Review: The Flame in the Mist

The Flame in the Mist

Author: Kit Grindstaff
Pages: 464
Publisher: Delacorte Books for Young Readers
Read: August 24-27, 2013
Source: Finished review copy from YA Books Central

Description from Goodreads:
Set in an imagined past, this dark fantasy-adventure is for fans of Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass. Features Jemma, a fiery-headed heroine held captive in Agromond Castle, yet destined to save mist-shrouded Anglavia.

Fiery-headed Jemma Agromond is not who she thinks she is, and when the secrets and lies behind her life at mist-shrouded Agromond Castle begin to unravel, she finds herself in a chilling race for her life. Ghosts and misfits, a stone and crystals, a mysterious book, an ancient prophecy—all these reveal the truth about Jemma's past and a destiny far greater and more dangerous than she could have imagined in her wildest fantasies. With her telepathic golden rats, Noodle and Pie, and her trusted friend, Digby, Jemma navigates increasingly dark forces, as helpers both seen and unseen, gather. But in the end, it is her own powers that she must bring to light, for only she has the key to defeating the evil ones and fulfilling the prophecy that will bring back the sun and restore peace in Anglavia.

First Sentence: "'Help me—help!'"

Review:

Middle grade novels are such a delight for me and such a nice break from YA, with an increased focus on family and a lack of romance. In general, I've been so very lucky picking middle grade books, so I guess it was inevitable that I would finally pick out a clunker. Friends, I do not say this often, but almost nothing in this book worked for me, sad though I am to have to say it. The Flame in the Mist was an over-lengthy, boring disappointment. Also, be warned that this review will contain  SPOILERS.

The cover, which I do like, does largely accurately represent the contents of the book, only it wasn't ever exciting, for reasons I'll explain later. The concept had a lot of promise - a ginger raised by an evil family who discovers they're not her real parents and she must defeat them to save the kingdom from the enveloping mists. Totally legit premise. And yet. The only aspect that I liked were the two golden rats, shown on the cover. Noodle and Pie are great animal companions, so thank goodness for that small mercy. Also, I know most people hate rats, but one of my friends had some in college and they were really nice.

The main reason that The Flame in the Mist flopped is that Jemma utterly lacks agency. Our so-called fiery heroine almost never makes any decisions for herself and is, essentially, lead through the entirety of the prophecy. Calling Jemma the heroine or the savior of this piece is like giving the blindfolded person all the credit for completing a complex maze, when it was all due to the directions given them by their partners. Sure, she muddled through at their bidding, but, other than the fact that she is speshul and has the needed magic, anyone could have done this better than Jemma.

At the opening of the novel, Jemma turns thirteen years old, which sets wheels in motion. She must either join the family who raised her on the dark side or search for the light and her birth parents. Shockingly, she chooses to escape to the light, conveniently overhearing several infodumps as she snoops around the castle. She also just happens to take not only her stone, which gives her power, but some crystals from her mother's room, which will be totally important to the plot. She's handed a magic book and cloak by her supporters in the castle and sent on her way.

Though thirteen, Jemma seemed more like eight years old to me. Her reasoning skills are limited solely to anagrams, which I'll admit she's rather good at. She has to be told everything multiple times in order to perform an action. Once outside the castle, she walks in circles without realizing. She never would have escaped without being saved by a continuous stream of creatures: Noodle and Pie many times over, bats, spiders, a guy who might have developmental issues but conveniently knows medicine, a little boy with a crazy mom, Digby (a boy whose dad makes deliveries to the castle who she's crushing on), a street urchin in a town, and on and on. Despite this constant aid, Jemma continually makes obviously wrong decisions (falling for blatant traps) and fails to show initiative (she carries that damn magic book for a week and never reads it, and, surprise!, it's full of a ton of helpful information. Unsurprisingly, she has to be TOLD to read the book.

By the novel's conclusion, she starts showing some glimmers of thought, and, for a moment, I thought she'd actually had a plan all on her own and a good one too. Then, right after this, the truth came out: "The chaos couldn't have worked better if Jemma had planned it." Now I do realize this is a common phrase, but Jemma should have planned it. She had intentionally made note of disagreement in the ranks of her enemies, as though thinking she could make use of that, but then does so accidentally. Light forbid Jemma ever act like she has braincells.

Even in the freaking final showdown, Jemma collapses like five times. Her rats have to help prod her into continuing. The old drudge who makes Gollum sound like Henry Higgins reveals that he's her ancestor who has been waiting hundreds of years for this moment, so that he can help her fulfill the prophecy. Because for some reason he can't do it, even though he basically does, considering that he has to tell her multiple times to say every single line of a song that will banish the evil demon thing. I wish I were kidding. There you have the plot.

The writing does not please me either. For one thing, I find it overly simplistic. The childishness of the dialog especially adds to the feeling that Jemma and Digby are under ten. Grindstaff also takes too much relish in the use of ellipses and emdashes. Turn to a page, any page, and odds are that you will find at least one ellipsis, probably more. I just played this game and found 9 ellipses and 5 emdashes on one and 1/5 pages (since it just happened to be the end of the chapter). Every page isn't quite that bad, but it is a serious problem nonetheless. Furthermore, Grindstaff's characters use a hodgepodge of accents, all conveyed through the use of dialect, that I found frustrating. There are simply too many different accents. It seems as though each character had their own. Jemma uses standard language. Digby has one dialect, Marsh another, Drudge another, etc.

Finally, there's the romance aspect. While romance doesn't take up much time in The Flame in the Mist, you are definitely meant to be shipping Jemma with Digby. This I do not do, because 1) they lack any real personality and 2) they act like they're 8, until they kiss at the end of the book. Still, this is mostly tolerable. What I drew the line at was when Feo (who has been raised as Jemma's brother, mind) reveals that he has feelings for her and wants her to stay with him forever. It was creepy and a bit rapey, especially since he commented on her dress that had been torn by his sister, Shade, earlier. Also, while they're not related by blood, I find the incestuous vibe highly unsettling in a middle grade novel. Perhaps more worrisome, I think the encounter is meant to endear Feo's character, as he also reveals that he does not like being evil, as he tries to get Jemma to love him. However, he may always have known they weren't related, but she just found out a WEEK AGO. It's creepy. It is creepy and not okay, and I will not like him, especially since he immediately got jealous about Digby and left her to be sacrificed. So just no to that whole unnecessary, shudder-inducing plot point.

Rarely does this happen, but I really cannot in good conscience recommend The Flame in the Mist. The plotting, characters and writing all fell short, and the weird incestuous element was the final nail in the coffin. Based on reviews, this book does work for some, but it didn't work for me to the degree that I cannot fathom why. If the book interests you, do feel free, as ever, to seek other opinions, as this is merely my own.

Rating: .5/5

Favorite Quote: Nope.

