction it's going in at the end annoys me. I feel like this could have been a standalone, but those aren't all that popular right now.

How Was the Audio?
Daniel Vincent Gordh does a pretty good job. His lady voices are a little bit weak, but that's not uncommon. His little girl voice for Elinor was really obnoxious, though. Otherwise, he was easy to listen to, and the audiobook was an enjoyable way to pass the time. I don't think I would have been able to three star this in print, because it's just not really my thing, but it was fun on audio.

Sum It Up with a GIF:

I totally pictured the creepy Dahlia Kristoff as Ursula from The Little Mermaid, only missing a hand. And she totally magics the kids and then distracts a couple of them with romantic temptations, so this totally works. Oh, and also the kids are slightly transfigured by the experience, maturing a bit.

Rating: 3/5