Sadie Hawkins Sunday Review #16: The Summer Garden

The Summer Garden
Tatiana and Alexander, Book 3

Author: Paullina Simons
Pages: 752
Publisher: William Morrow
Read: June 3-11, 2013
Source: Gifted
Recommended by: Lisa V.

Description from Goodreads:
The Magnificent Conclusion to the Timeless Epic Saga

Through years of war and devastation, Tatiana and Alexander suffered the worst the twentieth century had to offer. Miraculously reunited in America, they now have a beautiful son, Anthony, the gift of a love strong enough to survive the most terrible upheavals. Though they are still young, the ordeals they endured have changed them--and after living apart in a world laid waste, they must now find a way to live together in postwar America.

With the Cold War rising, dark forces at work in their adopted country threaten their lives, their family, and their hard-won peace. To regain the happiness they once knew, to wash away the lingering pain of the past, two lovers grown distant must somehow forge a new life . . .or watch the ghosts of their yesterdays destroy their firstborn son.

The Summer Garden . . . their odyssey is just beginning.

Previous Books in Series:
1: The Bronze Horseman
2: Tatiana and Alexander

First Sentence: "Once upon a time, in Stonington, Maine, before sunset, at the end of a hot war and the beginning of a cold one, a young woman dressed in white, outwardly calm but with trembling hands, sat on a bench by the harbor, eating ice cream."

Review:
FINALLY. I am done with this series. I can put it to bed and never think on it again. There are times where the series was quite good, but more times where it was frustrating, puzzling, and rage-inducing. Unfortunately, the latter sort of moments almost entirely comprise the final volume of the trilogy, making this a painful read. And, fuck yes, there will be spoilers and profanity all up in this review.

The Almost Good
Simons obviously knows how to write well. She's got a great command of language, and can put together nice complex sentences. Of course, being able to write masterfully is worthless if you don't write awesome things with your pretty sentences. However, I think even the writing has gotten worse in this third book. There were also several typos that hadn't been edited out, perhaps because even the editor couldn't stand this shit and started skimming. In one scene, the quotation marks completely disappear for about a page for no reason. Another obnoxious trend in the writing, one obviously intended to be clever, is the narrator's tendency to get really excited and end sentences with exclamation points for emphasis! Exclamation points are for dialog or first person narration, not freaking third person.

The Bad
By this point in the series, there is literally no plot, just the unfolding of the rest of Alexander and Tatiana's sex-filled lives, until the last two hundred pages where it becomes another book entirely. In no way do I think of myself as a prude about sex in novels. In fact, I sometimes quite enjoy it, though some sex scenes are giggle and snort-inducing, because of the absurd descriptions. Simons' are okay in that they mostly do not result in hilarity. However, they're also not sexy. A little goes a long way with sex in novels, I think. There's so much more power and tension in novels that have just one good kiss than in this series where Tatiana and Alexander have sex countless times. If you played a drinking game by the number of orgasms had in this book, you would die of alcohol poisoning before you finished. While I cannot say quite for certain, I'm convinced that those two characters don't have sex a single time that the reader doesn't know about it.

Keep in mind that they have a young child, and, for much of his toddler years, they have just one bedroom. So they have sex with their sleeping child several feet away myriad times. What fun. I get that their circumstances are difficult, but have someone take care of your kid for a couple hours or something. There will not be enough therapy in the world to take on this kid's emotional problems.

Describing sex is obviously Simons' favorite thing, but she does also enjoy describing Tatiana and Alexander, perfect specimens that they are. Here's a sample out of the hundreds of descriptions offered:

"She's got a tiny waist out of which her hips extend like to halves of a golden delicious apple. Her flat stomach glistens, her breasts are heaving. He is looking up at her. She is golden delicious." (390)

If you're going to read this trilogy, I hope you're very interested in Tatiana's breasts, because you get to hear about them A LOT. Also about her tiny waist. Alexander's described too, so tall and manly and strong, but Simons sure seems to enjoy describing Tania's nigh impossible figure more. And, in case you didn't know they were hot, both of them get hit on constantly by everyone. Alexander's boss' girlfriend greets him with kisses on the cheeks, but always tries to get him on the lips. A coworker of Alexander's breaks into their house in the middle of the night to rape Tatiana while keeping Alexander at bay with a gun, but Alexander saves the day, of course. These are just two examples of many.

The Fucking Ugly
Now, in theory, I do support the idea of showing the difficulties in Tatiana and Alexander's relationship after she rescued him from a concentration camp, now run by the Soviets, in Berlin. Alexander underwent a lot of torture, and would no doubt be fucked up as a result. He's scarred, inside and out. However, that does not make it okay for him to do whatever he wants, and I do not appreciate the way he treats Tatiana, even if she's okay with it. While a husband treating a wife this way might have been deemed normal or acceptable at the time, that does not make Alexander any less of an abusive monster.

One of the main fights Alexander and Tatiana have is about the fact that she insists on working at the hospital, even after he's earning enough money to support the family. All the other women stop working even when they just have boyfriends, so why won't she stay home, which is, after all, a woman's place. He bitches at her about her job constantly, accusing her of letting him and their son Anthony down by being away from home so much, even though Tatiana does fucking everything. She cooks all the food, and she's a great cook, from scratch, she keeps the house spotless, and she has sex with Alexander a million times a day, all while working 40-60 hours a week. Rather than thanking his lucky stars that he married a damn goddess, Alexander accuses her of not caring enough and of having an affair with a coworker.

After they have fights, about her job or about the fact that she has yet to become pregnant with a second child, even though fifteen or so years have passed from the birth of their first, Alexander seduces her into doing whatever he wants. Then there's this fight. An asshole friend of Alexander's is finally getting married, and they're having a bachelor party with strippers. Tatiana tells him she does not want him to go see the strippers, and after a heated discussion, he promises to leave before the strippers and be home by 1 AM. He stumbles in drunk and smelling like cheap perfume at 5 AM. Tatiana goes out to the hen party at some club the next night, as she threatened to do if he went to see the strippers. She comes home early, and reveals she was actually at the hospital, because, unlike her husband, she doesn't actually want to do things that will make him uncomfortable. She tells him not to touch her right now, and he does. He has sex with her, even though she didn't want him to. Sure, she got into it because that's what happens with them, but, in my mind, this is spousal rape. He forced her. After lots of sex, the fight's over. Just like that.

Then, later, things get worse. Alexander, convinced his wife is having an affair with a doctor at the hospital, because he saw the doctor make her laugh (no joke), and because she works Friday nights, he starts going out with a different asshole friend. A married woman with huge breasts hits on him, and he ends up playing with her breasts and getting a subpar blowjob in her car, then making plans to meet up for the real deal later that week. He tells Tatiana he's working and goes, but ultimately chickens out of actually sleeping with the woman, who calls his house and asks Tatiana where he is when Alexander doesn't show up to meet her. Penetration or not, this is adultery, and Alexander is a rat bastard who deserves to die alone.

For freaking the first time ever, Tatiana is finally so pissed she's considering leaving him, taking Anthony and going. When she says this, he hits her, several times in the face, leaving her bruised and bleeding. Just wait, though, it gets worse. Here's what Tatiana has to say: "'Except for this--anything you do is fine with me . . . So if you raise your voice or hand to me, I bow my head and take it'" (510). The this in that sentence is adultery. So, it's totally okay with her if he abuses her as long as he doesn't fuck anyone else. No, Tatiana. No, it's not okay.

What's even more not okay is that she DOES forgive him, of course. She lets him stay, and you know what his punishment is for cheating on his wife and then abusing her when she has the audacity to be mad at him about it? He finally gets more children (she was actually going to tell him she was pregnant again the night he went to fuck that other woman) and she quits her job at the hospital to raise them. You know what, Paullina Simons? It is in no way acceptable to romanticize an abusive, cheating husband, or to convey that men can do no wrong and should in fact be REWARDED for such horrific behavior.

The Shit Icing on This Crap Cake
Then, after 500+ pages of their unhealthy relationship, the book suddenly turns into a novel about the Vietnam war for a hundred pages. Simons did similar awkward changes of pace in The Bronze Horseman, but this one was even more out of place. Tatiana and Alexander's oldest son, Anthony, enlists to go Vietnam, and they freak out. In his fourth or fifth tour of duty, he goes missing. Setting up an incredibly lame parallel with the second book, Alexander goes to Vietnam to find and rescue him.

In Vietnam, Alexander discovers that his son has been entrapped by a one-eyed, eight-fingered North Vietnamese whore, who he married believing her pregnant with his child (she may or may not have been). Alexander convinces a family friend, and Anthony's commander in Vietnam, to stage a rescue to get his son in enemy territory, where he may not even be, even though this is completely against the commander's orders. In the process of rescuing Anthony (because of course they do), the Vietnamese girl (who is evil, obviously) is killed, as are a lot of the men who helped Alexander rescue his son. Alexander is grievously injured (but doesn't die because I hate everything). For their actions, both Anthony and Alexander are given medals of honor, even though Alexander wasn't supposed to fucking be there and Anthony got himself captured by falling in a love with a whore who was working as a spy. More men died in this operation than were rescued. But who fucking cares about that? All that matters is Alexander and Anthony!

Finally, I'm at the end of this damn book, the Coda, a prissy way name for the epilogue. In this epilogue, we learn that 1999, Alexander, age 80, and Tatiana, age 75, are still in love and have the perfect lives. All of their kids are married and successful. Every single child in the family is exceedingly attractive, and all the men are tall. Most important of all, you should note, each one of their four kids had at least one son, because, you know, men are more important than women, in case you missed that from all of the other misogyny in this disgusting book, which gives a happily ever after to a man who abused his wife.

Fuck This Shit, I'm Out
Now can anyone tell me why the FUCK this book has a 4.16 average rating on Goodreads? Only 81 people out of 6273 thought this was a one star book, as of the time of this writing. You know what? I give up. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, of course, but I really do not get how this book fit the epic love story that is purportedly going on in this series. Spousal rape, infidelity, and abuse are not romance, yet this is subtitled "A Love Story." Unlike Lady Gaga, I do not want any part of this Bad Romance.

Rating: .5/5

Favorite Quote:

"'I think it's something at first sight, but not necessarily love.'"

---

Up Next:

The next Sadie Hawkins Sunday book will be Cold Fire by Kate Elliott, recommended by Nafiza of Bibliophilic Monologues! I read the first book in the series last year, and have both, so it's time to finish this sucker out (so I can get those review copies squared away)!

Want to tell me what to read? Fill out the following form with a suggestion! For more details, check this post.

Review: Sky on Fire

Sky on Fire
Monument 14, Book 2

Author: Emmy Laybourne
Pages: 288
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
Publication Date: May 28, 2013
Read: May 18-19, 2013
Source: Publisher

Description from Goodreads:
The world hasn't ended...yet.

In this sequel to MONUMENT 14, the group of survivors, originally trapped together in a superstore by a series of escalating disasters, has split in two. Most of the kids are making a desperate run on their recently repaired school bus for the Denver airport where they hope to reunite with their parents, be evacuated to safety, and save their dying friend.

But the world outside is dark and filled with dangerous chemicals that turn people into bloodthirsty monsters, and not all the kids were willing to get on the bus. Left behind in a sanctuary that has already been disturbed once, the remaining kids try to rebuild the community they lost. But when the issues are life and death, love and hate, who can you really trust?

Previous Book in Series:
1: Monument 14

First Sentence: "To whoever finds this: here's a math problem for you."

Review:

If I reviewed this book with just one word, that word would be UGH. Honestly, I enjoyed Monument 14 when I read it last year. I'm not sure whether it's actually better than Sky on Fire or if, because of my monumental reading challenge, I was just happy to read something so fast-paced. Either way, Sky on Fire is just sad. I hate making such a pronouncement, but the quality of the writing, the flat characters, and the discomfiting portrayal of women combined to make this a horrid read for me.

Warning: There will be spoilers all up in this bitch.

On the plus side, Sky on Fire probably only took about an hour of reading time all told. It's just 210 pages, so it flies by. Its brevity is the big selling point. The other positive I can offer for Laybourne's series is that the world building does have promise. I like that the world really does seem pretty fucked, and that she's willing to kill off characters; I would like it more if she killed off all of them. The idea of an airborne toxin affecting different blood types in varying ways is interesting too. Unfortunately, a good idea didn't help much, since I hated the plot, writing and characters.

We'll start with the characters. I've read two books in this series now and have yet to see any character development. Things happen and the kids do change somewhat, but not for any discernible reason. Shit just happens. For example, Astrid, pregnant and the object of Dean's affections, tells him that it was nice of him to stay with her in the store, but that she won't have sex with him. Nothing really changes, but they have sex either that day or the next day and suddenly she likes him. Apparently this nerdy virgin who had no experience whatsoever before must have been a mind-blowing lay. *rolls eyes* So, yeah, Astrid changed, but there was nothing to explain why she supposedly likes Dean rather than Jake.

Or, how about this? At the end of the first book, we learned of Astrid's pregnancy. This was my first really bright red flag in the series, but I still wanted to give book two a try. How terrible is it to be a pregnant teenager? Pretty awful in most circumstances. How about if there are no doctors around to help with the birthing? That's definitely worse. And what if you're in the middle of an apocalypse? Worst time ever to have a kid. This is pretty much fact. Yet, somehow, both Jake and Astrid are OVERJOYED at the fact that they will be bringing spawn into the world. No. Yes, these kids are idiots, but, fuck, even they should realize that this is the worst fucking thing that could be happening.

Let's talk about the girls in this book. The way they are portrayed makes me very uncomfortable. The strongest girl in the book is Astrid, pregnant in the middle of the apocalypse. She does actually help save them. Yay! But she's also in the middle of an asinine love triangle and apparently wants to be with whichever guy had sex with her last. So . . . less cool. Then there's Sahalia, who does nothing but cry and have guys attempt to rape her. She's also thirteen. The younger ones serve no purpose to the plot. Oh, there's another girl who's used as a hostage. And another one who does save the group on the bus a couple of times, but then always runs off crying and I'm pretty sure gets left behind entirely, though they're going to go get her in book three. Still, they freaking fly off to fucking Canada and leave her. This is how much women matter.

The writing drove me bonkers. It's repetitive and redundant, like my description. The sentences are simple, especially in Alex's sections. The narration is split between brothers Dean and Alex, as they group has split into two. Alex's notes are monotonous. I don't know how something non-verbal can be monotonous, but this is. Simple sentences with few two or more syllable words. "We did this. We did that." down to mundane details that have nothing to do with the overall plot. Both brothers seem to be writing journals of some sort, but it's unclear when they're writing them. The bottoms of each page indicate the time or location of the entry, but they sometimes reference things the characters don't know yet, like they're being compiled much later. For example, Dean mentions that the smoke kept the toxins in the air from affecting them though they didn't know that yet. That's something they couldn't have learned until at least the last few chapters, but that was in the middle of the book.

Speaking of smoking, that plot element may have disgusted me more than the sexism. Apparently cigarette smoke clears the air of the dangerous elements. Yay! Children, cigarettes are good for you. Was this book endorsed by Marlboro or something? Ugh. There are so many other things that could have been used to clear the air, like incense or candles. It really had to be fucking cigarettes? This sends an awesome message to children.

In no way can I endorse this book. It's certainly not a good choice for a reader like me. I suspect Laybourne is trying to target reluctant readers, but easy-to-read writing can be better than this. However, if you can look past flat, unlikable characters and questionable messages, then maybe you'll like this series. Every book works for someone, right? All I know is that no force in the 'verse could make me read any more.

Rating: .5/5

Favorite Quote: "'I'm too damn old for this nonsense.'"

Sadie Hawkins Sunday Review #10: Sever

Sever
The Chemical Garden, Book 3

Author: Lauren DeStefano
Pages: 371
Publisher: Simon and Schuster Books for Young Readers
Source: Library
Recommended by: Anonymous

Description from Goodreads:
With the clock ticking until the virus takes its toll, Rhine is desperate for answers. After enduring Vaughn’s worst, Rhine finds an unlikely ally in his brother, an eccentric inventor named Reed. She takes refuge in his dilapidated house, though the people she left behind refuse to stay in the past. While Gabriel haunts Rhine’s memories, Cecily is determined to be at Rhine’s side, even if Linden’s feelings are still caught between them. 

 Meanwhile, Rowan’s growing involvement in an underground resistance compels Rhine to reach him before he does something that cannot be undone. But what she discovers along the way has alarming implications for her future—and about the past her parents never had the chance to explain. 

In this breathtaking conclusion to Lauren DeStefano’s Chemical Garden trilogy, everything Rhine knows to be true will be irrevocably shattered.

First Sentence: "In the atlas the river still flows."

Review:
Just to be up front with everything, this will be more of a series review than a Sever review, because, honestly, not much actually fucking happens in Sever. It's a boring, largely plotless mess, and most of what's frusrating about the characters requires prior knowledge of the series as a whole. There will be swearing, gifs, and spoilers up in this bitch, so if you're not up for that, check out of this review with a swiftness.

Maybe, to start, we should talk about Sever just a little bit. Sever picks up with Rhine desperate to locate her twin, like she has been since they were separated at the very beginning of Wither. She's planning to leave immediately to find him, because he's apparently become a radical and is bombing shit. For OVER A HUNDRED PAGES, she plans to go find him, during which time she dicks around with Linden's uncle and thinks angsty thoughts about Linden. Seriously, nothing happens during all of this except that DeStefano pretends to kill off a character and doesn't.

Me, to everyone, so the book could end.

Then, Rhine, Linden, and Cecily go look for the brother, which involves stopping by the torture carnival (which I will address later), the sole point of which is learning that Rose, Linden's first wife was Madame's daughter. Whoop-di-do. They do find the brother, and he's working for Vaughn and really doesn't do much of anything except serve as a reason for Rhine to be in Vaughn's clutches again.

Seriously, the only plot arc to this series is Rhine trying to do something and getting captured by Vaughn. That's all three books. Even better, Rhine accomplishes nothing in either Fever or Sever. Congratulations, Rhine, I give you the award for most useless heroine; it comes with a nice shiny gilded cage and a cookie wand. Enjoy.

What makes me so fucking pissed off about this series is the purity myth that it's putting forward. Slut-shaming isn't something I regularly cite, because it doesn't often, in what I read, feel like the driving force of the book to me. However, in this case, I will make an exception, because, though I don't recall the word ever being used, this series runs off of horror movie logic: if you have sex, you will have a fucking horrible life and probably die.

Rhine, our boring, stupid Mary Sue of a heroine lives in a world where women are used as breeding chattel, because they die so young that babies are needed as early as possible. Her brother protected her at first, but she left (because she's dumb) and got sold to wealthy Linden as one of his four wives. Linden doesn't have sex with her, because he wants her to love him (more on this later); Jenna and Cecily have sex with Linden (one of them dies and one nearly dies - THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, RIGHT?). Rhine escapes from the house with one of Linden's servants. They wash up at a Carnival of prostitution run by Madame. A gorgeous virgin comes to this Madame and what does she do? Sell her virginity to the highest bidder because that's what would totally happen? Of course not. Instead, she dopes Gabriel and Rhine with aphrodisiacs so they can be sexually turned on enough to make out with one another. Apparently in this world, men will pay money to watch other people make out while scantily clad (not even naked, mind you). Now, I know voyeurism is a thing, but THAT is bullshit. She would at LEAST have to bang Gabriel. In Sever, Rhine remains eternally innocent, which, apparently, means she gets to be cured for some dumbshit reason which I really give no fucks about. She and Gabriel make out and she stops him and that's pretty much it for their reconciliation.

Listen, it's not so much that I want to see Rhine raped or having sex or anything. However, if you create this particular world, then you have to follow things through to their logical conclusions. The world building is minimal enough as it is, so to completely ignore what there is of it is monumentally frustrating. In Sever, when they see the ferris wheel of the carnival in the distance, Rhine moans about how awful it was there. Yes, you poor, poor girl. Forced to make out with your boyfriend like a brazen hussy. Please, tell me more about how traumatizing that was for you.

That's one thing that upsets me. Another thing is Rhine's relationship with Linden. She and two other girls, Cecily and Jenna, are picked out of a line up by Linden and his father, Vaughn. They're rich, so they can afford to purchase Linden some wives. Neither Rhine nor Jenna want any part of it, and Cecily's like 13, so doesn't know any better than to be excited. Rhine sort of develops feelings for him over time, but wants to get away more than anything. That's in Wither, and I sort of liked it, because it rang of Stockholm Syndrome in an interesting way.

By this point, though, the acknowledged Stockholm Syndrome-ishness of it is gone, and we're apparently supposed to think Linden is a prince among men. Rhine's obviously much more attracted to him than to Gabriel, and she alternates between jealousy of Cecily and being glad to be freed. All throughout this damn book, all Rhine can think about is what a stand-up guy Linden is, how she's mistreated him, or how she owes him for something or other. THIS attitude may almost be unhealthier than the purity myth thing, because it's subtly putting in this idea like Rhine is beholden to Linden. Rhine doesn't owe Linden SHIT.

Please share this power with Rhine. She needs it.

Linden may not have been the one to order the rest of his possible wives killed (that's his dad) and he didn't perform creepy ass experiments on them (still dad), but he's just as culpable. It's not like Vaughn was all that fucking sneaky. He's got his house full of locked doors like Bluebeard on steroids and Linden's not going to be like "Dad, what the fuck are you doing in the basement?" He's ignorant of what's happening, but he remains that way purposefully, so it really doesn't let him off the hook.

Even if you don't lay any of that on his head, he still FORCED three girls to marry him. Obviously, they did go through with the vows, but it's not like they had a whole lot of options, considering that they knew the other girls were killed and were just going to be raped or murdered by someone else if they said no. He's an attractive man with pockets well-grown, so there's no fucking reason he needs to pick up women from the slave trade. From the very beginning of Wither, he was a creepy bastard and I do not find it even one iota acceptable to have him romanticized. At the very end of Sever, Rhine says this of Linden: "'It's because he was better than me . . . He never wanted to hurt anyone. I didn't want to hurt him either.'"

Linden, who fooled people into thinking he was a nice guy.

This attitude straight up disgusts me and I cannot believe we're putting these thoughts in front of impressionable minds. Linden is NOT a good guy. In my opinion, Rhine should have found a weapon and taken Vaughn and Linden out, because they are both disgusting human beings. What could have been a thought-provoking look at Stockholm Syndrome turned into yet another instance of turning a creep into a viable love interest.

Don't even get me started on the fact that DeStefano concluded the Linden-Rhine-Gabriel love triangle by killing off Linden. Gabriel and Rhine obviously have absolutely no chemistry, so Rhine was totally going to go back to Linden someday. I guess I'm glad that somewhere along the way the author and/or editor realized her ending up with Linden would be unhealthy, but, rather than fixing the relationship dynamics between them somewhere along the way, Linden is killed off, which pretty much ensures she will always love him martyr-style.

On top of that, the ending is just as bad as one might expect. Rhine and Vaughn go for a pleasant stroll. She inquires about why he's a crazy bastard and he responds with villainous infodumps. Then Cecily shoots him. I come through ALL three of these books for this? Remind me why Rhine is the heroine again? She never does anything. The fourteen-year-old mother of one who just miscarried and only just got off of bed rest is the one who takes out the bad guy. Are we for real with this shit? I never liked Cecily but at least she's got balls. Rhine never did anything during this whole series but be speshul and get people to help her do things. Not a single useful thing did she ever do on her own.

There's probably more I could say about this dreadful series, but I don't want to waste any more of my time or energy on it. These books are boring, full of shoddy world building, written in a pseudo-poetic style that mostly falls flat, and perpetuate seriously unhealthy concepts of romance. You're welcome to read them if you want, but you could do so much better. Reading The Handmaid's Tale instead would be an excellent life choice. In conclusion, here's my recommendation for dealing with this series:

Pedal, bitch, pedal!

Rating: 0.5/5

Favorite Quote: "'I've seen all kinds of foolish girls, but none so foolish they'd come back here if they got away.'"

---

Up Next:

The next Sadie Hawkins Sunday book will be The Collector byVictoria Scott recommended by Steph of Cuddlebuggery. I'm a little afraid, but I am trying to keep my mind open.

Want to tell me what to read? Fill out THIS FORM with a book suggestion! For more details, check this post.

Review: Wasteland

Wasteland
Wasteland, Book 1

Authors: Susan Kim & Laurence Klavan
Pages: 352
Publisher: HarperTeen
Publication Date: March 26, 2013
Source: Publisher via Edelweiss

Description from Goodreads:
Welcome to the Wasteland. Where all the adults are long gone, and now no one lives past the age of nineteen. Susan Kim and Laurence Klavan’s post-apocalyptic debut is the first of a trilogy in which everyone is forced to live under the looming threat of rampant disesase and brutal attacks by the Variants—hermaphroditic outcasts that live on the outskirts of Prin. Esther thinks there’s more to life than toiling at harvesting, gleaning, and excavating, day after day under the relentless sun, just hoping to make it to the next day. But then Caleb, a mysterious stranger, arrives in town, and Esther begins to question who she can trust. As shady pasts unravel into the present and new romances develop, Caleb and Esther realize that they must team together to fight for their lives and for the freedom of Prin.

First Sentence: "Esther ran across the broken asphalt."

Review:

I like to begin my reviews with the good stuff about a book in most cases, before transitioning into my criticisms. Well, here's what I can offer about Wasteland: it's an easy read. The fairly simple sentences are quick to plow through. Also, it's mostly boring, which actually ended up being a sort of good thing, since, when it isn't boring, unfortunate things are generally happening. Be warned that there will be spoilers toward the end of this review.

The World Building
The foundation of this post-apocalyptic world is shaky at best. Having finished, I have little to no idea what happened to the world or how long ago. There are a couple of vague references to some sort of climactic changes, violent earthquakes and so forth, but that's not really enough. I want to know why the rain makes people sick and how the Variants came to be. The sun shines hotter and more damaging, presumably a result of a further decreased ozone layer. While I understand that the characters might not know much, authors generally can find a way to give the readers a bit more than that.

What made me so determined to really know what had happened was a desire to figure out how things had gotten this way, because everything seemed inconsistent. The events can't have been THAT long ago or I doubt the kids would still be surviving off of supplies from the industrial age. There's even one building still using gas for power. If it hasn't been that long, then why is every single adult dead? It sounds like people die young because of how hard life is or because of how easy it is to stumble into infected water and become diseased, but a few adults should still be around, right? Yet, it seems that no one can live past the age of nineteen. WHY? You can't just set a specific age like that and not explain it!

About the supplies, Wasteland differs from every other post-apocalyptic novel I've read in that regard. See, usually, humans, at least in the years following the disaster, survive largely off of canned goods while figuring out how to subsistence farm. Here, though, the kids don't try to learn farming or hunting of animals (survivalists, they are not) and live ONLY off of supplies left from before the whatever-the-fuck smashed society. Plus, apparently all of the canned goods have spoiled and only the dry goods are edible. I was puzzled by this reversal of what I'd read before, so I went to look in my pantry. The canned goods definitely have letter expiration dates and are less vulnerable to bugs and other animals. Everything about this was just weird to me.

So these kids, right? They live in this town of rotted buildings they call Prin. The oldest ones are around 18. At the age of five, they start work. They have three jobs: Gleaning (???), Harvesting (searching far and wide for more stuff in houses and cars), and Excavation (digging). This does not make for survival, people. Even once you learn the bad guy's plans, it's only a short term solution. This whole "society" is TSTL. Any time after twelve, they start partnering off, which is basically getting married. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that they're all settling down into monogamous relationships. It's weird if you don't, and I don't feel like that's not the most natural pattern for a bunch of teenagers to fall into, even if they would supposedly be more mature do to the brief lifespan and early age at which they begin "work."

Moving on, we're to the point where I have to talk about the last big element of the world building: the Variants. So, for no reason that is apparent, there are these Variants, insultingly known as "mutants" who are hermaphroditic, and get to choose their own gender when they come of age. They're wild and sort of live off the land, at least more than the "norms" do. I was concerned about this as soon as I read the blurb, but I really try to give authors the benefit of the doubt. I mean, WHY would you put that in for no reason? Well, I don't know, but that sure seems to be the case.

So, the Variants, for one thing, are almost NEVER actually referred to by that term, instead called "mutants" pretty much always. They're portrayed as feral and wild and lesser, but, hey, that's from the perspective of the people of Prin and they might learn something, right? Plus, Esther is friends with a variant named Skar, so surely their friendship will be the bond that helps them come to terms! Not so much. Instead, the Variants cease being peaceful and begin attacking Prin all at the behest of the bad guy (which is sort of a spoiler, but it's so damn obvious that I really don't care). When this is finally figured out by a townsperson, this happens:

"Mutants.
     For the first time, Caleb thought of the ugly word, one he had used a thousand times without thinking, and he winced, for they, the variants, were nothing but pawns, poor and pathetic."
- Page 193 of the ARC; note that quotes could change in the finished copy

For one bright, shining second there, it seems as though the light is dawning and someone has learned how horrific they've been this whole time. Then it all comes crashing down. Great, the hermaphrodites aren't evil monsters after all; they're just "poor and pathetic." That's so much better. Actually, no. Needless though this should be to say, I'll say it clearly: I find this egregiously offensive.

On the other hand, I will say that the Variants do seem much more suited to life in this world and that they have a much more intelligent speech pattern than the norms, who mostly speak in dialect. How the Variants ended up better-educated is another mystery, but we'll let that go. These things make me think that, in the end, this is intended to be a positive depiction, but it doesn't go anywhere near counteracting everything else.

Worse, the Variants hardly appear in the story, and, when they do, they take on the role of villain or pawn. Even once a shaky alliance is formed, they're compared to the Native Americans with the norms taking on the role of the more "civilized" settlers. This comparison is perhaps meant to be touching, but I find it seriously upsetting, considering how that turned out in history and the fact that the Variants aren't even invited to the meal they provided. Nor was there ever ANY reason for the Variants to be hermaphroditic, which makes everything even worse.

The Writing
I don't usually mention this, but Wasteland has a heck of a lot of telling. The only emotions I felt as I flipped through were irritation, anger and disgust, caused by the offensive nature of the world and the hackneyed romance. I should have felt fear for the characters and hope for the romance, but there's no effort made to show us how these kids really are. Everything is delineated. Esther does not fit in. Caleb is strong but tortured. They're in love now. Umm, okay. The telling is to the extent that scenes that might have been interesting are completely skipped, and the reader starts a new chapter with no idea how the characters got to where they are and has to read a short infodump to explain what was missed. None of those sections included twists or had any plot reason to be skipped. So far as I could tell, they happened solely to avoid showing things.

Kim and Klavan also made the questionable decision to use third person limited with rotating POVs. Of course, this storytelling method can be used quite effectively, but Wasteland is a good example of what not to do. The point of using a limited third person perspective is to allow for a closeness to the characters, while still being restricted to their knowledge. The characters all remain quite distant, perhaps because of how often the POV shifts. The POV moves almost at random, going into most of the named characters' heads at one time or another, and even some who don't even merit names. Several POVs show up only once, which is almost always a terrible authorial move, and certainly is here.

The Characters
As you probably expect by this juncture in the review, I was not impressed with Kim and Klavan's characterization either. The only character who is even remotely dynamic is Esther, who still remains flat and unreal. All of the others have but one motivation driving their existence and lack the complexities that make a character written on a page come to life. It's a sad day when I feel like the most realistic character is the baby, because at least they don't really have personalities yet anyway. Oh, and they all have Biblical names, even though there's nothing else said about the Bible or any reason why a bunch of teens on their own would just happen to choose Biblical names for their offspring.

The Plot
Every single bit of Wasteland felt like I had read it before, and where the book was headed always felt glaringly obvious. Now, to be fair, I've read about 150 dystopian and post-apocalyptic stories at this point, so I've got a bit more experience under my belt than the average reader. Still, I expect more from my books, and am not impressed when I read a post-apocalyptic novel that feels like it's cobbled together from pieces of what came before, a blundering Frankenstein monster of a book.

On the plus side, the plot does not focus on the romance, though it might as well have, since Kim and Klavan do not take the time to set the romance they felt compelled to include effectively and there wasn't a whole hell of a lot going on anyway. The plot consists almost entirely of the town needing to figure out that Levi, the obvious bad guy, is evil, and then figure out a way to throw off his rule. In the meantime, he hires the Variants to attack and they worry about that. Mostly, Esther runs around and thinks about how she doesn't fit in.

Then Caleb comes to town, defeats some Variants, proving what a sexy badass he is. He and Esther do not like each other on their first two encounters. On the third, they are suddenly inexplicably drawn to one another. Within the course of a handful of meetings, in which they don't do much talking or bonding, they fall in love and partner. As I mentioned before, we're told how in love they are, not made to feel it:

"But something had shifted inside her, a strange new emotion moving into the other. Her desire to ease Caleb's suffering had been joined with another desire, one even more powerful, like two streams meeting and converging in a riverbed, mingling in a current against which she had no strength.
     She had never known this feeling before."
- Page 199 of the ARC; note that quotes could change in the finished copy

What makes this even more upsetting for me is that Caleb was actually partnered before, his wife murdered and child kidnapped. His sole motivation is finding his son and revenging himself on whoever did that to his family. Yet we never learn anything about his bond with his partner or even what her name was. We're told he loved Nameless but that he feels even more strongly about Esther in a matter of days. Everything about their relationship is rushed and unbelievable. Telling the reader something is true doesn't make it believable. This is lazy writing, and I'm getting really tired of seeing it in young adult fiction.

I am also getting sick of these idealized sex scenes. Caleb and Esther have kissed once, when they find each other after a worrisome separation and partner. Once they're partnered, conditions are right for making love obviously. Here's how that goes, according to Kim and Klavan: "Soon, they were moving together, awkwardly, then expertly, bright with sweat" (239-240 of the ARC). Now, I do appreciate the nod to awkwardness, but I'm seriously supposed to believe Esther and Caleb are having expert-level sex not just on their first time, but Esther's first time ever. This is not a realistic expectation to be giving to teen readers, and it's not like adding expertly to the description makes the scene any sexier, since that was the whole of it.

Then, there's the bad guy, Levi. He lives in fear of the sun and the water, never leaving the Source, his fortress. He's skinny, pale, dark-haired, and weak, but possessed of a might intellect and can make people work for him. He turns out to be driven solely by the desire to destroy the life of his brother Caleb (SHOCK!), because their parents didn't want the sickly kid and got rid of Levi. What is with this trend of the evil characters in dystopian/post-apocalyptic lit being related to one of the MCs? It's not surprising anymore, so can we stop? What really takes the cake is that, at the end, Levi is easily defeated by Caleb. While Esther runs off with Caleb's baby because gender roles, Levi commits suicide, so that Caleb doesn't have to get his hands dirty by killing anyone, except maybe some Variants at the beginning, but they hardly count. Fuck this shit. I'm done.

In Conclusion
It's not often that I say this, but I recommend Wasteland to absolutely no one. It's sole redeeming quality is that it's an easy, fast read, by nature of the simple sentences, which is no reason to read something. Every element in here has been done better elsewhere. Do yourself a favor: go read Blood Red Road or Ashfall instead.

Rating: .5/5

Favorite Quote: None.

Maria - The Sound of Music

Angel Wars

Author: Miwa Ueda
Volumes: 4
Publisher: Not licensed in English; I read it on Mangafox

Description from Mangafox:
"Forgive me. I can't become a servant of the Lord yet," Maria says as she runs from her vows ceremony at the convent where she was orphaned 16 years ago. She has received another letter from the mysterious "G," her faceless benefactor. She is not as alone in the world as she thinks; "G" writes that she has a relative at Hakuhou Academy who is in need of her guidance, but he cannot tell her this relative's name. Trying to enroll and search the school presents Maria with a number of problems, however -- the foremost of which is: Hakuhou is an all boys school!

Review:
You know the stereotype of manga? How it's melodramatic and ridiculous and sometimes really uncomfortable? Well, a lot of times that makes me angry, but Angel Wars fits the stereotype PERFECTLY. The story involves: suspected incest, nuns, betrayal, kidnapping, kidnappers wearing bunny masks (yeah, that happens in more than one series) a fire, people in disguise, a jealous girl, a fight over an inheritance, and a creepy romance. Are you pumped to find out what's going to happen? Note that this review will be spoilerific, so, if for some reason, you want to read this, you should probably leave now and look at your life and your choices.

Angel Wars is not currently licensed in English, and I really hope that it never is, because it's a big pile of awful. This series is like Marmalade Boy meets Measure for Measure. Most people probably don't know what that means, but it is the truth!

So, as Angel Wars starts, we are introduced to a nun named Maria singing about the sound of music. No, wait. Wrong story. Pardon me. This Maria is an orphan, who has been left at a convent. She is planning to take orders and officially become a nun as soon as she is old enough. Her mysterious benefactor, who signs himself 'G' and she calls Gabriel because of the Bible, sends her a letter saying that she has a brother at a local school. She decides to go to the school to find him, even though it's a boys' school.

I have myriad issues with this premise. First of all, there's this G character, who has apparently been sending money to take care of her. She just runs right out at his word to go to this BOYS' school. No. Also, the mother superior is somehow able to get her into the school, even though that's obviously against the rules? What? It's also unclear how she expects to find her brother, since siblings often don't look alike.

Well, Maria goes to the school, where all of the boys love her and support her, because she's the only girl there is. She attends school wearing her habit. No joke. Of course, she meets a player, Abe, right at the beginning when she's leaving the convent. Then, it turns out that he lives at the same boarding house she does, because that's how life works. Enter girl with a hopeless crush on him to cause trouble/jealousy, and he reveals that, despite those compromising positions she saw him in, he is actually in love with Maria. Crushed girl may or may not have attempted suicide at being rejected in favor of a nun. Despite the melodramatic suicide note, people seem to be convinced that she took the sleeping pills by accident, having mistaken them for laxatives. Yes, THIS HAPPENS.

Then, Maria gets kidnapped by guys in bunny masks and is interrogated/slightly tortured in an outbuilding of the school. She manages to convince the henchmen to be nicer to her through her purity. Bunny mask leader (who she calls Cain) wants to know where the key is, but she swears she doesn't have one. Pissed off Bunny leader sets the building on fire. Abe, of course, finds her and gets her out of the building. However, some beams collapse just when they're almost clear, and Maria pushes him out of the way and they fall on her. She's totally fine, though, because clearly God loves her.

In all of that crazy shiz, Maria's cross breaks, revealing it to have a key inside. At about the same time, Gabriel sends her a photo which shows her with her parents. Abe, OF COURSE, is all 'that's my dad!' They finally recognize their mutual attraction, so, clearly, they should be siblings. He takes her to open his deceased father's secret box with her key. Inside, they find a watch. They determine based on this that they are definitely siblings and Abe says that's why they are so drawn to each other. No. Just no. This is not a thing.

The 'romance' makes me uncomfortable for more reasons than just the possibility of incest, which I'll talk about next. First of all, and this is the Measure for Measure issue, Maria wants to be a NUN. She has always wanted to be, but all of a sudden, she's willing to elope with the guy she believes to be her brother, because their love is too strong to be overcome. NO. Also, there really doesn't seem to be any reason for them to like each other. They don't have any good moments. There's no slow burn. It's instalove, although it takes a while to come out. When he confesses for real real, his reason for liking her is that she's 'pure,' because he hates most women for being ho-bags. GROSS. The day after they confessed, he had to go dump like every girl in school.

There are a surprising, and rather horrifying, amount of mangas that feature an incest plot line. A number of them are suspected incest, aka we might be siblings, which is also featured in Cassandra Clare's Mortal Instruments series (this is not just an Asian thing). I know that this can happen. Siblings can be separated and meet up later unknowing, and fall in love. What frustrates me no end about Angel Wars, TMI, and Marmalade Boy (as well as any others that do this) is the fact that the lovers learn that they just might possibly be siblings, so they mope about it. They live in this perpetual "I love you but I can't because we might be and wah wah wah." GO GET A DAMN BLOOD TEST AND BE DONE. There is no reason this should go on for chapters/volumes/books. NO EXCUSES.

Okay, this will be the longest review ever if I continue going into such detail, so let's just hit the highlights, shall we?

Maria meets a nice, clean cut boy while visiting Mother Superior at the hospital (because she's super old and there wasn't enough drama). She is freaking out about the 'we might be siblings' thing, so she wants to leave the boarding house, but isn't ready to return to the convent. The guy offers to let her stay at his house so she accepts, because, CLEARLY, this could IN NO WAY GO WRONG. While wandering around in his house, she finds the letterhead G writes on, and concludes that this guy is Gabriel-sama. Obviously, he is completely trustworthy.

Later, she finally makes up her mind to return to the convent, but she finds an old drunk man, who was at one point the groundskeeper at her school, outside the convent. She helps him home, cleans his house, and SLEEPS THERE. This girl is SO STUPID. Of course, old man turns out to be wealthy grandfather in disguise, the one whose inheritance everyone wants.

Maria decides to run off with Abe, because she loves him too much. Then, one of the nuns comes and kidnaps her, having seen Maria embracing a boy. Back at the convent, they lock Maria in a room (with bars on the window, because convents are also prisons) and prepare to force her to take orders. Because this is what nuns do in the modern age. Abe comes to the window and convinces her to break out by knocking over the nun who brings her dinner like a freaking linebacker.

Abe promised to be waiting when she got out, but he's not, because he gets hit by a car driven by evil bunny mask guys. Maria WEEPS BUCKETS, because obviously he does not love her. Gabriel appears, and Maria wonders nothing. They go to his house, where his crazy relatives try to steal her watch and rant about how it's the thing you need to prove you deserve the inheritance. Maria wonders nothing, because she's a BONEHEAD.

Maria gets a call, which informs her that Abe is in danger unless she comes and brings her watch. She shows her first bit of smartness by making them let her hear Abe. She runs out to the creepy closed carnival (Yup) to rescue him. Cain appears and takes the watch. Abe manages to fight just enough to knock off the mask, revealing (shock!) Gabriel with gelled hair! Gabriel = Cain! NO ONE SAW THIS TWIST COMING!

Caibriel ties Abe up and throws knives at him. Luckily, he clearly has carny training. Bored of this, Caibriel decides that she needs to be punished more (since clearly it's her fault that his dad loved Maria's mother more than his own), so he threatens to rape her. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? Bad siblings. Bad.

The truth comes out and she's declared the inheritor. She promptly TURNS IT OVER TO THE GUY WHO WANTED TO RAPE HER AND KILL HER BOYFRIEND. Then, she goes back to the convent because Mother Superior is conveniently at the brink of death AGAIN (Note: Mother Superior and grandpa were in love eons ago). Evil half brother gives her the inheritance back, because, again, that's what people do. Plus, he tells them that Abe and Maria aren't siblings. Abe's dad was some other dude, and their dad supported his mother later. Abe runs in to keep her from marrying Jesus, and they run out of the church like it's the end of The Graduate. Okay, not quite, but basically.

Angel Wars is one of the worst things I've ever read. Why did I read the whole thing? Partly so I could review it, because what what what was that, and partly because I've liked what I've read by this mangaka besides this. Ueda wrote Peach Girl and Papillon, both series I've enjoyed. Long story short, don't read this.

Rating: .5/5

"How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

The Rat - The Walkmen

The Death Cure
The Maze Runner, Book 3

Author: James Dashner
Pages: 324
Publisher: Delacorte Press

Dashner's series has been highly lauded by a lot of people. Many rate it just below The Hunger Games in action-packed awesome dystopia. Unfortunately, I have never liked it, as is evinced in my review for the second book. I kept hoping I would find something of serious value in it, which is why I read through to the end of the series. In fact, I liked the first book best of all of them.

Even now, having finished, I feel like so much was never explained or perhaps even though out about what was going on in this world. The ending struck me as incredibly lame and ineffective. There were so many hints about deeper things going on with WICKED and with the Flare. He has all of these dreams/memories that suggest all of this crazy, interesting, horrifying stuff, but nothing else is ever done with that. Perhaps he wanted to leave it open for more books later, but I don't think this was cool at all.

Anyway, I don't want to continue ranting about this, because, as I said, most people will really love this book and this series. However, if you're in the minority that was not impressed with the first book (or even two), you will not be thrilled with this one either. This series is more about action than explanation or really getting into a well-thought-out new universe.

Rating: .5/5

The song is in honor (?) of the Rat Man, and how he stupidly thought anyone would want to help him after the trials, even if they helped plan them in the first place.

"You've got a nerve to be asking a favor"

We Work the Black Seam - Sting

How Green Was My Valley

Author: Richard Llewellyn
Narrator: Ralph Cosham
Duration: 16 hrs, 23 mins
Publisher: Blackstone Audio, Inc.

Story:
How Green Was My Valley is a man in his 60s looking back on his youth in a coal mining valley in Wales. The focus is on the romantic drama of his family, the difficulties of coal mining, the need for a union, education by the British and the way that industrialization is slowly poisoning the beautiful green valley. I did not much care for the story.

For the most part, the book seemed to be a Welsh, male-focused combination of North and South (which has the unions, depression and industrialization) and Little Women (which has the big family, the awful schoolmaster, and the complicated romantic entanglements, wherein siblings steal romantic prospects from one another).

Oh, one thing that's central to the book that I forgot to list previously: fighting. Huw, the narrator and youngest boy in a big family, is taught that phsyical violence is the right way to respond to and insult, verbal or otherwise. When he starts school and boys destroy his pencil box, he challenges them all to a fight. Unsurprisingly, they whup him. When he goes home, he is given money, told to keep fighting until he wins, and given boxing lessons. Later, he beats up his teacher, who was mean but still. Both his parents praise him for this behavior. Ummm, no.

Audiobook Performance:
Without a doubt, this was the worst audiobook to listen to thus far. The story lent itself well to the format, but the narration was incredibly awful. For one thing, the guy's voice was annoying and did not sound particularly Welsh. I had to do research in the beginning to figure out where the story was set.

What makes the narration so awful, though, is that his voice is incredibly monotonous. He speaks at the same speed and the same volume all the time. Nor does he supply different voices for the characters. Thus, this audiobook consists of almost 17 hours of unvaried tone. Painful!

Rating: .5/5

"This place has changed for good
Your economic theory said it would
It's hard for us to understand
We can't give up our jobs the way we should
Our blood has stained the coal
We tunneled deep inside the nation's soul
We matter more than pounds and pence
Your economic theory makes no sense"